"Sometimes it gives me a headache to have it up all day," I said.
"I like it," he said.
I made eye contact with him and smiled, but quickly stared away.
"Are you ready to go?"
***
His mom's house, the family farm, was just as charming as I imagined. It wasn't right on the water like Jesse's, but it was beautiful—rustic, warm, and inviting. I had seen some farms in my day, but this one was tucked in on a little mountainside, and it had a cozy quaintness to it that made it almost feel like it was set back in time.
It was nearly dark by the time we made it out there, but I could still make out the huge flock of sheep on the hillside near their house, and I couldn’t help but feel nostalgic. It was as if I had tripped into a time machine and was now in eighteenth century Ireland.
Jack and Donna jumped out of the truck and immediately located the two border collies that had run to us from the other side of the field.
"They'll be fine out here with Max and Sam," Jesse said. "Dad will let them in later." He waited for me at the front of his truck, watching me as I approached. There were about six other cars in the driveway, and I suddenly got nervous about going in. Part of me regretted agreeing to come.
"What am I supposed tell them?" I asked.
He stepped closer to me. "You have to stop worrying about that," he said. The air between us was charged. I knew by the way he looked at me that he really didn’t care what we told his family or what they thought about my presence there. Standing next to him made me feel like I couldn't get a good breath of the air into my lungs.
"We should go in," I whispered.
"Yep," he said. He motioned with a flick of his head for me to follow him, and we went toward the house. It was a cool, crisp evening, and the sprawling front porch that had obviously seen its share of action, was now deserted. I could hear the sounds of family ruckus the second Jesse opened the door, and with every step I just kept thinking, it's too late to turn back now, it's too late to turn back now.
"Ohh, good, Mae made it!" Lou said the second Jesse and I rounded the corner from the foyer into the living room. "We were hoping your car wouldn't get fixed."
"Her car got fixed!" Lily yelled from the kitchen. She was smiling proudly at the fact that Chance had given me top-notch service. Little did she know she was playing out my worst possible scenario on the very first second I walked in the door. There was absolutely nothing I could do to stop a nervous giggle from escaping my mouth. I did my best to stifle it as I smiled at them and thought of what I was going to say.
"Her car's fine," Jesse said, walking into the room and taking the attention onto himself.
I bent to take off my shoes since there was a pile of them right there by the door.
"She didn't know Chance would be so fast with the car," he said. "She had already thought about staying through Christmas."
"Ohhhhh," Lou said. I could tell she was curious, but then thought better of asking in case my delay was a private matter. "Well, we're so glad you decided to stay," she added sweetly. "This is Rex, Jesse's daddy. Everybody calls him Popie."
I looked in the direction she was pointing and located the man who was waving at me with a kind smile from the couch.
"That's Nina's husband, Michael next to him," she continued.
I waved and smiled at him.
"You know CeCe and her group. Her husband's name is Kevin. He'll be here when he gets off work."
I waved at CeCe who was on the floor with her two kids.
"Come see what we built with blocks," Drew said, patting the seat next to him. "Aunt Nina's coming, too."
"Aunt Ninaaaaa's cominggggg!" a lady said, rushing toward us from the hallway in a silly way like she was terrified she might miss something.
Drew and June both cracked up as she plopped down next to them. June had a pacifier in her mouth the whole time she was laughing, which made the sight even more precious.
"That's my oldest sister, Nina," Jesse said. "The weird-o of the bunch."
I just smiled and waved at her, feeling tongue-tied again. She looked like she could be Lily's sister instead of her mom, but I opted not to point that out for fear of it being perceived as flattery. I was so worried about what I could say to these people that I wound up not saying much at all. I was quiet for about the first hour, taking in all the sites, sounds, and conversation.
After dinner, I sat on the living room floor with the kids, having a hot chocolate party with gourmet hot chocolate made by Lily and June. Jesse was talking to his dad and brothers-in-law on the couch, and the men opted to watch the action from there rather than join in. Nina made fun of them for not knowing what they were missing, and they just smiled at her like they knew exactly what they were missing. I adored the teasing, loving way they interacted.
Drew stood up since he was the emcee of this tea party. "I'm Ironman, and June's Princess Sophia. Who are you, Aunt Nina?"
"I'm Mrs. Peacock." Nina said dramatically with a hand to her chest.
"It's not clue, Mom; you have to pick a princess," Lily called from the kitchen, making us all laugh.
"Oh, can I not be Mrs. Peacock?"
"You can be her," Drew assured his aunt.
"I'm Princess Buttercup," Lily called, and I smiled, knowing she was referring to a character from the Princess Bride.
"I'm Princess Leia," CeCe said.
"Good one," Lily said.
"I'll be Peach, I guess," I said since I was the next one in line. I got nervous to say it, and hoped it wasn't obvious.
"Oh, that's a good one, too," Lily said, carrying over a tray from the kitchen. "You mean like on Mario?"
I nodded, and she smiled.
"That means Uncle Jesse is Mario," Drew said, causing everyone to laugh a little and my stomach tie into a thousand knots.
