Parker looked up the staircase. “I think I can hop on one foot if you give me some support.”
Dylan nodded and helped Parker stand. After a few bumbling starts they managed to get Parker upstairs relatively painlessly. Dylan gently lowered Parker to the side of the bed. They were both slightly out of breath. “That will get easier the more we practice, I think.” Dylan laughed and Parker joined her. It felt good to both of them. It had been a while since either had genuinely laughed.
Parker pointed to the dresser across the room. “There's some sweats and t-shirts in the top drawer there. If you could get them for me I think I can manage from there.”
“Sure, I can do that. Are you sure you don't need any help getting changed? It can be a challenge with the use of only one leg.”
Parker knew that it would be easier with help but she wasn't quite ready to have someone take off her clothes and help her change just yet. “Yeah, I'll be fine. I’ll use scissors and just cut one leg of the bottoms open. If I get into trouble I'll call for you.”
Dylan nodded and handed Parker her night clothes and went to stand outside the door and wait. She knew Parker was probably embarrassed. Even though Dylan was a nurse and had seen thousands of people without their clothes on, she knew this was a different situation and didn't blame Parker for the way she felt. She heard Parker call and entered the room to see Parker looking comfortable and sleepy under her covers. She smiled and just stared for a moment. When Parker's hazel eyes met hers, she held them for a moment before looking down again. She knew if she stared too long she would get lost in those eyes. “All set?”
Parker nodded, her eyes already beginning to close.
“Well, you call if you need anything or if you are having any pain, call me, okay?”
“Mmmhmm. Thank you Dylan.”
“Sweet dreams, Parker.” Dylan closed the door almost all the way, leaving it cracked a bit so that she could hear if Parker needed her and went in search of the things she would need to make her grandmother's secret stain cleaner.
***
Parker woke the next morning feeling groggy—sleep-drugged, Grace used to call it. She turned her head to look at the alarm clock on her bedside table and was shocked to realize she had slept almost ten hours. It had been forever since she had slept that long. She felt rested for the first time in as long as she could remember. Her eyes moved up to take in her and Grace's wedding picture. “Well look at the mess I ended up in now, sweetheart. You always said I was a klutz. I guess I'm not done proving it yet, am I?” She looked at Grace's smiling face and felt the familiar ache in her heart. The emptiness that nothing ever seemed to quite fill rushed in on her. She rubbed her chest as if the ache were physical, and in many ways, it truly was. She wondered if she would always feel like this and supposed that she would. That thought brought her no comfort. She looked at Grace's image again for answers. Grace's smiling, happy face had no answers for her. She smelled breakfast being cooked downstairs and remembered that she wasn't alone in this house anymore. Somehow, that thought made her feel slightly better. She pulled the covers back and rose to the side of her bed when she heard footsteps on the stairs.
“Good morning!” Dylan appeared in her doorway looking far too put together and cheery for this early in the morning.
“Good morning yourself. Have you been up long?”
Dylan moved to the side of the bed to help Parker stand. Parker was unsteady on her feet at first and Dylan kept a firm hold around her waist. “I've been up for a while, yeah. Being a night-shifter for so long it's difficult to sleep at night like a normal person now.”
Parker carefully hopped down one stair at a time, thankful for Dylan's comforting hold on her. She nodded at Dylan's explanation, having worked night-shift herself while she was in college. They reached the bottom of the stairs and Parker's wheelchair.
Dylan helped Parker lower herself into it and took off the brakes from the wheels. “I made breakfast. I hope you don't mind me rummaging around in your kitchen.”
“Of course not, please make yourself at home while you're here. I want you to feel comfortable. I know this is an inconvenience to you and you'll be glad to get back to your own life as soon as you can.”
Dylan stopped their forward progress and knelt in front of Parker. “This isn't an inconvenience at all, Parker. I volunteered to help. It felt right to me. Trust me, I am exactly where I want to be right now, okay?”
