by Rajiv Joseph
But you woke up.
You woke up, you freak.
I don’t believe in any of this stuff, you know, Dougie? Energy. Healing powers. But I don’t care right now. You’re in a stupid wheelchair.
DOUG: How come you said you didn’t come see me.
KAYLEEN: I don’t know, Doug, there you were asking me if I was the reason you miraculously sprang back to life. I can’t be the reason you’re alive. Why would I be able to do something like that?
Doug doesn’t answer, doesn’t look at her.
KAYLEEN: Dougie ...
DOUG: I did a good job with that ice.
KAYLEEN: (getting up) Dougie, I’m going to touch you now. Tell me where.
Tell me where.
DOUG: Don’t touch me.
She stops and looks at him.
KAYLEEN: I know. But ... I just think ...
DOUG: Do not touch me.
KAYLEEN: I want to, Dougie. I’m sorry for ...
I’m sorry for our whole life right now.
DOUG: Don’t touch me, Kayleen.
Kayleen doesn’t. She watches him. He won’t look at her. She goes to him and crouches, puts her hands on his wheel.
KAYLEEN: Not even for that, Dougie. For me. Just for me. Can I just...
She puts her hand up to touch his face, but can’t do it.
DOUG: (almost desperate) Please.
Kayleen stands and goes back to the bench and sits.
She covers her face with her hands for a moment.
DOUG: I’m good like this. I’m good. Don’t need anything else.
Except maybe when I see those kids flying around on the ice.
But I’m done flying around.
Beat.
KAYLEEN: God, I feel sick.
DOUG: Throw up.
KAYLEEN: I want to.
Beat.
DOUG: Remember ... ?
KAYLEEN: Yeah.
DOUG: What happened after.
KAYLEEN: I don’t know. We stood there staring at it.
DOUG: Disgusting.
KAYLEEN: You cleaned it out.
DOUG: I did?
KAYLEEN: Yeah, you washed it out.
We left. We went out to the playground.
DOUG: We sat on the swings.
KAYLEEN: We sat on the swings.
You kept climbing up the swing chains and swinging from the top bar, like ten feet off the ground.
And I told you you were stupid and going to crack open your head.
So you came back down.
And we sat on the swings.
DOUG: What did we talk about.
KAYLEEN: God, I don’t know ...
We talked about everything. We talked so long, it was the latest I’d ever stayed up in my life.
It was almost morning when we left the swings.
It was cold, and you gave me your jacket to wear.
The playground was so pretty just then.
The sky was starting to be blue.
They look at the ice.
ANIMALS OUT OF PAPER
PRODUCTION HISTORY
Animals Out of Paper had its world premiere on August 4, 2008, at Second Stage Theatre in New York City. Carole Rothman, Artistic Director; Ellen Richard, Executive Director; Giovanna Sardelli, Director; Beowulf Boritt, Set Designer; Amy Clark, Costume Designer; Josh Bradford, Lighting Designer; Bart Fasbender, Sound Designer; Don-Scott Cooper, General Manager; Barlow/Hartman Public Relations, Press Representative; Lori Ann Zepp, Production Stage Manager; Stephanie Gatton, Stage Manager; Robert G. Mahon III, Production Manager; Jeremy Palmer, Technical Director; Laura Schutzel, Casting; Tara Rubin Casting, Casting.
ILANA: Kellie Overbey
ANDY: Jeremy Shamos
SURESH: Utkarsh Ambudkar
CHARACTERS
ILANA : female, forty to forty-five
ANDY: male, thirty-five to forty-five
SURESH: an eighteen-year-old Indian boy, raised in the U.S.
TIME
The present
ACT 1
Scene 1.
Dim lights illuminate the extremely messy studio apartment of Ilana Andrews, who sleeps on her couch in a bathrobe. Origami models of animals and abstract shapes fill the apartment. Also, empty bottles, large stacks of folding paper, newspapers, books, clothes strewn everywhere. There is a fire extinguisher on the kitchen counter.
Also, an enormous number of empty and used Chinese food take-out boxes.
