Liz finished her cigarette and stubbed it out on the side of the canoe. “You know, Kevin, you worry me and that’s a fact.”
He looked at her and tried to smile. “I’m glad you came along. It’s good to talk.”
Liz sighed. “Just try not to creep me out, okay, sweetie?”
Chapter 9
Africa
Kevin lost track of how many patients he saw. He spent the evenings outside on the veranda overlooking the lake, exhausted. The night hid the camp, and the flickering stars above and campfires below created a tapestry of dark space and lights that dissolved the horizon and made Kevin feel as though he was floating in space. In the evening the breeze came in off the lake, replacing the close human odor of the refugees with the sweet smell of fresh water and clean air.
Mostly, Bill spun out long, complicated conspiracy theories for Kevin. Kevin knew that in Bill’s world nothing ever happened because of fate or nature or bad or good luck. It was all the result of the intrigues of one nefarious group or another. Kevin thought it a tribute to Bill’s resourcefulness that, as isolated as he was, he kept so informed about the news back home that his latest theories were up to date.
“My biggest and most outrageous problem,” said Bill one evening, “has to do with the ambitions of North Dakota Senator Sara Helms. If she has her way, she’ll cut funds for all U.S. aid to Africa, including through the United Nations. And that, old pal of mine, will be an end to the money we have to run this clinic. If we can’t find replacement funds, and I’m not at all sure we can, then it will also be an end of our operations all across this country.
“What’s outrageous is that it’s all about Helms’s presidential ambitions. She needs money and support from the Christian right, which forms her political base. A prominent televangelist has diamond mining interests in a neighboring country, but in fact most of his diamonds are collected in the diamond fields here that are under the control of the rebels. The televangelist’s operation gets the gems by trading arms for them. It’s a perfect set-up since he has a legitimate mine next door and it’s easy to make it appear that the diamonds are extracted from his operations there. He’s made buckets of money and will continue to do so, but only so long as there’s civil war and no central government strong enough to take back the diamond fields from the rebels. Getting Helms to cut aid money promotes exactly the kind of instability needed to keep this SOB’s paychecks rolling in.”
“Oh come on, Bill,” said Kevin. “You’re saying this whole civil war is the result of an American religious right wing plot to make money off the diamond trade?”
“It’s a fact,” said Bill, “that this televangelist contributes generously to Helms’s campaign and he uses his television pulpit and grassroots church organization to promote the senator’s candidacy. The connection is well documented.”
“Helms has always opposed foreign aid as throwing money down foreign rat holes. She’s been saying so for years.”
Bill shook his head. “You are so naïve and uninformed. You really need to be more involved politically. The passivity of the American public is nothing short of criminal, given the enormous power of our country and the evil that’s often done in our name. The average idiot thinks half his taxes go to support foreign aid when it’s really much less than one penny of every tax dollar, less than any other developed country. Joe Six-pack is always ready to pony up more money to kill people; in fact, it’s never enough. But when it comes to saving lives or preventing disasters, any amount is too damn much. And there are plenty of people out there willing and able to take advantage of that passivity to their own advantage. It happens all the time.”
“Look,” said Kevin, “maybe some of that is true, perhaps most, but that doesn’t mean there’s a sinister motive behind every calamity. Helms has always opposed foreign aid.”
“Prove that she’s not doing it for financial and political support.”
“That’s like saying prove Elvis wasn’t a space alien. I can’t. But that doesn’t mean he was. Sure, your conspiracies always make some kind of crazy internal sense, but they’re based on assumptions that are highly unlikely, although not disprovable.”
“Just because someone is paranoid doesn’t mean he doesn’t have enemies,” said Bill.
Peter, Bill’s nurse’s aide and driver who was sitting silently on the floor in the dark with his back against the house and a cigarette glowing between his fingers, suddenly started as though he had a cramp in his leg and the cigarette dropped from his hand into his lap. He hastily brushed it away and pointed into the yard.
“A demon,” he hissed.