Parker nodded with a shy smile not sure how to really respond to Dylan's admission. She felt a warmth in her chest at the words and agreed with Dylan. It did feel right. That thought both comforted Parker and left her feeling ill at ease. They finished breakfast and did the dishes, falling into a silent but easy routine. Before Parker knew it, Sam was back and Dylan was leaving to retrieve her things. Sam went about doing things around the house and Parker sat in that damn chair, alone with her own doubts and anxiety. How do I let Sam talk me into these things? Having a strange nurse, a woman move into her home, her sanctuary! She stopped her thoughts then and remembered Dylan standing beside her bed in the trauma room of the ER. She remembered feeling comforted and looked after with this stranger there. Funny, she thought, Dylan didn’t feel like a stranger. Parker shook her head, trying to dislodge the memory of feeling safe in Dylan’s presence. “Must have been the drugs,” Parker said aloud, dismissing it without another thought. Well, not exactly dismissing it entirely. For reasons she could not understand, and that frustrated her to no end, she was unable to flat out dismiss Dylan and the comfort Dylan brought to her at a time when Parker was sure fear would overwhelm her. She remembered Dylan’s compassionate face and her endless blue eyes. “Those eyes,” Parker whispered before shaking her head again. “Jesus, you would think I had never seen a pretty face before.” She laughed at herself, but a part of her felt guilty for even thinking about another woman in that way. Grace. “Oh baby, I need you here.” Parker attempted to maneuver her wheelchair without knocking anything over and breaking it. That had already happened once today. She had destroyed a red vase that she had been rather fond of. It would definitely take some practice getting around day to day like this, but she didn’t really need any help with that. Did she? She needed to talk to Samantha—now.
***
Dylan rounded a corner in the Emergency Room and almost smacked right into her friend Cory. “Shit!” Dylan yelled, startled out of her own thoughts.
Cory grabbed her upper arms to stabilize her, concern written on her face. “Are you okay, Dyl? You seem, well out of it.”
“No. I mean yes. Shit I don’t know.” For some reason, Dylan felt like she was suddenly on the verge of tears.
“Ooook.” Cory took Dylan’s hand and led her towards the break room. “Definitely time for a caffeine infusion. Come on.”
Dylan allowed herself to be led away from the noise and chaos of the ER. She didn’t know what was going on with her. Maybe it was nerves about her sabbatical from the hospital and her new job taking care of Parker. Samantha had told her that at first, Parker would probably resent her presence and her help, but she felt confident that Parker would come around eventually. Dylan wasn’t so sure, and she prayed she had not made a mistake leaving the hospital and taking this job.
Cory handed Dylan a mug of coffee. They both took a seat on a cracked and worn faux, red leather couch that had definitely seen better days. “Okay, spill it” Cory said, taking a sip of the tepid swill that passed for coffee and grimacing. “Jesus that’s bad.”
Cory’s expreession made Dylan laugh in spite of herself. “Do you think I’m making a mistake? I mean taking leave from the hospital and accepting this new job?”
“Well Dyls, are you happy with the way things are now? Content? Do you feel at peace?”
Dylan thought about it. When was the last time she had really and truly felt peace in her soul? She knew the answer. It was when she was comforting Parker. “No, no I don’t,” Dylan answered.
“Well, I think you have yo
ur answer then.” Cory looked pleased with herself as if she had just solved a big mystery.
“But what if it doesn’t work out? What if Parker ends up hating me? I don’t think I could stand that.”
Cory looked at her friend and was beginning to get a better picture of what was really worrying Dylan. “What if it does work out though?” Cory asked, looking Dylan in the eye. “You’re a great person Dylan, and a wonderful nurse. I’m not saying it will always be a cake-walk. I’m rather certain that it won’t be, but don’t you owe it to yourself to take this chance. Jump in Dylan, maybe the water won’t be as chilly as you think.”
“Yeah, maybe not,” Dylan whispered, more to herself than Cory. She gave her friend a hug and stood to leave.
“Dylan?” Cory called as Dylan reached the door. Dylan turned around and looked at her friend. “You like this woman don’t you?” It’s wasn’t really a question and Dylan felt her face grow warm. Cory laughed. “Well, that’s all the answer I really need. Be careful my friend, you have a beautiful heart, guard it well.”
