“I’ve dated,” she admitted to Rafe, guessing by the stall in conversation that he expected an answer to his previous comment. “But I’m holding out for something no one has sparked yet.”
“And what’s that?” he drawled.
She took a deep breath and admitted, “Love.”
A mocking light entered his storm-gray eyes. “You believe in fairy tales, huh?”
Irritation bristled up her spine. “Is it so wrong to believe that love exists and to hold out for it?” Her question was direct, and certainly a challenge for this cynical hero who believed he didn’t need anyone.
“No, I suppose not,” he admitted gruffly, not looking at her.
“I guess I want that fairy tale so badly because I don’t want the kind of relationship my parents have,” she explained softly.
That confession surprised him, bringing his head back around. His confusion was evident. “Which is?”
That same old sadness tugged at her when she thought of her parent’s situation, along with determination not to repeat their mistake. “A marriage of convenience.”
He lifted a dark brow, unable to conceal the intrigue that leapt into his gaze.
She explained. “They got married because my mother was pregnant with me, and though they’re still together, they live separate lives. I want a marriage based on respect and common interest. Is it so wrong to want love, and a man who respects what I do?”
“No,” he said quietly, and with more kindness and compassion than he’d shown her thus far. “No, there’s nothing wrong with that at all.”
She dragged her fingers through her hair, feeling a twinge of frustration over her mother’s meddling, and her own ideals of a husband she’d yet to encounter. “The combination hasn’t been an easy one to find, especially when my mother keeps foisting these pompous, arrogant men on me, all who want a trophy wife and trained hostess more than an equal partner in marriage.”
She visibly shuddered to lighten the moment, and saw his mouth twitch. When he realized what almost happened, he scrubbed a hand along his jaw, wiping away the amused expression that nearly dared to grace his face.
Vast disappointment coursed through Lauren. At the moment, she would have offered her entire trust account to see those full lips of his curve into a warm, engaging smile. Or to hear a rich, deep chuckle rumble up from his chest. She knew he had it in him, under lock and key, no doubt.
Grouchy, grumpy, gorgeous cowboy!
“So, what about you, Rafe?” she asked, eyeing him casually, more than ready to put a few wrinkles in that staid composure of his. “You ever been married?”
Rafe’s entire body tensed at her personal query, and he fought in vain to maintain a bland expression. “Nope.”
“Close to it, maybe?” she wheedled.
Damn, the woman was nosey, and pushy. “Nope. Never.” He’d had a few relationships over the years while traveling the circuit, but none of them had developed beyond a flirtatious fling, which had been his way. And after the accident, well, there wasn’t a woman around who deserved to be saddled with an S.O.B. like himself. He knew that, accepted it, and lived with it.
She frowned up at him, her bluer-than-the-sky-above eyes twinkling with too much mischief. “Don’t you want a wife, and a half dozen kids to fill up this big ranch of yours?”
Inadequacies and fears swamped him, making that particular wish an impossibility. “Nope.”
“Aw, come on,” she said, gently nudging his arm with her own, the brush of her skin against his electrifying his nerves. “I find that hard to believe. Doesn’t it ever get lonely living out here all by yourself?”
All the time. His belly clenched at the unexpected realization. “I like the way my life is,” he said, wondering if he was trying to convince her, or himself of that fact.
“Isolated and alone?” she offered impudently.
Anger flashed through him. “Uncomplicated and simplified.”
His abrupt manner didn’t faze her. Instead, she leaned close and grinned at him. “Ahh, and here I thought you were a risk-taker.”
Trying not to think about how near she stood, how good she smelled, or the soft, unconscious press of her breast against his arm, he pursed his mouth into a tight line. “I stopped taking risks a year ago when my career ended.”
“Now you play it safe, hmm?” she reflected, backing off just enough to give him some breathing room that didn’t include her light, feminine fragrance. “By keeping yourself secluded out here on your ranch and trying to be unsociable? If no one gets too close, then you won’t have to risk that heart of yours, huh?”