Bill rose and walked to the end of the veranda staring into the yard.
“Bad juju, Mr. Bill,” said Peter. “Bad demon.”
Bill stooped to pick up a small stone from the floor and threw it. Kevin heard it hit the dirt nearby and in the dim light he saw a dog scramble away. Bill came back and sat down.
“You chase off de demon,” Peter told him, admiration in his voice.
Bill chuckled. “It was only a dog, Peter.”
“He look de dog,” said Peter, “but he sure nuff be da demon. Der plenty demon round looken ta make trouble.”
“Have you ever met a demon?” asked Kevin.
“Oh yes, der is one in me village one time when I’s small small.”
“Was this one also a dog?”
“Oh no, dis one he de young man. Demons look any way dey please. Da shaman in me village know he da demon and say so, but one farmer doesn’t listen ’n give de boy a job ’cause he need help wid de work. Da demon, he waits. Den one day de farmer kill de wife ’cause he tink she jiggy dis udder man. She doan do it, but da demon tells him a lie ’en make him tink it ’n he kill her, chop chop. Den de brudder, who from dis udder village, he kill him for revenge da sister and den der be bad blood feud ’tween de village. Lots lots people die and it doan stop till de shaman cuts off de head a da demon.”
“‘He killed the young man?’ said Kevin.
Peter nodded. “It de only way stop dat fight. When da demon die de fight he done done. Course, da demon ain’t dead dead, jus de body he be use’n. Dat demon dog, mabbe he de same same I seen before. He looken ta know what trouble he kin make here. Demons, dey everywheres. Dat Mr. Bill chase dem away be good.”
Looking at Peter, Kevin shuddered inwardly. He was devoted to Bill and was seemingly as peaceful a man as Kevin had ever met. Yet, below the surface there was a violence he never would have suspected had he not known his background and heard his stories.
“Was the man who killed his wife a jealous man before the stranger arrived?”
Peter chuckled. “Oh yes, he big jealous. He got de pretty young wife. Da demon, he know de weakness, know how ta twist ya.” Peter twisted his fists counter to each other to demonstrate his point.
“Peter,” Bill said, “there are no demons except the ones we make. That was just a dog.”
“If he dog, den why you chase ’em off?”
Chapter 10
Minnesota
“I don’t eat fish anymore,” Beth said defiantly. “In fact, I’ve wanted to go vegan for a long time, and I’m starting right now.”
Kevin shut his eyes and hung his head, grinding his teeth. “So what will you eat tonight?”
“Rice. I brought plenty of it.”
For a moment Kevin glared at Beth, and Liz anxiously searched for something funny to say when, to her relief, Kevin just shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
Beth walked away but Liz stayed and watched Kevin slit the body of the fish lengthwise down the back just above the spine. He pulled out the entrails, which Liz noticed with a cringe included a still-beating heart, and casually tossed them aside. He then carefully cut the flesh away from the skin. He flipped what was left of the fish over and did the same on the other side, ending up with two large filets of a translucent pinkish-white meat.
A half hour later the fish was sizzling in a skillet over their campfire, smelling o
f olive oil and garlic. When it was done, Kevin handed Liz a large metal plate and scooped a generous portion of fish onto it with his spatula.
“You’ll never have fresher,” he said.
The meat had turned solid white and crumbled easily under her fork. She took a tentative bite and found it delicious. She sat on a large rock next to the fire and ate.
Hampton sat next to her, watching her every move with big watery brown eyes.
“Better not give him any,” said Kevin. “I removed most of the bones, but there’s still some left he could choke on.”
Liz pressed her nose against the dog’s, looking him in the eyes. “Sorry, old boy. You heard the boss.”
When they finished, Kevin took the dishes to wash while Liz followed Beth and Hampton out onto a boulder jutting into the lake. Sitting down on the cold stone, Liz shivered.
“Chilly?” asked Beth, sitting next to her.
Liz nodded. “I could use a hot shower right now.”
