by SJ Molloy
Running.
Accident.
Too late.
Tragedy.
Regret.
Emptiness.
Loneliness.
Grief.
Abandonment.
I drag my hands through my hair in frustration, pace the floor, and then shout, by which time her friend has already gone after her. I walk to the door but Nonno stops me. He places a gentle hand on my chest and tells me to wait.
“The ladies are better at calming her down. Let your nonna speak with her first,” Nonno says, nodding towards Nonna.
“No, I need to speak to her. I must have upset her, but I do not know how or why. I cannot understand why she is so upset to see me. I cannot believe she is here, she is actually here. Please let me speak with her.” I sound vulnerable, my legs weak beneath me.
“You know la bella ragazza?” he asks. I am lost for words. Lexi, here in Tuscany, in my grandparents’ villa. What are the fucking chances? Fate. It appears it is my turn to be dealt a good hand. I am overwhelmed but relieved that coincidently she is walking into my life as if we were destined to meet yesterday and again tonight.
I cannot supress the stabbing pain of hurt piercing inside me. She ran. I close my eyes and have visions of Jasmine running from me in the car park, running with fear in her eyes after she was abused, running to her unfortunate death. I need to tell her not to run from me. I need to tell her to trust me.
“Yes, I know her. Nonno, let me by please. I must speak with her. If I have offended or upset her, then I need to put this right,” I protest.
Maurizio excuses himself to go back into the kitchen. Stefano brings drinks through for everyone and clears up the smashed glass. I pick up a glass of something from the tray and throw it back.
“Lucca, sweet bot, you are shaking,” Nonna almost cries, taking my face in her palms.
“I am okay. I am just shocked, really shocked to see her here. I made her cry … and I do not know why,” I say with my hand on my chest, feeling embarrassment for acting like a pussy.
Nonna leads me over to a sofa, ordering me to sit. All I want to do is walk out there and take Lexi somewhere private so I can talk to her. I need to talk to her, but Nonna is right. I feel unbalanced. I need a moment. I need fresh air, then I need to get to her.
Nonna tells me she is going to check on her just as Nonno switches the music off and speaks with the other two guests … the honeymoon couple. Fuck, I cannot wait any longer. I briskly walk into the lobby, looking around to see where she might be.
Contemplating going into the ladies’ restroom to see if she is there, I hear voices from outside on the alfresco area. Inhaling, I place my hands in my pockets, feeling a little awkward, and walk outside. My heart hammers so fast when I see her sitting in the corner, crying into Nonna’s neck.
Her whole body jerks up and down as my nonna soothes her. I close my eyes, feeling like a useless fucking bastard. I am the cause of her distress—that is painfully obviously—and yet I cannot do anything about it. And in a sad sort of way, I wish she was crying against me. I wish I could wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me.
I have been thinking about it since yesterday, and now she is here in the flesh—vulnerable, upset and emotional. I must put this right. I am a Caruso and I need to do what we do best and take good care of her. I feel a sensation like no other, like a shudder of contentment … a nice tingly warmth that I have an opportunity here to do the right thing and show her the real me.
I should just walk over there and scoop her up and let her cry into my neck all night long if that is what she needs, but she is timid and I need to be gentle and patient. If I push her she is just going to keep running, and the sight and thought of a woman running away from me leaves me emotionally bruised and traumatised for obvious reasons.
Jasmine.
When they stand, I pay attention. I watch her movements, her body language, and search her pretty little face for signs as she cautiously walks towards me. Nonna approaches first.
“She is very upset and my intuition tells me she is very fragile. The poor girl is nervous and afraid of something, but she seems a little calmer for now. I know you will do the right thing by convincing her you would never hurt her. I think that is why she is upset. She has been hurt and I know it was not you. Now, you do not need to tell me your connection or history with this girl, but I trust you to put this right and treat her well. I know you will because there is no better man to be sensitive, caring, kind, and loving. You need to show her how sensitive you are.” Her advice comes in a soft but serious whisper out of Lexi’s earshot as she cups my face.
