by SJ Molloy
“I love her shyness, sweetness, feistiness, cuteness, beauty, kind-heartedness, independence, innocence … body, mind, and soul. I love it all. I love her through her vulnerability, anxieties, and nervousness … even though it drives me crazy sometimes. I love every single thing about her. Scars … fears …nightmares … the lot.” I scratch my jaw before placing my hand on my heart.
“Wow, you really have her sussed. Jesus, Lucca … you were quick.” There is a trace of humour in her voice. She fixes her hair, stretches, sighs, and presses her lips firmly together.
She surprises me by rubbing her hand over my back to comfort me. Dominic shoots her a wry look. She tsk-tsks, rolling her eyes.
“I am sorry about Dominic. He has always looked out for Lexi, especially when Cameron isn’t around. He is seriously angry about tonight. He feels responsible for her in a way,” she says.
It is a knock to my ego. I am extremely grateful Lexi has such caring friends. I do not want to over step my mark here, as Dominic does not even know me—and I fucked up big time tonight—but I feel angry that he feels responsible for her. She is mine and possessively I want very much to be solely responsible for her.
“Do not apologise, I would be the exact same. I am thankful Lexi has such good friends taking care of her. Hazel, you know Lexi better than I do. Do you think she will forgive me for this? Do you think I have missed my chance at having a future with her?” I suck in a huge breath, hoping she gives me good news.
“I don’t know. This will set her back though, so be prepared for her being distant from you, like she was in the beginning. Bad shit has happened to her, Lucca, and for her to be so distressed or upset causing her to run, that in itself will traumatise her, never mind the events of tonight.” Hazel removes her hand after a pause and asks Dominic to fetch some coffee for everyone.
He has an even mightier death stare than his little five foot blond girlfriend here. I press my lips together in a firm line and frown. Hazel fetches some change from her purse and I grab my wallet from my pocket, but she shoos my hand away, giving her money to Dominic before kissing him on the lips. I look down between my knees. Once Dominic is out of ear shot, she sits back down.
“Look, if she trusted you, that’s impressive. She doesn’t do it very easily. And I believe that you love her. She’s very easy to fall in love with. But please promise me you will not hurt her anymore. She doesn’t need it. She needs love.” Her brow creases as she tilts her head, scrolling through her contacts on her phone.
“I promise you … I will fucking promise her the world. I just need her to forgive me so I can love her properly, the way she deserves.”
Hazel smiles weakly as if she feels sorry for me.
“I wanted to get rid of Dominic so I can call Cameron and update him. Cammy is frantic, but Dominic is best not speaking to him because he will rile him up. I want to put him right,” she says, dialling Cameron’s number.
Giving her privacy, I go back and sit next to Marco. Hazel discreetly talks with Cameron, telling him about the surgery, informing him we have no updates yet, then passes the phone over to me because he wants to speak with me.
Standing, I excuse myself and go out of the room, heading into a nearby corridor to talk to him in private. Hazel has softened the blow by telling him how much I love Lexi and want to protect her and need her better and well.
I recall the night’s events, manning up to give him my honesty, but explicitly assure him that it was an accident. I hold full responsibility and tell him how sorry I am for what happened. I guarantee, pledge, and promise how much I love his sister and give him my word that I will take excellent care of her.
He seems to believe me, because Lexi has been calling him while on holiday, filling him in and promising him that she trusts me. I am not sure what else Lexi or Hazel has told him, but he accepts my apology and my extended offer of flying him over here to stay with us to see his sister and meet me in person.
He can come, but not for another few days because of his rota at work. I assure him that she will have the best hospital care money can buy and will be smothered in care from myself. I also tell him that pending Lexi’s recovery time, I would like her to stay here with me while I care for her before taking her home.
If she agrees, we need that time for me to fight to regain Lexi’s trust again so I will need to start from the beginning. I need to build a bridge back to where we were. I should have been patient, like Nonno said … There is a reason she never wanted to tell me about her mother, but it does not change how I feel about her.
