by Irene Hannon
Kate was nervous. She’d spent the entire week second-guessing her decision to go with Eric tonight, less sure with each day that passed about the wisdom of her decision. She’d almost called Amy for another pep talk. But she already knew what her sister would say: “You need to do this, Kate. It’s time. It’s a first step. Just think of it that way and you’ll be fine.”
And of course, Amy would be right. After all, it was just a dinner with a nice man who, for whatever reason, had found her engaging enough to want to spend a second evening with her. A man who had no interest in her beyond friendship. So why was she nervous?
“You look pretty, Mommy. Is that a new dress?”
Kate turned back to the mirror. A new dress? Hardly, she thought wryly. The limited money available for new clothes was generally spent on Sarah. Kate had foraged deep in the recesses of her closet for this dress. She’d given away most of her dressier clothes when she sold the house, having neither the room nor the need for them, but she’d kept a couple of things that were classic in style and would be serviceable for any number of functions. This sleeveless linen-like black sheath with a square neckline could be paired with a jacket for a “business” look or worn alone, accented with costume jewelry, for a dressier effect. It had made the “keeper” cut because it was practical. Tonight, a clunky hammered-gold necklace and matching earrings added some glamour to its simple lines, and she’d arranged her hair in a more sophisticated style. The outfit still might not be dressy enough for a black-tie event, Kate acknowledged, but it was the best she could do.
“No, honey. I’ve had this in my closet for a long time.”
“From when Daddy was here?”
The innocent question made Kate’s stomach clench, and she gripped the edge of the vanity. She’d bought it shortly after Sarah was born as an incentive to return to her pre-pregnancy measurements, but she’d never worn it.
“Yes, honey. It’s as old as you are,” she replied, struggling to maintain an even tone.
“Well, I like it. I bet Dr. Eric will, too.”
The doorbell rang, and with an, “I’ll get it,” Sarah scampered off.
Determinedly, Kate put thoughts of the past aside and forced herself to focus on the conversation in the living room as she added a final touch of lipstick.
“Hi, Dr. Eric. Hi, Aunt Anna.”
“Hello there, Sarah.” Eric’s deep voice had a mellow, comforting quality, Kate reflected, her lips curving up slightly.
“Hello, Sarah,” Anna greeted the youngster.
On hearing the older woman’s voice, Kate felt a pang of guilt. Anna had offered to keep Sarah overnight at her place so Kate and Eric wouldn’t have to worry about staying out too late. But Kate had balked. Sarah wasn’t even five yet, she had rationalized. It was too soon for her to be gone all night, even though it would have been more convenient for everyone.
“Mommy is almost ready. She looks really pretty. Do you think Mommy is pretty, Dr. Eric?”
There was a momentary pause, and Kate felt hot color surge to her face. But it grew even redder at Eric’s husky response. “I think your mommy is beautiful, Sarah.”
She had to get out there now, before Sarah asked any other embarrassing questions, Kate thought desperately. Willing the flush on her cheeks to subside, she flipped off the light and hurried down the hall.
“Well, here’s Kate now,” Anna said brightly. “My dear, you look lovely.”
“Thanks, Anna.” Her gaze flickered to her escort. “Hello, Eric.” She intended to say more, but her voice deserted her as their gazes met. He looked fabulous tonight, she thought in awe. The black tux was a perfect complement to his blond hair, and it sat well on his tall, muscular frame, emphasizing his broad shoulders and dignified bearing. Her heart stopped, then raced on. Good heavens, what was she getting herself into? she thought in panic.
Eric took in Kate’s attire in one swift, comprehensive glance that missed nothing. Fashionably high heels that accentuated the pleasing line of her legs. A figure-hugging sheath that showed off her slender curves to perfection. A neckline that revealed an expanse of creamy, flawless skin. She looked different tonight, he thought, swallowing with difficulty. Gorgeous. Glamorous. And very desirable. His mouth went dry and his pulse lurched into overdrive.
