Who’s supposed to be comforting who? he reminded himself sharply as those yearnings began to surface.
“It’s not silly at all,” Matt said. “Hope never is.”
Cassie gave a shaky sigh. “That’s what I’ve always thought, but this woman tonight— she pretty much told me I need to stop hoping.”
“Did she tell you how you’re supposed to go on without that? Because I can tell you from experience it’s rough.”
“I’m sure you can.” Their eyes met, her brown ones still swimming with unshed tears, his trying to convey the dozen thoughts running through his mind. I had no idea. I’m so sorry. You hold it together amazingly well. It must be so hard.
“What happened to your husband?” he heard himself asking, then wanted to kick himself the second the words left his mouth.
Cassie’s gaze shifted to the boys, then back to Matt. “There was an— incident. Devon worked for the Sacramento PD.” She didn’t say more, but Matt could guess the rest, and he didn’t want her to restate or relive the details. He imagined she did enough of that on her own already. She pulled back, and Matt moved his hand so she could withdraw hers to her side of the table. He felt her emotional withdrawal with the movement, too. She hugged her arms to herself as if cold. He felt like doing the same after losing the warmth of her hand.
“Don’t let that what happened tonight upset you,” he advised. “If your husband has hung around this long, there must be a reason. Bringing him his favorite sandwiches and keeping your date night like you do isn’t doing any harm. I think it’s pretty great.” He liked to think he would have done the same for Jenna if given the chance.
Matt opened the Ikeda’s bag, ready to move on to a lighter subject and sensing that Cassie wished to as well. “Let’s see if it this cheesesteak has anything on the one I had in Philly a couple years back.”
“What were you in Philadelphia for?” Cassie asked, likely expressing more interest than she really felt. He imagined her grasping onto any normal or mundane topic right now like a life raft. He’d done the same himself a number of times in the past months. Anything to get the mind off of reality for even a few minutes and avoid being emotional in front of others.
“My job. Before coming here, I worked for the Portland Trail Blazers. We had a game against the 76ers at the Wells Fargo Arena in Philadelphia.”
“What did you do for the Trail Blazers?”
Too much. “Sportscasts, interviews. Things like that.” A year ago he would have happily bragged about his position. He’d been proud of it. Traveling with the team and being in the booth at the games was a big deal. He was a big deal. Or so he’d thought, when really he’d been missing the real deal right at home. Matt peeled back the wrapper and took a bite of the lukewarm sandwich. “Mmm.”
“Mmm as good as in Philly, or mmm better?” Cassie propped her elbows on the table and leaned forward expectantly, seeming more like her usual self. He felt glad to be distracting her.
He held his hand out, palm wavering. “Pretty close. I think this sauce may be better.” He took a drink of his Coke. “What about you? Have you traveled much?”
“Nope.” Cassie shook her head. “Elementary school secretaries don’t really need to leave the county, let alone the state.”
“You’re going to Legoland,” Asher said. “Noah told me.”
“Did he?” Cassie said as she looked at the boys. “I think Noah would like to go to Legoland, but elementary school secretaries also don’t make a lot of money for travel either.”
“He said when he loses more teeth and scores some goals you can go,” Asher said. “Can we do that, too, Dad?”
“We’ll see,” Matt said noncommittally.
“That means no.” Austin had finished his burger and seemed to be returning to his former, bad mood.
Now would be a good time to leave before something else happened, but Matt found himself not wanting to go just yet. He wanted to make sure Cassie was going to be all right. He wondered how she’d get home, since her car was broken down miles away and her husband couldn’t exactly drive her.
“We’ll see means just that,” Matt said to Austin. “It means we have to see how much it would cost and then save our money, and I would have to get vacation days off. When we’ve figured those things out, then we would be able to go.” It wasn’t a half-bad idea actually. Maybe he’d take the boys for Christmas. It would be better than staying at home and missing all of the things Jenna used to do during the holidays.
“Thanks, Dad,” Asher said, ever appreciative.