He is dubious at first, so we both agree that he will be able to suss his sister out and what she wants when he comes over to visit her. Hanging up, I search for someone to tell me what is happening and if there is any news. I am getting frantically impatient here.
The male nurse from earlier says she should be out of surgery within a couple of hours. All going well, she will most likely stay a few days here recuperating, but it will take anything between five and eight weeks for her wrist to fully recover.
Fuck! My baby girl … Jesus. The thought sickens me further. Eight fucking weeks? How could I have been so fucking stupid? Christ … I have never felt as much self-loathing as I do right now since the night Jasmine was run over. I ask about the driver in the car which turned over. He is going to be fine … mild concussion, bruises, and wounds.
Punching the wall, I curse when the male nurse is out of sight. Back in the waiting room, Dominic is back with coffee. He stands and stares at me when I enter, his brow furrowing. Offering me a cup, I shake my head and slump on the chair, gazing into space.
Marco convinces me to drink something as it might be a long night. Sheepishly, I thank Dominic and accept the cup. He offers his other hand to shake mine, an apology of sorts.
“Cammy called me when he came off the phone to you. We good?” Dominic says dryly.
Cameron has obviously pacified Dominic and convinced him not to serve me my balls on a platter. “Yeah … I … um … I just … fuck,” Groaning, I run my hand through my hair. I want to apologise again, but I feel numb. I just cannot form words, thinking about the excruciating pain Lexi must be in and the ordeal she has suffered.
He pats my shoulder saying Lexi will be fine, that she is a fighter … a strong woman, before sitting down next to me. I form a ghost of a smile, nod half-heartedly, and pass Hazel her phone. I spill some of the coffee over my hand and knee; I am shaking that much.
“Fuck!” I shake my hand out. Marco passes me a handkerchief.
“You look like shit,” he says to me.
I rub my forehead. I do not really care what I look like right now. “When Lexi comes out of surgery, can you pick up some toiletries, clothes, my laptop, chargers, and my tablet for me from the farmhouse? I am not going back. I am not leaving her here alone; I will stay until she is sent home,” I say shakily before forcing myself to take a drink of coffee.
“Okay, sure. You can phone or text me and let me know what else you need, or if you want anything brought in for Lexi,” he says, sitting back in his chair, stretching out his arms and legs. He looks exhausted too, but I refrain from telling him that. He is beyond pissed at me.
When Hazel and Dominic are not listening, I need to tell him to arrange a clean-up back at the farmhouse. The thought of Lexi’s smeared blood, the broken pot … Jesus … I do not want her to see that if she agrees to come back with me.
I need to get her a new journal as well because I know how much it meant to her. Why did I not control my temper? Once my head is straight, and I know Lexi is on the mend, I plan on calling Cristofano to purchase all those diamonds she was innocently admiring in the jewellery boutique window.
Hazel rests her head on Dominic’s shoulders, yawning and closing her eyes. I stare at the clock until my eyes are blurry and strained. It seems like hours have passed when the doctor comes to tell us that Lexi’s surgery went well and was straightforward.
They have moved her into a sui
te but she is still sleepy, coming in and out of consciousness as the anaesthetic works its way out her system. I tell him I need to see her. He nods, gets me to sign off some paperwork, and then asks me to follow him.
Marco says goodbye for now, but Hazel and Dominic eagerly come with me. Opening the door, the wind leaves my lungs until my throat and chest feel strangled. My baby is lying on the bed, hooked up to all sorts of shit, sleeping with an oxygen mask on.
What have I done?
She looks so lifeless and ill, lying in a thin hospital gown with her feet bandaged, hand and wrist set in a surgical sling, head and arms covered in dry blood, and face chalk white. I wince, seeing the IV drips feeding into her veins.
My precious dolcezza.