As his stunned gaze locked with hers, he realized that she seemed equally dazed. Her eyes were slightly glazed and the hand she ran distractedly through her hair was trembling. But no less so than his, he realized, jamming it into his pocket. Electricity fairly sizzled in the air between them.
“Mommy, how come your face is red?” Sarah asked innocently.
Anna stepped in smoothly. “Because she put on extra blush to go with her fancy dress,” the older woman replied matter-of-factly. “Now, you two better be on your way or you’ll miss dinner.”
With an effort Kate dragged her gaze from Eric’s. “Yes, y-you’re right. I’ll just get my purse.”
Eric watched her flee down the hall and then drew a shaky breath. He wasn’t sure exactly what had happened just now. All he knew was that the smoldering look he’d just exchanged with Kate had left him reeling.
In the sanctuary of her bedroom, Kate forced herself to take several long, slow breaths. What on earth had gone on just now? She felt as if a lightning bolt had zapped her. Eric hadn’t even spoken to her, yet they’d connected on some basic level that needed no words. Or had they? Maybe it was all one-sided. Could she have imagined the spark that had flashed between them? It didn’t seem possible. And how could she walk back out there and pretend that nothing had happened? But she had no choice. She couldn’t acknowledge a thing. The ramifications of doing so were way too scary.
She picked up her purse and walked slowly back down the hall, trying vainly to curb the uncomfortable hammering of her heart. When she stepped back into the living room, her gaze immediately sought Eric’s. She searched his eyes, but it was impossible to tell if he’d been as deeply affected by the look that had passed between them as she had been. He seemed as calm and at ease as always. Good. At least one of them was in control.
“Now you two take off,” Anna instructed. “And don’t hurry. I’m deep into a mystery that will keep me entertained for hours after Sarah goes to bed.”
“Ready, Kate?”
Did Eric’s voice sound deeper than usual, Kate wondered? Was it slightly uneven? Or was it only her imagination?
“Yes.” Her own voice was definitely unsteady, she noted with chagrin.
He stepped aside to let her pass, and when he dropped his hand lightly to the small of her back she knew that her last reply was a lie. She wasn’t ready at all. Not for tonight. Nor for whatever lay ahead in her relationship with this man.
But then she remembered Amy’s comment about the ship. And Amy was right, she told herself resolutely. It was time to chart a new course and set sail.
Chapter Five
As they drove to the downtown hotel where the banquet was being held, Eric could sense Kate’s tension. It mirrored his own. To pretend that nothing had happened just now in her apartment would be foolish. To acknowledge it would be dangerous. There was clearly only one way to deal with it: stay away from situations where it might happen again. Frankly, he didn’t need the temptation. And she didn’t need the stress. His earlier decision to make this their last social excursion was clearly the right one, he told himself resolutely.
However, they still had to get through tonight. He risked a sideways glance at her. She was staring straight ahead, her brow marred by a slight frown, the lines of her body taut with strain. Not good, he concluded. He had been hoping for a repeat of their first outing, when she had relaxed and laughed and had seemed, at least for a little while, less weary and burdened. But tonight they were definitely not off to a good start. This might be their last pseudo “date,” but he wanted her to enjoy it. She deserved a pleasant evening. He needed to distract her, introduce a subject that would take her mind off the unexpected chemistry that had erup
ted between them a few minutes before.
“You know, Mom already seems more like her old self in just the two weeks she’s been watching Sarah,” he said conversationally.
Kate turned to him. “Does she? I’m glad. It’s worked out well for us, too. Sarah looks forward to the time she spends with Anna. What a difference from our brief day-care-center experience!” She sounded a bit breathless, and her tone was a little too bright, but Eric persisted.
“I know there are cases like yours where mothers have to work, but I often think it’s a shame that so many of today’s kids are being raised by strangers just so the parents can bring in two incomes to support a more extravagant lifestyle. I really think kids would rather have time and attention from their parents than material things.”