Dylan was touched by Cory’s words. They normally didn’t talk like this. Their banter usually revolved around bitching about the hours they were forced to work or a new doctor, and some rather off-color jokes. The ER was no place to feel vulnerable— ever. Dylan nodded once and walked out the door. Her new life was calling. She just hoped she would have the courage to answer.
CHAPTER FOUR
Dylan and Parker fell into a routine in the following weeks, each feeling more comfortable and learning to trust the other as the days wore on. Dylan no longer felt like an intruder in Parker's life, and Parker felt a level of safety that she hadn't known since before Grace's death. While at times it comforted Parker, it also set her on edge. It wasn't Dylan, or at least, nothing Dylan had done, but more the foreign feeling of safety after so long.
Sam visited Parker regularly. She noticed how much calmer Parker appeared and was silently happy for her friend. Dylan was a good influence on Parker, and judging by the perpetual smile she always saw on Dylan's face, the opposite appeared to be true as well. Sam reflected on her long-held belief that nothing was random, and everything happened for a reason. It was difficult sometimes to hold onto that belief. Sam remembered struggling with the idea after Grace's murder. Hard as she tried, she could find no underlying meaning behind that senseless, random act. Grace had been a wonderful and kind soul, and her and Parker had seemed destined for each other from the start. Then in just one moment, it was all gone. She was gone. Her kind and giving heart ceased to beat from one instant to the next, and Parker, Parker was utterly destroyed. Sometimes, Sam felt that she herself had never had the chance to truly mourn Grace, because she was so busy trying to hold Parker together. Sam hoped that with Dylan coming into Parker's life, the destruction to Parker's heart would begin to mend. And, maybe the gaping holes that bullet left in Parker’s soul would start to be filled again. Sam thought of all of these things as she watched Dylan push Parker's wheelchair inside from the back deck. It was an unseasonably warm spring day and Sam was happy to see that both of her friends had taken advantage of that.
“Hey you two! Get some sun?”
Dylan looked up startled, and Parker smiled at Sam. “Hey, Sam. Yes, it's absolutely beautiful out today. Felt good to feel the sun on my face again.”
Dylan smiled and went to place her hand on Parker's shoulder but drew it back at the last second. She noticed she seemed to be drawn to touch Parker all the time. It was natural. She thought she should try to break herself of the habit. “Yeah it was good to feel the warm breeze again. It seemed like the winter was never going to end this year.”
Parker smiled back at Dylan. She momentarily worried that Dylan was beginning to feel trapped and regretted coming to stay with her. She had no real reason to feel this way, it was the way her mind worked sometimes. Her doubts and her guilt were like living beasts in her life. She hoped that if Dylan felt trapped, she would feel comfortable enough to say something. She thought that Dylan seemed happy and prayed that she wasn't misreading the situation at all.
“How about some Iced Tea?” Dylan asked both women. “Sounds great to me,” Sam replied. Parker shyly nodded her head. “Sam why don't you take Parker into the living room and I'll bring the drinks in there and we can sit and chat.”
Sam bowed deeply. “You're wish is my command madam.” She began to push Parker's chair out of the kitchen. Dylan laughed and Parker just shook her head and rolled her eyes, used to her friends’ antics. Once Sam got Parker settled on the recliner she took advantage of the few minutes that had alone. “So, how are you? Really?” Sam asked looking Parker directly in the eye.
“I'm—good. It's good, Sam, really good.” Parker looked back at Sam and knew that what she said was the absolute truth. “I mean, I still have some pain, but I am down to one pain pill a day. Getting around is a real bitch, but Dylan has been great and I'm healing slowly but surely.”
Sam thought Parker looked downright wistful and she wondered if Parker was aware of the faraway look in her eyes when she mentioned Dylan's name. She thought that Parker probably had no idea and was hesitant to mention it for fear that Parker would completely freak out and shut down. Sam was overjoyed, though. Parker had been living with Grace's ghost for far too long now and Sam thought that at long last she may be ready to begin to move on. She hoped that Parker would be open to that, but she just wasn't sure that she would be. “That's great Park. I'm glad things are working out with Dylan. I know you were hesitant at first.”
