I took my eyes away from Sam’s for a moment and stared off into space. A memory flashed into my mind of the night Sam had shot Max. I remembered how I had tried to get away from him, that I’d even kicked him in the shin and nothing had happened. It was like my strength, my normal strength was as weak as a kitten and her’s, the strength of my other half, was something worthy of a superhero. That just didn’t seem fair. The other half of me held all the power cards, while I pretty much had nothing to fight her with.
I caught Sam’s eyes again with my own and glared at him. “So, I’m pretty much useless,” I said, as my personal defeat made my words tremble.
Sam still held my hand in his and moved to grab my other one. “You are not useless,” he said. “You are unique.”
I raised an unhappy eyebrow at him and looked away.
“I’m serious,” he said, tugging gently on my hands to pull my attention back to him. “You are special, Kitty,” he said again. “Of all the women before you, all the daughters of Lilith, you are the only one who has kept an almost constant balance between your two halves. If anything, you have proved yourself stronger than Lilith time and time again.”
“Oh really,” I asked, skeptically “I’m sure you mean the opposite. Besides, what about my mum? She seems to barely bat an eyelash at her other half.”
This time Sam raised an eyebrow at me. “You can’t be that blind,” he said.
I frowned at him in honest confusion. “What do you mean,” I asked.
“Why do you really think your mother brought you here, Kitty,” he said.
I tilted my head at him and smiled smartly. “She told me,” I said. “We came here to find a cure.”
Sam smirked at me and my smiled dropped its cheerfulness a degree.
“And you believe her,” he asked.
His arrogant smirk made me a little unsure of myself and I looked at him seriously. “Well, not about the cure exactly,” I said. “I don’t believe that there is a cure for our problem and I doubt that even if there was I’d take it. Besides, I’d never trust Louis Tiennan.”
Sam’s expression turned serious to mirror mine and he held my hands tight. “You are right about the cure,” he said. “I’m sure that Tiennan only used that to lure your mother here. But, you also need to realize, even if you don’t want to admit it, that your mother didn’t really think her decision through before she came here. I bet she never questioned her other half’s intentions at all.”
I lowered my eyes from Sam’s and nodded. “It seems that way, doesn’t it,” I said, solemnly.
“She’s been doing this for years, Kitty,” he said quietly. “Going from one place to another, telling herself she’s searching for a cure when really it’s the other side of her trying to put her in danger. Every new town you moved to in every new country was a predominantly supernatural community. If I hadn’t been around to protect you—and her too, indirectly—I doubt that you would both still be mortal or alive today. The evil in her has been desperate to get out since the day her mother died, and if you hadn’t been in her life to give her something to fight for, something to live for, it would have taken over completely.”
I stared back up into Sam’s dark, violet eyes, then turned my hands and wrapped them around his. “I didn’t realize,” I said, sadly. “I knew she wasn’t the perfect mother—that she always seemed distant to me—but I never would have considered that she was self-sabotaging herself without even realizing it. She always seemed so strong, so secure and confident in herself, but I guess that was all just a show for me. She—”
“—didn’t want you to end up like her,” Sam said, finishing my sentence for me.
I nodded glumly at him and then let out a the-whole-world-on-my-shoulders type sigh. “So, I’m different,” I said, clearly doubting the words as I spoke them.
“Yes,” said Sam. “Always have been from the very day you were born.”
I pulled our clasped hands to my lap and then stared down at them as I rubbed my thumbs over the back of his hands. After a moment I stopped and looked back up at him. “How,” I asked. “I really don’t feel different.”
Sam frowned at me sympathetically and leaned a little closer. “You are you,” he said, causing me sudden greater confusion.
I raised a gloomy eyebrow at him.
