by Sydney Logan
“You’re freezing,” Lucas whispered in my ear.
I somehow resisted the urge to lean against the warmth of his body. We were surrounded by our students and their snooping parents, not to mention my infuriating, and less-than-subtle, best friend who was practically shoving me into his lap.
“Football games are great for cuddling under blankets,” Aubrey offered helpfully. Lucas chuckled, and I shot her a glare. I had just returned my attention to the field and the cheerleaders’ halftime dance when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“Sarah Bray?”
I turned to find myself staring into the eyes of a middle-aged woman. She was wearing a Sycamore jersey with number sixteen printed in big white letters on the front.
“Yes?”
“I thought so. I’m Debbie Stuart. I went to high school with your mother.”
I tried to force a smile. I wasn’t opposed to talking about my mom. I was just proud I’d held it together through this first week of school. I’d hate to lose my composure during a high school football game while surrounded by hundreds of screaming fans.
“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Stuart.”
“My son is in your class. Matthew has never really enjoyed anything but football, but now he loves English.”
“Oh, you’re Matt’s mother?” I asked, and she nodded proudly. “He’s a wonderful young man and very hard-working.”
“Thank you. His father and I are hoping all of his hard work leads to a football scholarship.” Her grin faded slightly as her eyes raked across my face. “You have your mother’s eyes. They were such a pretty shade. We always joked she was a true Sycamore Panther because her eyes were as green as our basketball uniforms. Did you know your mother played basketball?”
“Yes, she played point guard.”
So had I. I’d been too short to play anything else.
She smiled fondly. “That’s right. Lord, she loved your father. And you. I know she’d be proud of you, especially after everything that happened at your last school.
I could feel Lucas’s eyes on me as I tried to hold it together.
“The entire community prayed for you,” Debbie continued, oblivious to my anxiety. “The world is such a scary place, isn’t it? To believe someone would bring a gun into a school.”
Suddenly, the stands erupted with cheers and everyone rose to their feet, clapping wildly.
“They fumbled the kickoff!” Aubrey screeched excitedly.
I nodded slightly and tried to control my breathing, but it was all too much—the memories, the noise, and the lights.
Tension spiked, causing my body to shake uncontrollably.
Before I even knew what was happening, Lucas was pulling me by the hand and leading me down the bleachers. People passed me in a blur as he led me behind the concession stand. Despite the cold, I pressed my back against the concrete of the building, struggling to catch my breath. Lucas leaned close, wrapping his arms around me. I was freezing and far too emotional to resist, and I melted against him as I began to weep.
“It’s okay,” he whispered against my hair. “You’re okay, sweetheart.”
Having his arms around me while I cried was the strangest feeling. Ryan, my ex, had never been able to handle my unexpected emotional outbursts. I’d grown accustomed to hearing the door slam and crying myself to sleep once the anxiety finally diminished.
Ryan had never held me during a panic attack.
Not once.
My tears subsiding, I lifted my head until I found his eyes in the darkness. Lucas was gazing down at me, his eyes filled with worry.
“I don’t know why you’re my friend,” I muttered shakily. “I’m a complete and utter mess.”
Smiling softly, Lucas gently stroked my cheek, wiping away my tears.
“You’re a beautiful mess.”
It wasn’t the first time he’d told me I was beautiful, but the words surprised me just the same.
Feeling slightly calmer, I buried my face against his chest once again. Sighing softly, his arms tightened around me. The whistles and cheers were a distant echo as we held onto one another in the darkness.
“Better?”
I nodded.
“Let me take you home,” Lucas whispered against my ear.
I lifted my head toward his. “I can drive.”
He looked skeptical.
“It’s the weekend. I can’t just leave my car at the stadium.”
Lucas nodded. “Okay, but I’m following you home.”
“Okay.”
Taking my hand, Lucas led us out of the shadows.
“This porch swing is amazing,” Aubrey said.
The freezing temperatures of last night gave way to a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Lucas had called at dawn, checking to make sure I was all right. He now had a small piece of my story, thanks to Matt’s mom, and her reference to the gun. He didn’t mention it, though, and I convinced him I was fine despite the fact my night had been restless. I’d finally given in around three and had taken my medication. After that, I did manage to sleep, but I had crazy nightmares. They’d seemed so real at the time, but I could hardly remember them in the daylight. I’d napped throughout the morning until Aubrey called, and I invited her over for lunch to apologize for abandoning her last night.
“I was just worried about you, but then I got excited.” Aubrey grinned mischievously.
“I suppose hoping the two of you deserted me to go find a back road and a back seat was just wishful thinking?”
“Very wishful,” I replied quietly, careful not to disturb the sleeping child in my arms. Daniel had been full of energy during lunch, but once we were outside, the rhythmic rocking of the swing had lulled him right to sleep. It surprised me how much I loved holding him.
“You need one.”
Confused, I looked up. “One what?”
Aubrey nodded toward her son, and I rolled my eyes.
