by Marilyn Grey
“Which night?”
“When I brought you back to warm you up.”
“Don’t remember.” I closed my eyes again. “Not surprising since I remember absolutely nothing nowadays. Great life here. Great experiment. Bettering the world. Bettering our future. So much better, better, better. Well”—I opened my eyes and sat up—“I’m not better. I’m not, okay? I say screw this world and our future. I feel like hell has swallowed me up and spit me back out.”
“Hell? What exactly is hell?”
I raised my eyebrows and gave him the are-you-really-that-dense look, but when I started to explain the concept of hell I forgot. Lost it. Gone into the abyss.
“So, what is it?”
“I can’t remember.” I pressed the bridge of my nose to suppress the beginning of a headache. “I hate this. I can’t remember anything anymore.”
“You remember my name.”
“Yes.”
“And your friend 201.”
“Okay, I get it. I didn’t mean it so literally.”
“Sorry, just trying to help.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” I slinked back down into the bed. “So, what happened between us that you want to talk about?”
“Nothing.” He retouched the blankets, doing his tucking thing again.
“I don’t like it being so tight.” I wiggled out again. “I mean, thank you for that, but it just doesn’t feel good to me.”
“Bad mood today?” He tapped the wood at the foot of my bed and rose to his feet. “I’ll check on you again soon.”
“I’m fine, Red. Really. Just confused.” I took a sip from the water he set on the bedside table. “Will I get out of my room tomorrow? I never thought I’d say this, but being served meals in bed is getting a little old.”
“I think so.” He opened the door.
“Wait.” I motioned for him to come back and sit. Once he did, I continued, “So, you’re my guide right?” He nodded. “Guide me then.”
He laughed. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“What exactly is a guide?”
He rubbed his chin. “I guess just the person who takes care of the next person.”
“That’s it? Why’d you stay? Doesn’t sound very exciting, if you ask me. Did you have a choice between this and home?”
“Yeah.”
“And you chose this?”
“I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
He continued rubbing his chin and jaw while staring at the floor. Deep in thought. I watched him for a few seconds, taking in the soft features of his pale face. I spent so much time with Blake who had a very fit body, chocolatey skin, and a mature face. Red looked younger and more gentle. Not less masculine or handsome than Blake, just different. I stared at him as he stared at the floor and I wondered if I’d ever fall in love. My best friend was gorgeous, funny, and amazing in so many ways, but I wasn’t lying to Kendall when I told her that I wasn’t in love with him. Then, Red came into my life with his sweet features and kind demeanor. Still no feelings. No fluttery sensations. No rising body temperature. No excitement or emotion or ... love.
A little odd now that I thought about it.
Red walked to the door and turned back to me. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Why the sad eyes?”
“Not sad.”
He left the room and I imagined him in my bed the year before. A senior in high school just like me. A twin, again like me. How did he endure a year of blurred memories and headaches? Or did he have a different experience?
I imagined my last day. Would I be given a choice to stay or go? And if so, would I ever choose to stay? Red did. Why? Why would anyone?
Josephine returned. “Time for an educational movie. Enjoy.”
The screen lit up with the title The History of the World, and displayed images of young men at war. The first ten minutes explained how destitute the world became and how war broke out and terrorists rose up. It explained the increase of school shootings and violence until guns were banned and people were subdued. The next hour explained in more detail how the world had become safer and more benevolent since The Order was fully recognized as the international social, economic, and political establishment above all others. Wars ceased and people complied. Bliss.
At this point, my eyes could no longer stay open no matter how much I tried to force them. History was never my strong suit.
I dozed off and woke back up at the end of the film.
Josephine came back and I apologized before she spoke.
With a laugh, she said, “That’s perfectly fine. The information was implanted inside of your brain even without watching it.”
“It was? How?”
“You had a procedure the other day. Don’t you remember? A microchip was placed inside of your brain. It’s revolutionary and you’re one of the lucky ones to benefit from it before anyone else. Soon everyone will be given one.”
“Why? We already have one in our wrists.”
“This is more powerful. The chip in your wrist was a stage of preparation and testing for what was to come. What is to come. What has come.” She smiled. “You’ll learn more about it later. Red will be back soon with your dinner and wait until you see what’s for dessert tonight.”
She disappeared and dessert was the last thing on my mind. All I could think about was the microchip in my brain. I didn’t remember getting it or agreeing to it and that worried me. What if the chip was malfunctioning and ruining my brain, my memories, my entire life?
No wonder I had incessant headaches.
I felt around my head from my neck to my scalp, but couldn’t find any sign of a chip or a scar. Why didn’t they ask me first? Why did they treat me as though I were nothing more than their property?
I hated it.
I closed my eyes and tried to pull up the information from the movie, just to see if it really was implanted in my mind.
I recalled the beginning of the film and allowed the images and sounds in my head to carry me all the way to the end of the movie. Not one detail missing. The Order had taken over the world and the people loved it. Peace and harmony stood as a tall, faithful promise from The Order. “Could it be more perfect?” their slogan said. “Yes. And it will be.”