How did I merit such a great kid? Matt glanced across the table at Austin. And such a stubborn one? The answer was obvious, and he needed to quit thinking in those terms. Asher was more like Jenna, whereas Austin… is more like me.
“I should go now.” Cassie rewrapped her uneaten food and picked up her cup. “They’d changed visiting hours on me, but in a few minutes I should be able to get in to see Devon.”
“How will you get home after that?” Matt asked. There weren’t exactly dozens of taxis to be found in Auburn.
“I’ll call my mom,” Cassie said. “Noah is at her house, and she can take us home.”
“Or,” Matt suggested. “I could wait for you, and the boys and I could drive you both home.” If he found out where she lived, he could get her car there tomorrow.
She bit her lip, clearly hesitating. “You’ve already gone to so much trouble.”
“No trouble,” he said. “Friday nights are a little lonely at our place. It’s actually good for the boys and me to be out doing something. We need to run to the store tonight anyway.” Bread heels and mushy bananas weren’t going to cut it for breakfast tomorrow morning. “We’ll go shopping, then come back to get you. Would that be okay?”
“If you’re sure—”
“Positive.” He stood and started gathering the remnants of their dinner onto the tray as Cassie slid from the booth. “When would you like us to be back?”
She pulled her phone out of her purse and glanced at it. “Would forty-five minutes be too long?”
“Not at all.” That was more time than he’d spent at a grocery store thus far, but maybe a longer trip would save him having to go every other day. Jenna had managed to go only every other week, and he had no idea how she’d pulled that off. No matter what he bought, the boys seemed to devour it within a few hours.
“Thank you. I really appreciate it.” She gave him a sad smile that didn’t reach her eyes or come close to conveying anything near to happiness.
“You’re welcome.” Matt leaned forward, helping Asher from the booth. My pleasure. Or something like that anyway. Helping Cassie was taking his mind off his own problems, and while he certainly didn’t delight in having met someone with a worse situation than his own, he also felt filled with purpose for the first time in a while. He could help her— do little things like fixing her car— and in turn that might help him and the boys see past their own misery.
Ironic. On a night her hope was waning, his felt stronger than it had for quite some time.
Cassie left Matt and his boys and headed back to Sierra. It hadn’t been quite the hour Pearl had told her to wait, but Cassie planned to be there a few minutes before, waiting outside Devon’s door for the second it opened and Pearl left.
With purpose, she strode through the double glass doors and into the lobby, then down Devon’s hall. Lynn was at her usual post at the nurses’ station and looked up as Cassie approached.
“Hey, Cassie.” Lynn smiled warmly. “You’re late tonight. Everything all right?”
Was anything ever all right for people visiting loved ones here? “I had car trouble.” Cassie held back her sarcasm and her simmering temper. Now that a bit of time had passed since her confrontation with Pearl, Cassie felt her initial hurt turning to anger, but Lynn had been here since that first painful day Devon was transferred from the hospital— the day the doctors gave up on him— and had been nothing but compassionate and competen
t. She didn’t deserve the tirade Cassie intended for Pearl.
“You really need to get a new car,” Lynn said. “Don’t worry about an after-hours bracelet. Go on down.” She waved her hand in the direction of Devon’s room.
“Thanks,” Cassie said but didn’t move. Maybe Lynn could tell her who Pearl was and what she was doing here. “I did have car trouble earlier tonight, but I still managed to get here before visiting hours were over— or were supposed to be. Why were they changed tonight?”
“They weren’t.” Lynn pushed some papers into a file. She looked up at Cassie again. “Hours never change. Something like that would require notifying all the family and friends who visit, and that would be next to impossible, given the number of patients we have, their contacts, and our constantly changing residents.”
“I was here an hour ago, and there was a sign right here on the counter.” Cassie pointed to the spot. “It said that visiting hours had been changed, and neither you nor Veronica or any other nurse was to be found at this station or the front one. I know. I walked the halls looking for you, hoping for an explanation or an exception of the changed hours, because she wouldn’t let me into Devon’s room.”