Also, several diagrams of a human heart. Some are in color, some drawn in pencil. One is very large, with measurements drawn over the heart.
Hanging from the ceiling directly above Ilana is an enormous origami hawk, three or four times its natural size, folded in such a way that it looks like it’s about to pounce on its prey. Its huge talons are wide open, hovering several feet over Ilana.
The apartment buzzer buzzes. Ilana is startled. No one ever buzzes this door. She just stares at the intercom from the couch. The door buzzes a few more times. She slowly walks to the intercom. She presses it and speaks.
ILANA: Hello?
ANDY: (intercom) Hello?
ILANA: Yes?
ANDY: Hi.
ILANA: Yes?
ANDY: Ilana Andrews?
ILANA: That’s me ...
ANDY: Hi.
ILANA: Can I help you?
ANDY: Andy Froling.
ILANA: Who?
ANDY: Andy Froling. American Origami.
ILANA: Is there something you need?
ANDY: Could you buzz me in?
ILANA: Who are you?
ANDY: Andy Froling. American Origami.
ILANA: Yeah, I don’t know you.
ANDY: American Origami.
ILANA: What about it?
ANDY: I’m the treasurer.
(beat) Can you buzz me in?
ILANA: Look: I don’t know you.
ANDY: It’s just that it’s raining.
ILANA: It is?
ANDY: It’s pouring. Look out the window. It’s a monsoon.
ILANA: I don’t have a window.
ANDY: Could you buzz me in?
ILANA: What do you want?
ANDY: I have some stuff for you. We tried mailing it to you, but it comes back. Could you buzz me in please? I’m getting soaked out here.
I just need to drop this thing off.
Ilana paces around, nervous, not wanting to let this person in. She lets her finger off the button and stares at the intercom as if it was a dangerous thing. She presses it again and Andy’s been talking.
ANDY: ... who told me he thought it looked like a lozenge or maybe a dorsal fin. But I don’t know ... it was so beautiful. Like the most beautiful thing I ever saw. I’m sorry, but I guess I just wanted to say that.
ILANA: What?
ANDY: Could you just please buzz me in?
Ilana goes to the couch. Leans against it for a moment. Returns.
She presses the button again.
ILANA: Hello?
ANDY: Hi.
ILANA: Okay.
Ilana takes her finger off the intercom button and just stares at the box for a long moment. And then she buzzes him in. She just stands there waiting.
A knock on the door. Ilana opens it. Andy enters, totally drenched.
ANDY: Hi.
ILANA: Yeah. Hi.
ANDY: Andy Froling. American Origami.
ILANA: Yeah. Hi.
ANDY: I’m the treasurer.
(seeing the hawk, starts to enter) Wow, that is a big bird.
ILANA: Yeah.
(alarmed as he starts to enter) Hey!
ANDY: What?
ILANA: I’ve got a lot of paper ... There’s paper ... Like everywhere. Don’t get my paper wet. Just ... just stay right there. Don’t move.
ANDY: I’m here. Not gonna move.
ILANA: Thanks.
ANDY: (looking at the hawk) Wow.
ILANA: Yeah.
ANDY: Wow.
ILANA: Yeah.
ANDY: It
’s so nice to see you again.
ILANA: Yeah.
When did we meet?
ANDY: The convention?
ILANA: Right.
ANDY: I’m the treasurer.
ILANA: This past June.
ANDY: Yeah ... And the four previous Junes. I’ve been.
ILANA: Oh. Right . . .
ANDY: Yeah.
ILANA: Yeah.
Awkward pause.
ANDY: (holds out a folder) So, this is ...
ILANA: Right!
ANDY: Yeah, just some ...
ILANA: And this is ... ?
ANDY: Yeah, just some ...
ILANA: I should sign them?
ANDY: Sure. I mean, no, it’s just informational. We wanted to make sure you got it. I mean, if you don’t get the stuff . . . I mean, we want to make sure that you’re gonna be with us again in June . . . Will you?
ILANA: Sure.
ANDY: It’s just that your mail was sent back.
ILANA: I moved.
ANDY: And so . . . you live . . . here now . . . In your studio?
