I wasn’t sure how long I stayed propped up against the door, but as my nerves started to calm, my thoughts drifted away from Sylvia and back to the murderous voices I’d heard in my head only a while ago. What had come over me? What had turned me into someone willing to kill another person and in such a hideous way? I shuddered at the thought of killing Jude by sawing off his head. I looked down at my arms and hands. Those black veins were turning me into something vile. What if Sylvia hadn’t been in that room? I probably would have killed Jude. There seemed no stopping me. It was only the shock of seeing Sylvia that had stopped me dead in my tracks. The very sight of her had made those vicious voices disappear. I was scared. I was losing control. It frightened me to think I was losing myself, my voice. But was it because of the VA20 that travelled through me? Was I turning into Sylvia or did I have a demon in me as Raven had accused me of earlier on?
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Kassidy
I opened my eyes. The howl of the wind battered the window. The candle beside the bed had long since melted down to nothing. The dull light of day made the small bedroom look as if it had been painted in grey. My head felt weary – heavy, as if I’d been out all night drinking to the early hours. The window rattled again as another blast of wind smacked into the side of the staff quarters.
At some point during the night, I had staggered away from the bedroom door, satisfied that Sylvia had gone, and flopped down onto the bed. I had been exhausted. Still felt exhausted. Every limb ached and my eyes stung from tiredness. It took effort just to prop myself up onto my elbows and look out upon the dismal autumn day. The trees thrashed their branches in a frenzy as the wind tore about them. At least the rain had stopped, I thought. But it didn’t make much difference to the place. It still seemed depressing, barren, and lacking in life. The very air seemed disheartening like it was in mourning.
I gazed up at the ruin of Cruor Pharma and wondered why it had been burnt down. Why did Doctor Langstone look like a burnt corpse that needed to be buried? What had happened here? But did any of that matter? Not really. What mattered was me and my friends. That’s what counted.
Still feeling groggy and half asleep, I opened the window. The cold air blasted through sending my hair billowing out behind me. I pulled the blanket up and tucked it under my chin to shield myself from the onslaught of wind. It was freezing but the sharp gusts helped to wake me – made me feel like I were still living even though everything else seemed dead. At least there were no signs of fog. Doctor Langstone had been right about nothing getting in. The Cleaners were relentless. If they could have got into the grounds of Cruor Pharma, they would have.
My thoughts returned to last night. It had been so bizarre – so crazy. It was so mad that I wondered if it had all truly happened. Those voices in my head urging me to kill Jude, the sheer anger and violence I had felt. Sylvia attacking me. Did it happen? My heart sank as my eyes fell upon the pillow. It had been stabbed so much that it really didn’t resemble a pillow anymore. I had done that. Used it to vent my anger – used it to see how much damage the butcher’s knife could inflict. But it hadn’t been enough. I had wanted to kill.
Another blast of icy wind hit me. I shivered under the blanket not really caring that I was freezing my arse off. My insides felt all churned up. Last night had left me shaken. After everything I had seen, what happened during the night had really got to me. I had lost all control of myself and now I had to decide whether I was safe to venture out amongst my friends – whether I was safe to be around. What if those voices returned? What if I got those urges to kill again? But my fears were suddenly overridden by something else. My heart leapt as an alarming thought entered my head. Sylvia.
“Oh, shit… Sylvia!” I said aloud, clambering off the bed. I hadn’t warned the others. I’d locked myself away for the night without even thinking about Sylvia roaming around the staff quarters with a large butcher’s knife. They could be dead. They could all have been stabbed to death.
I ran to the door, dropping the blanket as I went. I turned the key and flung the door open. With one foot in the hallway and the other still in the bedroom, I stopped. I lifted my head slowly. The last time I had seen Sylvia she had been hanging from the ceiling just above this door. I swallowed hard. If her face suddenly appeared… I waited. I listened. I bent forward and twisted my body so I could look up at the ceiling without having to step out any further into the hallway.
“Nothing on the ceiling,” I whispered. I took another step out. The hallway seemed to be empty. Should I check all the bedrooms up here? My friends could still be asleep in one of them. I hesitated. Sylvia could be behind any one of those doors… waiting… the knife still clutched in her hand. I decided not to venture into the rooms. I would check downstairs first.
My feet stepped silently as I headed down the stairs. My eyes bulged at the mess I had caused last night after I’d lost my temper and smashed everything up. I looked up at the ceiling, still unbelieving that I had crawled across it. Raven’s accusation last night that I had a demon in me hadn’t been forgotten. I had pushed it to the back of my mind not wanting to consider it, but… I had acted very strangely last night. I had behaved like I was possessed. I shook my head, still not wanting to think about it. There were other things that needed sorting first – finding Max, Raven, and Jude.
I reached the door that led out into the kitchen and dining area. Nudging it open slowly with my shoulder, I peeped through the gap. I could see the three green sofas. Max was sprawled across one, mouth open, one arm dangling off the side. At first glance I thought he may be dead but as I looked more carefully, I could see his chest rising and falling as he slept. I let out a relieved sigh. He hadn’t been stabbed to death during the night while I had locked myself away upstairs.
