by Sydney Logan
Howie turned to me. “How many schools did you get accepted to, Miss Bray?”
“Three,” I replied, leaning against my desk. My answer caused a few raised eyebrows and a lot of hushed whispers.
“How many did you apply to?” Carrie wondered.
“Three.”
My reply began a discussion about how many schools everyone had applied to, and that’s when I realized college acceptance was a competition to these kids. How many schools did you get accepted to? I’d heard the question all week, not realizing our kids were in serious competition with each other over something ridiculous.
Didn’t they have enough pressure? Did they really need to add more stress to their lives?
“I applied to Memphis, North Carolina, and Winslow Community College.”
A few of the students rolled their eyes at the mention of the little school.
“What a lot of you need to understand is it doesn’t matter how many schools you’re accepted to. You need to find one that’s a good fit for you, not to mention, the one you can afford. I was just like you. I wanted as far away from Sycamore Falls as I could possibly get, so when Memphis offered me a full scholarship, I jumped at the chance. However, don’t discount Winslow just because it’s a community college. You can always transfer later, and sometimes, a smaller school is a better option for you. It just depends on what you need.”
Needless to say, we didn’t write in creative writing that day.
I was still thinking about my seniors when I arrived at Matt’s later in the afternoon. As I walked toward the porch, I noticed his mother sitting on her porch swing. Her eyes were tortured and hard, and my stomach dropped.
“Debbie, what’s wrong?”
Suddenly, I could hear screams coming from inside the house.
“Matt wasn’t accepted to Florida State,” she whispered weakly. “His . . . altercation with Patrick caused the admissions office to take another look at his application. We’ve been on the phone with them all afternoon, but now Patrick’s father wants to press charges . . .”
“Oh, Debbie, I hadn’t heard.”
“Neither had we, until yesterday.”
The shouting was getting louder, and I could hear Mr. Stuart telling his son he was a miserable excuse for a human being.
Hot, angry tears filled my eyes.
“You should go, Sarah.”
Nodding numbly, I slowly walked back to my car.
Florida State had been Matt’s opportunity to get out of this town. To get away from his father. To begin a new life. His chance was now gone, and my heart broke for the young man. He deserved a clean slate, but—in pressing charges—Patrick’s father was going to ensure that never happened.
I cried all the way home.
A few days later, I was searching for wedding dresses online when Lucas walked into the kitchen.
“How’d it go?” Today had been Lucas’s scheduled session with Matt.
“It didn’t,” he said quietly as he closed the door behind him. “Our tutoring services are no longer needed.”
I wasn’t surprised, but it still hurt a little.
“Did you at least get to see him?”
“I didn’t make it past the front door,” Lucas explained, sitting down next to me and kissing me on the cheek. “Debbie did say Matt isn’t doing very well. He absolutely refuses to come out of his room, and he hasn’t eaten in days.”
I closed my eyes and tried to keep my tears at bay. Lucas wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close.
“Sweetheart, we can’t save them all.”
“I want to try.”
“I know you do,” he said, nuzzling my cheek with his nose. “It’s just one of the reasons why I love you so much.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered.
He kissed my cheek again before turning his attention to the computer screen.
“Still looking at dresses?”
I sighed. “I just want to try to focus on something positive, you know?”
Smiling, he pointed to a particularly short wedding dress with lots of lace and very little fabric. “I like this one.”
I smirked. “Of course you do. Now go away. You know it’s bad luck for the groom to see the dress.”
He laughed and kissed me softly before making his way into the living room. I had been spending most of my evenings online, making notes, and looking at bridal websites. I was surprised how excited I was about planning the wedding. I’d never been a fan of ceremonies, but this was different. It was the one bright spot in my otherwise chaotic life, and I was determined to enjoy every moment of it.
I had just emailed a few dress pictures to Lucas’s mom when he walked back into the kitchen. His face was ashen, and he was holding his cell phone.
“Tommy just called,” he announced quietly. “Matt’s been taken to the hospital in Winslow.”
My blood ran cold.
“What happened?”
“Debbie found him unresponsive in his bedroom,” Lucas explained. “We probably won’t be welcome at the hospital, but if you want to go—”
I jumped out of my chair. “I want to go.”
Lucas nodded and grabbed his keys off the counter.
The waiting room was filled with people—or maybe it just seemed that way—because the room was so small. Tommy and Aubrey were in one corner, sitting next to a pale-faced Howie. My stomach somersaulted, and I clutched Lucas’s arm as Aubrey rushed from her seat.
“He’s okay,” she whispered to us. “We don’t know a lot of details. Debbie’s in the chapel. The pastor is on his way . . .”
I looked up at Lucas.
“I’d like to go see Debbie.”
“Okay.”
The chapel was easy to find. It was small, too, with a few pews and candlelight dancing at the altar. Debbie was sitting up front, and we quietly made our way to her side. Her tearful eyes didn’t seem at all surprised to see us. She just gave us a sad smile when we sat down next to her. I took her hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. Minutes passed, until finally, she squeezed my hand in return.
