“I have to go.”
“Okay, Nandita. Call me next week, will you? I’d like to hear how everything is going. I’m here any time you need to talk.”
She did throw the phone, then, but it landed on the couch with a muffled thud. It wasn’t as satisfying as she’d hoped, but at least she didn’t have to buy a new phone.
She blocked Hank’s words out of her head, unable to process them right now. If she let them in, she would be running to Ravi’s apartment and calling Satish to apologize. Even if they were the right things to do, neither would get her closer to her goal.
She would call the agency tomorrow and ask them to find her a new match. Hank had probably canceled anyway, and they would be waiting for her.
40
Nandita – The Ally
“No, Ms. Bhatt. I’m very sorry, but it seems your financing has been canceled. We got a call first thing this morning.”
Nandita had lain awake last night, counting the minutes until a decent hour to call the green card arranger. Now that she finally had her on the phone, she wasn’t making any sense.
“What do you mean the financing has been canceled?” Nandita asked. “It’s already been paid, right?”
The nasal twang of the mystery woman running a semi-illegal company suddenly went all officious. “Final processing of the service payment does not occur until both sides have agreed to proceed with a match and a marriage license is in hand. It’s part of our exemplary customer service commitment.”
“So, you mean Sally canceled?”
The woman sniffed rudely, “The original client with whom we made the initial arrangements contacted the office yesterday with a change of heart.”
Office? Nandita rolled her eyes. There was no office—just this lady, a voice on the other end of a phone who didn’t even have a name, as far as she knew. Apparently, she had exemplary customer service, though. Panic rose in her chest. This was her last hope and Sally had turned on her, too!
“Okay, so how about you go ahead and make me another match, and I promise to get you the funds before the marriage license?” She would find the funds somewhere. She had to.
“I’m sorry love, but that’s not how things work. Without a full payment in escrow, ready and available to be processed, we cannot make a match. We have to know you’re serious.”
Nandita felt her throat closing with held-back tears. “Serious? Of course I’m serious! Why would I joke about this?”
“I didn’t say you were joking.” Nasal twang was starting to sound irritated. “I simply said that, without financial backing, we have to assume you’re just fishing. What if you ran off with your match and never provided payment? We have to protect ourselves, dear. You understand that the—”
She hung up the phone. She had never, ever done that before, and she felt immediately guilty. What was happening to her? How could she suddenly be the type of person who would hang up on somebody in the middle of a sentence? This is what the selfishness of everyone around her was doing! It was turning her into a terrible, rude person. The doorbell made her jump.
As soon as there was an inch of open door, Sally pushed through it and set to marching up the stairs toward her apartment.
“Okay, Nan, honey,” she huffed as she powered up the staircase, “we are going to straighten you out once and for all. First though, I am going to throw up. Please get me a glass of water.”
She jogged up the stairs behind Sally and tried not to listen to the groans coming from her tiny bathroom. Nandita left the water running to cover the retching sound, but the apartment was too small. She was furious at Sally, but she still felt a tiny pang of sympathy. What was happening in that bathroom didn’t sound fun.
Sally came out, wiping her mouth aggressively with Nandita’s hand towel. Note to self: put that towel straight into the laundry basket.
“You, my dear, have everyone up in arms,” Sally said. “You got me into trouble, which I must admit I totally deserved, and Satish has taken a day off work.” She looked at Nandita, and when she didn’t respond, Sally widened her eyes and stepped closer. “Did you hear me, Nan? A day off work!”
She shrugged, “So?”
Sally grabbed the glass of water from her hands and raised it to her lips, drinking half of the liquid in one long gulp. She slammed the glass down on the counter next to her and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “So? Have you ever known Satish to take a day off in his…” She stopped speaking and shoved the glass at Nan, panic in her eyes. “Excuse me!”