“I was, yes, but I'm glad you talked to me into it.” Parker winked at Sam knowing full well that the decision was made long before she even regained consciousness.
Dylan walked into the room then and noticed the sly grins on both the women's faces. “Uh am I interrupting anything?” she asked.
“Not at all,” Sam replied and got up to help Dylan with the drinks. “We were just catching up.”
“Uh-huh, ok,” Dylan replied, grinning at both of the women and taking a seat on the couch after delivering Parker her iced tea. She wasn't seriously worried that she had walked in on anything private, other than maybe an inside joke of some sort. She took a long sip of her tea and sighed in pleasure. “Hit's the spot! I can't believe they are saying we might get snow again next week!”
“I know,” Sam replied. “But the weather can be awfully unpredictable this time of year, especially in the mountains.”
They all agreed, having seen it personally in years past and shared a comfortable silence until Sam turned to Dylan. “Have you talked to anyone from the ER lately? Are they getting along without you over there?”
Dylan nodded and set down her glass. “Yes, I talked to my friend Cory last week. She said things are about the same there and that they have a couple of new travel nurses that are causing everyone to have fits because they have never worked in an emergency department before. There isn't a lot of time for training when there is a different trauma coming through the doors every 5 minutes.”
Sam nodded knowingly.
Parker looked up at Dylan then and asked, “Do you miss it?” She wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer, especially if Dylan said that she did.
“I miss my friends, but as for the rest—not really. I'm enjoying my time away from there actually.”
Dylan smiled at Parker who returned it tenfold. Parker felt a sense of relief at Dylan's answer. Feeling better knowing that she wasn't keeping Dylan from anything. “Well you are welcome to go and visit with your friends any time you want. I would be fine by myself for a few hours. I don't want you to lose touch with your friends because you didn't see them.”
Dylan nodded and thanked Parker for the offer. “I appreciate that, but I'm exactly where I want to be.” Both Parker and Sam smiled big at the statement. Dylan hoped that she had set Parker's anxieties at ease. She knew that Parker worried that she was keeping her from something, and she wanted nothing more than to assure Parker that she was doing exact
ly what she wanted to do. Dylan actually felt more useful and happy than she had in ages. She thought it might be a good idea to sit down and explain to Parker exactly what she had been feeling with her job, and her life in general some day soon.
The three women spent about an hour talking and laughing with one another. Parker and Dylan enjoyed the company and the break in their day, and Sam couldn't help but notice how attentive Dylan was to Parker. She noticed that Dylan's eyes constantly returned to Parker as if to gauge her comfort or if she needed anything. Sam left having to get back to work but did so knowing that Parker was in good hands. She hadn’t doubted that, knowing that Dylan was a wonderful nurse, but it was good to see reality with her own eyes. She bid the two farewell and got into her car.
CHAPTER FIVE
Dylan and Parker continued to sit in the living room and enjoy each other’s company until about dinner time. “What do you feel like having for dinner, I could cook something up for us?” Dylan asked Parker.
“Why don't we just order out and watch a movie. I am feeling gluttonous tonight. How about a large pizza with extra cheese and pepperoni and an R rated flick?”
“Wow, living on the wild side now are we?” Dylan teased. “That sounds great, let me put the order in and you can decide on the movie.”
Parker laughed, feeling happy and comfortable. She grabbed the remote and turned the television to the information channel. She scrolled through all the options not really finding anything that caught her eye—then she saw that the Kill Bill movies were playing back to back. “Perfect,” she said out loud and hit the button for that channel.
Both Dylan and Parker watched the movie cheering when Uma Thurman's character got the best of the bad guys. They shared an entire bowl of popcorn and a lot of laughs together. Both women felt comfortable and at ease and smiles readily came to their faces throughout the night. When the movie was over, Parker switched off the television.
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