by K. C. Wells
I’m gay, son. I knew I was gay when I was fifteen or so, because it was then that I knew I was falling in love with my best friend, Joshua. He loved me too. And but for a quirk of fate, we might have spent the rest of our lives together. It would have been far from where we started our lives, because that wasn’t a place where such love would have been tolerated. I wrote Joshua a letter a few months ago, not that I had any intention of mailing it. Except as the end draws closer, I’m rethinking that decision.
What are you thinking as you read these lines? God, I wish I knew.
Funny how life worked out. I left you and your mother, so I could be true to myself, so I could live openly as a gay man. Only, once I’d made the break, once I moved to Wyoming and started a new life… It was so difficult meeting people, stepping out of my comfort zone… I was always a loner when I was younger, and I guess nothing changed. I wish I could say that I lived life to the fullest, but the truth is, once I’d graduated, I threw myself into my work. I did make sure your education was provided for, though. I was so proud of you when you got your MBA. That’s going to open so many doors for you.
And that brings me to my last point. When you were born, I took out an insurance policy, naming you as the beneficiary. You’ll find the details in the envelope in this box. When you add on the dividends, it doesn’t amount to all that much—maybe sixteen thousand dollars—but it’s a little something for when you need it. And the house is yours too, to do with as you please. That’s all dealt with in my will. You’ll find the details of my lawyer in the envelope too. If he hasn’t contacted you by now, get in touch with him.
I wish so many things for you—a career that satisfies you, a life that fulfills you… and most importantly, I pray you find someone to love, who loves you with all their heart. Don’t make do with anything less than that earth-shattering love, because it does exist, Greg. I hope you find it.
Thank you for being there for me these last few months. You gave me so much strength, and getting to know you was a real privilege. Be happy, son.
Your father.
Greg slowly lowered the letter and gazed at Micah and Joshua, both of whom were regarding him with concern. “I’m okay,” he told them, his voice cracking slightly. “There are no new revelations about his life, not after that conversation with my mom and reading his letter to you. But….” He glanced at the letter again, noting how the writing differed from Joshua’s letter. The handwriting was spikier, untidier, and he guessed that had something to do with the pain. He picked up the envelope. “He made me beneficiary of an insurance policy, to give me a little capital to start out with. And….” Greg swallowed. “He left me his little house in Jackson.”
Something inside him finally broke. His dad was gone.
“I wish I’d told him… that I was gay. I should have.” His breathing hitched, and his throat tightened.
“Maybe he knows now,” Micah suggested quietly.
There was no way Greg could have stopped the tears after that. Warm, strong arms surrounded him, and he leaned into Joshua, conscious of Micah moving to his other side, yet more strength to support him.
Greg closed his eyes and gave in to his grief, in the knowledge that two men shared it with him.
Chapter Fourteen
“Your face looks better,” Naomi commented after she’d been in the house five minutes.
Greg snickered and glanced at Micah. “She doesn’t have a filter, does she?”
Micah laughed. “Now you’re getting it.”
Naomi stared at them both. “What’s wrong with that? He does look better. All the bruises have gone, and his cuts have healed up.” She grinned. “Now we can see how pretty he really is, eh, Micah?”
Greg went all shades of red, and noticeably, his gaze was everywhere but on Micah. Naomi snickered.
Micah was going to swing for her, one of these days. Thankfully, she changed the subject.
“So, is it right what Dad told me on the way here? You’re staying for the holidays?”
Greg nodded, his cheeks returning to their normal color. “Looks like you’re stuck with me for a while longer.” He glanced at his leg. “At least until I can get rid of this cast.” He lifted his head to look at them. “Let’s hope it’s good news on Monday.”
“What’s happening on Monday?” Naomi asked.
“He goes to the hospital to have his leg X-Rayed,” Micah told her. “And he might be taken off the strong painkillers too.” He knew the slow progress was getting Greg down.
