All he wanted was to make her happy. He wanted her in his life, he needed her, felt lost without her.
Completely and totally lost.
“This is a mistake,” Nate said as Greg turned into Janelle’s apartment complex. “I’m drunk and she’s going to think I’m an asshole.”
“You’re not a mean drunk, so don’t worry about that. If you were acting like a damn fool, I wouldn’t let you out of the car.” Greg pulled into a parking spot and slipped the car into park.
“I’m not acting like a damn fool? Seriously?” Nate ran a hand through his hair, messing it up, but he didn’t give a shit. She’d have to take him as he was.
He groaned aloud and pressed the back of his head against the seat. Even in his thoughts, he sounded like a dumbass.
“What time is it?” he asked, closing his eyes.
“Just past eleven-thirty.”
Nate’s eyes snapped open and he studied her apartment building in the near distance. All was dark, not a single light on. “She’s asleep.”
“Perfect. You’ll wake her up and she’ll be disoriented and half asleep. Probably more than willing to hear what you have to say.” Greg nudged at Nate’s shoulder. “Head on over there, tiger.”
“I’m going to curse your ass tomorrow, you know.” Nate shook his head. He didn’t open the door.
“Nah, you’ll be thanking me, my friend. Now go to her. Confess your love.” Greg grinned.
“What if she slams the door in my face? Or doesn’t answer it at all? Are you going to wait for me? I don’t want to be stuck here all night.”
“Fine, fine, I’ll wait five minutes and then I’m gone. I think you’ll know how things are going within five minutes, right? And if it takes longer than five, you can always call me.”
“I dunno.” Nate’s hand went to the door handle and he realized his fingers trembled. Shit, he was nervous.
“You’ll know. Now get out.”
Nate practically stumbled out of the car, his head spinning when he stood straight. He probably looked a mess. Hell, he probably looked insane.
Walking up the stairs that led to her front door, he stepped lightly, didn’t want to alarm her with the rattling staircase. Breathing deep, he gulped fresh air, trying to clear his head.
It didn’t help.
He knocked lightly once, then again, afraid she hadn’t heard. After too many long seconds ticked by, a light flickered on and he heard her twist of the lock being undone.
The door swung open and there she stood blinking at him, clad in pink and white plaid pajama pants and a thin white tank top. So thin, he could see the faint shadows of her nipples beneath the fabric.
Arousal hit him, swift and hard, and he pressed his hand against the doorframe to support himself.
“Nate,” she finally said, her soft voice doing strange things to his insides. “What are you doing here?”
“I, uh, I need to talk to you. Can I come in?” He leaned in close, caught a whiff of her delectable scent and it made him weak. No woman had ever smelled so good before.
“Okay.” She sounded hesitant and regret was a dull pain in the pit of his stomach.
Following her inside, he watched as she flicked on a lamp in the living room, making him wince at the bright light. She turned to him, rested her hands on her slim hips as she shook her head.
“You’ve been drinking.” It wasn’t a question.
He shrugged. “A little bit.”
“So you think it’s a good idea to show up now and ask me to talk?” Janelle crossed her arms in front of her chest, waiting for his answer.
“No. I didn’t think it was at all,” he answered truthfully.
“Then why are you here?”
“Greg thought I should talk to you.”
“Greg? Oh, your partner.” She shook her head again, clearly not understanding. “Why would Greg think it’s a good idea you come here after drinking all night long?”
“I didn’t drink all night long. I only had a couple of beers.” Maybe three. He’d lost count.
“Whatever. You should go, Nate. I don’t think you’re up for much logical conversation tonight.” She started for the door but he stopped her, grabbing her by the arm. Her gaze dropped to his fingers wrapped around her, before she lifted her lids, her eyes meeting his.
“Don’t make me leave, Janelle.” He sounded all choked up and he cleared his throat. “I’ve missed you.”
Her gaze flickered and he slowly released his hold on her. She put plenty of distance between them, as if she needed the space.