They promised within the next few years to build an even better world. The microchips in our brains would be able to control our actions so that anyone with a malicious thought could be stopped and steered into thoughts of submission and ambivalence.
Sounded nice on the surface, I’ll give it that, but the more I thought of it the more sickened I became and the idea of that thing being lodged somewhere in my brain freaked me out. I didn’t want to be steered into anything. I wanted to choose between good and evil. I wanted to be myself, even if I was wrong.
I turned my hands—Audrey’s hands—in front of me, then looked at my window as a flock of birds flew by. I closed my eyes and dreamed, imagining myself as a bird flying away into the clouds.
One beep woke me up and I can’t express how thankful I was for that one, precious, single beep. No assignments today, I hoped. Breakfast. Outside of my room. With other people.
I couldn’t wait.
But I had to.
I waited at the door until it opened, dashed to the bathroom, and came out to Emily’s sister who I assumed was now actually Emily residing in her sister’s body. Again, they were identical twins, but Emily had a lighter complexion and more feminine features. Her sister was rough and tomboy-ish.
“You realize the differences on your body?” I asked her.
She scrunched her eyebrows. “Huh?”
“I’ll wait for you out here,” I said, hoping I successfully changed the subject. She’d find out in her own time. I didn’t want to be the bearer of freakish news.
She went to the bathroom and came back out.
“My head hurts so bad,” she said, rubbing the back of her neck. “
Major migraine.”
“Yeah. I think we can all relate.” I walked a little behind her to secretly analyze her head for any suspicious marks. Nothing.
We walked to the dining hall, but it was empty, so we turned back and waited in the main hall, but no one came.
“Are we late or something?” she said.
“Or early? I flew out of my room as soon as the door opened.”
“Weird.” Emily squeezed her arm, then the other. “I feel like I’ve gained more muscle since being here.”
“Really?”
“Starting to look like my sister.” She laughed. “So, where is everyone? What should we do?”
Another girl appeared beside us.
Emily jumped and laughed. “Wow. You scared me.”
The girl’s eyes darted back and forth, never stopping to land on something. She extended her arms along her sides as straight as possible and tightened her hands into fists. Eyes still darting left and right, she whispered something I couldn’t hear.
Emily leaned into me. “What’d she say?”
I shrugged. “Should we just stay here or what?”
“Don’t know. I was in my room yesterday for a mess in my room. Maybe they gave everyone directions when we weren’t there.”
The strange girl whispered something again as she loosened her fists and snapped her fingers about twenty times. Emily and I watched her for a few seconds, then turned back to each other.
“Let’s walk around. It’s not often we get to check things out without someone hovering around us.”
“I don’t know.”
“What’s the worst they could do to us? Put microchips in our brains? Kill us?”
She contorted her eyebrows. When they went back to their rightful places, she started to speak, but never got a word out.
“Come on,” I said. “Worst case scenario we will end up in our rooms again, getting served in bed by our guides.”
She smiled. “My guide isn’t a hot guy like yours.”
“I didn’t notice.”
“Oh, shut up. You so noticed.”
“Hot isn’t the word I’d use.”
“It’s the word everyone else uses.”
Strange girl nodded and clicked her heels.
“Anyway,” I said. “This is weird.”
“What?” she laughed.
“Me. Having a normal girly conversation about boys. So unlike me. In fact, I don’t think I ever have before.”
“You’re serious?”
“Yes.”
“That’s not a bad thing.”
“Or is it? I read this book in my mind and it was all about....”
She motioned for me to go on.
“I can’t remember.”
“What did you mean by ‘in your mind?’”
I shook it off. “So, peruse this place with me or what?”
I walked toward the library and turned back to her. Strange girl snapped her fingers centimeters from her eyes and barely noticed us. Perhaps I was on my way to losing my mind too. Perhaps I already had.
Emily took a step, looked around, took another step, and finally jogged to catch up with me.
“I don’t know about this,” she said, looking over her shoulder. “What about that girl? What if she tells?”
I read through the rows of books. Mostly history and science books. Emily followed me, but kept focusing on the doorway back to the main hall.
“Now you’re making me nervous,” I said as I noticed a small door between two book shelves. “Look at this.”
“If you go in there, you’re on your own.”
I laughed. “Come on.”
The door creaked open as my hand reached toward it. We glanced at each other. Emily stepped back as I opened the door and looked inside.
“What’s in there?” she said.
“Can’t see anything. I’m going in.”
I bent over to scoot inside the small entryway and the door slammed shut. I sat against the wall with my knees to my chest, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room. But they didn’t adjust.
A draft sent a chill down my arms and I swear I heard breathing by my ear. I reached around me, touching the walls and floor, and felt nothing. No one. The breathing grew heavier, sending thick bursts of warm air down my neck. My heart pounded. The hot breath neared my collar bone, but I felt nothing around me except air. Thump. And I could only hear the beat of my own heart.
Thump.
