"It's the best Christmas ever," I said. I stepped to the spot where I was standing right in front of him, resting my head on the front of his chest, and holding onto him by the sides of his shirt. "Please know how much thankfulness I feel about that violin. The phone, too. I don't even know what to say about the car."
"Stop worrying about money. Money means nothing."
"Fine. But I'm still not giving you your gift till later."
"Just stay, and we'll call it a deal."
I pulled back to glance at him, still holding on to his shirt.
"I've been trapped," I said. "I've been literally planning an escape from a man for the past year."
He just stood there like he didn't see my point.
"It feels weird thinking about doing that and then landing right back with another guy."
"I get that," he said with a regretful smile. "It's just bad timing for me because you're the one I'm looking for." He paused, kissing my cheek before letting go of me to head toward the kitchen. "But it's gotta be right for you, otherwise, it's not right for either of us."
I felt like I wanted to grab him and pull him close to me again, but I realized the ridiculous game of push-pull I was playing had to stop. I went to my bedroom to get dressed for the day, feeling more excitement than fear now, even though fear was most certainly still there.
Jack came into the bedroom with me, and I talked to him about the possibility of throwing caution to the wind and staying a few more days with Jesse and Donna. He said it sounded like a great idea to him—at least that's the words I put in his mouth when he stared up at me, looking tilty-headed as usual.
Jesse dressed nice all the time, but he came out of his bedroom wearing a button-down shirt and some fitted jeans with a belt to go to lunch at his mom's. He had shaved and his hair was still damp from a shower and was combed away from his face.
"You look handsome," I said.
"I'm trying to impress someone," he said, lifting his chin at me confidently.
"Who?"
"Some girl. She keeps trying to leave even though I'm pretty sure she wants to stay."
"What's her name?" I asked.
"Mae."
"Mae Abbott?" I asked.
He nodded.
"I know her," I said.
"You do? Do you think you could talk to her for me?"
"I would but she'll probably be flighty and indecisive as usual."
"She's smart," he said. "She's cautious, and rightly so. It's weird timing for her. And she has no idea how much I love her. She has no idea that I would go to the end of the earth for her."
I had to clear my throat before I spoke. "I can, uh, tell her that for you," I said glancing down.
"What do you think she'll say?" he asked.
I shrugged, feeling too shy to respond with anything so heartfelt.
"Come on," he said, taking my hand so we could leave for his mom's place. "We can talk about it later."
Chapter 17
"Michael's family is coming, too," Jesse said as a word of warning before we made to his parents' front door. "Nina's husband, Michael, always has his parents with them for Christmas. They live in D.C, and they come in every year."
"Oh, cool," I said.
"He's a little bit of a character, Michael's dad."
He said that last part just as we were coming up to the door. I didn't have time to respond before he reached in front of me and swung the door to the side so that I could walk past him.
"Just be yourself," he whispered as I passed, causing me to turn with an urgent expression that made him smile and kiss me on the cheek. Without another word, he took me by the hand and pulled me into the living room where there was already a mass of people.
We greeted those standing closest to the door as we took off our jackets and shoes. There was a lot of commotion going on, and some of the people on the other side of the room hadn't even yet noticed we arrived.
CeCe's husband, Kevin, and a man I didn't recognize were helping Drew and June construct some elaborate marble maze in an open space near the door, so they were the first people we talked to. I had met Kevin already, and I smiled when he stood up to greet us.
"Mick Larson," the other man said in that official man voice that made him sound a little bit like a radio DJ. "King of unfinished furniture in the greater Washington D.C. area."
I smiled and shook his hand, and he let out a hearty laugh. "Oh, and father of Nina's husband, Michael," he added as if it had just dawned on him to include that.
"It's nice to meet you," I said. "I'm Mae Abbott."
"What's your story, Mae Abbott? Who's your daddy?"
It was obvious by the jolly smile on this guy's face that he was not intending to offend me, but the question had me stunned. I just remembered Jesse saying be yourself, and I felt the urge to tell the truth.
"My dad's the mayor of some small town in Kentucky, but I barely know him. My mom raised me, and she died a couple years ago."
Everyone else was still going on about Christmas chatter, but Mick and Kevin were both standing there, looking at me when I said that. They regarded me like he respected my honesty, but didn't know quite what to say.
"Are you two dating?" Mick asked after a few seconds.
"No," I said.
I glanced at Jesse, whose face broke into an easy grin as he said, "Yes, we are."
I widened my eyes at him slightly, causing Kevin and Mick both to laugh.
Just then, June knocked over some piece of the contraption, causing Drew to yell at her, which, in turn, caused her to cry. It was a welcome distraction, and Kevin stooped to tend to his children. Jesse used the break in conversation to usher me through the living room.
It was the most Christmasy atmosphere I had ever been in. Things were cooking in the kitchen, and I literally heard sleigh bells as I approached. I had to take a few more steps into the room before realizing there was a Christmas song playing in the background.
"You two better watch out for the mistletoe," Nina said as we came into the kitchen area.
