by Paulo Lins
She went through the streets swinging her hips so much in her hurry to get to the bus that the men she passed made sleazy comments and turned to look at her arse, irritating Thiago, who wanted to believe that the body everyone admired was his. Close to Main Square, he snuck up behind her and put his arms around her, giving her a fright. Hiding his jealousy, he said he’d spotted her a few minutes earlier. He walked her to the bus stop and, after making small talk, said he’d meet her after school, something he’d never done before. She didn’t notice his jealousy and readily agreed, happy that her boyfriend was so dedicated. She gave him a big kiss before getting on the bus.
Thiago thought about doing a few more laps around The Plots to finish his run, since his jealousy had stopped him going to the beach. But everything was fine now, because she’d agreed without hesitation. If she had a boyfriend at school she’d have been nervous or perhaps even against his suggestion. He ran fast through the streets of The Plots, now paved and occupied by lower middle-class houses, although there were still many trees and secluded places where you could smoke a joint in peace. He sat on the highest branch of an almond tree and rolled a joint, taking his time about it, his thoughts on the men that turned to look when his girlfriend went past, the lustful looks Marisol had shot her on the bus, the looks her teachers might give her legs. She was without a doubt the prettiest girl at her school. He even thought about going back to study; he’d enrol at the same school so he could keep an eye on her all the time. He smoked the whole joint. His thoughts were now slower and his gaze contemplative. He noticed a nest on the next branch and was curious to see what was in it, but when he lifted himself up he realised how high he was and returned to the position he’d been in. He held on to the tree trunk more firmly and was afraid to climb down. This business of climbing trees to smoke dope was always the same – when they were off their faces, smokers were afraid to come down. He’d heard stories of friends who’d had to stay up the tree until their high had worn off. After a while he felt he wasn’t that out of it. He relaxed and watched the sun’s rays coming through the leaves, the birds playing on the branches. Everything was calmer and more beautiful. Things were always more evident after a smoke – how long had it been since he’d noticed the happiness of the sparrows, the beauty of life. The image of the sunlight in the branches would remain forever in his mind. He sang a Raul Seixas song, looked down again and clung to the trunk as firmly as he had before. He’d be better off climbing down to put an end to that paranoia once and for all. When he started to climb down he felt scared again, then he saw it was easy – it had all just been a head trip. He walked home willing time to pass quickly sohe could gomeet Adriana at her school.
He put on his best clothes, after shaving off his sparse facial hair, dousing himself in perfume and rubbing in too much of his mother’s moisturiser so he could go out looking smart. He arrived at his girlfriend’s school far too early and went into a nearby bar, where he bought two chocolates and a soft drink to kill time, without taking his eyes off the entrance to her school. He left the bar, went for a walk around the block and timed it. After three more laps she’d be coming out. He kicked stones, whistled several songs, thought again about going back to school, realised his trainers were a bit worn, and strolled along with his hands in his pockets; the next time he’d arrive at the right time.
When Adriana saw him she hurried over, gave him a big kiss and asked when he’d arrived. Thiago stuttered a lie:
‘I just got here.’
‘Liar! I could see you pacing back and forth from the classroom. You’re worried about something, aren’t you?’
‘I’ve only been here a little while … I’m not worried about nothin’. I was missin’ ya!’
‘It’s not “nothin’ ”, Thiago, it’s “anything”!’
He made a point of putting his arm around her before crossing the street, then stopped at a bar to buy a cigarette, and decided not to keep his arm around her to see if some dickhead would come up and greet her with kisses, hug her, chat her up. He left the bar with the cigarette already lit. This time he walked along without touching his girlfriend, who the men in the street had started ogling again. Adriana made a point of putting her arms around him; she felt bad being eyed up beside her boyfriend, who was now scowling. Unable to contain himself, he said somewhat maliciously:
‘You like it when guys look at you, don’t ya?’
‘Come off it, silly …’
‘Whenever a guy looks at you, you swing your hips even more!’
