Damned (Kassidy Bell Series Book 4)

by Lynda O'Rourke

  The room was cold and smelt stale. A single bed was pushed up against the wall with a bedside cabinet next to it. Blowing out the match and relighting another, I walked over to the window. The view, although hard to see in the dark, was of the burnt ruin and the dirt track. I could see the police van from here but apart from that, there was little else. I spotted a candle in its holder on the windowsill and held the match up to the wick. It bathed the small room in an eerie light. Placing it down on the bedside cabinet, I dropped onto the bed. With a sigh and rubbing my eyes, I suddenly felt incredibly tired – physically and mentally. I removed the satchel from over my arm, placing it beside me on the bed. Resisting the urge to lie down, the soft pillow beckoning my weary head to make contact, I opened the satchel and pulled out the iPod. I wondered if I would ever find somewhere to charge it. Even if I did, would I find anything of significance on it? When I’d found it on Ward 1, I’d hoped that there would be some kind of clue recorded on it. But so far I had failed to get some juice into the thing and fire it up. I dropped it back into the satchel and stared numbly about the room. A part of me wanted to get up, look through the bedside cabinet, and search through the wardrobe, which was tucked into the corner of the room. But as I sat on the edge of the bed, repeatedly yawning, the heaviness in my limbs decided to stay put. I pulled out the photo of my dad I had found in the locker room at Cruor Pharma. It was still hard to believe that he had worked there. It appeared that there was a whole side to my father that I hadn’t known about – a secret life that had been drowned in bottles of whisky.

  “What were you trying to drown out?” I whispered, clutching the photo and staring at his face. Had he seen the horrors that I had down those dark, decaying corridors? Had he witnessed innocent people volunteering for drug trials only to be turned into monsters? How much death had he seen? My heart, weighted down with sadness, suddenly turned cold. I shivered. Screwing my eyes shut, I tried to push away those invading thoughts that perhaps he wasn’t so innocent. Perhaps he had known all along what had taken place at Cruor Pharma and had been a part of it. Maybe his heavy drinking had been to drown out what he had done up on Strangers Hill. Guilt. He had buried his guilt by blocking out his life. But where had that left me?

  Scrunching up the photo, I dropped it into the satchel. I didn’t want to think about my dad. There was too much hurt associated with him – too many unanswered questions – and right now, that list of questions kept getting longer and longer. My head was already overcrowded. I could feel it slowing down. But thoughts of my dad were only replaced with worries about my own welfare. What was happening to me? Fixed to the wall above a tiny sink was a mirror. My eyes had briefly skimmed over it as I’d entered the room, but I had tried to ignore my reflection. I didn’t want to see myself. I was too afraid to look. Too scared to see the monster that filled my veins and made me angry. Too terrified to see how far advanced the drug had become. I knew that if I was climbing up walls and over ceilings, I couldn’t have very much longer living as Kassidy Bell.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Kassidy

  I sat in the candlelight, my legs pulled up against my chest, shivering. My clothes were still damp and the room had turned chilly. I wanted to sleep but thoughts of the Cleaners and Doctor Langstone were eating away at my mind. How could I rest? I would be vulnerable if I drifted off into a deep, heavy sleep. I wouldn’t hear the Cleaners coming. But Langstone had said that they couldn’t get in. A voice inside my head doubted I could trust him – he was a demon. I nodded as if I were really debating the issue with someone else inside the room. But Langstone did seem to have a different agenda for us. Not the same as Doctor Middleton. But what was it? What did Langstone have planned? I had no idea.