“You don’t believe me.” He shook his head, feeling like a damn fool. “I’m no good at this, I never have been. After A.J. died, I didn’t want to be in any type of relationship, what with the chance I’d lose someone I loved. So I—stayed alone.”
“What does this have to do with me?” She watched him, her expression wary.
“I’m trying to explain why the hell I am the way I am.” He shook his head. “And I’m messing it up, as always.”
“No.” She slowly shook her head. “No, you’re not.”
Hope lit a warm fire within him. “Why are you shutting me out? What did I do? What can I do to make it up to you?”
“What do you want from me, Nate? Why do you want to drag all this out?”
“Drag what out?”
“This.” She gestured between them. “What happened between us. Are you coming here to break it off with me properly?”
“Break it off? Why would I want to do that?” Scratching his head, he frowned, confused as hell. Didn’t she realize he wanted to take it to the next step?
She smiled though it didn’t reach her eyes. No, it was the saddest little smile he’d ever seen. “I understand. You were looking for my sister and I was easy to hang around with because we—got along so well. Now the case is over, the job is done and you’re finished. Moving on. I get it.”
“You think I’ve moved on.” His voice was low, his mind like mush. He was confused by her words, by the sadness in her eyes.
Nate didn’t want her sad. He wanted to make Janelle happy. Wanted to show her she meant the world to him.
“I know you’ve moved on. You haven’t called me all week.”
“You told me not to. You said you would be busy.” His tone was an accusation he couldn’t help.
Her eyes closed and she grabbed the back of the couch, drawing a deep breath. Her breasts moved and shifted beneath the tank top, her nipples hard and damn tempting. He swore she was gathering the strength to tell him to get the hell out.
Edging toward her, he waited.
“I don’t know what to say,” she finally murmured, her eyes opening, widening when she noticed he stood much closer.
“I don’t know what to say to you either, so why don’t I do this instead.” He gathered her in his arms and kissed her before she could protest.
Her lips were warm and soft, the little gasp of pleasure that escaped giving him the advantage, the courage to take what he so desperately wanted. He opened his mouth over hers, his tongue tentative, brushing against her lips, not wanting to push.
Cradling her back, he slid his hands up and down in a soothing motion, treating her like a sketchy wild animal ready to run away—which she was. He wanted to calm her with his actions, since he blundered every word that left his mouth.
He wanted to show her how much she meant to him.
“Nate.” Her name was a protest murmured against his mouth but he ignored it. Ignored her tiny fists pushing into his chest, ignored her tense posture as she held herself straight and stiff in his arms.
He continued to kiss her with gentle sweeps of his mouth and tongue, not forcing it. Smoothing his hands over her curvy body, he settled them on her hips, pulling her close, squeezing her abundant flesh.
His cock was already hard, painfully so, but he wouldn’t rush it. Knew if he did, she would put a stop to it immediately. He couldn’t risk it.
“I’ve missed you, Janelle,” Nate murm
ured after he broke the kiss, his gaze locked on the swollen curve of her delectable mouth. He kissed her cheeks, her forehead and her nose. The sweet smelling spot behind her left ear, along the delicate line of her jaw, down her soft neck. She shivered beneath his lips and he smiled.
“Nate.” She pushed at his shoulders with the barest of force, not enough to make him quit.
The minute she said the words no or stop, he would. He wasn’t going to force her. He loved this woman, was desperate to show her how much.
“I love it when you say my name.” He licked a hot path down the column of her throat, felt her pulse beat wildly beneath his lips and tongue. She was reacting to his coaxing touch. That realization gave him hope.
“Nate.” This time his name wasn’t a protest, but a quiet surrender. Her body went pliant in his arms, her chest settling against his. She relaxed her clutched hands, sliding them up and over his shoulders. He shifted away slightly so he could study her.
She gazed at him, her blue eyes shining, lips swollen and damp from his kisses. So beautiful, so sweet and about to become all his. His heart swelled at the realization. How much he loved her, cherished her.