Kate nodded eagerly, warming to the subject. “You know, that’s exactly how Jack and I felt! We waited a long time for Sarah, and we decided that if the Lord ever blessed us with a child, he or she would have at least one full-time parent. That’s why I quit my job when she was born. Jack had a good job—he was an engineer—so he was able to provide for us comfortably. Nothing lavish. But then, we didn’t need ‘lavish.’ We just needed each other.”
She sighed and turned to stare out the front window, but her eyes were clearly not focused on the road ahead of her. “It was the way I was raised, I guess. We never had a lot when I was growing up,” she said softly. “But we never felt poor, either. Because our home was rich in love. That’s what Jack and I wanted for our child. A home filled with love. You know, it’s too bad more parents don’t realize that kids would rather have your time on a daily basis than a week at some fancy tennis camp in the summer. Sometimes I think parents today spend so much on material things for their children out of guilt—as a way to appease their conscience for the time they should have spent instead.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
Kate looked at him curiously. “I hope you don’t think I’m prying, Eric, but… Well, you obviously like kids. And they just as obviously like you. Yet you never had your own.”
A flicker of pain crossed his face, but he hid it by turning briefly to glance in the rearview mirror as he debated how to answer Kate’s implied question. Hedge or be frank? It was a painful subject, one he’d discussed with only a few trusted, longtime friends. Kate was new in his life. Yet he trusted her. And so he chose to be frank.
“You’re right about my feelings with regard to children,” he said quietly. “I always assumed that if I ever got married, I’d have my own family. And I guess I also assumed that most people felt that way. Cindy and I somehow never discussed the issue directly. I tried a few times, but as I recall, her answers were always a little vague and noncommittal. I should have pursued it, but I suppose I was afraid of what I’d hear if I pressed the issue. And I didn’t want to risk hurting our relationship by upsetting her. I’d figured that once we were married it would just be a natural next step, and any reservations she might have had would evaporate.
“As it turned out, I was wrong. About a lot of things, actually. Cindy didn’t want kids, period. They would have ‘cramped her style,’ as she so succinctly put it. And as much as I wanted children, I didn’t want them to have a mother whose heart wasn’t in the job. Besides, as she often reminded me, if I was too busy with my career to spend time with her, how would I ever find time to spend with children? And I suppose she had a point,” he conceded wearily. “But I still wanted children. Giving up that dream was very difficult.”
Kate thought about all the joy Sarah added to her life; how even in her darkest hours, when her heart grieved most deeply for Jack, her daughter had always been the one bright ray of sunlight able to penetrate to the dark, cold corners of her soul and remind her that joy and beauty still lived. But on Eric’s darkest days he had struggled alone, not only with disintegration of a marriage but also with the loss of a dream for a family. And now he would always be alone. It was such a waste, she thought, her heart aching for him.
“You would have made a good father, you know,” she said gently.
He gave her a crooked grin. “You think so?” His tone was light, but there was a poignant, wistful quality to it that tugged at her heart and made her throat tighten with emotion.
“Yes. As my sister Amy would wisely say, you can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats children. And you can tell a lot about a man by the way children treat him. According to her, children have almost a sixth sense about people. Using Sarah—who’s generally very shy around strangers—as a yardstick, you stand pretty tall. So, yes, I think you would have made a great dad.”
Eric felt his neck redden at the compliment. Very few things made him uncomfortable, but praise was at the top of the list. So he quickly refocused the attention on Kate. “I can hear the affection in your voice when you mention your sister. I take it you and she are close?”
“Yes. It’s too bad she lives in Tennessee. We have to be content with weekly phone calls,” she told him with a sigh.
“Tennessee isn’t too far. Don’t you visit occasionally?”
“Not as often as we’d like. Her husband, Cal, is an attorney and a part-time ranger in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, so his busy season is summer. They can never get away then, and I’m teaching the rest of the year. Besides, it’s tough traveling with three small children—four-year-old twins and a six-month-old.”
He gave a low whistle. “She does have her hands full.”