  I stood up. Coming to the conclusion that it was too risky to fall asleep, I had to stay awake. I knew that if I settled on the bed, it would only be a matter of moments before I had entered the world of sleep that my body was crying out for. I yawned and headed over to the bedside cabinet. What was the point in going over the same old questions again and again when I had no answers? I would have to wait until morning to find out what Langstone’s true intentions were. Still, it didn’t stop me from wondering if it was the right thing to do – to stay put until Middleton turned up. Reaching down, I pulled open the drawer of the bedside cabinet. I was surprised to see a small radio tucked inside. But why? I guess I had expected to find horrible things. Anyone working for Cruor Pharma couldn’t be right in the head but as I rummaged further into the drawer, I found nothing but everyday items that a normal human being would use. I placed the radio on top of the cabinet alongside a bottle of perfume, a small notebook with loose pages, and a hairbrush. A couple more candles rolled around the drawer and I pulled them out, striking a match and lighting them both. The room brightened up a little and I headed over to the small wardrobe. There was a knock on the bedroom door, which startled me.

  I pushed my hand flat against the door, wedged my foot at the bottom, and said, “Who is it?” I still didn’t feel ready to see anyone. Why couldn’t I just be left alone?

  The knock came again. “It’s me, Jude.”

  I froze. How dare he come to see me after what he had said. Did he really think I would welcome him with open arms? All that anger I had earlier felt started to heat up inside me again.

  “I don’t want to talk to you, let alone see your face… fuck off! I pressed myself up against the door.

  “Kassidy… I just wanted to say sorry for what I said… it just came out in the heat of the moment… I really didn’t mean to say that about your father…”

  I closed my eyes and let out a shaky sigh. Still pressed tightly against the door, my voice just above a whisper, I said, “I spoke to you in confidence about my dad… and you just blurted it out in front of the others. How could you?”

  Jude must have pressed himself up against the door as his voice seemed closer, louder. “Can I come in? We need to talk. I’ve hurt you, I know, and I’m so sorry… I wish I could take it back, but I know I can’t. Look, there are other things we need to discuss… things I need to tell you… but I can’t do it through a door. Well?”

  I left him waiting. I stood listening to the sound of the storm raging around outside and wished I could throw myself out of the window and be whipped up in the wind and blown far, far away. But that wouldn’t happen. I was stuck, trapped within a body that was rapidly changing into something I had no control over and with no one to help me. And just as I was considering letting Jude in, I remembered my friend, Hannah. I scrunched my eyes shut tight as I remembered her body plummeting from her apartment. I shuddered as I relived the moment her body hit the car.

  Opening my eyes and peering down at the door handle, I reached out and slowly turned the key. With the door locked, I said, “Go away, Jude… I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.”

  I turned away from the door and walked back to the bed. I climbed onto it and leant against the windowsill. I shook my head in disbelief. Things to discuss! “Yeah right, as if I’m gonna listen to Doshia!” I moaned.

  I looked over my shoulder, back at the door. It was quiet now in the hallway. Jude must have given up and disappeared somewhere. “Hopefully back to hell where you came from!” I spat.

  I slumped against the windowsill, my chin resting on my arms. I stared out at the ruin. It loomed out of the darkness like it was waiting to suffocate me. I wondered whether Doctor Langstone was watching from somewhere inside its sad, derelict rooms. Was he waiting to see if we would try to escape? I could see no sign of him. He knew he had us right where he wanted us. Robert was like a pawn to him. A playing piece that would manipulate our every move. Max wouldn’t leave without him and we wouldn’t leave without Max. Well, except for Jude.

  I yawned again. I could feel my eyelids slowly drooping. The effort of keeping my eyes from shutting was too much. Maybe if I just closed them for a few minutes it would ease the heavy weight that seemed to be dragging them shut.

>   “Just a few minutes won’t hurt,” I whispered, my head dropping to the side and resting against my arms.

  I had finally given in to tiredness when a loud knock on the door jolted me awake. It took me a moment or two to realise where I was.

  “Who is it… what do you want?” Even speaking was an effort. Trying to find the energy for words was proving difficult. The knock came again. I groaned, “Alright… alright I’m coming!” I nearly fell off the bed as I tried to get my limbs to move. Staggering across the room, I reached the door and mumbled, “If that’s you, Jude, I’m gonna be really fucking pissed off with you. I told you already, I don’t want to talk with you!”

  “It’s not Jude… it’s Raven.”

