But as her mouth opened under his, passion flared again. Comfort and reassurance had become something else; yet the very strength of their passion was warm and comforting.
Allison broke away from the kiss, but it was only to speak. “Thank you Joe,” she said. He squeezed her hand in reply.
Her childhood must have been hell. But he found himself in some sympathy with her father. Not for the cruel way he’d treated the infant Allison. Never. But for his reasons for not wanting to adopt.
Flesh of his flesh and blood of his blood. Allison’s quote echoed through his head. Joe knew that when he fathered children, he wanted them to be his own. Not another man’s.
He’d always thought that. Maybe it came from being part of a close-knit family where blood ties meant all. He didn’t know. But it was part of him. And not something he’d thought to question.
“Am I boring you? I guess this is all... a little heavy.”
“Not at all. I’m honored you’re sharing it with me.” He meant it.
She put down her cup again.
“I’ve tried to find my birth mother but with no luck. I don’t know if Mitchell gets his unusual eyes from her or from my real father. Or where my pale hair comes from. I know hardly anything about her. It makes me feel...without an anchor. I envy you your family.”
“Where are your adoptive parents now?” Joe asked.
“My mother died years ago. After she died, my father only felt financial responsibility for me. He saw me through college and after that I was on my own.”
She swallowed against what were obviously painful memories.
“He married again and has two children of his own. I don’t even get a Christmas card from him. It’s one reason I agreed to move to Australia. I have no family ties back home.”
Joe was surprised at the depth of the anger he felt toward Allison’s adoptive father for the hurt he’d caused her. But he wanted to ask a question he knew he probably shouldn’t. He didn’t know why he was thinking about this issue so much, why it nagged at him. “And does he treat his own kids differently to the way he did you?”
“He dotes on them. Or at least he did when I saw them.”
“That’s understandable, I suppose.”
His words came out seemingly of their own volition. He wanted to drag them back into his mouth the second he’d said them. He knew immediately she’d take what he’d said the wrong way.
He’d blown it.
Allison felt her cheeks first drain of color, then flush back hot. “Wh...what did you say?”
She swallowed hard. Surely she hadn’t heard right. Joe had been so sympathetic, so understanding, she’d opened up to him like she’d never opened up before. She’d never even told Peter just how much her father’s rejection had hurt her.
“I said…I suppose it’s understandable he’d care more for his own kids when he’d been so against adoption.”
His words tore and twisted into her heart. She’d trusted him. Revealed herself to him.
She couldn’t believe she’d misjudged him so badly. Been such a fool as to think he’d understand what she’d been through. Why it was so important to her that her child would know his birthright.
Allison leaped up from the sofa. “So that excuses the way he treated me?”
Joe cleared his throat. “I didn’t say it was excusable. I said it was understandable.”
“Understandable? Understandable he should treat me like I scarcely had a right to exist?”
Joe was tight-lipped, his eyes dark and unreadable. It was hard to believe they’d been so intimate only minutes ago. Now they faced each other like strangers.
“Allison, don’t get me wrong. I can see why you hate him. I...I just think I know how the guy felt about adopting a kid that wasn’t his.”
“Why? Is that how you feel?”
She’d never seen him look ill at ease before. “No. Not really.”
He looked away from her and then resolutely back to face her. “Yes, it is. I have to be honest about it. I can’t imagine myself bringing up another man’s child as my own.”
His words were like a blow, taking her breath away from her. “Are you trying to tell me something?” She didn’t give him a chance to answer. “Like, ‘don’t get any ideas about me’?”
Her fantasies in the kitchen churned inside to the point of nausea. Stay-at-home dad. Walking down the aisle. And now he was warning her off. The humiliation was unbearable. She thought she might be sick. Thank heaven she’d stopped him from going any further.
Imagine how she’d feel if she was hearing this after she’d gone to bed with him.
She’d long ago figured out she’d been attracted to Peter because he was the same kind of controlling, distant person as her adoptive father. She’d had no more luck winning her husband’s approval than she had her father’s.
They said you kept on falling for the same kind of man. Joe seemed different—but maybe he wasn’t.
She’d started spinning dreams and fantasies around a man who might treat Mitchell the same way she’d been treated by her father. Her beloved son would never, ever, have to put up with that.
Even if she remained single to the grave.
Joe put his hands on her shoulders. She tried to shrug them off but he wouldn’t let go. His hands were warm and firm and she remembered how good they had felt on her body. How much she had wanted him.
She stifled a sob. Oh Joe, she cried silently, thinking of what might have been. He was so close she could feel his breath on her face as he spoke, smell the spicy maleness she already identified as uniquely his. Her traitorous body ached for him.
“Allison, listen. I don’t want to hurt you. Or Mitchell.”
Now he was patronizing her. She couldn’t bear it.
She shrugged out of his arms.
“What makes you think you’ve got the power to hurt me?” she asked, her voice breaking.
If she hadn’t known better she’d think her words had wounded him. But the tight look was gone from his face as soon as it had flashed there.
She forced herself to sound cynically blasé. “You don’t think tonight meant anything to me do you? What’s a few kisses? I wasn’t expecting it. Neither were you, I guess. Unless you try to lay all the mothers you work for.”