There were so many people milling about in there that I got away with just laughing and looking to Jesse to respond. I found an out of the way spot to stand while Jesse circled around the bar to stand behind Nina, who was deboning chicken to go into the dressing.
"I'm looking for the mistletoe," he said before opening his mouth wide.
Nina turned and carefully dropped a piece of chicken into her brother's mouth. He chomped at it like a hungry shark, making her squeal and giggle before turning to get back to her task. Jesse went on to greet and hug his mother and CeCe who were both standing nearby, but I couldn’t help but focus on Nina, who was making all sorts of face-stretching expressions that were clearly designed to hold back tears. I knew all these maneuvers, because I'd been doing them over and over again during the last few days.
Jesse had most of the attention on himself, but I was looking at Nina when she glanced in my direction. She shook her head at me, wearing an unreadable expression. Then, she mouthed the words, "Thank you," at me. She was looking directly at me when she said it, and I knew I hadn't mistaken what she said. "Thank you." She mouthed it plain as day before she gave me a little smile and stared down at the chicken again.
Jesse's dad yelled at everyone to gather around before we ate lunch. I assumed he was going to pray, but he got out the Bible and proceeded to read the Christmas story.
Again, I imagined what it must have been like—the rejection Joseph and Mary must have felt when no one would take them in, help them, even though she was about to give birth. I was touched, yet again, by the humanity shown by our Lord to allow Himself to be born under these circumstances. This year, I was touched by Christmas in a way I had never been. I not only acknowledged the true meaning of it, but I was eternally thankful for it, which was a beautiful feeling. I did my best not to cry as Rex read from the Bible and then prayed.
Lou had one of her farm hands, a lady named Marisol, helping her with the
food. They put everything into serving dishes and lined it up in the center of the huge, farm style dining room table. I knew such scenes existed in movies, but I honestly didn't realize there were actual families who put food into serving dishes in the center of the table and all sat together, passing them around as they laughed and conversed.
There were at least ten different dishes, including lamb, ham, and… I really wanted to say something that rhymed with those words, but spam was the only thing that came to mind, and there was no spam. There was, however, broccoli casserole, and yeast rolls, which were two of my all-time favorites.
Michael's dad was the most boisterous of the bunch, and he could frequently be heard teasing somebody or saying something loud, but it was all in good fun, and he seemed like a really nice guy in spite of his social tendencies. I actually liked him. As far as I was concerned, he took some of the pressure and attention off me.
Jesse reached out to make brief contacts with me all during lunch, but we never were obvious about it. He'd pinch me or brush up against me, but he never did anything that drew attention to us.
There was a lot of commotion after lunch when we all started milling about, looking for sweets. Lily had a friend with her, and Drew made them play a game. They were making tons of noise in the living room, and everyone was speaking louder to compensate for the children's giggles. Jesse was familiar with whatever it was they were playing, and he went in there and said something that made them all crack up. I watched him for a second, wondering what he was saying.
Lou made an announcement that we could serve ourselves dessert, and I turned to grab myself a bite of something sweet. It gave me something to do while Jesse was busy with his nieces and nephew.
Nina came up beside me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. "I don't know who you are or what you're doing here, but thank you," she whispered.
It wasn't what I expected her to say, and I pulled back a little so I could look at her as we made our way into the kitchen. "It's been a couple years since I've seen the old Jesse, and it's really wonderful to see him smiling again." She paused and held her eyes open, blinking as if trying to hold back tears. "I don't want to start crying or anything, but I just wanted to say thank you. It's really nice to have him back."
"I'm the one who owes him thanks," I whispered. "Your brother is really a good person. I don't know what I'd be doing right now if I hadn't run into him."
We stopped on the side of the room, between the living room and kitchen, and she stared thoughtfully at me, waiting for me to continue.
I smiled. "He's an unbelievable person."
"Are you planning on staying here?" she asked. She knew I was just passing through town, but it seemed to have just dawned on her for the first time that I could possibly stay.
"I don't know, I mean, I was thinking… I still have a lot to think about, really. I'm sort of at an odd place in my life."
"Are you in love with my brother?" she asked.
I hadn't anticipated that as her next question, so I took a second to think about it. "I guess I am…" I said hesitantly, like more of a question than a statement.
"Are you thinking about staying?" she asked.
I couldn't help but feel a bit like I was on a job interview. It was obvious that she cared for her brother and wanted the best for him.
"I was sort of taking one day at a time since I'm in a transition. I wasn't expecting to meet him."
She put her hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. Hers were blue like her brother's. "Please don't hurt him," she said. "I know you gotta do what you gotta do, but please be easy with him."
"Nina," I said, catching her before she walked off. "Please know that whatever happens, I do love him. I really do."
She gave me a sweet smile before heading to the kitchen. Lou had been calling for her to come get some ambrosia salad before it was all gone since it was Nina's favorite.