“The doctor says he’s going to be fine—physically,” Debbie whispered weakly. Her voice was hollow and haunted. “It’s funny. I could hardly get him to take one pain pill when he was in that cast. I told the doctor it had to be accidental—my son would never intentionally try to hurt himself—but nobody accidentally takes that many pills. Not all at once.”
I didn’t ask how many. The number was irrelevant.
“The past few weeks have been terrible,” Debbie continued. “It’s been one thing right after another. First, there was the news about college. Then Patrick pressed charges. Yesterday, Matt got a call from one of the deacons of the church, telling him it might be best if he didn’t help the youth with the Spring Carnival this year. He always volunteers . . .”
Determined to stay strong, I blinked back my tears. Lucas wrapped his arm protectively around my shoulder.
“And his father,” Debbie laughed hoarsely. “It’s hard to remember why I ever loved that man. If I’d known what a hateful, stubborn father he’d turn out to be, I never would have married him.”
We sat with her until Pastor Martin arrived. He offered us a quiet hello and a sad smile as he took his place at Debbie’s side. We stood to leave, and Debbie grabbed my hand once again.
“He loves you both so much. Thank you for loving him.”
We simply nodded before making our way out of the chapel.
Chapter 26
“We’re going to be late,” Lucas said as he straightened his tie.
I said nothing. I just continued staring at my laptop screen, clicking through the images. I was so frustrated. Everything was too small, too big, or too expensive.
“Sweetheart, the dresses will still be online after we get out of church.”
“I’m not looking at dresses.”
Lucas sat down next to me at the kitchen table before glancing at my monitor.
&
nbsp; “You’re looking at houses?”
I nodded and continued clicking the mouse.
He didn’t ask any questions. He didn’t have to.
I’d been unforgivably moody since Matt’s trip to the hospital nearly two weeks ago, and it had nothing to do with us. That was just another reason why we had to move as far away from Sycamore Falls as possible. I refused to let this town taint the one good thing I had in my life.
“The only reason I’m even stepping foot in church is because Debbie asked us to be there today.”
“I know, baby,” Lucas replied softly. His patience was endless, and I didn’t deserve him. “After today, we’ll never go back if that’s what you want.”
It was the perfect thing to say, and it was the only thing that convinced me to leave the house.
The congregation was visibly nervous as Debbie Stuart headed to the pulpit. She’d asked the pastor if she could address the church today, and while some assumed this would be an update of sorts related to Matt’s health, others feared she was here to hold the deacon responsible for finally pushing Matt over the edge.
What they weren’t expecting was Mama Bear.
“This is the last day I will stand in Sycamore Baptist Church,” Debbie announced, her voice strong as it echoed through the sanctuary. “I am not doing this in an attempt to separate myself from the Lord, because I believe the Lord will love me no matter where I choose to worship. This is me, separating myself from the hypocrisy my son and I have encountered over the past few months. We will be moving away from Sycamore Falls when he graduates, and we will join another church in another town.”
Quiet murmurs flowed through the church.
“My son is gay. Does this make me happy? Of course not. Does it make me love him any less? Of course not. And it shouldn’t have made you love him any less, but it did. But that’s why a mother’s love is perfect and unconditional. My son did not need your judgment. He needed your prayers. He needed your counsel. This is my child, and until recently, he was your child, and you loved him. When he was scoring touchdowns for your school, you loved him. When he was bagging your groceries, you loved him. When he was volunteering with the youth of this church, you loved him. But he’s learned a lesson. He’s learned some love is conditional and judgmental.”
Aubrey was crying quietly, and I watched her sweet son pat her face, promising her with an innocent whisper everything was going to be okay. I wiped away my own tears and turned my attention back to the altar.
“Not once did my son ask you to accept his beliefs. All he wanted was to be allowed to remain a member of this church where he could worship the Lord as he’s done since he was a little boy, but we see that’s impossible. Not here. This town has turned its back on him. Many members of this congregation have done the same, not to mention the school administration.”
“What I think hurts most of all is his own father won’t even look at him. Aren’t you supposed to love your child unconditionally? Even if you don’t agree with him? Even if he breaks your heart? Even if he’s not at all what you expected him to be?”
Overcome with tears and emotion, Debbie closed her eyes and leaned against the podium for support. Lucas was out of his seat in flash, rushing to her side and taking her by the hand. She was pointing to her Bible and whispering furiously. Lucas then nodded and cleared his throat before facing the congregation.
“Debbie would like to leave you with this scripture from the book of Exodus. Chapter thirty-four, verses six and seven,” Lucas said. “And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin.”
“Amen,” I said through my tears.
“Amen,” Tommy and Aubrey echoed.
Debbie hugged him before placing her hand in his, and I watched with pride as my fiancé—and the future father of my children—escorted a Mama Bear straight down the aisle and right out the double doors of Sycamore Baptist Church.