“In all the time I’ve been with you, you’ve never stopped fighting your evil side,” Sam explained. “You feel her, hear her thoughts, but don’t always accept them as your own. You seem to be getting stronger each day, whereas others in your shoes have gotten weaker and given in. If anything, I sometimes think that you seem to be co-existing with her, the other you. Lately, she only has a chance for control when you’re in a situation which scares you or for which you’re not ready. And even then almost as soon as she comes out you’ve got her under control again. Frankly, of all the daughters of Lilith, you are the only one who appears to be benefitting from the demon blood inside you.”
I screwed my face up at Sam, even though I’d understood most of what he’d said and could even believe most of what he was telling me. I just didn’t see how I was benefitting from my evil half. As well as all that, I didn’t quite get how I could be controlling my evil side, when she had a hell of a lot more ammo that she could use against me.
Sam appeared to understand my confusion and he smiled at me. “I’m not saying that she’s a great asset to have around,” Sam said. “I just think that you have somehow gained enough control of her to possibly use her powers to your advantage. I doubt that the little knock on the chin you gave me was purely your idea.”
As Sam grinned at me I had to admit to myself that he was, even just the tiniest bit, right on that point. Deep down, I don’t think I was ready for what he was about to offer me and I used her, my opposite self, almost as an excuse to escape the situation. That meant, if I wanted to go as far as to presume, that I might somehow be able to control her. And if that was true then maybe, just maybe, her abilities could be my abilities with just a little practice. Well, maybe I could take advantage of them at least. They could be mine part of the time. Suddenly, I didn’t feel as helpless and I’d been feeling recently. Now, I had super powers.
I looked at Sam sweetly and leaned a little closer to him. “Is there any chance,” I began, batting my eyelashes at him. “Any chance at all that you could maybe help me get better at taking advantage of her abilities?”
Sam shook his head softly at me, rolled his eyes and smirked. “What do you think guardian angels are for,” he said, grinning.
Fourteen: Stealing Talent
Once Sam had found his feet again and, at my insistence, dragged me to a ‘someplace’ that would be suitable for him to teach me how to access my evil twin’s powers, he aimed the shotgun at me.
“Okay, and so how is this supposed to help,” I said, standing weakly in the corner of a grassy courtyard near the eastern city walls. I placed my hands on my hips as I looked across the green courtyard at Sam.
His strong, square jaw which had been turning a purplish-blue color only half an hour or so before, was now completely healed. After he’d gotten to his feet, up in the bell tower, Sam had held his palm to the injury and magicked the pain away. It had made me curious about whether or not I’d be able to control that similar ability of my other half and definitely made me want to. When I’d asked Sam about it, he’d told me that we would try to tackle the easier things first and then we’d see. Apparently, by easier, he meant more painful, because my first lesson was about to be in combat.
“The shotgun is your target,” he said. “The safety’s on and the idea is not to shoot anyone, but to gain the weaponry advantage from your opponent.”
I furrowed my eyebrows at him and gave him a ‘huh?’ expression.
Sam stared at me for a moment, probably waiting for more of a response. Then he released his grounded stance and lowered the shotgun. “In other words,” he said, “I want you to try and steal the gun away from me.”
I glared at his mocking expression, but was internally grateful for his explanation.
At my nod of understanding, Sam raised the shotgun back up and readied his stance. “Of course,” he said, “in a real life situation, I doubt that the safety would be on or that either of the opponents would hesitate to shoot. However, I think that for learning’s sake it’s better if we try it this way for a little bit before we move into something harder.”
Although part of me was once again grateful for Sam’s considerate nature, the rest of me hated to be underestimated. After a frustrated sigh at the thought that he was probably right, I dropped my hands from my hips and tried to focus my mind on the task at hand. I closed my eyes and tried to get in the zone. But nothing happened.
I opened my eyes and looked back over at Sam. “Okay, so how do I tap into her abilities,” I asked him across the courtyard.