I stepped out into the kitchen. Raven sat at the head of the dining table. She glared up at me, her face dark and sullen.
I peered around the room checking for any signs of Sylvia, and asked, “Where is she – where’s Sylvia?”
Folding her arms across her chest, she glanced over at the door which led out into the grounds of Cruor Pharma, and then her eyes fell back to me and she mumbled, “You let that creep live – I can’t believe you didn’t do it.”
Clearing my throat and keeping my voice low, I said, “Raven, it’s not that simple… killing Jude isn’t going to get rid of Doshia…” I pulled a chair out from under the table and sat down. “It’s not…”
Raven cut over me. “Isn’t it? You don’t think that by getting rid of Jude it just might buy us some time – time to find Robert and get the hell out of here?” She narrowed her eyes until they looked like nothing but dark slits.
I shook my head. “No, it’s not enough. It won’t work.” I ran my fingers along the edge of the table trying to find the right words – the right way to explain why killing Jude was not the answer. I had thought it was. I had nearly acted it out last night, but, my own voice and thoughts had come back strong since waking up, and my head seemed clearer. I lifted my gaze to Raven and said, “We still don’t know one hundred percent if Doshia dwells in Jude… do we? What if he doesn’t?” I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. “I can’t kill someone on a hunch… I just can’t.”
“Well you’ve changed your tune,” huffed Raven. “Why take the chance?” She tucked a greasy strand of hair behind her ear and glanced back at the door leading to the outside. Leaning forward, her voice sharp but whispery, she snapped, “I guess demons look after each other!”
Her comment stung a lot. I flinched. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to face that possible truth. I didn’t want to know. So ignoring that fear and pushing it to the back of my mind, I said, “If we kill Jude and he did have Doshia in him – what do you think will happen next?” I took a deep breath. I could feel my insides start to heat up. I needed to stay calm. I didn’t want a repeat episode of last night. My eyes widened, glued to Raven’s face waiting for her to respond. She didn’t. She just sat
and glared.
I leant forward, my hands screwed tight into fists and said, “I’ll tell you what will happen – Doshia will leave Jude’s body and then we won’t have a fucking clue where Doshia is! He might hide himself in you! Maybe Max… perhaps me!” I slammed my fists down onto the table. “Don’t you see…? At least if Doshia is in Jude then we know where he is – Doshia is visible to us. But if we kill off his home then Doshia becomes invisible.”
“What’s going on?”
The sudden voice behind me made me jump. I shifted round on my seat to find Jude standing a little way back from me. The door to the outside swung shut. He must have been outside. Had he heard mine and Raven’s conversation? I looked away, somewhat flustered. “Nothing’s going on,” I replied, staring at Raven.
The room fell quiet. An awkward tension filled the space between us.
Walking past the table, Jude headed for the green sofa where Max was still sleeping. He bent over Max and shook him gently. “Come on, Max, it’s time to get things started.” He stood straight and then looked at Raven and me. “We need to find out what Langstone wants from us… the sooner the better. Then we need to see if we can find a way out of here.”
Max sat up and rubbed his eyes, “Not without Robert.” He placed his feet down onto the carpet, still wearing his boots, and ran his fingers through his long hair.
“Hold on,” I blurted out, “there’s something I need to tell you.” I stood up and looked around the room. “Where’s Sylvia? Have any of you seen her since last night?”
Max stood up, and looking over his shoulder, he said, “Yeah, she’s asleep down there behind the sofa. Jude fixed the handcuffs to that pipe so she couldn’t go wandering around by herself during the night. Why?”
I looked at Jude and asked, “When did you do that… during the night?”
He shrugged his shoulders and said, “After you stormed off upstairs.”
I scratched my head and said, “All night?”
Nodding and fixing me with a stern look, Jude said, “Of course. I’m hardly gonna unfasten her handcuffs and take her out for a walk during the night.”
I looked at Raven and then Max. “What about you two… did either of you let her loose?”
Max nearly choked at the suggestion, and pointing a finger at himself, said, “Are you mad? Me – let Sylvia loose? I had every intention of living through the night – not waking up to find her biting into me.” He wrapped his arms around his chest and shuddered.
Stepping forward, Jude stopped in front of me and asked, “What’s this all about? Why all the questions about Sylvia?”
I shook my head. I felt confused. I edged my way around the sofa and stopped beside Sylvia. She lay hunched up on her side. Her dirty hair was strewn across her face and her handcuffed wrists were attached to the large pipe that ran from the ceiling and disappeared into the floor. I bent down to take a closer look at the handcuffs but no sooner had I crouched down, Sylvia suddenly sat up, her crazed face almost right in mine. I gasped – fell back on my arse and quickly shuffled away from out of her reach. The handcuffs rattled against the pipe.
I clambered to my feet and panted, “One of you must be lying – she was upstairs last night in one of the bedrooms.” I stared at Jude, then Max, and lastly Raven. “She didn’t have those handcuffs on.”