Hazel gasps and slaps her hand over her mouth, turning in towards Dominic’s chest while he hugs her tightly. Trembling, I make my way over to her side, side down, and cup her face in my trembling hands before kissing her softly everywhere—eyes, cheeks, forehead, lips, chin, and cheeks again until I break.
Hazel sits at the other side and leans over to kiss her head before stroking her hair, moving it behind her ears. Shock has got a hold of me, I do not know what I was expecting to see, but it fucking destroys me seeing her like this.
The doctor leaves us and says he will be back in to check on her shortly. Closing my eyes, I whisper against her neck, praying for her well-being and her forgiveness. Hazel notices Lexi is waking up and calls for the doctor.
“That is it, baby, please wake up … wake up, dolcezza.” I choke.
“Lexi, talk to us. Doctor, why is she not talking? What is wrong with her?” I panic when her eyes fixate ahead of her and she does not say a word. Christ, what is wrong with her? I need to know she is okay.
“She needs time. She came around from the general anaesthetic and responded well to the surgery, but she’s in shock, severely dehydrated, and has suffered major trauma. She’ll be tired and drowsy from the drugs. Once she responds to the morphine, she’ll not feel as much pain. Her feet were severely lacerated. I had to remove glass and stone from the soles of her feet and stitch her open wounds. I’ve stitched her head and glued a small flesh tear on her shoulder, which appeared to be an old wound that had reopened. She had a compound fracture to her wrist, and we had to surgically fix the bones by placement of a metal pin. A sling will do for now, but it will take a few weeks to recover. We’ve performed an X-ray and her head is fine, with the exception of bruising and inflammation,” the doctor says.
When Lexi finally says one word, I break. The dam bursts and I sob over the top of her. Taking a deep breath, I am relieved nothing is too serious. It is bad and worse than I ever want for my girl, but at least I have reassurance she is going to recover.
“Lexi, I need to talk with you. I feel sick. I am disgusted with my behaviour last night. Look what has happened to you because of me. I hate myself, Lexi. I am sorry, I am sorry, I am so fucking sorry I acted and spoke the way I did. For not finding you in time, for causing you so much pain, for not being more understanding, for being such an asshole, for being so blinded and selfish. I will never forgive myself for this. I should have listened to you the same way you heard me out the first night we met at the villa. You were fucking hurting inside. I was an arrogant asshole to not be more sympathetic. Please do not leave me, please fight for us, please forgive me,” I sob, overcome with emotion.
“I found it extremely challenging yesterday being with Fran, confessing to her I have moved on when she is still very much stuck in the darkness of her past. It roused all of these disturbing, sorrowful memories again and took me back to a place I have worked tirelessly to leave behind. When I realised you were not being honest about your mother, it emphasised how angry I was at Fran because of her closed-off dishonesty in the past.” God I am a mess.
I spend what seems like endless time explaining myself, begging for her forgiveness, and telling her I do not want to lose her. She seems hazy about how she ended up here. I explain what happened with the car, everything I know up until now.
My heart shreds when she apologises. Christ … she is sorry. What the hell for? She was scared and hurt and trying to get away from me. Another blow to my shattered mind.
“Lucca, I apologise for lying about my mother. I decided yesterday that I was going to open up to you, to be more honest. You need to know, this is really hard for me to speak about to anyone, but I do want to confide in you,” she explains.
All I wanted was to hear this yesterday, but now it is all irrelevant. I need her to concentrate on getting better. She is distressed and upset and this is hurting her. I wish she would forget this just now.
“Confide in me when you are ready to tell me,” I say, wiping her tears. God, I hate to see her like this. I am so happy that she has given me a chance to explain and apologise. She is letting me back in, which is more than I deserve, but the thought of not being with her is too much to comprehend.
“I wish I never said it. You know about my mother. The day we went to the chapel, I asked God for forgiveness …” It is all I can do not to scoop her up and cradle her against me, but she will be in agony and there are IV lines in the way. Instead, I promise her with everything in my heart and soul and kiss her with encumbered love.
