I turned my back against the brightness of the sunrise to take in the scenery of the uncorrupted nature that surrounded the lake. Theodore’s body sitting slouched over at a nearby picnic table caught my eye. Had he chosen this place to die at?
“Such a peaceful place to choose, isn’t it?” Evelyn asked, her soft voice surprising me almost as much as her question. It was as though she’d read my mind.
I nodded. “Yes. He knew he was going to die then, didn’t he? He accepted things so easily, almost as if he’d known all along what happens to members of his family after they die.”
Theodore’s reaction had puzzled me only because my great-grandmother had told me that the women in my family didn’t know anything about being a Link between the Physical and Spiritual Realms, not until the moment we died and became a member of the Reaper Council.
“He most likely did.”
“But how is that even possible? I thought no one knew until they died,” I said, still confused.
Evelyn tilted her head to the side as she stared at me. I met her bright blue eyes and for the first time got the impression of her age. Evelyn looked to be in her early twenties, but gazing into the depths of her eyes, she appeared to be ancient.
“To some, their family bloodline is an honor, not a curse or a tragedy, which means there was no reason to keep it a secret,” she said, just before she abruptly disappeared, giving me the impression that I had offended her and leaving me standing at the lake’s edge alone with more questions than ever.
An honor, not a curse or a tragedy—her words echoed through my mind. Had my family chosen to keep it a secret because someone felt it was a curse? I could see where that was possible, wasn’t that how I felt about it?
I paced the length of the lake, pondering my thoughts more. Each day I seemed to learn something new about being a Reaper, and with each new thing I learned, I became more confused by the entire notion. Some were born a Link, like my mother and Mr. Monroe, capable of seeing both the Physical and Spiritual Realms. They automatically turned into Reapers when they passed. There were others like Jet who were taken from the Physical Realm before their time by accident and given a choice to either Crossover or become a Reaper. And then, there were others like me, or so I supposed, that were Replacement Reapers who died to take the place of a family member who should have become a Reaper but didn’t due to suicide.
I moved to sit at the edge of the picnic table where Mr. Monroe’s body sat and placed my head in my hands. I missed Jet. My soul felt even hollower without him, and my thoughts more jumbled and congested.
I thought of our place—the white sands, clear blue sky, and salty waters that stretched as far as the eye could see—the place he’d taken me to when I’d first become a Reaper. In mere seconds, I could hear the ocean waves crashing against one another in their race for the shore. I opened my eyes and focused on the sun high in the sky, wishing to feel its warmth against my skin if only for a moment.
My heart sank as I glanced around, searching for Jet. He wasn’t here. He was never here when I was. I’d been here what felt like hundreds of times in the past month, thinking that at some point he would return to this spot in search of me and I could finally feel whole again once I saw him, even if it was brief.
I walked toward the sandy area beneath a rock ledge where I’d scrolled a note into the sand the last time I’d come, and silently hoped he’d been here to find it. I wondered if my message, my plea for him, written shakily in the sand, was still there at all, or if time had finally swiped it away. I came upon my etched out letters and read silently:
I’ve been here, Jet, searching for you.
Then, I gasped in surprise as I noticed something had been written beneath my message for him.
Rowan—
I’ve been here doing the same for you. Every day. Please don’t give up. Fate will let us find each other soon. I’m certain.
I sunk to my knees and traced his words with my fingertip even though I was too unfocused to move the sand or feel it. He’d been here; Jet had been here. And from how clear his letters still were, I imagined it hadn’t been too long ago. Hope blossomed in my chest. Had I been able to, I would have cried tears of happiness.
I had no idea how long I’d been sitting on the sandy shore of the beach, staring at Jet’s message. Time no longer held meaning for me. I would sit here forever if it were possible. A warm breeze blew through my hair, and soft sand slid between my toes as I focused on my surroundings and became submerged in them. I closed my eyes and envisioned Jet and what he had looked like the last time I’d seen him—his disheveled dark hair, the creamy smoothness of his complexion, his sapphire eyes, and the cocky little grin that had twisted onto his face before he’d vanished reluctantly.
Jet was what had made all of this seem tolerable. If I had to be a Reaper, then I could endure it, but only if I was able to visit with Jet from time to time. Sorrow cracked its way through my soul again. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want the waiting and the yearning. I didn’t want to be a part of the horribleness death was, not alone, not without Jet.
I didn’t want this to be my hereafter.
“Rowan?” a familiar voice called out to me. I left my eyes closed and smiled, afraid that if I opened them disappointment would crush me because he wouldn’t be there in front of me, afraid that it was nothing but a memory of him calling my name swimming to the surface of my broken mind in my moment of heartbreaking want.
A hand softly brushed against my cheek, and I slowly allowed my eyes to flutter open. Glistening sapphire eyes held my attention as I fumbled to make sense of how Jet was in front of me. Happiness and excitement bubbled through me and escaped in the form of laughter. My arms wrapped around his neck, and I drew him in closer to me, vowing to never let him go again.
“I’m glad to see you, too.” He chuckled, a sound I’d missed more than I knew.