‘Stop talking nonsense. That’s why you came to pick me up, isn’t it? You know all men are like that … Are you telling me you don’t look at girls in the street?’
‘Nope, I’ve only got eyes for you. I don’t look at other girls, I don’t think about other girls, all I want is you, just you …’ he said affectionately.
They stopped at an ice-cream parlour before taking the bus back to City of God. Adriana said she was in a hurry because she had to go to a friend’s house to work on a group project. Thiago listened without saying a word, but his mind was full of mistrust; he scratched his nose and swung his legs with a nervousness his girlfriend didn’t notice. Was she making it up so she could go meet up with some boyfriend, or even Marisol himself? Women were the biggest liars!
‘Where’s your friend’s place?’ he asked, without looking her in the face.
‘Over in Freguesia,’ she answered in the same manner.
They said goodbye after Thiago said he’d meet her after school again, since he couldn’t spend the afternoon with her as he’d planned. He thought about saying he’d take her to her friend’s house, or arranging to go to the movies afterwards so he could check that it really was a group project she was working on. Standing on the corner of her street he tried to dream up a way to meet her as she left her house. His eyes followed a ball some kids were kicking around the Rec sports area; he felt betrayed and tricked, although he had no reason to. As well as love, he now felt hatred for Adriana; hatred not only towards her, but towards the comments made by men in the street, Marisol’s lustful looks, a rich boyfriend in Freguesia, her teachers, the bus driver, some bastard that caught the bus with her every morning. He wanted to stop feeling jealous, to feel so normal that he didn’t even care if she had someone else. Rocket had once said on the beach that it was better to share filet mignon than eat a dog alone. What ajoke! No man could accept that. If he went and got her pregnant, his chances of losing her would decrease. If he could find a way to be with her all the time, he’d feel calmer.
* * *
The sun made the atmosphere – still tense after the deaths of the six gangsters – even more heated. Thiago noticed Gabriel and Tonho at the other end of the Rec. He thought about leaving, as he wanted to be alone to think up a strategy so he could go with Adriana that afternoon. Then he realised his friends had already seen him. Perhaps he was better off going to shoot the breeze with his pals to get that fretting out of his head. He sat down, leaned against a post, made an effort to change the expression on his face and held out his hand to his friends, squinting in the sunlight.
‘We’re here to tell you somethin’. D’you know there’s gonna be a rock festival on a farm over in Magé?’ asked Gabriel.
‘No,’ replied Thiago.
‘Fuck! How can you not know, man? More than thirty rock ‘n’ roll bands … There’s ads on Mundial Radio all the time … You’re so out of touch! Everyone’s thinkin’ ‘bout goin’ on Friday and only comin’ back on Sunday. We came to see if we could take that tent of yours if you’re not goin’, know what I’m sayin’? Fuck, man – a whole bunch of girls goin’ to a farm! Aren’t ya comin’? I’m takin’ ten bundles of dope and I’m gonna get shitfaced three days in a row …’ said Gabriel excitedly.
‘You know what there’s shitloads of at these festivals? Mushroom tea. You drink a cup, smoke a spliff, pop a handful of pills and get shitfaced, man! I’m in, OK? But my tent’s only big enough for two. We need …’
‘No way, man – your tent’s got room for ten, easy! All we gotta do is find two more, get a couple of gas lamps, buy some tins of food, loaves of bread … And we need to see who’s goin’ so we can get things movin’. So let’s have a look at this tent, then. Is it in good nick? C’mon, let’s check out the tent, OK?’ Gabriel rubbed the palms of his hands together as he talked, a cheerful smile stamped across his face. His black curly hair covered his shoulders and goosebumps covered his thin, springy body as he talked about the things he was going to do. He offered Thiago a hand up.
They walked to Thiago’s house with Gabriel making travel plans and calculating how much they’d spend over the three days. They had to tell Katanazaka, Rocket, Marisol, Daniel, Bruno, Leonardo, Breno, Sir Paulo Carneiro, Rodrigo, Chevy and all the girls.