I glanced at him to see if he'd respond, but Lily continued before he could. "Nu-uh, Uncle Jesse's not Mario," she said. "Gross. He's more like Captain America. Thor. Yeah, Thor. He can be Thor."
Chapter 14
My detour in Virginia was turning out to be one for the ages. After our little hot chocolate party, Jesse took me to the barn. First of all, we rode a four-wheeler to get there. This was something I had never done. I rode on the back of it, wrapping my arms around his middle like he told me to do, which was a complete set-up. He knew what he was doing putting me in a position where I had to hold onto his rock-hard abs. Or maybe he didn't, and it was just a normal four-wheeler ride, and it was my mind that was in the gutter. Either way, I could barely look at him when we got off the ATV and headed into the barn.
He showed me some of the young lambs, explaining all about how his parents raise them for meat and wool. I had been raised in rural Kentucky, but I had never set foot on a farm. The sights and smells were all new to me. It was oddly refreshing, and I felt like I was better off for having gone out to the barn and experienced the whole operation.
We stayed in there for about half an hour before heading back into the house. Nina and CeCe and their families took off not long after we got back. Before they left, they solidified plans to go to Roanoke for the nativity scene the following night. They also talked about who was bringing what to Christmas dinner.
Jesse and I made the same mistake again that night. We sat on the couch and started talking after our respective showers, and the next thing we knew, it was the middle of the night. We told each other everything, all the way from big confessions to tiny insignificant stories that happened when we were really young.
I didn't feel the same way about him as I did the first time we stayed up and talked all night. This time, things were different. This time, I had feelings for him. I tried to act like I didn't, but I did. I tried my best to mimic the way I behaved in that uninhibited way, but it was difficult, because now I was inhibited. Feelings have a way of inhibiting a girl. Basically, things were different with me, but Jesse seemed to be cool and nonchalant, so I acted like I was, too.
I hugged him on the way to bed that night.
I knew we couldn't kiss, but after everything we had talked about, I couldn't just say goodnight and go to bed without some sort of gesture. I let go of Jesse only a couple of seconds after I hugged him, but he held onto me for a final squeeze as if he wanted to be the one to end the hug. We broke a part laughing, and I disappeared with Jack down the hallway.
I was so amped up that I couldn't fall asleep until almost 5am. That's why it didn't surprise me when I woke up to find that the alarm clock next to the bed read 11:47. I glanced at the foot of the bed, but Jack wasn't there. I made a kissing noise, but apparently he was no longer in the room.
It took me a few minutes to wipe the sleep out of my eyes and get out of bed.
"Hello?" I called as I walked into the living room.
I was greeted with silence, but it only took a glance out the window to find Jesse out in the yard, playing fetch with the dogs. Jesse laughed as the dogs (Donna with Jack in tow) brought him the ball. Then, he reared back and sent the ball flying through the air like a Heisman trophy winning quarterback. The dogs ran for what seemed like forever to retrieve the ball before bounding back with it. I stood there and watched several rounds of it, unable to peel my eyes off of Jesse the whole time. He was smiling and bending down to pet them when I opened the door, and all three of them looked my direction.
"Morning," I said smiling and waving at them.
"Almost afternoon," Jesse said, his smile broadening as he walked toward me.
He made me breathless. I had this whole fantasy as he walked that he was just going to keep walking right into my arms. I could almost hear violin music playing. He looked like a dream walking up to me, but no real music played, and he stopped short of taking me into his arms. He stood about ten feet in front of from me, staring up at me in my position on the porch.
"I hope you don't mind that I let him out," he said, gesturing to Jack who had run up the porch to greet me. "I heard him scratching at the door."
"Thank you," I said, glancing at Jesse after taking a second to smile at Jack. "I can't believe I slept so late."
"I'm usually up by seven, but I slept till ten," he said, coming onto the porch to stand beside me.
"We were up pretty late," I said.
He shot me a mischievous grin like I was the one to blame for keeping us up all night, and I smiled back at him and reached out to pinch his arm with my knuckles. I knew I should not be making physical contact with him, but I could not stop myself from doing it. He wrinkled his face at me, teasing me as if I were in trouble, and I scowled playfully back at him on our way inside.
"I have to run an errand," he said a few minutes later as I was standing around drinking my coffee. "I didn't want to leave before you got up, but I should get going because it's a little bit of a drive."
"Oh, okay," I said, knowing it wasn't my business to ask where he was going or when he would be back.
"I have a last-minute thing to pick up," he explained. "Just do me a favor and put Donna in her kennel if you go anywhere. I should be back by four."
"Oh, okay," I said, trying my best not to sound disappointed.
It was ridiculous, but I was actually going to miss him. I don't think I ever once felt like this about Jeff—not even in the beginning.
"We'll probably just hang out here if you're okay with that."
"Please don't take off," he said.
"I… won't." My words came out more uncertain than I hoped, but only because I was taken aback by his sweetness when he asked me not to take off.
"Are you thinking about it?" he asked.
I shook my head and cleared my throat. "I told you I was staying through Christmas, and I will, as long as it's still okay with you."
"Yeah, I want you to," he said, grabbing his keys from the catchall at the end of the bar. "I was just making sure. I'll be back in a few hours."