“Oh yeah, a baby is exactly what I need right now.”
We grew quiet then, each of us lost in our thoughts. I knew she was curious about last night, and I felt compelled to offer her some sort of explanation.
“Aubrey, I had a panic attack last night.”
She tilted her head. “Really? Is that why you left?”
I nodded. My fingers lingered in Daniel’s hair, twisting the curly strands framing his peaceful face.
“Debbie didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know she didn’t. It’s inevitable. I’ve moved back to my hometown. People are going to mention my parents. It’s just something I have to get used to, you know?”
“Is that why you stayed away from Sycamore Falls? To avoid the memories?”
I sighed. “Memphis was such a clean slate. No one knew anything about my past or my family unless I wanted them to know. Random strangers didn’t just walk up to me, ask about my parents’ accident, or how I was handling it all. It was much easier to move on with my life.”
“But you weren’t moving on,” Aubrey murmured. “You were avoiding dealing with the pain.”
“That’s what my therapist says, too, but in Memphis, I was at least able to function somewhat normally. I had a decent job and good friends, and I had a boyfriend who loved me as long as I kept my emotions in check.”
Her forehead creased. “He should have loved you even when you couldn’t hold it together.”
“Maybe that’s why he’s my ex-boyfriend.”
Her face grew thoughtful.
“Lucas took care of you last night.”
“Yes, and it wasn’t the first time.”
Aubrey listened intently while I told her about the first panic attack I’d had in front of him.
“And he stayed, which is something Ryan had never done for me.”
“I’m glad you have him, Sarah.”
“Me too. He’s a good friend.”
Smiling, she cleared her throat. “So, have you been to the falls lately?”
I sighed. I was seriously beginning to th
ink men gossiped worse than women.
“Lucas has a big mouth.”
“It’s not really his fault. Tommy just can’t keep a secret.”
“It’s not a secret, necessarily. It’s just another reminder that nothing in this small town is sacred.”
She smiled.
“Tommy says you are absolutely all he talks about. He really cares about you, Sarah.”
“I care about him, too.”
“But?”
“But I’m an emotional mess, and I’m just not sure a serious relationship would be the wisest decision right now.”
“I disagree. I think focusing on something positive and good is exactly what you need. Besides, Lucas has his own demons. Maybe the two of you can help each other.”
Daniel began to wiggle in my arms, and I snuggled him close to my chest, burying my nose in his hair. He always smelled so good, and I wondered if that was true of all babies or if it was just him.
“Lucas hasn’t told me much about what happened in New York.”
“He hasn’t told Tommy a lot, either. You know, if you’re interested, we could do some digging. The Internet is a glorious thing.”
I was already shaking my head. “No way.”
“Don’t tell me you aren’t tempted, Sarah.”
“You know, Lucas could very easily do his own digging—and I guarantee my demons would be much easier to find—but he hasn’t. He’s respecting my privacy. Are you saying I shouldn’t do the same for him?”
“Of course not,” she replied. “I’m just saying it’d be tempting, that’s all. Something brought him here.”
“He’ll tell me when he’s ready.”
After Daniel awoke from his nap, the three of us spent the rest of the afternoon baking and watching cartoons until they finally headed home for dinner, leaving me with my jumbled thoughts and dozens of cookies.
I boxed them up, deciding my creative writing class needed a little taste of Grandma Grace.
“I was just like you when I was a senior.”
Eager hands reached into the box of cookies while I walked up and down the aisles.
“I could not wait to leave Sycamore Falls. My grandma was the one to suggest I find a college in the city. In her mind, the only way I could truly understand the world was to live in it. She and my grandfather had lived in Atlanta for a brief period of time, and it was then, and only then, did they truly appreciate living in a small town like Sycamore Falls.”
“How could anyone appreciate living here?” Carrie asked.
I could tell the rest of the class was wondering the same thing. They were just too busy devouring my cookies to question anything I was saying at the moment.
“It was confusing to me, too,” I replied, settling onto the edge of my desk. “I was so desperate to leave it all behind I barely glanced in the rear view mirror as I drove out of town.”
“But you came back,” Matt pointed out, and the class shook their heads. It still amazed them I’d actually chosen to return.
“You know, Miss Bray, maybe you just moved to the wrong city,” Howie suggested.
“I mean, going from Sycamore Falls to Memphis must have been a shock to the system. Maybe you should’ve picked a medium-sized town.”
“Maybe so, but Memphis offered me a full scholarship.”
The seniors murmured their agreement. When money is in question, you choose the school offering you the best deal.
“But that’s a discussion for another day. I told you about my grandma—and shared her cookies with you—because I want you to think about people who inspire you. People who accept you for who you really are. My grandma taught me so much more than just how to bake cookies. She taught me it was okay to ask questions and she encouraged me to spread my wings. I want to know who inspires you. Tell me all about the person in a 300-word essay, which we’ll read aloud tomorrow.”