He wanted to say the words. He wanted to tell her how he felt, how much she meant to him but they lodged in his throat.
Chicken shit.
Ignoring his conscious he swooped in and kissed her again, harder this time, his tongue tangling with hers. She accepted it, accepted him, her hands squeezing his shoulders tight, griping him with all of her might. He slipped his hands down further, cupping her ass, kneading her flesh through the thin material of her pajama bottoms.
He wanted her naked. Wanted her pliant and welcoming beneath his body. Reaching down, he gripped the backs of her thighs and hauled her up. Her legs wrapped around his hips and she rubbed wantonly against him. He almost dropped her. Even through the fabric of her pajama pants, he could feel her. Scorching hot, burning for him. If he touched her there, he knew she’d be wet and ready.
That thought alone almost made him drop her again.
Holding her close, he strode toward the bedroom, not bothering to turn on the light. He set her gently on the bed and began to strip, watching her watch him in the pale light shining from the living room. She leaned back against the pillows, seductively licking her lips.
No words were spoken when he joined her on the bed, his hands going for the waistband of her pajama pants. He eased them off nice and slow, skimming the smooth flesh of her thighs with gentle fingers. A shudder moved through her and he exhaled harshly at the sight spread out before him.
A decadent feast for the eyes, she was. She wore no panties, her bare legs long and tempting, her equally bare wet sex, pretty and pink He touched her there, his fingers stroking across damp golden hair, sliding lower to test her hot wet depths.
Janelle arched against him, crying out with pleasure when he stroked deeper, testing her. He entered her tight sheath with two fingers, her inner walls clutching around him as if they didn’t want to let go. His cock bobbed eagerly, desperate to be inside her but he clenched his jaw, taking his time.
He moved up her body, pressing his mouth against her belly, just beneath her breasts, finally drawing one and then the other nipple into his mouth. She thrust her hands into his hair, holding him as he sucked and laved, relished the sweet taste of her.
Blindly reaching toward the beside table, he slid open the drawer, searching for condoms. He found one and moved away from her, tearing open the package and ready to sheath himself when she stopped him.
“Let me,” she whispered, taking the condom from him, clasping her fingers around the base of his aching cock.
Nate closed his eyes, groaning when she stroked him, her fingers gripping him tight. Up and down, up and down she went, until he thought he would burst and then she stopped, rolling the condom onto his cock with slow, seductive movements.
Opening his eyes, he found her settled back against the pillows, a naughty smile on her face. She arched against him, her wet sex brushing his cock. “Hurry, Nate.”
He gripped the base of his cock, teasing her with long, deliberate sweeps against her wet core. She writhed beneath him, her head thrown back, lips parted in erotic surrender.
Jesus. Sweat misted his forehead. He was torturing himself more than her.
Finally, he pushed home, entering her, stroking deeper and deeper with his every thrust. She lifted her hips, wrapped her legs around him and he sank fully inside her, their mingled moans loud in the quiet room.
Again and again, he filled her, captivated by her expressive face as they made love. Her eyes were tightly closed, her lower lip caught between her teeth, her face a study in concentration. He touched her, drew his fingers down her cheek and her eyes slid open, glittering in the semi-darkness.
“You’re beautiful.” His voice was a husky whisper, his throat raw. Unfamiliar emotion threatened to overwhelm him, choke him and he swallowed hard.
Janelle didn’t answer. Her eyes sliding closed, she moved against him, with him, setting a steady pace that had them both panting in seconds. Already he was close, too close, but he couldn’t stop. Increasing his pace, he rammed inside her, his hips pumping, completely out of control. The muscles in his neck strained, his skin grew tight, his body covered in sweat.
She stiffened beneath him, her entire body quivering, her sex clenching around him in a rhythmic motion over and over. Her climax was strong, making her shake, causing her to whimper and cry out his name. He came with a yell, slowly pumping inside her, the words he wanted to say hanging on the tip of his tongue.