Kate smiled. “That’s putting it mildly. She also hosts a bi-weekly program on a Christian cable station in Knoxville. Anyway, Sarah, Mom and I always went down in the spring, and then again at Thanksgiving. But that’s about it.”
“Thanksgiving in the Smokies sounds nice,” he remarked with a smile.
“It is. Especially at Amy’s. She’s become quite the earth mother. They live in a log cabin, and she makes quilts and bakes homemade bread and cans vegetables. It’s an amazing transition, considering that in her twenties she was an absolutely gung-ho career woman who liked bright lights and traveling in the fast lane and thought life simply ceased to exist outside the city limits.”
“What happened?”
“Cal.”
“Ah. True love.”
“Uh-huh. It wasn’t that she changed for him. She just discovered that all that time she’d been living a lie. Somewhere along the way she’d bought into the notion that success is only measured in dollars and prestige and power. But she was never happy, even though she had all those things. It took Cal to make her realize that.”
“That’s quite a story, Kate. Sort of reaffirms your belief in happy endings.”
She smiled softly. “Yeah, it does. They’re a great couple.” As Eric turned into the curving drive of the hotel, Kate sent him a startled look. “You mean we’re here already?”
“See how times flies when you’re having fun?” She smiled, and he was gratified to note that she now seemed much more relaxed. “Shall we go in and be wined and dined?”
“I think that’s what we’re here for,” she replied.
Eric didn’t have Kate to himself again until after dessert. As a board member, he knew many of the guests and it seemed that all of them wanted to spend a few minutes talking with him during the cocktail hour. Throughout the meal Kate was kept occupied by an elderly man seated to her right. Only when their dinner companions rose to mingle with other guests did Eric have a few minutes alone with her.
“You seem to have made a friend in Henri,” he remarked, nodding toward the older man who was now greeting some guests at a nearby table.
Kate followed Eric’s glance and smiled. “He’s a fascinating person. You’d never guess by looking at him that he was an underground fighter with the French Resistance in World War II, would you?”
Eric stared at Kate. He’d known Henri Montand, a major contributor to this event, for ten years. But it seemed that Kate had learned more about his background over one dinner than he had in a decade.
&
nbsp; “You’re kidding!”
“No. You didn’t know?”
He shook his head ruefully. “Speaking of having a way with people… I may be pretty good with kids, but you obviously have a knack with adults.” Kate flushed at his compliment, and he found that quality in her endearing—and utterly appealing. “So, are you having fun?” he asked, trying unsuccessfully to minimize the sudden huskiness in his voice. Fortunately, Kate didn’t seem to notice.
“Oh, yes! This is a lovely event.” She glanced around appreciatively at the fresh flower arrangements on the tables, the crystal chandeliers and the orchestra just beginning to tune up.
“The fund-raising committee generally does a nice job. But most importantly, the organization does good work. Abused kids need all the help they can get.”
“You really take your commitment to children seriously, don’t you? On and off the job.”
“It’s pretty hard to leave it at the office,” he admitted. “But I do too much sometimes, I guess. That’s what Cindy always said, anyway. And since the divorce, I’ve gotten even more involved. Frank’s always saying that I’m a driven man. Even Mom’s been telling me to get a life. And they’re right. My terms on two boards are up at the end of the year and I’ve already decided not to renew them. But I’ll stay involved with this one. I’ve been on the board for almost ten years and—”
“Eric! Kate!”
They glanced up, and Kate recognized the man bustling toward them as an energetic, fortyish board member Eric had introduced her to earlier. “Listen, help us out, will you? We need some people to kick off the dancing. I think if I get five or six of the board members out on the floor, everyone will loosen up. Thanks, guys.” Without giving them a chance to respond, he hurried off.
Kate stared after him, then glanced at Eric uncertainly. “I haven’t danced in years.”
“Neither have I.”
She gave a nervous laugh. “Honestly, Eric, I don’t even think I remember how. That was about the only thing Jack couldn’t do. I haven’t danced since my wedding.”