Sam lowered the gun a little again and stared at me then his eyes drifted away as though he was considering my question for a moment. Suddenly, his eyes focused upon mine. “You seem to be able to access her when you’re afraid or in a situation that’s out of your control,” Sam said, sincerely. “So, maybe you need to focus on something you’re afraid of while not forgetting the task you have right in front of you. Or maybe you could try to imagine this situation more realistically and focus on your fear of losing control or having someone take control of you. But, remember to concentrate on taking the gun from me. You want to access her powers through your fear and use it to your advantage, not let her gain control of your body and the situation.”
I nodded in understanding as Sam raised the shotgun, and then I tried to imagine the situation for real. I looked at Sam, then at the gun and I tried to summon the fear I’d feel if the situation was real. I felt a flicker of that adrenalin pumping, blood-chilling fear before I looked at Sam again and instantly couldn’t take the situation seriously. I knew that things would be different if it wasn’t Sam with the gun. I was sure I’d be afraid if it had been anyone else with a shotgun pointed at me. The problem was, however, that it was Sam and with him standing there all boyishly innocent and handsome, with his golden hair and violet eyes, I just couldn’t imagine being afraid.
I smiled at him and he raised an eyebrow at me. I focused myself again, and this time I tried to focus on a fear. The first one that entered my mind was losing Sam. I wasn’t sure why and almost felt guilty that I hadn’t thought of my mum first, but I didn’t have time to question it. I closed my eyes and imagined Sam being taken away from me, I imagined Sam captured, trapped. I imagined him dying. Instantly, my heart grew cold and my head ached. Hot adrenalin seared through my veins, heating my frozen blood and all I wanted to do was fight. Fight off anyone who’d take Sam away from me, fight off anyone who’d capture him or trap him or kill him. I wanted to fight them and kill them all.
Suddenly, I could feel her in me, taking over. My hand moved and it wasn’t me. Fear of her taking control of me flooded my mind and I fought hard to get back in control. As I felt her move my other hand, then clench my fist, I took back control and forced her energy to follow my directions. I could feel what she wanted to do, which parts of me she wanted to move and how, but I snapped my eyes open and made her see the shotgun. The gun was our focus, it was what we wanted and getting the gun was the only order we had to follow at that moment.
In my eyes, but also through hers, I saw Sam and somehow he looked different. He appeared smaller somehow, almost weaker and I could feel her hatred of him swelling. Ignoring her thoughts, I demanded full control and though she hated it, there was nothing she could do. I was controlling that part of her now, that skill. Her movements were my movements and her knowledge of fighting was mine. I took a deep breath and lowered myself into a grounded stance, left leg forward, right leg back and arms ready.
Then, in an instant I took a step, and before I was truly aware of it, I was running at Sam. As I reached him, I raised my left arm and blocked a blow from his right elbow, which bunted his hand off the gun. Then with my right hand, I reached under the gun and grabbed hold of the butt. I pulled it down, spinning the barrel up and twisting it out of his grip. As it hit Sam on the head, I punched him in the stomach with my left fist, winding him and sending him stumbling back a couple of steps. With my right hand, I pulled the gun away, took a step back and then pointed the gun at him and rested my right index finger on the trigger.
I stared at Sam while he straightened himself and tried to get air back into his lungs, my focus and my fear subsided and the influence of my other half disappeared. I lowered the gun and stepped over to Sam. “Are you okay,” I asked.
Sam looked up at me with reddened cheeks and an icy frown.
I gave him an innocent smile and held the gun out to him. “I got the gun,” I told him, cheerfully.
More violence and demonstrations of unnaturally sophisticated skill followed until, after another three hours of getting his ass kicked, Sam finally pleaded for me to stop.
“I think that’s enough practice for today,” he said, looking ragged and slightly out of breath. He was lying flat out on the ground, staring at the lavender blue sky while he tried desperately to find the energy to get back on his feet.
“Aww,” I whined, unsympathetically as I walked over to him. “But I was just getting the hang of it.” I stopped by his shoulders with my hands on my hips and tilted my head to the side as I peered down at his face.
His response was a condescending expression of disbelief and I couldn’t help but smile.