Joshua came into the living room, his arms full of logs. “One of you give me a hand here, please, before I drop these on my foot?”
Micah dashed over and took logs from his dad’s precarious load. “Can’t have that. However would we cope if you ended up in a cast? Who’d do the cooking?” Then he grinned. “On second thought….”
Naomi burst out laughing and rushed over to assist. “I’ll help you, Dad.”
“And for your information, I was about to drive to Hanks and pick up dinner for all of us.” Joshua gazed at Micah with narrowed eyes. “Guess we all know who won’t be getting any.”
From the couch, Greg started laughing. Micah regarded him quizzically. “And what’s tickled you?”
Greg smiled. “I love the way you all interact. No one would think to hear the way you bicker that you really do love one another.”
Joshua stilled. “And I’m glad you can see that, son.” He put the remainder of the logs into the basket next to the fireplace, then straightened. “I’ll be back soon with dinner.” Joshua left the room quickly.
Naomi frowned, staring after him. “Is Dad okay?”
Micah sighed. “Of course he isn’t. We’re a little closer to Christmas.” He put his hand to Naomi’s back. “And speaking of which, you might as well get in on the act too.” He explained his plan. “Think you can do that?”
She nodded. “Just don’t expect miracles. He’s not gonna suddenly launch himself into the festive season, you know that, right? Baby steps, Micah.”
He nodded. “I was just thinking a tree would be a good start.”
“Right now, a good start would be if I do my laundry.” Naomi chuckled. “And there’s a lot of it.”
“Then I’d better empty the washer. I did a load this morning and it’s still sitting in there.”
“Ew.” Naomi wrinkled her nose, before glancing over at Greg. “If I were you, I’d complain when you get your laundry back and it’s covered in mold.”
Greg laughed. “I’m just grateful he’s doing my laundry in the first place. But seeing as most of the clothes I’m wearing are his….”
Naomi grabbed her bag from where she’d dropped it, and headed to the laundry room, Micah following. Once they were inside, she closed the door gently.
Micah arched his eyebrows. “Something up?”
She gave him a sweet smile. “I just don’t want him overhearing us, that’s all.” Naomi put her hands on her hips. “So how are things progressing between you and Greg?”
Micah blinked. “Excuse me?”
Naomi rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. Last time I was home, it was perfectly obvious that you liked him. So… I’m asking. What have you done about it?” She grinned. “Have you kissed him yet?”
“Naomi!” Micah gaped at her. When all he got back was that infuriating grin, he gave up and began tugging the clean clothes from the washer into the basket.
“Good idea.” She unzipped her bag. “He can’t hear us if the washer is running.” She turned the bag upside down, and the dirty clothing tumbled out onto the floor.
Micah shook his head. “Silly me for actually thinking about the clothes, rather than creating a distraction.” He did not want to talk about this.
Naomi stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm. There was no trace of that grin: warm, deep brown eyes, so like his mom’s, gazed back at him. “Talk to me, Micah.”
He stared at her in silence, his stomach roiling. “Yes, I like him,” he whispere
d. “But I can’t do anything about it.”
She frowned. “Why the hell not?”
Micah struggled to find the words. “Because… it feels… bigger than just liking him.”
Naomi became very still. “Like… loving him, bigger?”
He nodded, his heart pounding. “Only it’s way too soon for it to be love.”
Naomi widened her eyes. “According to whose rules?”
“I’ve known him for four weeks. Four. And one of those weeks, he was in the goddamn hospital. You don’t fall in love with someone after only four weeks.”
“Bullshit,” she said bluntly. Then her expression softened. “You remember that movie Mom made us watch every single Christmas? The black and white one, about the guy who gets to find out how much his life impacted on others?”
Micah smiled. “It’s A Wonderful Life?”
She nodded, smiling too. “That’s the one. Do you recall the scene where George meets Mary at the high school dance? They all fall into the swimming pool? And they end up walking along the street in a bathrobe and football gear?”