Kissing her on the forehead, I thank her, straighten up, and smile, only to drop it when I see the worry written all over Lexi’s face.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey,” she reciprocates with that sweet, angelic voice. I had almost forgotten how attractive it is. Not sharp, nor loud, abrupt, brassy, or tainted. Just sweet, gentle, classy, and sexy all at the same time. Intriguing. My body pricks with the same goose bumps I had yesterday. I need to hear more. I could listen to her all night.
Her friend introduces herself as Hazel Scott. Blond girl, pretty … and vaguely familiar. I have definitely seen this girl before, but I am trying to place her. The club. I have seen her in the club. A quick double-cheek kiss, then I kiss Lexi. Slower, gentler, my lips hot against her soft skin.
The chemistry reignites and zaps between us with that one that small gesture. I only wish it was her lips I was branding. She has to feel it because it is like a chemical fucking explosion. A fusion of intense energy.
She feels it. Her body practically melts, her eyes closing, and I cannot resist. My thumb traces over her tear-stained cheeks, and when she flutters her eyelashes and looks up at me with those beautiful brown eyes, I inwardly gasp, she has done it again. Stolen my breath. One look, that is all it takes, and I struggle to get air.
“Will you talk with me, Doc?” I ask with hope, palming her face. Praying, secretly praying she says yes because if she does not, then I think I will die a very unhappy and lonely man. I am that desperate to bring this girl into my life.
Hazel, the friend, calls her Roo. That gets my attention. I cock my head towards Hazel, a blank expression on my face. It is not that I am nosy and need to know about the nickname; it is more a pang of jealously because Hazel is close to Lexi and I am not. She has what I desire: Lexi’s trust and friendship. A bond. I need that with her.
Lexi steps back from my touch. Shit, I must have sent the wrong signals with my empty look. Hazel is protective and reluctant to go. Eventually with help from Nonna, we convince Lexi to talk with me and Hazel to go and get a drink. But shit, the pretty little blonde has a mighty big death stare; she just attacked me with it on her way past.
Leading Lexi to a seat, I place my hand on her lower back. I can feel her stiffness, so I stuff my hand in my pocket because it is too fucking hard for me not to touch her. Nonno lights some candles and lanterns, and Lexi feels the need to apologise to him. Christ … she is too fucking adorable.
I ask Nonno to bring out drinks, and because I know Lexi cannot understand Italian, I tell him that she stole my breath yesterday and that I am infatuated with her and plan on doing everything I can to keep her. I want him to know that I plan on being romantically involved with her, because once my grandparents know that, they will do anything and everything they can to convince her to date me. All the de Santis and Caruso men are known for their romantic charm. It is what we do best.
It seems to upset her that she does not understand what we are saying, and my heart bleeds again when I see her cry, shudders with an achy throb to help her, to take care of her. Without hesitating, I caress her cheeks and wipe away her tears.
The minute my skin touches her wet flesh, I am filled with a sense of belonging. It feels so natural, nice, and warm doing these small things for her. If I can show her how gentle I can be and comfort her, then maybe she will forgive me for distressing
her tonight.
I study everything about her. The way she flutters her lashes, wrinkles her nose, and fidgets her fingers in front of her mouth with her lips pressed against the palm of her hand. It seems to be when she is nervous or is deep in thought.
It kills me when she looks away. Christ, I cannot get enough of looking into those timid but lush eyes. I guide her back to look at me with my fingers under her chin.
“I must look terrible.” She sounds low, sad almost, and that breaks me. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, even more so with her eyes wet with tears. It is natural and attractive. She is stunning and I want to tell her I see her like that because she seems to lack confidence.
“Diamonds. Your tears look like glistening diamonds sparkling on your skin. You look so beautiful, definitely anything but terrible,” I reassure her, watching her slowly close her eyes, letting out a sigh of relief. Has no one ever told this girl how beautiful she is? A soft little smile graces her plump lips. I could admire her every expression all night long.