ILANA: It’s temporary.
ANDY: I’m sorry for intruding.
ILANA: Sorry you got wet.
ANDY: Water’s water. It doesn’t hurt any. Rain is sacred, that’s what I say. All water is holy water.
ILANA: Yeah?
ANDY: Why not? Wow, that is just a huge bird. What is that? Is that a composite?
ILANA: Yeah. There’s five pieces in there.
ANDY:It looks so alive! So eaglelike!
ILANA: It’s a hawk.
ANDY: A hawk! Pouncing! Pouncing on its prey!
ILANA: Well, it’s been great talking to you, but . . .
ANDY: It’s just so well crafted. Really phenomenal. And I love what it does to the room!
Ilana looks around the room and then at the bird.
ILANA: You like it?
ANDY: I love it.
ILANA: Well, if you can get it down, you can have it.
ANDY: The hawk? Are you serious?
ILANA: I can’t get it down. And I’m sick of it.
ANDY: How’d you get it up?
ILANA: My ex-husband put it up there.
ANDY: Oh.
ILANA: Yeah.
ANDY: I’m sorry.
ILANA: Don’t be. Do you want the bird?
ANDY: I’d love it! Wow! An Ilana Andrews original! Where’s your ladder?
ILANA: I don’t have a ladder. If I had a ladder, I could get it down myself.
Andy looks around the room.
ANDY: Okay. If I put that ottoman on top of the couch, I think I could reach it and snip off the line. You think?
ILANA: You’ll have to take off your shoes. You’re going to have to dry off.
ANDY: Shoes off!
Andy pulls his shoes off.
Ilana takes a roll of paper towels and hands it to him.
ILANA: Here. Take as much as you need.
ANDY: Oh, wow. Thanks . . .
Andy takes a lot of paper towel and mops himself off, head to toe.
ANDY: This place is great. Just great.
He points to a Chinese take-out box.
ANDY: Hey did you do that? That’s great.
ILANA: Those are take-out boxes.
ANDY: Oh.
ILANA: Yeah, that’s Szechuan beef.
ANDY: It’s just that there’s so many. I thought it was conceptual.
ILANA: I haven’t been out in a while.
ANDY: So you’ve been ordering in.
Chinese food. That’s great.
I don’t like it. Allergic. MSG.
ILANA: I’m getting tired of it myself.
ANDY: Yeah, you look tired.
ILANA: Thanks. Well, I am.
ANDY: It happens, you know. People get tired. I drink tea.
ILANA: You drink tea.
ANDY: When I get tired. It relaxes and energizes me at the same time. Great stuff, tea. Do you have any?
ILANA: Tea? Yeah, I have tea.
ANDY: Oh, then you should drink some.
ILANA: Um. Okay. Yeah.
ANDY: Are you going to make some?
ILANA: I guess. Do you . . . uh . . . do you want some?
ANDY: I’d love some tea. Thank you.
He hands the large wad of soaked paper towels to Ilana. She takes it awkwardly and goes to a little kitchenette, fills two mugs with water, and then puts them in the microwave.
Andy looks up at the bird.
ANDY: Oh, she’s a beauty.
And you’re a genius.
ILANA: I’m not and you don’t know me.
ANDY: I know your work. I took your class on the scaled koi.
ILANA: It’s a fish. Anyone can fold that.
ANDY: I can’t. Still can’t.
ILANA: I must not have been a very good teacher.
ANDY: You were. You were a great teacher. I know, because I’m a teacher. calculus. High school. Heights High.
(fist in the air; like a school cheer) Heights Hiiigh!
ILANA: I have lemon zinger.
ANDY: Oh, that’s fine. I’m a big fan of the zingers.
And by the way . . . regardless. I’m sorry about your, um, the divorce. It’s just difficult to be with someone and then to not be with them.
ILANA: Have you been married?
ANDY: No, never.
ILANA: Then you don’t really know, do you?
ANDY: I guess not.
ILANA: No. You don’t.
ANDY: It’s just that . . . we heard about it at A.O. A.O.—that’s “American Origami.”
ILANA: I got it.