Jesse got roped into playing catch with Drew, and they put on their jackets and went into the front yard. I had come to the kitchen sink to wash my hands and saw that Jack and Donna were out there with them, and the game of catch had turned into a game of fetch. I stood at the sink and watched them for a minute, even after I finished washing my hands and turned off the water.
Lou came to stand next to me, and I smiled at her before we both turned and watched in comfortable silence for another minute. "I don't know what kind of experience you have, and I'm not trying to offend you with offering, but we could use a little help around here if you decide to stay and wanted to look for a job. It's nothing fancy. Just a farm hand working with me and Marisol, and maybe a little bookkeeping. I find myself wishing I had extra pair of hands to help with stuff I do around here, you know?" She paused and smiled sweetly. "I'm not trying to butt in with you and Jesse," she added.
"I've never worked on a farm," I said.
"Well, I don't know if it's something you'd want to try, but I figured I'd mention it just in case." She paused, and we both stared out the window at Jesse who was laughing with Drew as they played with the dogs. "I'm not saying that to put pressure on you, sweetheart. I don't know what you and Jesse are going to work out, and that's your business, but I did want to tell you it makes my heart happy to see him like this." She sighed, still staring at him through the window. "Christmas miracle, if you ask me."
"You guys are a Christmas miracle," I said dazedly. "This whole experience has been unbelievable. Your son saved me the other night."
She breathed a little laugh. "Funny, I was thinking it was the other way around."
She turned, making a noise of delight as little June ran into her arms, leaving me staring out the window by myself. I was only there for a few more seconds before deciding to put on my shoes and coat and meet the boys outside.
Chapter 18
By the time I got my coat on and walked outside, Jesse and Drew were already on their way back in.
"Drew wanted to stay outside forever and ever," Jesse said, approaching with the little boy on his shoulders.
Jack and Donna beat them onto the porch, and Jack jumped up onto my leg to get me to acknowledge him. I scratched behind his ears, and by the time I looked up again, Jesse was standing next to me. I came face to face with his arm and Drew's leg.
"But he finally agreed to come in once I told him Jack could come inside with us."
My heart always sped up when Jesse was near. Maybe I was just hyper aware of him as a man, but masculinity just seemed to emanate from him like a force field that had me dazed.
I glanced up at Drew. "How's the weather up there," I said dramatically, cupping a hand to my mouth so I could pretend he was at a great distance.
He laughed. "It feels just like outside," he answered, taking my question seriously.
I smiled and pinched at Drew's leg, and Jesse reached up to grip his sides before leaning down to set him on his feet. Drew opened the door and Jack followed him in.
"Are you going in?" I asked when Jesse reached for the door handle as it swung in front of us.
"Yeah, what are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm gonna sit out here and use my new phone for a second if you don't mind," I said. "I was planning on doing that while you were playing fetch."
"Kristen?" he asked.
I had told him literally everything during the past few days, so he knew she'd be the only person I'd want to call.
"Do you mind?"
He shook his head. "I'll be inside."
I nodded and smiled at him. "Do you happen to know how to block my number from showing up on her phone," I asked, "just in case."
"Star sixty-seven," he said. "Just dial it before the number."
"Do you think it's okay for me to call?"
He nodded. "She'd probably love to hear from you."
He started to go inside. I knew he was trying to get out of my way so that I could make a phone call, but the truth was, I missed him and wished he was staying outside with me.
"I'll be in in a
minute," I said.
He nodded as he walked into the house. I was attracted to everything about him—his walk, his clothes, his mannerisms, everything. I watched him disappear into the entryway before I dug in my pocket to find the phone he gave me earlier.
I knew Kristen's number by heart, and I dialed it, adding *67 beforehand. It felt odd, dialing the extra numbers, but it seemed to work because the next thing I knew, Kristen was answering the phone.
"Hello?" she asked.
"Can you see my number?" was the first thing out of my mouth.
"No," she whispered. "It says private number. Where are you? Are you in Virginia?"
My heart fell when she said that. It was as if something had knocked the wind out of me. "How'd you know?" I asked, barely able to get the words out.
"Because!" she whispered. "Jeff came to my house, telling me he already knew you were in Virginia, and he was about to find out where so he could come help you out. He's got his parents convinced you need him to come to your rescue. Like you went crazy or something."
"Are you kidding me right now?" I asked.
"No!" she said, still whispering. "I hope you're not in Virginia anymore because that's where he thinks you are. I think he filed a missing persons report, and the police found your car through some mechanic. Jeff didn't tell me that, but I heard him saying it to his brother when they thought I couldn’t hear them."
"Oh my gosh, what am I gonna do?" I asked, pacing on the front porch.
"Are you still in Virginia?"
"Yes."
"Just leave," she said. "And call the police department if you need to. Tell them you're not a missing person. Jeff can't really do anything."
I hesitated long enough that she said, "Mae-Mae?"
"I'm here."
"Just get on the road," she said.
"The most he can do is get whatever address you put down at the mechanic's or hassle the mechanic into telling him what he knows. Just keep going somewhere else. I thought you wanted to go somewhere warm. Why'd you stop in Virginia? Is it warm there?"
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