Captivated. I watch. I watch her until Franco approaches with our drinks and her friend Hazel, alerting me that we have company. Lexi asks Hazel to stay and join us, not that it really matters, but I hope she declines so I can spend more time on my own with Lexi.
Nonno must have told Nonna that I am attracted to Lexi. They know I want to get to know her and share a considerate but desperate look with Hazel to convince her to give Lexi and me some time. She takes the hint.
After a debate on who is eating and where, Lexi says she is not eating. Fuck! The last thing I want for her is to starve herself because she is out of sorts. I do not want to push it, but I feel responsible. She is nervous and I feel compelled to care for her and look after her if she will allow me to do so.
“I get that you probably do not want to eat with me because you are upset, but I do not want you missing dinner. I would rather you eat something,” I say, watching her body language and her hair gently flow around her face with the warm night breeze.
The last time I saw her, her hair was all sexy on top of her head. I imagined unravelling it and it tumbling down her back, yet her long, wavy, lustrous locks hang down her back and over her shoulders now in a natural way, but shit, if that is not sexy.
I would love nothing more than to entwine my fingers through her thick hair, bunch it up in my hands, and watch it sway down her back when I make love to her and feel it against my skin … my naked body.
Fuck! I need to stop having these lustful thoughts because right now I need to be loving, patient, and gentle, but my thoughts keep going straight to my dick … desperate for her.
“I’m not hungry just now, but I don’t mind if you want to go and have your meal or eat here,” she replies, snapping me away from mind-fucking her.
“No, I want to sort things out with you first. Jesus, I am so hurt to see you upset. I just need to understand this, Doc,” I reply with nothing but sincerity. I need to know why she is alarmed to see me, what I have done to upset her, so I can rectify this situation and put her mind at ease.
She wastes no time in asking the first question. “Why are you here? Did you know I was going to be here?”
“No, I did not know you were here. Of course not. I was amazed when I saw you, then you dropped the glass. I thought I was dreaming. I am here for business. I am looking at a property for renovation in Pienza. I normally stay with my parents, but Casa sulla Collina has an influx of tourists because of the Jazz festival in the town and they are renovating. It is hectic. I have a suite here I utilise if I am in the country on business.”
I am completely honest and I never leave her direct eye gaze. When she asks me about her colleague Mark and why I called him, I fluster and need to think quickly. I cannot tell her I made him an offer, tried to bribe him, and put him in an awkward position, but I do not want to lie to her either.
“I said I hoped you were off somewhere nice, and he mentioned you were going to Italy. Of course, I asked where in Italy. He said somewhere in Tuscany, and I thought this was a huge coincidence as I knew I would be here too, but it is a big place. The chances of meeting you were slim. Until I saw you so distressed this evening, I could not believe that you were even standing in front of me. Beautiful, taking my breath away, and then you looked pained to see me. I had the wind taken from me when you cried and ran away.” I frown and hold my finger on my forehead and temple.
Fuck! I am a complete prick. I only hope Mark never told her exactly what I said because she will definitely think I am a stalker and run a fucking mile.
Thankfully she does not challenge me on it. Maybe this dude Mark is a gentleman and never warned her to stay away from me after all. I might just drop his rent and give him a bonus. The guy has just saved my sorry ass.
“It was a surprise to see you here, but not in a bad way. It was a very pleasant surprise for me. I am very happy to see you again. I wish you would believe that,” I add because I need her to know despite the fact it is a mindfuck for me too, it is an overwhelming and complete surprise.
Lexi seems distraught, but I will her to know it is an exceptionally nice and welcomed surprise for me. The best fucking surprise. I hope she believes me.
“Now it is my turn,” I add, moving a sexy little wave of hair behind her ears. It does not sit well with her. She has been standoffish, similar to the way she was when I asked her to go on a date with me.
“Why did you run away from me? And why are you so uptight and anxious. Have I offended or upset you?” I ask before sipping some wine.