Joe’s hands were clenched into fists by his side, as if he were trying to control his anger. Before she knew what was happening, he had pulled her close again.
She struggled, protested, mumbled against the pressure of his lips. But her body betrayed her, her nipples tingling into hardness, her body flooded with desire. With a little moan, her mouth opened under his and her tongue welcomed his into her mouth.
She pressed her breasts against his chest, her hips against the hardness of his arousal; she twined her arms around his neck, reveling in the closeness of him. She wanted him so badly she felt almost faint. For a moment she gave herself over to the utter pleasure his embrace gave her.
Then she wrenched his arms from around her and twisted herself free. She was furious with herself that she’d let him feel her response.
Her chin thrust skyward. “So we’re attracted to each other. It’s nothing more than lust.”
“You feel this kind of hunger for a man all the time?”
Allison blushed and couldn’t look at him. “That’s none of your business.”
She’d never felt it. Not for any one but him. Ever.
“I’m not that guy who tries to seduce every woman I work for,” he growled.
In spite of herself her heart sang at his words. Only to be silenced by his next.
“But I’m not looking for commitment—”
“Or another man’s child,” she finished for him, her words dull and flat.
She sniffed back tears and tried to keep the betraying tremor from her voice. Then she met Joe’s gaze squarely. “Mitchell and I come as a package deal,” she said. “That’s not negotiable.”
“I understand, and I admire you for it
,” said Joe slowly.
Allison nearly buckled at the stab of pain his words brought her. He admired her but he didn’t want her—not when she came encumbered with a child.
Joe continued. “Mitchell’s a lucky little boy to have such a great mom.”
“I’m glad you think so,” Allison managed to force out through dry lips.
“I do,” he said and made to reach for her again.
Allison stepped back. She couldn’t trust herself if he were to touch her again. In spite of the pain he was causing her, she knew her body would betray her.
“I think it’s time we said goodnight. And...and goodbye. It’s not a good idea to see each other again.”
“You mean—”
“I know we agreed you’d carry on as Mitchell’s nanny for the entire week, but I don’t think I could bear it. Not after tonight.”
Joe’s brows drew together and his face was shadowed with sadness. “I wish it could be different.”
“It can’t be any different,” she said, desperately willing away the tears. “I have to think of Mitchell, not just myself.”
“Will you get another nanny?”
Allison hadn’t thought that far ahead. But suddenly she knew what to do. “Yes, but in the meantime I’ll look after him myself. I’ll take some vacation days. Clive can’t complain—the deal’s done, the contract’s signed.”
“I’ll miss Mitchell,” said Joe, surprising her.
Allison couldn’t bear much more of this. She just wanted Joe to go quickly—a short, sharp pain like ripping off an adhesive bandage, not the prolonged agony of slowly teasing it off. “He’ll miss you, too,” she said, not daring to think how she herself would feel when Joe was gone.
“I should say goodbye to him. He’ll wonder what’s happened to me.”
“He’s asleep. I’ll say goodbye for you.”
“I’ll look in on him,” insisted Joe. “He’ll be upset if I don’t say goodbye.”
“No!” Her voice broke. “You’re just a short-term, nanny, Joe. In a week’s time Mitchell won’t even remember you. Please...please just go.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Allison was amazed at the sight—and sound—of hundreds of toddlers punching their little arms in the air above their heads, rhythmically stamping their feet, and shouting, “Teddies! Teddies!” as they waited for the kids’ band, Teddy Bear Beat, to come on stage. Just like adults at a rock concert, only half these fans were wearing diapers.
Teddy Bear Beat was the hot new band with the pre-school set. Allison’s neighbor Diane had told her so when her kids came down with chicken pox and she’d offered tickets to Allison and Mitchell. Diane had been surprised when Allison had confessed she’d never heard of the band or their best-selling CD Fall Down Teddy.
She’d jumped at the chance to bring Mitchell to the concert, enjoying her time with him between nannies. Out of the blue, her former nanny Katie had arrived back in the country, disillusioned with backpacking, and was starting back in her old job the following week.
Sitting on the floor toward the front of the venue, Allison and Mitchell were about to discover what Teddy Bear Beat was all about. The music started, and the four-year-old cheerleaders at the very front shouted: “Yay! Fall Down Teddy!”
The curtains swished open and the band was there—two blond young men and a girl wearing blue dungarees printed with teddies, and bright T-shirts underneath—each a different colour. The children squealed their approval.
The band started to play. Their music was loud, rhythmic and rocking, and very familiar.
Allison’s mouth went dry and she had to swallow hard. It couldn’t be Joe’s song. The one she and Mitchell had danced to. Just a similar tune. He couldn’t have lied about composing it. She couldn’t bear it if he had lied.
But the tune was just the same. She would never forget it, the way she couldn’t forget Joe; had thought constantly of him the ten days past. She’d gone over and over the scene in her living room, wondering if she could have said something different. If she shouldn’t have seized the chance of something glorious with him, instead of standing on cold and lonely principle.