“Where are you going with this?” Micah was lost.
“At the end of that scene, they come to this old, deserted house, where everyone usually throws rocks at the windows, or what’s left of them, and makes a wish. Mary throws a rock and makes a wish, but we only find out later what that wish was.” Naomi smiled. “The night they met, she wished for them to be married, to spend the rest of their lives together. She knew, after only one night.”
Micah gave her an indulgent smile. “It’s just a movie, sis,” he reminded her softly.
Naomi nodded. “And it’s Christmas, bro. A time for magic and miracles, if ever there was one. For believing in love at first sight. Okay, so it’s not exactly that here, but you know what I mean.” She swallowed. “I’d like to think I know what Mom would say if she was here.”
Micah’s throat thickened. “Yeah?”
She bobbed her head slowly. “She’d tell you to follow your heart.” Naomi cocked her head to one side. “And what is your heart telling you?”
Micah pulled her into a hug. “That little sisters can be wonderful when they want to be,” he whispered. “And that believing in magic is for the movies.” He released her, and started shoving the damp clothing into the dryer. “It’s easy coming out with all this, but there’s one thing your theory doesn’t take into consideration.” He closed the dryer door with a soft click.
“And what’s that?”
Micah straightened. “What if Greg doesn’t feel for me the way I feel for him?”
Naomi bit her lip. “For an intelligent guy, you come out with some stupid shit.” Micah stared at her, and she rolled her eyes. “For God’s sake… the way he looks at you. The way he listens to you. Are you really that blind? That deaf? Hell, I saw that the last time I was home.”
He had to smile to himself. The irony hadn’t escaped him: one look at the photos of Dad and Hayden, and he’d seen their connection, yet he’d failed to see what was under his nose?
If Naomi was correct, of course. And that was a big IF.
“Get your laundry started. I’ll go put out the plates. Dad will be home any minute. And we don’t want Greg wondering why it takes so long to load a washer, do we?” He left her to it. The truth was, he didn’t want to think about the possibility that she might be right.
Life didn’t work out like that. There was no such thing as magic, Christmas or otherwise.
Unfortunately.
“Does your mom know you’re gay?”
Greg lifted his head from his reading to meet Naomi’s direct gaze. “Excuse me?”
Naomi sat up from her reclining position on the rug in front of the fire. “I was talking with Micah after dinner. He said your mom called the other day. I was just wondering if she knew, that’s all.”
Greg closed his book. “No, she doesn’t. I’m not going to share something like that over the phone. But I will tell her. I don’t think she’ll freak out about it though.”
“I see.” Naomi drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them. Her long hair gleamed in the firelight as it spilled over her shoulders, reminding him of the portrait. She peered at Joshua, who was sitting in the armchair, staring at his phone. “Dad? How did Mom react when you told her about Hayden? You did say you’d tell us.”
“But there’s nothing that says he has to tell us right this second,” Micah said firmly from his position beside Greg on the couch. He gave Naomi a hard stare. “That’s surely Dad’s decision.”
Greg regarded Joshua closely. As much as he liked Naomi, he was prepared to tell her to back off if Joshua appeared upset by the suggestion. However, Joshua merely nodded.
“I did promise, didn’t I?” He placed his phone on the small wooden table beside his chair, then leaned back. “I’m not sure what you’re expecting to hear though.”
Naomi shifted closer, until she was sat at his feet, gazing up at him. “How did she find out? Did you tell her, or—”
Joshua chuckled. “Here’s a novel idea. How about you let me tell the story?”
Micah gave Naomi a superior look, and she retorted by giving him the finger. Greg loved Joshua’s mock gasp of horror.
“We’d been dating for nearly a year, I suppose. She often came to dinner on the weekend, and my parents adored her. I think a lot of that adoration initially was due to the fact that I was dating a girl.” Joshua shook his head. “They spent that whole first year in Wyoming, just… watching me. I felt like I was in prison sometimes. No parties, no after school activities… they didn’t trust me.”