Sally raced back to the bathroom and Nandita went back to the sink to fill her glass again. Why was Satish taking a day off work? Had she made him so upset that he had taken his first ever sick day? She had mentally started planning a trip to Hoboken to look in on him and apologize when she caught herself. He was wrong, remember?
Listening to Sally was not the best advertisement for pregnancy. Nandita was just considering how long she could put off babies without ruining her chances of having them when Sally re-emerged from the bathroom.
“I love this baby.” She smiled and rubbed her belly. “She’s making her presence known, just like her mamma!”
Nandita felt a flip of excitement in spite of her efforts to stay angry at everyone. “You found out? It’s a girl?”
“No, we didn’t find out, but of course it’s a girl! Now, stop trying to suck up to me. You are in a shit load of trouble!”
A surge of anger rushed through her and she felt the heat rise to her face. “I’m in trouble? Me? What, even YOU are mad at me now? Why is everyone being so selfish?” Her anger flashed even stronger as Sally burst into laughter. She stared at her giggling friend in shock and strutted over to the couch, where she sat and dropped her head into her hands. “Why are you laughing?” She didn’t even recognize the snarl as her own voice.
Sally put her glass of water on the counter and moved to sit on the couch next to her, shoving her with her hip so she could get more room.
“Listen, Nan, you know I love you, right?” Nandita nodded, but kept her head firmly in her hands, her hair falling forward to hide her face. “I love you like a little sister, which is why I stupidly sponsored this green card marriage debacle. I didn’t want you to go back to India—I wanted you to stay here with me. There are so many parts of you that remind me of myself. Your drive and determination, your smarts, your commitment to your friends and family,” she felt Sally’s hand on her knee and, like a toddler, pulled her legs away, “and unfortunately, your selfishness.”
Nandita looked up quickly in surprise, forgetting she was supposed to be mad and feeling a stab of hurt instead. “What do you mean, selfish? I’m not the selfish one! It’s everyone else who is ganging up on me!” She started crying again for about the hundredth time since that horrible day of the rejection letter, and felt all of her energy drain away. Why was everyone so mean?
“Nan, sweetie, everyone is ganging up for you.”
“No, they aren't Sally. No one is even taking my desires into consideration. They never have.” Sally had to understand. She was the victim, here—it wasn’t fair.
“I’m going to ask you some questions. Are you ready?” Irritation was coursing through her, but Nandita reluctantly nodded. “Who made it possible for you to come to the States?”
“Satish did, but I was the one who saved the money, and…”
“No, no, no,” Sally interrupted. “Zip it, okay? I need one-word answers and one-word answers only. It’s time you faced reality. Everyone has been protecting you for too long. Who let you live with her, even though she was newly engaged and didn’t need the stress of a teenager in the house?”
Nandita hesitated. She could see what Sally was trying to do, but it wasn’t fair. She'd done plenty of stuff for them in return, hadn’t she? She opened her mouth to defend herself, and Sally raised her finger in warning.
“One word, please?”
“Claire.”
“Who went out and bought a new house, so th
ere would be more room after you informed everyone you refused to live in the dorms?”
“Satish,” she said. This was stupid.
“Who spent the last few days of her dream vacation running around a tropical island to rescue you from one of your gravest mistakes?”
She sighed. “Seriously, Sally?”
The woman just raised her eyebrows at her. “Excuse me! I said one-word answers.”
She sighed again. “Maureen.”
“Who, against her best judgment, risked her relationship with her best friend to try to keep you in the country?”
“You.”
“Okay, now for the most important one. Who gave up his relationship with his entire family, so no parents, sisters, or even cousins will be standing up for him at his wedding and sharing the most important day of his life, so he could give you what you asked of him?”
If Sally had been trying to make her feel like crap, she had succeeded. Nandita’s heart pounded with anxiety, and her anger faded into self-pity. She was the aggrieved, wasn’t she? She was the one everyone was trying to control, wasn’t she?”
“Satish,” she whispered.