“Me too.”
Liz looked up at the clear night sky. They were a long way from the lights of any cities and she had never seen such a display of stars in her entire life. The Milky Way splashed across the heavens, countless thousands of lights twinkling in the icy darkness. An enormous white moon hung just above the horizon. The shadowy face of the man in the moon smiled down on them.
“I’ve never seen such a starry night,” said Liz.
Hampton rested his head on Beth’s shoulder and sighed.
“That was a heavy sigh,” said Liz. “Something on your mind, old boy?”
Beth rubbed her nose against his cheek. “He’s fine. At least he’s happy to be here. It’s a dog’s paradise. No fences and no traffic. Just loads of interesting stuff to smell and his people to be with.”
Liz exhaled and watched her breath drift off in a white mist. The crisp air smelled of campfire smoke mixed with the cold dampness of the lake and the pine scent of the forest.
“How long have you known Dad?” said Beth.
Liz smiled. “We met in college. He was studying American literature and I was studying art history. We had a lot of the same friends.”
“Were you lovers?”
Liz turned to her, surprised. “Sweetie, that’s personal.”
Beth shrugged. “I don’t know what the big deal is. Or maybe you think I’m just a kid and there’s some taboo on really talking to me.” She shook her head. “Grownups are such hypocrites. ‘Do what I say, not what I do.’ You think I don’t know about sex?”
Liz chuckled. “Honey, I’m sure you know plenty, probably a lot more than I did at your age. But you’re also Kevin’s daughter. It’s a bit, well, awkward.”
“That’s me all right, the awkward addition to the party. The fifth wheel on the car, as Dad always says. I wish I’d been left at home where I could be with people who respect me.”
Liz sighed. “You’re not the fifth wheel on the car, Beth. I’m glad you’re here. I’ve known your dad a long time, and I’ve always felt bad that you and I were never acquainted before now.”
“Sure,” she said, looking away.
Liz reached over and shook her gently by the shoulder. “You’re impossible. If you weren’t so much like me, I’d have to drown you. So, you’re not going to let me get away with patronizing you, I can see that.”
Liz pulled out a cigarette and lit it. She saw Beth about to speak and held up her hand. “Tell you what,” she said. “I’ll treat you like an adult if you return the favor. Deal?”
Beth nodded.
“Yes,” said Liz, exhaling, “your dad and I were lovers when we went to Oberlin College together. But that was a long time ago.”
“For how long were you together?”
“A few years. We broke up in our senior year.”
“Did you know his friend Bill?”
Liz nodded. “I knew him very well. In a way, I suppose, we were competitors.”
“What do you mean? Was Dad bi?”
Liz chuckled. “No, that’s one thing he never was. But Bill was closer to your dad than anyone, including me even when we were lovers. After high school in Minnesota, your dad went to Oberlin College in northern Ohio and Bill went to a school in Minnesota. He used to visit at Oberlin from time to time and the three of us spent a summer together sharing an apartment in Minneapolis.”
“So were you Bill’s lover, too?”
Liz blinked at her. “There’s no place you won’t go, is there?” She took a deep puff on her cigarette. “No, we weren’t, but we almost were. The thing is, it’s not that your dad would have minded. He and Bill shared everything, so why not me? I don’t know what it’s like today, but that wasn’t unheard of then.”
“So why didn’t you?”
Liz shrugged. “Sex is confusing enough with just one other person, at least for me. And when the potential second one was Bill it was way over my head. He was, well, intense. The first time I met him was during the Kent State incident. I don’t suppose you know what that was?”
Beth shook her head.
Liz smiled. “You may not like it, but you are a kid. You’ve heard of the war in Vietnam?”
“Of course. I’m not stupid.”