“That’s awful.” Naomi scowled. “All because you’d loved a boy?”
Joshua stroked her hair. “Bless you. Times then were nothing like they are now. When you were talking about your classmates the other week, my first thought was how far we’ve come. Your generation is perhaps the most tolerant yet. Certainly the most accepting. But back then?” He sighed heavily. “Anyhow, I was in the second year at college, and we were coming up on our one-year anniversary. I told your mom I thought it was time we got married.”
Micah laughed. “How romantic. I can really feel the love.”
“Hush.” Naomi glared at Micah. “Let him tell it.”
Greg was content just to sit and listen.
“Your mom agreed, and we decided to tell our parents when it got to our anniversary.” Joshua stared into the fire. “She said if we were gonna do this, then there had to be no secrets between us. When I asked her what she meant, she got up from her chair, walked over to the shelf above her desk, and took down a book. It was an Agatha Christie I’d loaned her the previous week. I had no idea where she was going with this, until she opened the cover… and took out my photos of Hayden. I must have left them in there, and not noticed when I loaned it to her.”
“What did she say?” Micah asked in a low voice.
Joshua met Micah’s intense gaze. “She asked me who he was. There was no way I was gonna lie to her. I loved her. So… I told her everything. She just sat there and listened. When I was done, she handed me the book with the photos still in it. She smiled and said, ‘I think you’d better put these someplace safe. You don’t wanna lose them now, do ya?’ I stared at her, and she looked at me like she was puzzled. ‘Of course you must keep them. You loved him. I don’t think for one second that you’ll ever forget him. But I know, with all my heart, that you love me. I guess I’m luckier than Hayden, because I’m the one who gets to keep you.’”
Naomi’s mouth fell open. “Way to go, Mom. She knew you were bi, and that didn’t change a thing.” Her eyes glistened.
Joshua bent over and kissed the top of her head. “Your mom was an amazing lady, and I will be forever thankful that I had her in my life.” The firelight caught the glint in his own eyes. “So now you know.”
Greg wished even more that he could have met her. “Thank you for sharing that.” His words came out gruffer than he’d intended, and he cleared his
throat.
Joshua met his gaze and smiled. “She’d have loved you, son.” He glanced at his surroundings, and his face darkened. “And I know she’d have hated this.”
Micah jerked his head up. “Hated what?”
Joshua flung his arm out in a sweeping gesture. “When your mom was alive, this room would have been filled with lights and color. Mistletoe hanging over every door, because Lord, that woman loved to sneak up on me with a kiss. A Christmas tree so high, the angel’s wings were scraping the ceiling. Now look at it.” His face fell. “I step outside into the street, and everywhere I look, there’s the lights she loved so much.”
“We do understand, Dad,” Naomi said softly. “It… hurts us too.”
Joshua nodded. “So I’ve been thinking. If you kids want a tree this year….” He swallowed.
Micah’s eyes widened. “For real?” Naomi stared at her dad.
Joshua regarded them both. “Did you want one? Because… I think I can deal with a tree.”
Naomi lurched up and flung her arms around Joshua. “Thank you, thank you!”
Joshua chuckled and held her close. “I’m thinking that’s a yes.” He glanced at Greg. “You like that idea too?”
Greg nodded happily. “I think a tree is a wonderful idea.”
“Good. Then you get to go with Micah when he picks it out. You need to get out of the house. That okay with you, Micah?”
Greg loved the glow on Micah’s face. “More than okay, Dad.” He turned to grin at Greg. “Tomorrow morning, bright and early?”
“Sounds like a plan. Although I won’t be able to leave the car, right?”
Micah grinned. “Think again. According to their website, the Home Depot provide motorized carts.”
“Motorized—” Joshua narrowed his gaze. “Been doing some research, have we?” His lips twitched.
Micah flushed. “It was just an idea. You know, just in case.”