They set up the tent in Thiago’s backyard. Thiago completely forgot about his girlfriend. All they had to do was stitch up a tear on the left side and that was it. They rolled a joint, then went to Álvaro Katanazaka’s place to tell him about the trip, their spirits even higher because they were out of it. They made plans while eating the gnocchi that Mrs Katanazaka had prepared. In the evening, they told their friends about the trip and what they still needed to do so it would happen. They didn’t want to lug too much weight around. The girls would carry the dope, Rocket had a tent and would borrow two more from his schoolfriends, Daniel had a gas camp cooker and everyone would take lots of blankets, because the place was cold. It was all set – if everything in the world could be resolved like that no one would have any problems. They went out to smoke a joint on a street a reasonable distance from Katanazaka’s house, used eye drops so they wouldn’t give themselves away and went back to eat more gnocchi.
Marisol arrived at Katanazaka’s house shortly after Thiago, Gabriel and Tonho had returned. Thiago thought about Adriana, but Marisol’s presence reassured him somewhat; now he knew Adriana was not with Marisol. He barely spoke to him, however, and from time to time looked him up and down offhandedly, but without letting his eyes rest for long on his rival, who didn’t notice his feigned indifference. They played pinball until well after midnight.
Thiago woke early, although he had gone to bed late. As always, he got ready to go for his jog. He took the same route as he had the previous day, but didn’t follow his girlfriend. He waited for her to arrive in Main Square. They walked to the bus stop, where they arranged to meet again in front of her school. This time Thiago arrived a few minutes before school got out, wearing his second-best clothes, duly perfumed and armed with chocolates and chewing gum. He didn’t put his arms around his girlfriend while he talked about the rock ‘n’ roll festival, trying to convince her to go. Although he was talking a lot, he watched the other men going past and stuttered whenever someone’s eyes lingered on her, then pretended nothing had happened and kept talking. He stopped off at the same bar to buy a cigarette, and also bought two bottles of soft drinks, put four straws in each bottle and went to the door of the bar, where his girlfriend was waiting for him. He drank his soft drink keeping a certain space between them. To put even more distance between them he walked over to the farthest person he could to ask for a light, then got him talking by asking him something or other, and out of the corner of his eye watched his girlfriend, who smiled when a guy from school went past, said something, ran his hand across her neck and stroked her hair. Thiago galloped from the bar with the bottle poised so he could bring it down with all his strength on the fuckwit’s head. The boy spun and fell to the ground, completely stunned. Before he could even get up, Thiago kicked him in the face and paced around his bloody, unconscious body. It all happened so quickly that Adriana froze, her eyes bulging and her mind straining to understand what had happened. A circle of people quickly formed around the student. Two men tried to grab Thiago, who tugged at Adriana in an attempt to leave with her, but a crowd had surrounded him, making it impossible for him to escape with her. He planted a left hook on the ear of the guy closest to him, ducked and dodged to slip the others and used the bottle to threaten those who tried to follow him. He got on the first bus that went past, while Adriana went to her friend’s aid.
At the third stop, Thiago left the bus through the back door, threw away the bottle and wondered where to go. He thought about going back to get Adriana, but no – perhaps it was better to wait for her at home. The right thing would be to wait in the square, or he could take a bus past the scene of the incident to see what had happened. Could the guy have died? He began to realise he’d fucked up, his hot sweat slowly went cold, and an emptiness pulsed through his spine. Stupid, he’d done something stupid. How many times had he stroked a female friend’s hair? How many times had he greeted girls with kisses? Girls who were, incidentally, also Adriana’s friends. He regretted what he’d done. He waited there until a bus went past going to City of God.
‘Have you lost it? Do you see what you did? You almost killed the guy! Never, ever look me in the eye again!’
‘I thought it was that guy from the dance comin’ onto you – I couldn’t tell he was wearing a uniform! If I’d known he was your friend, I wouldn’t’ve done nothin’ …’
‘Didn’t you see he was from my school when he was on the ground?’