Her skin feels cold, her eyes are dry, her lips parched, but I am going to get her better if it is the last thing I do. I kiss her tenderly and gently stroke her skin trying to heat her up before pulling a sheet over her and allow Hazel to sit close to her when she returns.
I do not take my eyes off her. Hazel natters to her until she drifts off back to sleep. I was hoping to tell her how much I love her again before she slept, but it can wait. She needs to rest and get her strength back. I perish to think how much pain she must be feeling. I would strip it all away if I could.
When Hazel and Dominic finally leave, I check in with the lively, bouncy nurse on duty, grab a bottle of water and more painkillers, and then sit by my dolcezza’s side and watch her sleep, kiss her, caress her until I doze off for a short time.
Part one: Lussuria ~ Lucca’s Words
“Lussuria ~ Chapter Twenty Three: Something Special”
Chapter 17
My Something Special
I did not sleep well at all. I had a flashback of Jasmine lying on the road as I cradled her in my arms, blood seeping from her head. The dream was more of a hallucination … a nightmare. No pulse, blank stare, I was looking at a dead corpse with a diamond earring in my palm. She began to speak, although it was not her voice. It was Lexi’s.
The dream then changed to Lexi—the exact image of her lying on the road last night. In the dream I was scurrying around the road looking for Lexi’s diamond earring. The paramedic told me she was gone … she was dead. I had to let her go and let them take her away. They wrapped me in a blanket and sat me in an ambulance. I was in shock. Jasmine was alive and Lexi was dead.
Lexi … she was gone. She was dead. It seemed so vivid … so real. I woke myself up in a state of panicked distress, sweating, shaking, and gasping for breath until I realised Lexi was sleeping on her hospital bed. Panting furiously, I touched her everywhere. I heard a soft moan escape her lips and I realised where I was and that she was alive.
I have not had a dream like that in a long time. Last night must have triggered traumatising flashbacks, fears and regrets violently attacking my subconscious with the horrendous events of last night and the devastating night I lost Jasmine.
Struggling with the reality that I almost lost Lexi, I force myself to stay awake and watch over her as she sleeps, thanking God for sparing her and thanking God she heard me out and let me stay.
The bouncy nurse introduces herself as Carla when she checks on Lexi. She even brings me a sandwich, some fruit, tea, biscuits, and a blanket, but my appetite has not been great. It was nice of her to think of me, though.
She wants Lexi showered so I need to work my Caruso charm to convince her to let me wash Lexi. Still got it, even when I loo
k like I have been in a train wreck and put through the wringer. I think it is too soon to get Lexi up, but then again, I hate seeing the dried blood on her.
It is a painful memory that I nearly lost her, and I want to erase those thoughts and think about getting her better. And fuck! I could do without another disturbing nightmare like I just had.
Once I get Lexi seated on the shower chair, I strip myself then take her gown off, appreciating her beautiful and sexy body in front of me … covered in cuts, scraps, and bandages. Frowning, surged with new anger at myself, another pang of regret jolts through me as my eyes focus on her naked body.
Carefully removing her sling, I switch the shower on. Kneeling down in front of her, I ask for her forgiveness again. It is like a dead weight pulling me under when she says she felt betrayed. I am about to tell her that I know I do not deserve her trust but I will do everything I can to remedy that when she puts a delicate finger on my lips. Clenching my jaw, I hate to see the Venflon caps in her hand.
“I felt betrayed because it took me a great deal of courage just to be with you and you treated me like that. I can’t be with someone who treats or speaks to me like that. And that hurts, it hurts because I have fallen in love with you and I was crushed to see you like that. I wanted to hold you, to tell you the truth, and to tell you I love you, but you wouldn’t let me in,” she says breathlessly.
Oh my Fuck!
She loves me?
That means she has given me her heart, the one thing I want most in the world and do not deserve. She would even give me it after last night? It is hard to believe, hard to process.