  Relieved it wasn’t Jude but annoyed that I would probably have to listen to some creepy ghost talk from Raven, I reluctantly unlocked the door and opened it.

  “What do you want?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.

  Raven pushed past me. Swinging around she said, “Shut the door… we don’t want Doshia listening to us.” She peered over my shoulder as if inspecting the hallway to make sure that we were alone. “Shut it then!”

  I did as she said, then joined her on the bed. Stretching, I asked, “Well… what is it?”

  Running her fingers through her greasy hair, she said, “We have to get rid of Jude.”

  “Raven… I know that… we all know that… you didn’t need to come sneaking up here to tell me.” I leant back against the pillow. “In the morning, we’ll find out what Langstone plans to do and then we’ll make a decision about Jude.”

  “No!” hissed Raven. “We need to act now. We’re not safe waiting that long. We should deal with him tonight! He’s evil. Can’t you feel it…? If we wait much longer, it could be too late.”

  I shook my head. I understood Raven’s fear. I felt it, too. But if we didn’t time it right, then what? “We have to wait… maybe Langstone will help if we tell him that Jude is really Doshia. He won’t want any other demon getting in his way. He’ll be able to deal with him better than any of us could.”

  Raven glared at me. “Demons can’t kill demons. It has to be one of us… we have to kill him.”

  I felt my mouth drop open. Raven was right. Demons couldn’t kill each other, Ben had told me that. But could we? “I’m not sure that we can. How… I mean, if priests and bishops can’t get rid of them, then how can we?”

  Zipping open the leather jacket she had borrowed from me, Raven slipped her hand inside and whispered, “Well, maybe not kill Doshia as much… but we could kill Jude… you know, get rid of Jude’s body and then Doshia would at least be disabled for a while. It would give us some time to go find Robert and then get the hell out of here! Without Jude’s body, Doshia would at least be weakened until he found another poor person to live in.” She peered through her hair at me, her dark eyes for once had a glimmer in them.

  I looked down at her arm. Her hand was still tucked inside her jacket. The wind suddenly rattled the window and I jumped. The look on Raven’s face had me on edge. I shifted on the bed, feeling uncomfortable. What was Raven’s plan and what did she have tucked inside that jacket?

  “What do you mean… get rid of Jude’s body? What are you suggesting?” I shifted further back against the pillow. Raven had a knack for making me feel scared of her. Ever since I had met her at Cruor Pharma, she had always seemed scary to me. That first night when we had slept in Ward 2, she’d had me huddled under the blankets, worrying that she was gonna get me, what, with all that strange talk of sensing the dead and evil. And now, here she was again with a disturbing look across her face.

  With a grin that seemed to ooze nothing but evil, she slowly pulled her hand from within her jacket and hissed, “With this… we kill him with this!”

  I gasped. Her black, veiny fingers were curled tight around a large kitchen knife. It glinted in the candlelight.

  “Where in hell did you find that?” I flinched, the blade pointing in my direction.

  She sniggered and said, “From the kitchen. Max found it when he was checking for food. He gave it to me so I tucked it inside my jacket.” She twisted her wrist, turning the knife over and then back again as if admiring her find. “It’s nice and sharp… look!” She brought the blade up so it rested over the top of her left hand. With little pressure, Raven sliced a cut across her skin. “See?”

  Reaching out and grabbing her wrist, I pulled her hand away, careful not to catch myself against the blade, “Stop it… don’t do that! Are you fucking insane? Put the knife down… now!”

  With her grin gone and a more serious look in her eyes, she whispered, “Don’t you see… don’t you realise that we have to kill Jude? It’s the only way… we have to escape him.” Still clutching the knife and unable to free it from her grasp, she spat, “I don’t want to become one of those Cleaners! I don’t want to be anyone other than me… and if we don’t act tonight, then we may as well just open up the gates and let the fog roll in.”

  I let go of her wrist but she wouldn’t drop the knife. “Raven, I don’t want any of that to happen either, but… what do you want? Do you want to go and stab Jude to death?” I shook my head, eyes keeping watch of the blade as she swung it about.