ANDY: And then your mail got returned to us. And you never answered e-mail and your cell phone got disconnected . . . and we got sort of worried for a second there.
ILANA: Who was worried?
ANDY: Well, I was. I mean . . . I pretty much do everything anyhow.
ILANA: You don’t even know me.
ANDY: I’m just saying I was worried.
ILANA: Don’t worry about me.
ANDY: Okay, I won’t.
ILANA: Don’t worry about me!
ANDY: Okay I won’t.
ILANA: I am fine. I’m fine, okay? Fine. I am fine.
ANDY: Okay.
ILANA: Don’t worry about me.
ANDY: I won’t.
ILANA: I’m fine.
ANDY: Yep.
ILANA: You want sugar or honey?
ANDY: Honey.
ILANA: I don’t have honey.
ANDY: Sugar.
ILANA: I have enough problems, I don’t need the treasurer for American Origami hunting me down to give me a brochure.
ANDY: It wasn’t just the brochure, why I came over.
ILANA: What else?
ANDY: Your, um . . . A.O. dues? Yearly dues? They were due December first.
ILANA: Are you kidding me?
ANDY: It’s no big deal! It’s only twenty-five dollars!
ILANA: You came over here because I’m late on my membership dues?
ANDY: I already paid it.
ILANA: You paid my dues?
ANDY: It wasn’t a big deal! I didn’t want to bother you, but, like I said, I was worried . . .
ILANA: Don’t pay my fucking dues!
ANDY: Okay!
Ilana storms to her purse and takes out her wallet.
ILANA: Twenty-five bucks? Fine. Here. Here’s twenty-five bucks for American Origami. You guys must be doing great if you’re shaking people down for twenty-five bucks . . .
(no cash in her wallet) I don’t have any cash.
Can I write you a check?
ANDY: Ilana, please, don’t worry about it! I shouldn’t even have brought it up!
ILANA: But you did.
ANDY: Please, just forget I said anything.
Ilana goes to get the tea.
ILANA: Unbelievable.
I crawl into a hole for two months, and the only person who notices is the treasurer from American Origami.
&n
bsp; If I dropped dead tomorrow, my gravestone would read “She owed twenty-five dollars in dues.”
She goes to him and hands him the cup.
ILANA: Here’s your lemon zinger.
ANDY: Thank you. This is very nice.
Ilana goes back to her cup. She’s pent up.
ILANA: My dog ran off.
ANDY: Oh . . . I’m sorry.
ILANA: I lost my dog.
ANDY: That’s tough.
ILANA: Yeah, it’s tough.
ANDY: Have you checked the pound?
ILANA: Shut up.
ANDY: Okay.
They drink their tea.
ILANA: He had three legs.
ANDY: Really?
ILANA: Yeah.
ANDY: It’s sad when dogs only have three legs.
ILANA: He could barely walk across the kitchen floor for the past two years and then one morning he’s gone. Poof. Disappeared.
ANDY: Ah.
They drink.
ANDY: Lemony.
They drink.
ANDY: I count my blessings.
ILANA: That’s great. Good for you.
ANDY: No, I literally count my blessings. I keep them in here.
Andy goes into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small book with a rubber band around it.
ANDY: When I think of one, I number it and add it to the list.
ILANA: You’re kidding me.
ANDY: It’s just something I do.
(he opens it, reads) Number 1: My health.
(looks up) That’s pretty basic.
(reads) Number 2: I can still go bowling, even with my elbow.
Number 1,943: I like teaching and am good at teaching.
Number 2,845: It is quiet and warm in my apartment in the morning and I can always have a cup of tea and look out my window.
(looks up) I mean, that’s a blessing! That’s an honest-to-goodness blessing!
ILANA: Right.
ANDY: (reads) Number 3,971: Turkey jerky.
(looks up) Turkey jerky!
(he flips through) I’m at 7,904 right now. 7,904 blessings counted.
ILANA: You’ve counted seven thousand blessings. How long did that take?
ANDY: I started when I was twelve. I had a fortune cookie. It said, “Count your blessings.”
ILANA: You’re very literal, aren’t you?