Sally put her hand back on her knee, and this time Nan didn’t scoot away. The pregnant woman smiled. “The point is, Nandita, that everyone loves you. Everyone is trying to do what they think is best for you. No one is trying to control you or make decisions for you. You are so blind by this determination to reach your goals, though, that you see plots against you everywhere.”
Nandita found herself nodding, and a bubble of relief rose in her chest. Sally was right: she didn’t have to grip so hard to these goals. Her success and failures didn’t define her, but her relationships did—and look how many people loved her and supported her. She was the one who was being selfish. The prickles of guilt that had crept into her consciousness during the past few days overwhelmed her.
She wanted her mother sitting next to her right now, holding her and telling her that everything was going to be okay.
Sally swallowed hard and got up to fetch her glass of water. When she sat back down and sipped slowly from the glass, she eyed Nan carefully.
“You’re right: I have been selfish. Can I tell you something stupid?” Sally nodded. “I know this might sound silly, but I think I’ve been doing this all for my mother.”
Sally frowned. “I thought you were mad at your mother?”
“I was.” Nandita picked at the threads on the seam of the slipcover and tried to figure out how best to explain it. “I was mad because I thought she hadn’t done her best with my father. I thought she should have persuaded him to let me go to university in India, so I could stay with the family. I thought that, if she really loved me, she would do everything she could to try to keep me around.” She looked up at Sally now and admitted the thoughts that had been brewing for the past few weeks. “I had this realization the other day that my mother had pushed me out on purpose. She knew she couldn’t influence my father—she has no power or standing in that relationship—and she knew Satish was my only hope. She gave me up, so I could have the opportunities she never had. After I had that scare with Brad in the Bahamas, I straightened myself out. I thought I was trying to succeed, because it was what I wanted more than anything—and I do want to be successful—but more than that, I want to prove myself to my mother. I want her to know her sacrifice was worth it.”
Sally put her glass on the table and moved over to draw the girl into a hug. “Now, don’t move too much, because you’ll make me puke,” she said as she stroked Nandita’s glossy, black head.
She buried her head into Sally’s neck. She smelled like vomit, but Nan didn’t care. “You know what I felt just now when I realized you were right?” she asked. Sally shook her head. “I felt a huge surge of relief, because now I can finally stop fighting so hard to prove myself. I’ll get into school next year—of course I will, I have killer grades. It may not be Princeton, but it doesn’t have to be. My mother will be proud of me, no matter what. In the meantime, I can go back to India and spend some time with her and give back all of the love she let me take away from her. I need my mommy.”
“You’re a smarty pants, little one,” Sally said. “I hope I can be as good of a mother as yours. If this baby turns out as good as you have, I will be a very proud mommy.”
“You’re gonna be an awesome mommy, Sal! That baby is going to have the time of her life.”
Sally gave Nandita a squeeze and then picked up her water glass and leaned back on the couch, groaning. “That’s if she doesn’t kill me, first. You know, Nan, it took you a lot less time to figure out this selfish thing than me.” She dug into her bag and pulled out a plastic wrapped stack of saltines. She pulled one out to nibble at it, and the crumbs spilled all over the couch. “I almost lost my marriage. If Tod had left me, I would have lost everything. I would have lost the only man I ever loved and I would have lost the opportunity to make a family with him. Little Clairedita, here, wouldn’t have even had a chance.”
Nandita snorted. “Clairedita?”
“Well, that couldn’t be her name, of course. It’s too dumb, right?” She looked at Nandita hopefully.
“I think it sounds like a lovely name.”
Sally grinned. “So, back to my inspirational story you just so rudely interrupted. If I had kept being selfish, I would have lost the only man I love. Anything clicking yet?” Nandita looked at Sally blankly. “For God’s sake, stop being dim! I’m assuming the man Claire said was the stalker is the same guy you’ve been secretly dating. Ravi, right?
“Yeah, Ravi.”