He narrowed his gaze, but she wasn’t at all intimidated by the menacing look he summoned. “Anybody ever tell you that you’ve got a sassy mouth that’s gonna get you into trouble?”
She blushed, but didn’t retreat. “You’re the first, and just so you don’t worry overly much about it, I can handle trouble, cowboy.”
He didn’t refute her claim, considering she’d established her capability of handling “trouble” last night in the kitchen. She’d taken his brand of orneriness and returned it in spades. The thing was, he wanted to give this feisty, stubborn woman more trouble of the sensual variety. That kiss they’d shared had kept him aroused all night long and still swirled in his belly like hundred proof whiskey. Images of making love to her, of how soft and giving her body would be beneath his, burned in his mind.
Wanting her was dangerous and incredibly stupid, yet knowing that didn’t make a lick of difference to his unruly hormones. The craving to taste her again clouded all reason. The warm awareness he detected in her eyes wrapped around him, coaxing and irresistible. His heart thundered against his ribs and he lowered his head toward hers a fraction. Her chin tilted up in an effort to meet him half way, and her damp lips parted in anticipation, releasing a soft sigh.
The sound of a horse galloping their way broke the spell between them. Rafe jerked back and swore beneath his breath, grateful at the timely interruption and furious at himself for being so careless. What was he thinking to kiss her again?
The disappointment etching Lauren’s features faded into a smile as Chad brought Bronwyn to a stop in front of the fence where they stood. Oblivious to the sensual undercurrents between adults, he thrust out his bouquet toward Lauren.
“I picked these for you,” he said, looking uncertain and hopeful at the same time.
She took the flowers he offered, her eyes shining with adoration for the young boy and his thoughtfulness. Lifting the flowers to her nose, she inhaled their light, floral fragrance. “Thank you, Chad. These are lovely.”
Chad beamed.
“You getting hungry for a sandwich, kiddo?” she asked.
“A little,” he admitted. “But can I ride Bronwyn for just a little while longer?”
The pleading note in Chad’s voice got the best of Rafe. “Ten more minutes,” he said, ignoring the knowing smile Lauren cast his way. “Then we need to cool her down.”
“Yippee!” Chad cheered, then took off with Bronwyn for another trip around the pasture.
“So, do you ride?” Rafe asked Lauren in an attempt to make conversation once they were alone again.
“I’ve had a lesson or two,” she said, her quirky smile and lilting voice telling him she was being modest about her ability to ride a horse.
“My sister invited us to her place for a barbeque tomorrow. I was thinking we could ride the horses over since she lives on the property that adjoins mine.”
“I’d love that.”
He discovered he was looking forward to the outing, too. Before he realized what he was doing, his finger touched her nose and traced a path across the color blossoming along her soft cheeks. The gesture surprised them both, and he quickly lowered his hand and cleared his throat.
“Your, ah, nose is getting pink, and so are your cheeks,” he muttered. “I’ll pick you up a hat the next time I’m in town.”
She ducked her head shyly, a quality he f
ound fascinating when he’d only encountered the strong-willed side to the woman.
“I think I’ll go start lunch,” she said, backing away.
She walked toward the gate to exit the corral, but turned before she got there. She held those precious, already wilting flowers against her chest, looking like a wholesome country girl, making something deep inside him unfurl and ache.
Her sass returned, kicking up the tips of her mouth in an impish grin and shimmering in her dark blue eyes. “Oh, and Rafe, you’re not half bad when you’re being sociable. Better be careful, or some woman might take all that congeniality too seriously and get the notion that you need yourself a wife.”
He tried to summon a scowl at her subtle mockery, and found himself shaking his head instead—hard pressed to hold back the grin twitching the corners of his lips.
Chapter Five
“So, tell me, has my brother been on his best behavior?”