“She?” A pen dangled from Lynn’s unmoving fingertips. “Who wouldn’t let you in? Are you certain you’re all right?” Her face grew concerned. “What kind of car trouble did you have? You’re not acting like yourself, Cassie.”
“I’m fine, but I’m not all right.” Cassie blew out a frustrated breath. “I came to see Devon like I do every Friday night, and none of the staff I knew was around, the posted visiting hours had been changed, and there was a strange woman with Devon in his room. And she told me—”
“What strange woman?” Looking alarmed, Lynn rose from her seat and came around to the other side of the counter.
“She said her name was Pearl. I thought maybe she was a nurse.” Cassie left off the explanation she’d originally believed, that Pearl was the neurologist she’d prayed for. “She was wearing scrubs and sort of implied that she worked for Kaiser or one of the other health insurance companies or providers. There was a new security guard stationed in the hall, too.”
“We haven’t hired anyone new.” Lynn started walking toward Devon’s room, and Cassie followed.
“What else did she say? Go on,” Lynn urged.
“She made it sound like it was my fault that Devon was still here. That he wanted to be free— to die.”
Lynn hastened her steps. “How long ago was this?”
“Almost an hour,” Cassie said, feeling panicked. If Lynn didn’t know about the strange woman either, then who was she, and what had she been doing in Devon’s room? “You don’t think—”
“I don’t know what to think.” Lynn reached Devon’s door first and pushed it open. Cassie entered and crossed to his bed.
“He’s fine.” Lynn let out an audible sigh of relief as she double-checked all of Devon’s connections and monitors. “Are you sure about all this, Cassie? A stranger was in here?”
“Positive.” Cassie sank into the chair next to the bed. “I tried to find you, or any other nurse to tell you, but no one was around.”
“We must have all been with Arnold,” Lynn said, flashing an apologetic look at Cassie. “There were a lot of us in his room. Probably none of us realized that no one was manning the station.”
“Arnold?” Cassie asked, her heart quickening as she pictured one of her favorite patients at Sierra. “Ivy’s husband, Mr. Leifter?”
Lynn nodded. She sat on the edge of Devon’s bed and folded her arms across her middle. “It’s been a strange night all around.” She glanced up at the clock above the door. “About an hour and fifteen minutes ago the alarm for his room went off. I went to see what had happened— if he’d tripped and fallen over a cord or something— and found that he’d unplugged everything in his room and was sitting in the corner in the dark.”
“Poor Mr. Leifter,” Cassie murmured. He and his wife Ivy had become residents here about a year after Devon had. Arnold’s Alzheimer’s had progressively worsened since then but never so bad that he couldn’t push Ivy, who had suffered a stroke before coming to Sierra, around the courtyard each day. While Ivy’s body was failing, her mind had remained sharp. She’d joked with Cassie on more than one occasion that between her and Arnold, they made one whole person. But you’ve got to be two whole people all by yourself for your little boy. Instead of bemoaning her own situation, Ivy had often kindly inquired over Cassie’s. Until two weeks ago when Ivy had suffered a second stroke and passed away.
“Is Mr. Leifter okay?” Cassie asked with concern. Did he miss his walks with his wife? Or did he even notice she was gone? He hadn’t spoken at all the past couple of years, something Cassie and Ivy had discussed at length and the common bond that had made them friends. She was the only one who ever really understood what it was like to talk to your husband and know he won’t answer, to have him living, but not alive. Cassie had missed Ivy the past couple of weeks, even if her husband hadn’t.
Lynn didn’t answer directly. “Arnold was sitting in the corner, holding her picture and crying.” When we tried to help him back to bed, he kept telling us, “No. Get Ivy. My Ivy.”
“He said her name?” Cassie brought a hand to her mouth. “He does remember.” Her other hand covered her heart as it hurt for him.
“We got him sedated, then ten minutes later, his alarm went off again.” Lynn faced Cassie. “I went down there again, but this time—”
“What?” Cassie leaned closer.
“He’d stopped breathing,” Lynn said quietly. “He was still in his bed, still clutching Ivy’s picture, but he was gone.”