“Okay, okay,” I said, trying not to laugh. “So, maybe I’ve already got the hang of it.” I released my hands from my hips, dropped to my knees and then arranged myself so that I was lying on the thick, green grass alongside Sam. I wrapped my hands together behind my head and stared off into the sky. “I never thought I would have become this good this quickly,” I whispered inquisitively, mainly commenting to myself.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sam turn his head to face me and I felt compelled to mention the obvious. “Not to say that it’s truly me,” I said, quietly. “I realize that it’s her, well, her skill and I’m just using it, but I thought she would have fought against me more—or something.” My voice trailed off as my train of thought continued internally and I started to consider all the possible reasons why my other half may have let me get away with controlling her and stealing her abilities.
I started to become suspicious of an ulterior motive, when I felt Sam’s arm brush the side of my stomach and an electric shock from his touch on my bare skin ran through my body. I turned my head to face him and lay my cheek on the soft grass. I smiled apologetically and rolled my eyes to excuse the seriousness he must have seen on my face moments before.
Sam’s fingers reassuringly caressed the small space of bare skin on my side between my singlet and shorts, and his considerate frown showed me that his thoughts had mirrored my own. He was suspicious of her, too and that scared me just a little.
I took my eyes back from Sam’s and gave them willingly again to the sky and its fluffy, puffy clouds. I hated that the fact there was a part of me, completely separate from my consciousness that was thinking and planning and scheming things that I could have no knowledge of or control over. It made me wish once more for the normal life I’d seemed to have before I came to Saint Jean and before my birthday, even if it was all a lie.
There was just one problem though. I wasn’t that person anymore and even if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t be doing anything more than delaying the inevitable and stopping myself becoming the person I was meant to be. I just had to come to terms with it. I was different now and the world and my life would never be as simple as they had once seemed before.
I moved my eyes back to look into Sam’s and I smiled, silently thanking destiny for putting us together.
Sam raised an eyebrow at my odd smile and narrowed his eyes at me. “What,” he asked, sounding a little apprehensive.
I grinned and moved my
hand from under my head, down alongside his arm and took his hand in mine. “Nothing,” I said as his fingers wrapped securely around mine. “I was just thinking how lucky you are to have me.”
Sam’s grin matched mine in intensity and he shifted slightly closer to me. “Very lucky,” he said.
I lay there for a moment bathing in the sincerity and serenity of his violet-eye-stare. Then I inched my head closer to his until my forehead rested against his cheek and, happily, I closed my eyes. We lay peacefully for a moment until our breathing synchronized and the depths of sleep began trying to pull me in. Then I opened my eyes and raised my head up enough for my lips to reach Sam’s cheek and I kissed him softly. I released my hand from his and pushed myself up until I was in a sitting position and I looked off into the distance. Soon, Sam was sitting up beside me and we were both looking towards the fiery colors of the late afternoon sun.
“I guess we should get going soon,” I said regretfully, breaking the calming silence.
“Yeah,” Sam breathed in half-hearted agreement.
I looked over at him as he frowned unhappily and reluctantly got to his feet. As soon as he’d dusted a few stray broken blades of grass from his clothes, he reached a hand down to me. I took it gratefully and batted my eyelashes at him girlishly as his fingers closed around my palm. He grinned mischievously and pulled me up so fast, as if I weighed nothing at all, that the motion propelled me forward and I slammed into his chest. His arms locked gently behind my back and I glared at him and hit him lightly as he chuckled at my misfortune.
Then, finding it too tempting not to give in, I placed my hands around his neck and pulled him closer. Sam lowered his head nearer to mine and I leaned my forehead against his and rubbed my nose along the side of his nose in my own version of an Eskimo kiss. He returned my loving gesture with his own proper Eskimo kiss and then let out a deep sigh that I took for contentment. But, when he pulled his face from mine and looked down at me with trouble and worry filling his beautiful eyes, I knew I had read him wrongly.
Innocently Evil (A Kitty Bloom Novel) Page 13