Debbie’s courage made me brave, and that’s why on Monday afternoon, I decided to face my very own Goliath, all by myself.
“Miss Bray, I’ve been expecting you.”
Principal Mullins took a seat behind his desk as I closed the door behind me.
“This will just take a moment. I just wanted to let you know I will not be seeking a renewal of my contract next school year.”
He couldn’t hide his surprise. “Is that so?”
I nodded.
“You have a job offer elsewhere?”
“No, I don’t. Not yet.”
He smiled. “I hope you don’t assume I will be offering you a glowing recommendation.”
“Actually, it’s my hope you won’t offer any recommendation—glowing or otherwise. You want me to leave, and I wish to go. We both get what we want.”
“And what about Mr. Miller?”
“That’s between you and Mr. Miller,” I said calmly. “He’s right outside. I’m sure he’s eager to speak to you, as well.”
Mullins leaned back in his chair.
“So, the two of you are leaving Sycamore Falls.”
I remained quiet. It wasn’t any of his business what we were doing.
“I heard about your engagement. I haven’t had the chance to congratulate you.”
“I don’t need your congratulations,” I said. “You were right. Sycamore High isn’t a good fit for me. I will be tendering my resignation, effective July 1.”
Principal Mullins sighed loudly.
“Sarah, I hate that it has come to this. This was never about you.”
I quickly rose from my chair. “No, but you made it about me, and about Lucas, and I refuse to work for someone so manipulative. You’ve gotten what you wanted. Matt’s gone, and now, so am I.”
“Miss Bray . . .”
I didn’t even look back as I walked out, slamming the door behind me. Lucas was out of his seat in an instant, taking my hand and pulling me close.
“I’m okay.” My hands were shaking and my vision was a little blurry, but I’d never felt stronger.
“Go on home,” Lucas whispered.
“I want to wait for you.”
“It’s a beautiful day,” he said, smiling down at me. “I’ll deal with Mullins, and then I need to make some copies for tomorrow. Why don’t you meet me at the falls?”
It’d been so long since we’d visited the falls, and I felt a rush of excitement. A trip to the falls was exactly what we needed.
It might have been February, but spring was coming, which was evident by the flowers already trying to bloom along the trail. Despite my aggravation with the people in our town and my desire to leave it all behind, I knew I’d never find another place as beautiful as the falls.
I would miss it.
We would visit, of course. The house would still be here, and we’d want to see Aubrey and Tommy, but I needed a clean slate. A true, fresh, start without the memories and negativity that surrounded my hometown.
Lucas had already called to let me know he was on his way. His meeting with Mr. Mullins had been heated, but in the end, the principal had apologized for dragging us into the middle of his personal vendetta against Matt. He even tried to convince Lucas to rethink his resignation, but his plea fell on deaf ears.
We were moving on to our new lives in our new hometown.
Wherever that may be.
The wind was chilly against my skin as I made my way toward the falls. I’d just stepped onto the sand when I noticed someone sitting against our rock.
He was wearing a Panther Green hoodie and gazing out at the water.
Matt.
He was skinnier than I remembered. And pale. So pale.
His head pivoted toward me, and he sighed.
“Of all the people who might have found me, why did it have to be you?”
His words ripped through me, piercing my soul, and shattering my heart.
&n
bsp; “I can’t do this with you here,” he whispered gravely. His left hand dangled at his side, but his right hand remained his pocket. “I’m already going to hell, but I won’t do that to you. I won’t. Not to you.”
I had no idea what he was talking about.
“What are you doing out here, Matt?”
“Escaping,” he said softly. “I’m just trying to escape, Miss Bray.”
I cautiously took a step forward and sat down on the rock.
“That’s why I come here, too. It’s peaceful here.”
“Peaceful,” he murmured.
Matt stood and walked along the sandy shoreline, stopping just short of the river.
“Do you think it’s true, Miss Bray?”
“Is what true?”
“What they say about washing your sins away?” Matt said as he toed the murky water. “Do you think there’s enough water in his river to wash away my wickedness? To make me the son my father wants me to be? To be the man this town wants me to be?”
“Matt, you’re wonderful just as you are.”
He laughed darkly. “I’m probably going to jail. I’m a disgrace to my father. My mother is filing for divorce and looking for a job in Winslow. My mom hasn’t worked a day in her life, but because of me, she’s going to be flipping burgers at some fast food place just because her son is evil.”
He finally removed his right hand from his pocket, and that’s when I saw it. He’d been holding it all this time, and my body began to shake.
And it was silver.
“Matt, why do you have a gun?”
I heard a rustle on the path, and suddenly, Lucas was there. His eyes widened as they flickered between me, and an oblivious Matt. With his back turned to us, he gazed across the water with the gun at his side.
“They say God works in mysterious ways,” he whispered over the rushing water. “They’re right. He sent you here, because He knew I wouldn’t hurt myself. Not in front of you. You’ve seen enough death to last a lifetime. I won’t do that to you. I won’t make you live with my weakness. I won’t.”