“I didn’t say you were, sweetie. It’s just I feel so old, sometimes it seems everything that happened to me is ancient history. There was a large student protest against the war at Kent State, a school in Ohio. It kind of got out of hand and the National Guard was called in. In a confrontation between protesters and soldiers, several students were shot and killed. It caused a huge stink. All across the country kids shut down their colleges in protest. Bill left his school and hitchhiked to Ohio. He was a tall skinny guy with long hair, a thin dark beard, a big black leather jacket and fire in his eyes. He wanted us to go down to Kent State and take on the National Guard.”
“Did you?”
Liz shook her head. “That was your dad’s influence on Bill. He could sometimes talk Bill out of the more lunatic things he wanted to do. There were police, soldiers and roadblocks everywhere around Kent State. We’d have been arrested before we got anywhere near that campus.
“Your dad convinced Bill to stay at Oberlin. We organized teach-ins and sit-ins and caused the school administration nothing but headaches. In short, we had the time of our lives. We got to be mad at the world, shake our fists at the government and cause our parents no end of anxiety. There’s nothing quite like self-righteous indignation, especially when mixed liberally with alcohol and sex. You’d have loved it.”
“Did you like Bill?”
Liz nodded. “I liked him a lot, when I didn’t resent how close he was to your dad. I guess I knew I’d lose your dad one day but that he and Bill would stay close forever.”
“So what happened to you and Dad? Who broke it off?”
Liz waved her cigarette, absently gazing into the now impenetrably dark forest across the lake. She heard crickets chirping and the rattle of dishes being washed behind them, and that was all.
“Liz?” said Beth.
Liz shook her head and brought her attention back to Beth. “Sorry.” She thought a moment and remembered Beth’s question. “Who made the break? That’s a hard question.
“I could say that your dad just wasn’t ready to settle down. And that would probably be true. Maybe. We were young. Not all that much older than you are now. There was a lot your dad needed to learn about himself. I suppose the same was true for me.”
“So, if you’d met a few years later you might have been my mother.”
Liz half laughed. “Well, I suppose you could look at it that way. But the truth is, we’re both pigheaded and one of us would have killed the other long before we had the chance to procreate. We’re probably much better friends than we were lovers.”
“What are you two talking about?” said Kevin, walking up and sitting next to Beth.
“Liz was telling me how you were lovers in college,” said Beth.
Kevin gave Liz a withering look. She gla
nced up at the sky. “Well,” she said, “Beth asked. What was I supposed to say?”
“None of your business?”
“I tried that. It didn’t work. She’s a lot like you. And me.”
Kevin grimaced.
“So why didn’t you marry her, Dad?” said Beth. “Maybe you’d have been happy with your life.”
“And who said I’m not happy?”
“Oh, puleeeze. You are so not happy. I’m not blind, you know.”
“It’s been a bad stretch. Besides, this happiness thing is way overrated. Look at you, squirt. If you were happy, you’d be miserable.”
“You’re just changing the subject so you don’t have to answer the question,” said Beth.
“You see,” said Liz, “she’s too clever by half.”
“Dad’s an avoider. He doesn’t face up to anything if he doesn’t have to.”
Kevin pulled a pipe and tobacco pouch from his front shirt pocket. “You don’t know anything about what I’ve faced up to.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“Why didn’t I what?”
“Marry Liz?”
Kevin filled the pipe and lit a match. He held it over the pipe bowl and the orange glow of the burning tobacco illuminated his face.
Kevin exhaled and the smoke smelled of honey as it drifted past Liz. It was an old, familiar aroma connected to a hundred different memories that made her feel simultaneously happy and sad.
“I was in college, Beth. I don’t even know that Liz wanted to marry me. I wanted something, someone, different, but I didn’t know what or who. I just knew it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to keep going on together when I’d only have made us both miserable.”
“Are you sorry now you didn’t?” Beth said.
Kevin shifted uneasily. “There’d be no point to being sorry. We make choices, Beth, that’s all. Maybe if we lived forever we could go back until we learned to get it right. But in seventy or eighty years…” He shook his head. “Things happen and then pass us by, and there’s just not the time to keep starting over until the story comes out the way we want.”
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