“I feel like I’ve been waiting forever,” I said, releasing the grip I had around his neck in favor of simply holding his hands in mine.
“Death has a way of making things feel eternal,” he said, his tone etched with heartache.
I didn’t want to talk of death. I didn’t even want to think about it. All I wanted was to savor this moment because I wasn’t sure how long we would get. Leaning forward, I pressed my lips to his and felt my desire to be with him always pulsating through my soul.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I breathed once I finally pulled away and drank in his image.
I felt like I was seeing him for the first time all over again. I took in his short, dark hair, the creaminess of his complexion, the striking sapphire blue of his eyes, and his all black attire—right down to his pair of worn, scuffed-up Converse sneakers that I loved.
Jet pressed his forehead against mine and smiled. “I can guarantee you not as badly as I’ve missed you. You’re what made me feel alive again.” The desperation that flashed in his eyes tugged at my soul.
I shook my head and grinned. “And now, ironically, you’re doing the same for me.”
“I’ve been back here every day hoping that this would be the place you’d look for me. I wasn’t sure if you’d be allowed to travel because, obviously, I’ve never been a Council member,” he said as he shifted to sit beside me on the white sand.
“I wasn’t either, but it turns out that I can. Well, to places and people. I can even go to certain objects, just not to Reapers.” I reached for his hand again and cast my gaze out to the limitless ocean. “There’s still so much that I don’t understand, though.”
“Eh, you’ll get the hang of it,” he insisted. “After all, time doesn’t limit you anymore,” he added with a smirk.
“I really don’t have a choice, do I?” I muttered. “I guess things just seemed less confusing and more bearable when you were with me.”
I thought back to the time we’d shared together after my death, but before I accepted my role as a Council member, back when I was still considered a Reaper in
training. Things had been better then and I had been happier.
“I know, but that just isn’t how things work,” Jet said, his features becoming ridged. The sharpness to his words surprised me. It was as though he had thought on the subject too much lately. “You have no idea how badly I wish things could be different for us.”
The sun had begun to set behind the ocean. Oranges and pinks streaked across the slowly darkening sky and sadness burned through me once more, this time for a different reason. It was breathtakingly beautiful, but just like this moment with Jet, it would be gone shortly and become replaced with an endless blackness. It seemed like a foreshadowing to what my afterlife, my hereafter, would always be—sparse moments of brightness with Jet and then endless amounts of blackness until I could see him again.
“What do we do now?” I whispered. We couldn’t run away together now that we’d found each other again. We couldn’t hide out and ignore what we were or our purpose for the sake of being together no matter how much I liked the idea. It wasn’t as though we could meet here at a set time every day either. Jet was assigned to the East Physical Realm. I, on the other hand, had been assigned to everywhere.
Before Jet could answer me, tendrils of blackness swirled around my ankles and a familiar tug began to pull at my soul. I knew we only had mere seconds at most before I’d give in to the intenseness of my beckoning.
My eyes grew wide and I turned to face him. “I have to go.”
“Try to meet me here before sunset tomorrow. I know it’s not the best idea, but at least it’s something,” Jet demanded. His hands cupped my face and he leaned in. I closed my eyes, but before the feel of his lips met mine, his touch vanished. I’d released myself too quickly, giving in to the summoning all too soon.
I opened my eyes and he was gone. The others surrounded me. We stood in front of a teenage girl dressed in jogging clothes alongside a busy street. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides and wept internally. I could not accept that this was my new existence, my new reality. It didn’t seem fair.
CHAPTER THREE
After transforming yet another soul into a Reaper, I found myself burning for the others to leave me as quickly as they had last time, all except for Evelyn. I wasn’t sure why—maybe it was because she was the only other female Council member, or maybe it was because she had been the only one to speak to me. Either way, I wanted to be left alone with her once again so I could ask her some of my questions.
I had no such luck, though. Evelyn was the first to go this time, leaving me with scary Damaris and snobby William. I kept my mouth shut and closed my eyes, envisioning the place that I had just left with the hope that Jet would still be there, warming my soul.
He wasn’t.
I didn’t think I had ever felt such disappointment, not even when I was still alive. Refusing to give the gloominess inside of me anymore life than what it already had, I chose not to visit with my father again, but instead to visit a place I hadn’t been back to in a while.
I stared at the faded pink walls, the ones that I’d helped paint years ago, and thought of how much I missed my best friend. I could have gone straight to her, but seeing her laughing, breathing, living without me was incredibly hard. My eyes shifted to an old photo of Kami and me from the summer of our sixth-grade year that was pressed into the edge of her mirror above her dresser. I assumed she would have taken it down long ago; we hadn’t been the best of friends the last few remaining months of my life, and seeing the old picture still in place surprised me.
“She misses you, you know? A lot actually. Your death is still really hard for her to deal with,” a sweet, soft voice said from the doorway.