But they wouldn’t fall.
Chapter Thirteen
“Everyone is enjoying the fashion show.” Marnie smiled at Janelle, shooting her a thumbs up. “The event’s turned out great. We couldn’t have done it without your hard work.”
Janelle and her boss stood on the sidelines, watching the models strut up and down the catwalk, showcasing the latest spring and summer fashions by Southern California designers. A hushed crowd of nearly five hundred watched the show, accompanied by a handful of photographers who hovered around the stage, snapping away with their cameras.
The hors d’oeuvres and cocktails flowed freely before the runway show. Much of Los Angeles’s elite appeared, including a few celebrities. Janelle was secretly beside herself.
The Passion for Fashion charity event turned out better than she could have ever dreamed. The estimated amount they’d earned for the Women’s Cancer Center was record breaking, Marnie had already told her.
A pang of sadness touched her even amidst her night of success. She wished Nate was here celebrating with her.
She’d sent him away that night he’d come over. After he’d made love to her so tenderly, she hadn’t known how to react. Had he been looking for a pity screw? Though he’d looked at her as if he wanted to say something, he hadn’t. So she’d told him to leave.
And she hadn’t heard from him since.
Granted, she hadn’t been home much. She’d been consumed with event planning, checking over last minute details, making sure everything was in order. She’d been at the hotel conference suite since yesterday afternoon, setting everything up, meeting with the vendors, the models, everyone.
Finally, after months of planning, the night was almost over. It was a relief, yet she was also sad. It had been fun, planning the event. The idea of returning to her slightly boring receptionist job was almost depressing.
“I was going to talk to you tomorrow, but I don’t want to wait. What do you think about becoming my assistant?” Marnie smiled at her, an expectant expression on her face.
Janelle’s heart raced. This was the moment she’d been waiting for. “Are you serious? What about Theresa?”
No way did she want to steal her friend’s job.
“She’s being promoted. Theresa is going to be our new director of research.” Marnie inclined her head toward Janelle. “I hope you’ll consider the position. We can talk more about
it tomorrow. They’ll be an increase in pay, of course, plus more responsibility, but I’m not worried about that. I know you can do it. If you can organize this, you can do just about anything.”
Joy blossomed inside her chest and Janelle couldn’t help her big grin. “I don’t need to consider anything. I’ll take it.”
“Perfect. I was hoping you’d say that. That’s why I asked now.” Marnie drew Janelle into a brief hug. “I’m so glad you’ll be joining my team. I can’t wait to work with you more.”
“Thank you so much, Marnie. You don’t know how much this means to me.” Janelle couldn’t believe this was happening. That Marnie had offered her such an opportunity, that she was excited to work with her.
“I’m thrilled you accepted, Janelle. I’ll be back. I need to go check on something.” Marnie touched Janelle’s arm before she walked away.
Finally. Finally, she’d shown she was good enough and found someone who believed in her.
Nate believed in you, too. Why did you turn him away?
Her lips tightened into a firm line. Because she didn’t want to be turned away first, that’s why. Rejection stung. She’d been rejected countless times in her life, she didn’t want to go through it again.
Really, she didn’t think she could take it, having Nate turn her away. So she’d turned him away first—after having one more night with him.
And oh, what a night it had been. The way he’d touched her, looked at her. Their lovemaking had been fraught with emotion, more intense. Though maybe that had been all on her part…
Heaven help her, she’d made the mistake of falling in love with him. So stupid. She’d warned herself when she’d embarked on this little affair. Then she’d gone and done it anyway. Fallen hard for a man who admitted he wasn’t good at relationships. Well, neither was she.
What a perfect couple they made. The thought almost made her snort out loud.
“Hey, Janelle. Someone is here to see you.” Theresa approached her out of nowhere, a secretive smile on her face.
“What? Who is it? Hey, why didn’t you tell me about your promotion? Marnie just let me know.”
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