Lauren smiled at Rafe’s sister, Kristin, detecting the humor in her voice and sparkling in her green eyes. They’d arrived at Kristin and James’ a half hour earlier on horseback, and after a round of introductions and idle chit-chat that familiarized strangers with one another, the two broad-shouldered men and Chad had taken off toward a corral stabling a new foal with Blackie, James’ border collie, running and playing at Chad’s heels.
Lauren didn’t mind the males heading off on their own. In fact, she welcomed the reprieve, especially from her host. Oh, she and Rafe had settled into an amicable truce since their discussion yesterday, but this moody man with all his deep, dark secrets consumed too much of her thoughts, not to mention made her pulse race when he was near from all that sexy, rugged masculine appeal of his.
She wasn’t one to indulge in impulsive, frivolous attractions, no matter how gorgeous the man, yet Rafe made her want to throw caution to the Wyoming breeze and give into the intense awareness they both seemed to be fighting.
To do so would only send her back to California with a wealth of heartache. Her time with Rafe was temporary with no room for intimate complications, and he wasn’t the type to accept a woman into the solitary life he’d created for himself. A brief fling was out of the question for her, not when she was holding out for love.
Sitting across from Kristin at the redwood picnic table situated under a large shade tree in the yard, she firmly rerouted her thoughts back to the other woman’s question. “Considering Chad and I are disrupting his life for a week, yes, Rafe’s been pretty hospitable.”
“Chad is a wonderful little boy, and I don’t think it would hurt for Rafe to have some disruption in his life.” Kristin reached for the covered pitcher of iced tea on the table and poured them each a plastic tumbler full of the cool drink. “This is good for him. The past year has been difficult with his accident and all, and I’m really hoping that you and Chad make him realize what a recluse he’s been and that he’s only hurting himself. Nothing I say seems to make a difference.”
Lauren wasn’t having much luck in that department, either. She agreed that Rafe was hurting, way deep inside, yet Lauren didn’t know enough about Rafe’s past to make assumptions about the cynical man. She toyed with the idea of asking Kristin what happened to make Rafe so hard and bitter, but thought better of it. If she ever learned the truth, she wanted to hear it from Rafe himself.
Taking a drink of her iced tea, Lauren followed Kristin’s gaze to where Rafe, James, and Chad were doting on the new foal. James was talking to Chad, and the young boy laughed at something he said. A wistful smile curved Kristin’s mouth, mingling with the pure love that etched her features.
“So, how did you and James meet?” she asked curiously, puzzled by the two conflicting emotions she’d witnessed. “He’s a wonderful man, and seems crazy about you.” Their devotion for one another had been immediately evident to Lauren, in the way the couple looked at one another, and the gentle, reverent way James touched his wife. If Rafe doubted love existed, he only needed to take a closer look at his sister and brother-in-law’s relationship to affirm its existence.
Kristin blushed a becoming shade of pink. “I’ve known James all my life, actually. His family grew up in Cedar Creek, and I went to school with him, but we were always just friends. It wasn’t until after my father died about seven years ago that we really noticed one another. Rafe hired James as a foreman to keep up the spread while he was off traveling the circuit, and, well, one thing led to another and we fell in love.”
“So this is your family’s ranch then?”
“Yes.” Kristin unwrapped a plate of lemon cake and urged Lauren to take a slice, which she did. “After James and I married, Rafe took a parcel of the land and built his own place, and James started up a cattle operation, which has done quite well.”
Looking around, Lauren had to agree. The land was fertile, the barn and stables in good shape, the livestock well cared for. The house Rafe and Kristin had grown up in appeared to be newly renovated, inside and out. The charming old Victorian built of weathered white clapboard had an equally appealing wraparound porch complete with a hanging swing. The yard was well-manicured and huge. The only thing missing from Kristin and James’ loving marriage and comfortable life was children.
“Do you and James plan to have kids?” she asked, licking the stickiness from the delicious cake off her fingers.