You’ve heard of elderly couples who pass away within days of one another. Their hearts literally cannot survive…
Goosebumps sprang up on Cassie’s arms as she recalled Pearl’s words. Had she visited Mr. Leifter’s room as well? Could she have anything to do with his sudden death?
“I’m sorry, Cassie. I know you were his friend.” Lynn stood. “And I’m so sorry about earlier. I have no idea who Devon’s visitor might have been. We can file a report if you’d like.”
“Please,” Cassie said. “In case we can find out who she is. If she does work for Kaiser or someone else, she needs to be reprimanded for the things she said, at the least.”
“I’ll see what I can find out,” Lynn promised. “Auditors and inspectors are supposed to tell us when they’re coming, but that isn’t always the case. And where Ivy’s death is so recent, it is possible they’ve sent someone. It’s not unusual after a patient passes away.”
“Thanks for looking into it,” Cassie said as Lynn exited the room and closed the door behind her, leaving Cassie alone with Devon and with a feeling of eeriness she didn’t usually have here.
She pulled her phone from her pocket and saw that she’d used twelve of her precious forty-five minutes already. It had been a weird night for sure. It felt like it had gone on forever, yet she hadn’t spent any of it with Devon. She remedied that situation at once, getting up and pulling the chair close to his bed, facing him. His eyes were still closed, but she told herself that was a good thing. His body was observing normal sleep patterns, with his eyes opened during daylight hours and closed at night.
“Crazy night around here, Dev.” She took his hand in hers and, starting with his index finger, began gently moving it, bending it at the joints. Muscular atrophy was a significant problem for PVS patients, so she did what she could during her visits— little though it was— to help prevent that. Working out had been an important part of Devon’s life. When he woke up, he was going to have enough to deal with without the added problem of having to relearn to use his hands. As it was, he’d be devastated when he realized what his once-bulky frame had dwindled to.
Trying not to think about that, Cassie moved each of his fingers purposely as she talked to him. “Noah’s lip is almost healed. I’m so glad the doctor didn’t recommend stitches. I
bet when he gets older we’ll hardly be able to see the scar at all.” Cassie touched Devon’s finger where his wedding band had been. They’d taken it off at the hospital and hadn’t wanted her to put it on him since then until he was fully awake and aware again.
“Noah played soccer tonight. He didn’t make any goals, but he got in there and played. I was really proud of him. But guess what? He’s trying to make goals because I told him I’d pay him a dollar a goal. Lame parenting, I know.” Cassie rolled her eyes, as if Devon could see her. “This is why you really need to wake up and help me out. I need someone to consult with before I make these kinds of bad decisions. Anyway, Noah wants to make goals to earn money so we can go to Legoland.”
Cassie moved onto massaging Devon’s thumb. She always took extra time with his thumbs since they were such a vital part of hand function.
“They’ve been running a commercial about Legoland. Noah’s the perfect age to visit, but I can’t afford to fly, and I don’t want to drive all the way to San Diego just the two of us, not in my old car. It’s barely making it around town. I know I could take yours, and I know I used to drive all over California by myself, but that was before we had Noah. Now that I’m a mom, I really think about stuff like that— about his safety and mine. So if you could wake up soon, I was thinking we could take him for his birthday next April. That’s a good six months away, so you’d have plenty of time for rehab, plenty of time to get those muscles up and running again.” She placed Devon’s hand on top of the covers then moved from the chair to the side of the bed so she could reach his other hand.
“The Nissan broke down again tonight. I have no idea what’s wrong this time. It’s ridiculous how much I’ve spent on that thing this year. I might as well have a car payment. Except if I do, then I won’t have money for anything else. I’m going to have to move soon, Dev. I want you to come home to our apartment, to how it was when you left, but the truth is, it’s not even that way anymore. Noah needs to live somewhere with other kids nearby. He really likes those boys I told you about last week, the ones he played soccer with. I bet he’d love to have them over, but Noah needs a room of his own. I don’t know how much longer we can stay in the apartment. I want to, for you, but you’ve got to help me out and wake up soon. If you don’t…” Cassie shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Between Heaven and Earth Page 9