  Wriggling nearer toward me, she whispered, “No… not stab… that won’t be enough. We have to hack up his body so it’s useless to Doshia. We need to remove limbs!” She widened her eyes and nodded her head. “If we could remove his head… that would probably be the best way, but…” She looked down at the knife. “But I’m not sure this knife could do that… maybe if we hack off his legs and arms… that would be enough to destroy Doshia’s home. What do you think?” She looked up at me, waiting for my response.

  I sat quietly for a few moments, part of me too scared to argue her idea, especially while she still held the knife. Had she gone insane? Had the toil of seeing such terrible things finally got to her and sent her mad? Or was she just desperate?

  “Show me the knife,” I said, holding out my hand.

  Raven seemed hesitant, reluctant to part with it. “Why?” She narrowed her eyes at me.

  I pushed my open hand nearer to her and said, “Because I want to get a feel of it… see if it’s strong enough.” I waited, breath held tight in my throat. I wanted to get it away from her, and if she thought I was interested in her idea, then maybe she would hand it over to me. “Please?” I pushed, my voice almost lost against the wind rattling the window in its frame.

  She flicked the knife around and slowly offered the wooden handle to me. I curled my fingers around it and breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Thank you.” I forced a smile at her. “Raven… as much as I suspect Jude of being Doshia, I don’t think it would be wise to try and cut him up. Doshia would never let you do that… you’ll end up dead.”

  Raven shook her head. “No… you’re wrong. Doshia won’t kill us… he needs us alive.”

  I held the knife away from Raven, out of harm’s way, and said, “This is a crazy idea… Max won’t play any part in this. I won’t let you do it!”

  Raven glared at me. “Who said anything about Max? Of course he wouldn’t do it… he’s shit scared of his own shadow!” She jabbed her finger at me. “You have to do it… you have to be the one!”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Kassidy

  My jaw dropped open. Somewhere inside me, alarm bells were ringing. Had I heard Raven correctly? Had she really just sat there and told me that I would have to be the one to hack off Jude’s limbs? Feeling stunned, I whispered, “Why… why me?”

  Raven stood up and started to pace up and down. “Because Max is too chicken and Jude would never let me get that close. He hates me, you know that… but you… he’d let you get as near to him as you liked… he wouldn’t say no to you knocking on his bedroom door in the middle of the night, would he?” She stopped pacing and stood over me.

  Feeling small under her towering frame, I stood up, the knife still clenched in my hands. “Raven,
this is insane… you’re asking me to flaunt my way into his room, pretend to be interested in him… then… then chop him up! He’s not a fucking animal in a slaughterhouse!” I turned away and stared out into the dark night. “And I’m not some butcher!”

  Standing up close behind me, her voice in my ear, Raven spat, “You didn’t think twice about killing the passenger who held down Max on the railway tracks… you didn’t think twice about killing that policewoman, Grace – you smashed her face in good and proper! Don’t play miss innocent with me!”

  I spun around to face Raven. “That was completely different! That was self-defence. And as for Grace, I had to do it or we’d still be trapped in that police station. Anyway… she might still be alive for all we know!”

  “What?!” sneered Raven. “After you caved her face in with the baton? Not likely!”

  “Whatever, Raven!” I snapped. “What you’re asking me to do is nothing but cold-blooded murder – butchery – pre-planned.” I shook my head at her. “I can’t do it.”

  Folding her arms across her chest, a scowl darkening her face, she said, “Kassidy, you said that we would deal with Jude when we got here. We’re here now… so why the change of heart? He killed your friend – he tricked us all.” She narrowed her eyes and took a step closer to me. “Are you falling for him? You don’t like him, do you?” She suddenly took a step away from me and then another, as if standing too close to me would kill her. Gasping, she said, “He’s got to you, hasn’t he? Doshia’s got into your head and under your skin!” She glanced down at the knife. “How do I know that you aren’t possessed by Doshia? How do I know that you’re truly on my side… on Max’s side?” She backed away from me, her eyes never leaving the knife still clutched in my hand.