***
Jesse was back from his errand at 4pm just like he promised. He had with him a huge box that was already wrapped in brown and red plaid paper with a beautiful brown bow made of all sorts of natural fibers. He told me he had done all of his Christmas shopping online, so I was skeptical about his last-minute gift. I prayed it wasn't for me since I had nothing of worth to give him in return.
We ate sandwiches at Jesse's house before his family came over so that we could caravan to Roanoke. Nina and her crew weren't coming, but CeCe's family along with Bap and Popie met us at his place. Jesse and I drove behind them since there wasn't enough room in the van for all of us.
I had never seen anything like this reenactment of a manger scene. It was nothing like what I expected. I thought it would be set up in the parking lot of a church, and there would be some live farm animals and some people in costumes.
This was far more elaborate than that. First off, it wasn't even at a church. Apparently, the church sponsored it, but it was on somebody's private property way out in the countryside. There was a whole town set up, with dirt paths for streets and different buildings. They did an amazing job setting the mood. It was quiet considering how many people were there, and there was an overwhelming sense of reverence and happiness in the air.
We walked past "the inn," and Drew explained proudly to me that it was the place at which there was "no room" for Christ's family on that first Christmas. I had heard the story before. My mom wasn't a churchgoing lady, but I had been to the VBS when I was a kid, and had even accepted Christ into my heart one time when I went to church with a friend in high school.
I was familiar with the chain of events, but I wasn't expected to be so moved by seeing a reenactment of it. The actors they had playing Mary and Joseph were young and road-weary, and I looked at them, imagining what the real Mary and Joseph must have felt like—scared, alone, and tired.
I lost track of time as I stood there and took in the manger scene, imagining that it was the real one. For some reason, the humble birth of Christ hit my heart in a way it had never done before. It dawned on me for the first time how amazing it was that the Creator of the universe would subject Himself to humanity at all—let alone such a modest version of it. It caused a previously undiscovered type of gratefulness to bubble up inside of me. I stared at that baby playing Jesus and felt like I wanted to cry when I thought of the real Jesus being born a helpless little human like that. I tried to notice the sheep, or the shepherds, or the color of Mary's robe in an effort to distract myself. My eyes were full of tears and my vision was blurry when I felt a warm hand touch the small of my back.
"That's crazy that He came to Earth like that," I whispered, turning so that Jesse couldn't see my face as I blinked away tears and we started to walk away.
"It's pretty amazing," he agreed as we filed into line behind the rest of his family so that the next group of viewers could take our place. Jesse kept his hand on my back as we walked away from the manger scene, but he took it off once it opened up and we started into the "town" again.
There was an area off to the side with a small petting zoo where the kids could buy vegetables to feed the animals. Drew had been asking the whole time about feeding the camel some carrots, so I knew we'd be heading there before we left. Somehow, during the camel feeding, I ended up with Jesse standing behind me, holding my hand so that he could demonstrate how to feed the animals properly. It wasn't rocket science. He was using it as an excuse to touch me, which left me feeling all stirred-up inside.
We said goodbye to his family with the promise that we would see them the next day for lunch at his parents' farm. Jesse and I talked about Christmas the whole ride home—not Santa, or snowmen, or Christmas trees and presents, but the amazingness of an all-powerful Creator subjecting Himself to humanity—I mean what kind of King leaves his throne, trades in His royal robes for the filthy rags of humanity? I was inspired by Jesse's sweet reference to God in spite of all the pain he had been through in the last two years.
Our conversation about God led into other, more surface-level
things like our taste in music and food. I had never tasted or even seen most of the food items Jesse mentioned. I had read about them in books, but I could tell he was amazed by how sheltered I was. We talked until after midnight, but decided we should get some sleep.
"Tomorrow's Christmas," he said, on our way to bed.
I smiled, but it was forced because Christmas would mark the end of my time there. Tomorrow was my last day—these were my last few hours to luxuriate in the fantasy of it all.
It was because I was dreading it being over that I asked the following ridiculous question:
"Did you ever see that Donald Duck cartoon where one of his nephews wishes it was Christmas everyday, and they get stuck reliving the same day over and over again?"
Chapter 15
I played off that Donald Duck question, rattling off a bunch of other random stuff about cartoons and basically confusing Jesse into forgetting about me saying I wanted it to stay Christmas forever. I yawned as I went to bed, saying how much fun I had with his family at the nativity play and how thankful I was to be there, and he just smiled at me, looking sweetly amused by my nervous ramblings.
It took me a long time to fall asleep again. I stared at the dark ceiling, thinking about the fairytale world I had been thrust into. It was nice to know that this sort of family life existed, though, and I was inspired to work towards creating this very thing for myself in the future.
Jack was still in bed with me when I woke up the next morning just before 9. I thought about getting dressed first, but I decided to go into the living room in my pajamas, simply because it meant seeing Jesse sooner. It was my last day, and I woke up with the resolve to spend as much of it with him as possible.
"Merry Christmas!" I called in a still-sleepy voice when I came into the living room and saw him. He was standing in the kitchen, staring down at what looked like a magazine.
Almost Christmas Page 9