My chest rose and fell like I’d run across the world and back. I stood, but my knees crumpled. I curled up on the floor and wrapped my arms around myself. A coin dropped across the room and rattled until it stopped against the heel of my foot. Something tapped. Another tap. Closer to me. Closer.
Tap.
Again.
The lights shot on, blinding me. Another white room. Everything white. Too bright. I closed my eyes.
Tap.
I squinted and noticed the walls shifted and tiny blades came out of them. They moved closer, even the ceiling inched toward me. I scrambled for the door, but couldn’t see with the bright lights beaming from the walls and floor. I felt around as the walls moved faster. No door handle. No escape. I shivered as sweat trickled into my ear, then shoved the side of my body against the wall. Again, this time with more force.
I slinked back down and held my throbbing shoulder with one hand and covered my eyes with the other. Lights speckled on the backs of my eyelids as the spikes in front of me touched my feet. I scooted my legs under me and screamed, but sound didn’t come out. The spikes to the left and right grazed my arms. I squeezed myself into a ball as my heart punched my ribs with its bruising palpitations.
The lights turned off. I opened my eyes to be sure. The walls vibrated. Slowly, they still moved, reducing me to a lump of contorted body parts. One arm squished into my lips and the other got stuck behind my back. Twisting, blistering pain. I coughed something up as a few spikes poked into my legs. I couldn’t move. I gave up.
Do you hear me? I screamed inside. I give up!
THIRTEEN
The box jerked twice, then the bottom opened up and spit me out. My stomach climbed to my throat as I fell into complete darkness. Too much time to think and picture my life in fractured images. Nothing, I thought. I’ve lived almost eighteen years and I have nothing to show for it except good grades.
A stream of purple light washed away the images and then I saw his face. Our times together. My best friend.
My back slammed against something and my body flew back into the air, then landed on a soft surface. I reached my hands behind my head and felt a soft netting, like a hammock.
Short of breath and life and everything left in me, I closed my eyes and panted. Another chance at life and this time ... I wanted to live.
I got on my hands and knees and crawled around. The darkness provided absolutely no ability to find a way out. I kept crawling, probably in circles, until I gave up and flipped over to my back.
The netting jostled and loosened. I fell, this time only a foot or two, to a hard surface. The lights shot on. Blinding, mind-splitting lights. Another white room.
I shut my eyes and covered my face with my arm, then peeked through a tiny hole.
Someone touched my back and lifted me from under my arms. I jerked away and opened my eyes just enough to see Dr. Brainkenridge smiling at me, dressed all in white, beside a dental chair suspended from the ceiling. I dropped my body weight, but the person holding me continued to carry me across the room. My head, tormented by the harsh lighting, seared with so much pain that I didn’t want to scream or yell or go crazy. Even though it took all I had to control myself. I grabbed my face and begged them to let me go.
Dr. Braikenridge’s voice cut through my panic. “It’s okay, 413, 413, 413. You just need a little visit with the dentist.”
They strapped me into the chair and raised it back to the ceiling, then dropped it and raised it and dropped it again. My hands, secured beside me
, kept me from grabbing my head when the surges of pain hit. Thankfully the chair squeaked to a stop.
Dr. Braikenridge wrapped a blindfold around my eyes and opened my mouth. His gloved finger reached inside and tickled the inside of my cheek. Using my tongue, I pushed his finger out of my mouth and spit. He let out a maniacal laugh that bounced off the walls.
“Pliers, please,” he said, shoving his finger back into my mouth and gagging me.
I coughed a few times.
Cool metal slid into my mouth.
“Don’t worry.” He grabbed my front tooth with the pliers. “This won’t hurt a bit.”
I screamed and screamed and screamed as he yanked. Drool slid down my neck, wetting my shirt and drowning my dreams.
Emily and Blake ate lunch without looking up. Most people in the room did the same. We’d been sobered and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why. Every day I woke up and the day before would become a blur of memories. Only pieces remained. I knew, somehow, that I had somehow been transplanted into Audrey’s body. Same with Blake and Emily and their twins. I remembered the history films Josephine made me watch in my room. The butterfly documentaries on blooming into something better than before. I remembered the delicious food and exploring the building with Emily, falling, and waking up in my bed with a headache and major tooth pain. And Red. I remembered Red and that his real name was Vaughn. I hadn’t seen him in a while.
Emily tapped my shoulder. “See that?”
I looked across the room where her finger pointed. “See what?”
“No.” She pointed in front of us. “Blake.”
“What about him?”
“He’s always got bruises on his neck and wrists. They always seem like they’re new, too.”
Yes, I did see that now. Not sure how I didn’t notice before Emily and that made me feel like a horrible friend. I touched my foot to Blake’s shin. He didn’t look up. I tapped a few times. Still zoned out on his empty plate, he didn’t move.
“Blake,” I said.
No response.
I kicked his leg as hard as I could without being too noticeable. He didn’t flinch. A server took his plate away and he folded his hands on the table. A drop of saliva dropped from the corner of his mouth. I walked over to him and dabbed his face with my napkin.