They groaned, not necessarily because of the homework, but because none of them were particularly comfortable with public speaking. I softened the blow by letting them eat the rest of the cookies while they began to write, and it wasn’t long until the bell rang. The class filed out, and I was just closing the lid on the leftovers when I heard a voice in the doorway.
“I thought I smelled your cookies.”
I shook the container and lifted the lid. “I have a few left.”
Lucas walked over to my desk, grabbed a cookie, and stuffed it into his mouth. He hummed in appreciation, and I laughed as I turned toward the board. I was just finishing writing tomorrow’s assignment when I felt him close the distance between us. His chest brushed against my back, and my breath quickened. Placing the cap on the marker, I gently placed it on the tray before slowly turning around to face him.
“Hi,” I whispered.
“Hi.”
I glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching. I could hear faint voices, but it was the end of the day and kids rarely lingered in the hallways.
“It’s a beautiful afternoon,” Lucas said softly. “I’d like to take you somewhere.”
“You would?”
He nodded. “But you’ll need to change. I don’t think those heels will work on the trail to Sycamore Falls.”
A slow smile crept across my face.
“You really loved it there, didn’t you?”
“It’s beautiful,” Lucas said, his voice quiet and low. “It’s also the perfect place to have a very important conversation.”
My smile faltered.
“Lucas, I don’t know if I’m ready—”
“You don’t have to be ready,” he said. “I’m ready. I want to tell you what brought me here. I want to tell you about New York.”
My heartbeat sped.
“But why?”
“Because I can’t expect you to share your darkest demons with me if I don’t offer to do the same,” he reasoned. “You don’t have to be ready to tell me yours, but I’m ready to tell you mine—that is, if you want to hear them.”
I took his hand in mine.
“I want to hear them.”
Chapter 9
Despite the sunshine, the air surrounding the falls was colder than our last visit. Fall was definitely just around the corner, and I couldn’t wait to show Lucas how pretty the mountains could be in the autumn.
He’d been noticeably quiet on the walk to the falls, and I understood why. He was preparing to bare his soul to me, and I could appreciate how difficult that must be. I also knew, deep in my heart, it really didn’t matter what he confessed to me today. Lucas was quickly becoming my best friend, and despite not knowing the reasons behind my breakdowns, he’d taken care of me each and every time I’d fallen apart in front of him. He’d never belittled me or made me feel ashamed for being weak, and he’d never once asked for more than I was ready to give.
Today, I would do the same for him.
When we finally reached the falls, Lucas led me toward a giant boulder near the trees. He handed me the blanket he’d been carrying, and I wrapped it around us. We sat side-by-side, gazing at the swelling river before us. The recent rains had caused the river to rise, and the current was swift today. A gust of wind made me shiver, and Lucas wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close to his side.
“It’s always colder near the water,” I said quietly.
“Yeah.”
I gazed at his profile as he stared out across the river. He really was handsome. Had I ever told him so?
“Sarah, why are you staring at me?”
I laughed.
“I was just thinking you’re very cute.”
He grinned at me.
“I’m a grown man. I can’t be cute.”
“Fine, you’re very handsome. Better?”
“Much.” Lucas laughed quietly, pulling me closer.
Our laughter faded as he pressed his forehead against mine. His crystal-blue eyes were tortured as his voice dropped to a faint whisper. “What if you hate me?”
“I could never ha
te you.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong. I promise you.”
“I believe you.”
Taking a deep breath, he pulled away, and I immediately missed his warmth. We were still snuggled beneath the blanket, but we were barely touching. Something told me he needed some distance, at least during his confession.
“Her name was Marina.”
Of course, this sad story would start with a woman. I hated her immediately.
“A girlfriend?”
“No.” His eyes, now icy and hard, were fixed on the river. “She was my student.”
My blood ran cold.
“Marina was seventeen but dressed like she was twenty-five,” he continued quietly. “She was an Honors student whose parents expected her to get into Harvard. Since her only B was in American History, her parents asked if I would tutor her. She was a good student, and I wanted to help her raise her GPA, so I agreed.”
Lucas rose to his feet, and I pulled the blanket tighter around me. Like a caged lion, he began to pace along the sand.
“I was tutoring two other students that same semester, so it wasn’t as if she was special, but she thought she was. I had no idea she had a crush on me—not until the day she leaned across her desk and kissed me on the cheek.”
My heart was now thundering in my chest. He didn’t kiss her back. I know he didn’t.
“I’ve gone over it so many times in my head. What did I do to give her the slightest hint I would think of her in such an inappropriate way? I swear I was nothing but professional. I never touched her—not even a pat on the back.”
I nodded numbly. “What did you do when she kissed you?”
“I immediately left the classroom and went straight to my principal to report the incident. When the police questioned Marina, she happily admitted to kissing me. She then confessed she was pregnant, and she named me as the father.”
I gasped softly as his voice broke. I had to resist my desire to console him. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to tell him I believed him.