I knew who it was. She didn’t surprise me like she used to when I was still alive, just after I had become a Link. In fact, Harlow had sort of become a friend now. I didn’t understand why the little girl, dressed in sixties clothes, was still here in Kami’s house, but in my own selfish way, I was glad that she was. It gave me someone to talk to, someone who understood why I came to visit the places that I did, why I couldn’t let go just yet.
“I’m sure it has,” I whispered, falling back onto Kami’s bed without feeling the blankets beneath me at all and gazing up at the stars and planets we’d put in place together ages ago.
“Did you get to see him yet?” Harlow asked, excitement bursting from her small voice.
She may have only been a six-year-old when she’d died, but in the years that she’d spent within these walls, her soul had aged. During the month that I had been a part of the Reaper Council, I’d come to visit Kami unnoticed quite often and instead visited with Harlow. I’d told her everything about Jet and how much I hated the position I’d been forced into.
I sat up and stared into her doe-like, baby blue eyes. “I did.” I smiled. “Finally.”
Harlow flipped her long brown hair over her shoulder and moved quickly to sit at the edge of the bed. “And?” she prompted. “Was seeing him again as wonderful as you dreamed it would be?”
“Better,” I admitted, enjoying the far away fairytale gleam twinkling in her eyes.
“Did the two of you figure out a way to see more of each other?” she asked.
“Maybe.” I frowned. “We’re going to try and meet up at sunset tomorrow, but I don’t know how well that will work. Most of the time I’m in a different time zone than him, so I’m not sure how I’ll know when the sun is setting there.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Harlow said, placing one tiny hand on my arm for reassurance.
I smiled at her touch. It was ironic to think that in the afterlife one of my best friends was the ghost of a six-year-old girl that had frightened me while I was still alive. I glanced down at her petite frame and thought of the questions I’d wanted to ask her since I’d first come back to visit with Kami after my death: How had she died and why hadn’t she chosen to Crossover? I knew of the loneliness that chewed away at your soul firsthand. Why she wanted to stay here in this house all alone baffled me completely.
“Thanks,” I said, taking her hand in mine. “Harlow, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“What happened to you? How did you die?” I asked, glad to finally have the courage.
She pulled her petite hand from mine and drew her tiny knees up to her chest. Slowly, she began to rock back and forth. I stared at her, watching the happy little girl she’d been seconds ago disappear before my eyes and turn into a frightened child.
“You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to,” I said quickly, wishing I could take back my question.
“It’s okay. It might be good for me to finally talk about it with someone,” she muttered, her lips pressing against her knees. “I was playing outside on the front sidewalk when a man walked up and asked me if I had seen his puppy. I told him no.” Her voice took on a distant tone and the air in the room shifted. It was as though the house were holding its breath, becoming in sync with the terror rolling off Harlow and in turn forcing itself to be still and quiet. “As he started to walk away, he pointed to the trees on the other side of the road and said he thought he had seen her. Then, he asked if I would help catch her. I said yes and when we got into the woods a little ways…he hit me on the head. All I remember after that is darkness.”
I stared at Harlow, taking in her words. Reaching out, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug. Seeing how much the memories of her life, even after she’d been dead for so long, had tormented her still frightened me. It was proof that memories never faded. Not the ones that involved pain. They stayed alive forever in your mind as well as the emotions attached to them.
“I’m so sorry,” I muttered. “Did they ever catch the guy?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
“Why didn’t you want to Crossover? What stopped you?”
“I came back here because this is where my family lived. I chose to stay here, but my parents didn’t. They packed up and moved som
eplace else after a few years. I could have went with them, but I figured when they die, they’d come here first to find me.” Her body shook and she turned her baby blue eyes on me. “I’ve waited for them to come back, but they never have. They left me, and I didn’t follow because I was too scared. I was too scared of crossing over, of everything, and now I might have lost them forever.”
I bit my bottom lip as her words sunk in. She had waited here alone all these years because she thought her parents would come back for her at some point.
“Do you know if they’re still alive?” I wondered.
“No, I don’t know, but I died in 1961. My parents were in their early thirties, so I don’t think if they are alive that they will be around for much longer.” She smiled a sad little smile and met my stare once more. “I hope that when they do go, they come back here to look for me. Do you think that they will, Rowan?”
I didn’t know what to say. She’d already waited for fifty-one years. I was normally not a pessimist, but that was a long time to wait, especially alone.
“I don’t know,” I whispered into her hair. “I don’t know.”
There had to be a way for Harlow to find her parents again, a way to know for sure if they were living or dead. The thought of never seeing my father again and being utterly alone frightened me and I was seventeen. I had no idea how Harlow had managed to survive mentally for so long without being with her parents in spirit.
“I don’t even remember what they looked like… I couldn’t visit them even if I wanted to,” Harlow whispered.
“Can’t you think of an object that you loved—something they might have kept with them even over the years?” I asked, hoping beyond hope she could. I’d learned one thing since becoming a Reaper and that was that people could haunt objects that had meant something to them when they were alive. Maybe Harlow’s parents had kept some trinket or stuffed animal of hers, and she could find them that way. If nothing, at least it was worth a shot.
Hereafter (A Reaper Novella) Page 2