A pained looked crossed Kristin’s expression, which Lauren immediately caught.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized, unsure what painful memories she’d tapped into, but she didn’t want Kristin to feel obligated to unearth them. “I didn’t mean to pry—”
“No, it’s quite all right.” Kristin took a deep breath as if to gather her composure and smiled, but the sentiment didn’t reach her eyes. “James and I would love a family, but I’m not able to have children.”
Lauren felt as though she’d been slammed in her stomach with a fist. Wanting a large family herself one day, she couldn’t imagine the possibility, or the emotional anguish, of being unable to conceive a baby. Her heart went out to Kristin. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“I still find it hard to believe myself,” she said a little sadly as she ran a finger down the condensation forming on her tumbler. “A few months after James and I married, I was diagnosed with endometriosis, and had to have a hysterectomy. James has been great about the fact that we’ll never have kids, but I think about it all the time. I try to console myself with the second graders I teach during the school year, but it’s times like this, during the summer when I don’t have that daily contact with kids, that I feel the loss more acutely.”
Lauren nodded, her feminine side comprehending that pain. “Have you ever thought about adoption?”
Kristin’s shoulder lifted in a shrug. “It’s crossed my mind, but I’m just not sure about it.”
“Maybe you should think about it seriously,” Lauren suggested, and took a drink of her iced tea. “There are so many children out there like Chad who need a loving home, unless you’d prefer to adopt a baby instead of a grown child.”
“I don’t know,” Kristin admitted, a soft smile of longing touching her mouth. “There’s just something so sweet and innocent about a little baby . . .”
“I understand.” And Lauren truly did. Most couples who made the choice to adopt wanted a newborn, an uninfluenced infant wholly dependent on no one but them.
A squeal of laughter made them both look out onto the lawn, where James was tossing a Frisbee to Chad, who then sailed the disc to Blackie. The agile dog jumped into the air, caught the Frisbee in his mouth, and trotted it back to James to begin the cycle again. Rafe stood underneath a nearby tree, his back braced against the thick trunk, his right knee angled to take the pressure off his leg. The brim of his hat covered his eyes, but she felt him watching her as she’d sensed many times since yesterday. That reserve of his was frustrating and maddening.
Smile for me, Rafe. Just once. Come on, it’ll feel so good you might not want to stop. . .
> Her mental telepathy either didn’t reach him, or he ignored the vibes. Stubborn man that he was, she suspected the latter.
“I think what you do for those foster kids is incredibly generous,” Kristin said, reining in Lauren’s wandering thoughts.
She glanced back at Rafe’s sister. “I enjoy making them happy.”
“Rafe told me a little about Chad’s situation. Losing both parents must have been incredibly difficult for him.”
Lauren verbally agreed, knowing that Chad still struggled with the loss of the only family he’d ever known.
“What will happen to Chad after this week when you return to California?”
“He’ll be placed in another foster home. I’m really hoping to find him a family that he fits in with. It’s not always easy to do.”
Kristin’s eyes rounded in surprise, and her gaze drifted to the young boy who seemed so carefree and playful with Blackie and James. “I can’t imagine him not fitting in. He’s a good boy, has a good disposition, and he’s so very warm and bright.”
“Human nature being what it is, personalities don’t always click,” Lauren said, having seen the harsher side of foster care. “Sometimes it takes a few foster homes before we find the right family for a client.”
Kristin seemingly digested that, her expression filled with compassion. “I hope he finds a family that will give him all the love and attention he deserves.”
Lauren smiled. “Yeah, me too.”
Three hours later, after eating barbequed hamburgers, homemade potato salad and a fresh fruit medley, everyone converged indoors to relax and let their meal settle. Chad excitedly announced that he’d brought his scrapbook of Rafe and his rodeo days, and withdrew the album from the backpack he’d worn on the ride over.
The Bachelor’s Surrender Page 7