“No, you haven’t offended me. I just can’t talk about it. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I just have personal issues that I don’t handle particularly well, and many of these problems have challenged me over the past two days. I guess I was alarmed to see you and my mind over-complicated my thoughts to be able to think rationally.” Her voice is broken and her cheeks are heated.
Shit, that was not the answer I was expecting. All I can think about is who fucking did this to her. What the fuck did the ex-boyfriend do to make her like this? Some guy has fucked her over and maybe I look like him or remind her of him. I do not know but she refuses to let me in.
One of my first encounters with Jasmine plays out in my mind. She was withdrawn the same way Lexi is now. Understandably, she was ill and battling cancer, but she had secrets, things to hide, and I get the same horrible gut feeling that Lexi is covering something up. It makes me think that some guy has broken her fucking heart and screwed her over.
If there was any a miniscule of doubt that I wanted to help Lexi before, then it has been zapped from me. I want to help her, care for her, and protect her more than my next breath. The thought of her being used sickens me. She is fucking beautiful, sweet, and precious for fuck’s sake. What sort of dickhead could treat her so badly that she would be as vulnerable as she is?
“Lexi, you panicked. I obviously intimidate you in some way because when you saw me in the villa, you looked petrified. I do not understand why. And your friend was reluctant to leave you. It fucking cuts me up that I would stress you out like that. Fuck …” I shove my hands through my hair. I want to lift her up and wrap her in my arms.
I want to kiss away the bruises in her mind. I want to kiss away her secrets. I want to tenderly kiss her heart. I want to kiss every inch of her to show her how special she is, and I want to kiss my way into her future. Hopefully forever.
“Why do I scare you? Please let me put this right,” I beg, plead, and sound irrational, but I need to do this. I want to do this.
She goes on about the coincidence of us both being here and lists off excuses. I am not buying it. She is lying. I watch the way her lip trembles, her body recoiling.
“You are not being honest, I can tell, but you are tired and you are stressed, so I am not going to press it just now.” I pull her against me when I see her shake. I think it might be a mixture of her nerves and feeling cold.
My arms wrap around her slim, f
eminine little body perfectly. She melts against me, relaxing in my embrace, and snuggles into the crook of my neck. Fuck, I cannot get her close enough to me. She feels perfect. Resting my chin on her head, I stroke her bare arms trying to heat her up and soothe her.
The familiar smell I remember from the clinic invades my senses. Shampoo and body cream smelling of nuts and that sweet smelling floral and musky fragrance she wears. Her skin is soft under my hands, breaths ragged against my neck, and the faint beat of her heart vibrates against my chest.
Sweet fucking Jesus. The woman was made to be wrapped in my arms. I could close my eyes and caress her here all night long. I could scoop her up and place her on my lap and hold her cheeks in both my hands and kiss her lips. I could run my hands all over that sexy body until she liquefied against me. But I cannot just yet. She needs to set the pace. She needs to let me in.
“Is this too much? If you are uncomfortable or I am hurting you, please tell me,” I croon, my lips brushes against her soft hair.
“No, I think it’s just what I needed tonight. To feel safe,” she whispers in that sexy, womanly way.
Always, baby. Always safe in my arms if I have anything to do with it.
“Fuck, Doc, you will always be safe around me. The minute I saw you crying, I wanted to cradle you in my arms to comfort you. I seriously felt like I was being kicked in the stomach when I witnessed you like that. You are still shivering. Are you still afraid? Please tell me you are not afraid of me.” I now sound vulnerable. I cannot get enough, but at the same time I am torn because she is still a reluctant, shaking, nervous mess.
“I’m afraid of life, afraid to feel, afraid of everything, Lucca. You can probably gather I’m a bit of a mess,” she replies, trying to mask the embarrassment in her tone. But it is there. She is ashamed. Christ! I could cry for her right now.
What the fuck has happened to her? The alpha male in me wants to ask what his fucking name is so I can go and shred that fucker then toss his remains in a fire for making her feel like this, but the softer and more sensitive male inside me is hurt she feels so afraid but equally happy that there is a chance I can help take her fears away.