“Well, from what I heard, things got pretty hot and heavy out on the street. Maybe he’s owed an apology.”
Nandita laughed and grabbed Sally’s hand. “You’re right, Sal: I owe him a groveling, I think. First, though, I have a more pressing apology to make, and I should have made it a long time ago.”
Sally patted Nan’s knee, “That’s my girl! Now, excuse me while I go expel that saltine.” As she got up to move for the bathroom, Nandita picked up her cell phone. She would speak to Satish first and then Claire. She had a lot of kissing up to do.
41
Ravi – Again
Ravi was in his tiny living room, stretched out on the entire length of the couch. He was having trouble breathing. Sandy could sense his distress and decided the only way she could sooth her empathic anxiety was to lie across Ravi and whimper softly. Her huge head rested on Ravi’s shoulder blade and her drool drained sideways and pooled under his collar. Her back legs were stretched directly behind her, and her claws scraped just below his knees every time she readjusted herself. Ravi appreciated the support, but even with the air turned up full blast, he was starting to feel a little hot.
He had been lying here since he woke up. Tammy had emerged from her bedroom this morning, given him a strange look, and headed off for a lunch date. She had returned about three hours ago, and when she came through the front door and saw him still lying in the same position, said, “For God’s sake, Ravi, you’re going to melt into that couch.” He had just shaken his head in her general direction and scratched Sandy’s ears a bit harder. Tammy had stopped then and moved over to look into his face with concern. “Are you sick?”
“No.”
“Are you dying?”
“No.”
“Do you need anything?”
“No.”
“I’m dying to know what happened. Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
Tammy had placed her hands on her hips and used her stern doctor voice, which he’d heard her use in patient care simulations in class. “Well, you aren’t doing anyone any favors by moping around here and feeling sorry for yourself. I’ll give you two hours. I’m going to my room to read, and if you haven’t moved by the time I come back out, I will force you to talk, privacy be damned. This guy has broken your heart and I want the details.” She had then stormed off to her room.
That had been ab
out an hour and fifty minutes ago, and Ravi knew she was serious. She would be out of that room any minute now, and he’d better think of a story to tell her, because she wouldn’t let up until she thought she’d helped him.
There was only one person who could help him right now, and the odds of that happening were slim to none. He still couldn’t believe Nandita had been stringing him along the entire summer. He had fallen for her hard, and he thought their feelings had been mutual. Sure, there were a lot of issues they hadn’t addressed, and the India conversation hadn’t gone very well, but he could fix that. He could tell her the truth, for a start, and that, of course, he didn’t want her to go back to India—he’d made a mistake and learned his lesson. He could then explain everything and tell her why he’d been less than truthful. He could explain why he’d appeared to be stalking her and open his heart. If he could do all of that, they could fix things—if only it weren't for that man, her fiancé. He still couldn’t believe it.
For the second time in his life, a girl had broken Ravi’s heart into a thousand little pieces. If this was what love felt like, the world could stuff it. His mind wandered back to that first girl who he had believed would be the only girl he would ever love. He raised himself up on one elbow so he could reach into his pocket while grunting under the weight of Sandy. He shouldn’t do it, but he couldn’t help it. Sandy shifted, whining softly, and tucked her head under his neck, making it even more challenging to maneuver without tipping her off the couch. He loved this dog, but he needed to put her on a diet.
He pulled out his wallet and flipped it open to retrieve the photo. The girl’s green eyes, filled with intelligence and curiosity, challenged him. Ravi remembered how often he had propped that photo on his desk and stared into those eyes as he poured out his thoughts and feelings into long letters to her. She had sent long letters back, and they had planned their futures carefully. They knew where they would live and what they would do: she would teach math at the university and he would be a vet. They would have four children—two boys and two girls, and they would live in a little house with a big back garden. It would be in the suburbs, but close enough to a city for their children to experience arts and culture.
Uncharted (Jersey Girls Book 3) Page 18