Max stepped forward and held out his hand to place it on my shoulder. I shoved it away. “She was crawling across the ceiling – she attacked me!”
“Are you sure you weren’t dreaming?” questioned Max. “I mean, there’s no way I would have slept down here if Sylvia was on the loose. Perhaps it was a bad nightmare – you know – one of those really vivid ones.”
“She took the fucking knife… she tried to kill me!” I glared.
“Knife? What knife?” asked Jude, pushing past Max.
“The knife I had!” I shouted, feeling the heat rise within me. “I had a knife – I opened one of the bedroom doors – there was a light coming from it – and then Sylvia jumped out and attacked me and took the knife. I escaped and locked myself in my room and then I fell asleep and… and… well here I am.”
“And here’s Sylvia all locked up and secure,” piped Raven. She looked at me accusingly. “You say one of us is lying but how do we know it’s not you lying?”
I took a step back, my eyes wide at her suggestion. “What? So now you’re saying I’m the enemy?!” I glared at Raven. “It wasn’t me you were pointing the guilty finger at last night when you knocked on my door!”
Raven fell silent and stepped back, retreating to the dining room table.
“Well… who was the enemy last night then?” asked Jude, his eyes fixed intently on mine.
I looked at the floor avoiding his stare. I couldn’t tell him that we all suspected him of really being Doshia. But did we all still think that? It appeared that Raven had changed her mind. It seemed that her suspicions lay with me.
Not knowing what to say to Jude, I avoided his question and said, “That’s not important. What matters is that Sylvia has a large kitchen knife and I think we should get it back.”
“Where did you get the knife from?” pushed Jude, “And why did you have it?”
I looked at Raven. Our eyes met briefly before she turned her head away. Coward, I thought. She obviously didn’t want to be implicated with anything that had happened last night.
I faced Jude and matched his stern glare. “I’m not answering any more of these dumb questions.” Pointing at Sylvia I said, “She has a knife, and…”
“Sylvia has been locked up down here all night,” argued Jude. “I think Max and Raven would have noticed Sylvia walking past them while they sat on these sofas… don’t you?”
I glared at Max and didn’t even bother to wait for a response from Raven, as I knew I wouldn’t get one. Instead, I turned my attention to Sylvia, who rocked back and forth on the floor, her rotten teeth snapping together as she watched me. I was getting angry. I could feel the VA20 moving, shifting through my veins.
Snapping my arm out, I snatched a handful of Sylvia’s hair, and yanked her head up. “Where’s the knife, Sylvia? Where have you put it?” I pushed.
Sylvia just stared back, dribble running from the corner of her mouth. Her thick, black veins seemed to be alive. They pulsed up her neck like snakes had burrowed under her skin. She let out a cackle and clanked the handcuffs against the pipe.
“This is ridiculous!” groaned Jude.
I hurled myself around to face him and shouted. “Is it? You won’t be thinking that when one of us has a knife sticking out of us… will you?”
Jude waved his hands up as if to surrender and turned away. Thinking he was done with disputing everything I had said about Sylvia, he surprised me by turning on his heels and coming back at me.
“Kassidy, I don’t want to row with you, but, it seems that you’re not quite yourself. I know I probably haven’t helped with what I said to you last night, but you just seem to be losing it more and more.” Jude stared at me and then looked at the others. “Your temper stinks – you smashed up everything last night – I’m worried about you. I’m worried that the shit in your veins is changing you.”
Stunned by what Jude had said, I took a few moments before responding. Had my outbursts been so bad that not only I was worrying about them but my friends had now noticed the changes in me, too? I had lost it last night with Jude, but that was perfectly understandable. But none of them had seen me during the night fighting off Sylvia. None of them knew I had heard voices in my head inciting me to kill. Before I could speak up for myself, Jude spoke again.
“I’m worried for you, and…” he trailed off, his eyes falling to the floor.
I folded my arms across my chest and glared. “And… and what?”
Jude released a deep sigh and said, “I’m concerned about the rest of us.”
I looked at Raven and Max. They stood quietly to the side, Max wide-eyed and Raven twisting a strand of grimy hair around h
er finger. Staring back at Jude, I said, “Well they have VA20 in them too – why aren’t you concerned about them? They could be changing, too.”
Jude shook his head. “No, that’s not what I mean. I’m worried about the rest of us being around you. I mean, we all know what VA20 does to people… I mean, for fuck’s sake! I might find you crawling across ceilings and up walls next and…” He stopped and frowned at me. “You haven’t, have you?”
I opened my lips to speak but my mouth had gone suddenly dry. Words in my defence no longer seemed justified. I must have looked guilty. I could feel my cheeks flush. Me, crawling across that ceiling last night, played out in my head. I couldn’t look at them. What could I say? Lie or tell the truth? If I lied I could be putting them all in danger. If I told them the truth and that would be the right thing to do, what would happen… would they lock me up? I looked down at Sylvia handcuffed to the pipe. Was that how I wanted to end up?
Damned (Kassidy Bell Series Book 4) Page 8