‘I saw red, I didn’t see a thing, I … I …’
‘Stop lying, Thiago! You’ve been acting all jealous since yesterday – I’ve only just realised …’
‘Jealous? What you talkin’ about? I was just tryin’ to help you and you go and turn your back on me. Fine! Forget it, then. I’m outta here …’
Thiago went down an alley, feeling even more defeated because his lie hadn’t worked. Short steps, head down, hands in pockets, eyes full of tears. He’d gone and acted like a guard dog and ended up losing Adriana. What idiocy, what stupid jealousy, but if he talked to Patrícia Katanazaka, Adriana’s best friend, sticking with his lie, showing how much he regretted what he’d done, maybe she’d talk to Adriana on his behalf. He had to make up with her before the trip. It was too risky to go off and leave that gorgeous thing alone in the middle of a bunch of men, especially now she’d started smoking dope. Some fuckwit would promptly offer to roll her a joint, then stick his dick in. He’d lie low for a while, then he’d go have a chat with Patrícia Katanazaka, and would even go as far as to cry in front of her if he had to. He went to Teresa’s den, bought a bundle of dope and strode home.
He locked the entire house up from the inside, rolled an enormous joint and bitterly remembered the details of the incident. If he could turn back the clock, he wouldn’t even go meet her after school.
‘Oh God, Adriana has to be mine again … What man isn’t a fool for a woman? Just them northerners and niggers, who only pick up dogs. Anyone who had her would be jealous, of course they would! Let’s see if she can find a boyfriend that loves her more than me … No way is she gonna find one and you know what, God? It’s not just because she’s gorgeous and sexy. She’s sensual, it’s the way she comes, her soft hands, the way she talks, dances, asks me for things. Please, God! Bring her back to me!’
Eight months, just eight months together had made him sick with love, insanely jealous. He sobbed, leaning his head against the wall.
* * *
‘He cried so much he could hardly speak at times. I’ve never seen Thiago like that! I was scared he might even keel over. He talked so much! He said you didn’t believe him and that he was only trying to protect you. He swore on his mother’s grave that he was tellin’ the truth …’
‘But he could see the guy was from my school, he was so close, for God’s sake! He hit the guy over the head with a bottle, then kicked him in the face. I haven’t got the nerve to go back to school. I told everyone I didn’t even know him. Just as well no one saw me with my arms around him … But tell me! Did he really cry in front of you?’
‘He bawled his eyes out! You should’ve seen him; if I was you I’d go talk to him.’
Making up was easy: Thiago cried on his girfri
end’s shoulder, but she forbade him to pick her up from school, which he agreed to immediately. She told him she didn’t like this business of resolving things by fighting, that even the fight at the dance had been unnecessary. She was afraid someone might get hurt and had even thought her schoolfriend was dead. Thiago nodded his head at the end of each sentence, with a feigned acquiescence that even fooled himself.
By Wednesday at Katanazaka’s house, everything was practically ready for the trip. They were to leave Friday night. All they had to do was pool the money to buy supplies, exchange the gas cylinder, rustle up thirty bundles of weed, three packs of pills and talk about the cocaine that Marisol was insisting on taking. He said that in the United States all young people smoked and snorted, and the United States ruled:
‘You can see it’s the greatest nation in the world, and it’s the country that’s got the most heads. I mean, fuck, all their stuff is better than ours – jeans, rollerskates, skateboards, watches and heaps of other shit. And people here think they’re hot shit, pah! … There’s where it’s happening, you know. You see Woodstock? Hot chicks everywhere, shooting up, snorting their heads off, smoking huge spliffs. Days and days of pure rock ‘n’ roll, man! In the United States they don’t arrest heads. People even smoke in bank queues. So if listenin’ to rock ‘n’ roll when you’re out of it on weed is a huge trip, imagine what it’s like when you’re shitfaced on coke. I’d rather tell the guys to forget this crap of buyin’ tinned food and spend everythin’ on coke, know what I’m sayin’?’ As he finished he had a smile on his face, and so did everyone who was listening.