From offstage, a man started singing to the music—the same words as Joe’s song. Children in the audience tumbled down and waved their arms and legs in the air, just as Joe had taught Mitchell to do. The voice, distinctively deep and husky, sounded like Joe’s voice.
Then the fourth member of Teddy Bear Beat ran onto the stage. He was tall with dark curly hair tied back from his face, broad-shouldered and buff.
Allison’s heart skipped a beat and she could hardly breathe. She could scarcely hear Mitchell’s excited squeals of, “Joe, Momma, Joe!”
She couldn’t keep her eyes off Mitchell’s former nanny. In dungarees and bright red T-shirt he looked far from the sexy denim-and-leather-clad biker she knew. But his rear end looked just as appealing; his chest as impressive. He was still hands-down the most desirable man she’d ever seen.
The effect wasn’t lost on the other mothers in the hall either, they were squealing nearly as loudly as the kids.
Allison reeled with shock. She had never dreamed Joe’s band was a kids’ band. He’d never told her anything about it—but then she’d never asked.
Teddy Bear Beat was a great gimmick for the kids, and something for the mommies to feast their eyes on. The daddies, too. The female teddy was petite and cute with cropped red curls, and the other two guys hadn’t exactly been touched with the ugly stick either.
The band launched into its next number. Although Joe was obviously the star, all four were highly skilled musicians delivering a unique brand of kids’ rock and roll.
Allison’s heart did a curious, panicky flip as Joe looked in her direction. He couldn’t possibly see her among all these kids and their parents. Even though, it seemed like he was singing just to her.
She had to get out. There was no point in meeting with him again. He’d made it clear he wasn’t interested in her as a package deal with Mitchell. All he wanted from her was a casual bedmate. And that wasn’t what she was looking for.
She’d thought hard about it as she’d tossed, sleepless, in her lonely bed. Should she just have said “yes” to a sexual fling with Joe, and accepted that was all it could ever be? But flings with no future weren’t her scene.
Maybe some men could walk away undamaged from those no-strings kind of deals, but she wouldn’t. It would be too easy to get attached to Joe; too easy for her—and Mitchell—to get hurt.
Her heart pounding, she looked frantically around for the nearest exit.
Joe was finding it almost impossible to concentrate on the song—a zappy little number about brushing teeth. Lucky it was really Lindy’s song, and he could step back a little from the spotlight. He couldn’t believe Allison was there.
He’d spotted her as soon as he’d come on stage. In a room packed with attractive young mothers, Allison stood out. What was it about this woman that meant other women simply didn’t exist for him?
He’d stomped away from her house last week, furious he’d made such a mess of things. But the cool night air rushing over his face, as he’d roared off on his motorbike, had cleared his head. He’d get over her. After all, what was there to get over? He’d only known Allison a few days.
But in those few days she’d really gotten under his skin. He hadn’t stopped seeing her face before his eyes since. And here she was in reality. In the gorgeous, living flesh.
And Mitchell, too. Look at the little guy. Grooving away to the music. He had a great sense of rhythm for a kid so young. Could even end up as a musician himself.
Joe felt a curious sensation of regret when he realized that kind of future was highly unlikely to be Mitchell’s. With both parents bankers, he’d probably be steered toward that path himself. Nothing creative. Nothing unconventional. Especially if he ended up with someone like Clive for a stepfather.
Lindy cast him an alarmed look, and Joe realized he’d struck a disc
ordant twang on his guitar at the very thought of it. Would someone like Clive care for Mitchell? Would he be a good dad to him?
Joe hit the wrong note again. What was the matter with him? The thought of Allison with Clive made him ready to fight World War Three. But since when did Mitchell enter the equation?
Concentrate. Concentrate on the concert. Not on that luscious blonde woman in the audience and her delightful little son.
No! She was looking anxiously around the room for a way out. She was planning to bolt. No wonder, after the things he’d said to her the other night. He couldn’t let her go. Frantically he cast around for a way to stop her.
Allison worked out the quickest pathway through the crowd of bopping kids and parents to an exit. Joe wouldn’t want to see her. He’d made it humiliatingly clear how he felt. And she hadn’t exactly bid him farewell with dignity and calm. She could save them both an embarrassing encounter by hightailing it out of there as soon as possible.
The tooth-brushing song finished. Then Joe started calling members of the audience up on stage to join a conga line. Alarmed, Allison picked Mitchell up. “C’mon, sweetie, we’re out of here.”
Mitchell, swaying in time to the music, howled and resisted. “No! Dance, Joe.” He struggled and kicked as she tried to push through the crowd toward the exit. Her heart started thumping with panic as she watched Joe jump from the stage and make his way toward her, the conga line following him. The crowd parted for him; those not in the conga clapping him through in time to the music.
It seemed like only seconds before Joe stood in front of her, his hair dampened into wild curls escaping from the leather tie, a grin playing around his sexy, sexy mouth.
“Joe!” cried Mitchell, straining toward his former nanny. Joe swept Mitchell up into his arms. Mitchell threw his chubby little arms joyously around the big man’s neck.
Holding Mitchell with one hand, Joe held out the other to Allison. “Come on,” he said. She couldn’t read the expression in his deep blue eyes.
Something About Joe Page 10
