by E. M. Moore
Reid rises from his seat. He draws the attention of everyone. It’s been like that since we were little kids. He just has that aura, a phenomenon about him that makes people want to sit up and take notice. He’s staring down at my clothes with contempt. I don’t need to look at the oversized sweatshirt and baggy sweatpants I put on that morning. The old me wouldn’t have been caught wearing this outside ever let alone for my first day of school, but I know now how ridiculous all this high school posturing is. Who cares? None of it matters.
“Go home and change,” Reid says, dismissing me with a flick of his hands.
“E-excuse me?” I sputter.
Reid turns his head, catching on me again. Then, he moves closer. His chestnut brown hair shines underneath the fluorescent lights in the cafeteria and with each step, my heart thunders louder and louder. “You heard me,” he says.
I feel the weight of everyone’s stares on me. Not just the football tables, but everyone in the cafeteria. Talking has stopped. At most, there are low murmurs as everyone watches what’s going on.
I grind my teeth together. “I’m not going home to change,” I tell him, making sure my voice has just the right amount of bite that’s hopefully telling him to fuck off without saying the actual words.
The tips of his shoes hit mine. My eye level only hits his upper chest, so I have to tweak my neck back to look into his eyes. He’s glaring down at me like I’m an inconvenience to him. It’s okay. I’ve been used to that look lately. His Adam’s apple bobs up and down once. “Go home, wash your hair out, and get new fucking clothes on. Now.”
I just smirk and shake my head at him. I swear he thinks he’s God or some shit.
The thought makes me laugh. God is a lot more frightening than Reid fucking Parker.
The green of his eyes pop against the deepening crimson blush of anger stretching out over his cheeks. He lowers his voice until it’s barely above a whisper. All the hostility is there, though, stealing away any calming vibes I had for the day. “You’re disgracing your brother’s memory.”
A gasp ricochets out of me. My stomach clenches painfully at his words. I don’t even think. I raise my hand and slap him. It happens so quickly I don’t even realize I’ve done it, but the collective surprise that ripples through the cafeteria brings me back to the present.
“Bitch!” Sasha yells. She jumps to her feet and comes at me, but Lex gets in her way, holding her easily back while she shouts hurtful things at me that my mind just erases as soon as it recognizes them.
All the while, Reid just stares at me, his jaw ticking. He hasn’t moved an inch. His green eyes molten as he stares at me like he’s burning up from the inside out.
“Miss Page,” a voice says. “My office. Now.”
The last thing I see when I turn away from Reid is the growing red patch on his cheek. I know I didn’t even hurt him. He’s a big, tough football guy, and I’m just little old me. What I did do was awaken a beast. Reid doesn’t let anyone get away with shit like that, even if I am the little sister of his dead best friend.
What he doesn’t realize is that I’d already declared war on them.
2
I sit waiting for my turn in the principal’s office, my head resting against the wall behind me. I think I even fall asleep for a little while. As I’m sitting there, though, I get ragier and ragier.
Reid, Lex, and Cade have it all. During my brother’s funeral, they sat next to their parents with stoic faces. Lex even had his hand wrapped around his sister’s forearm like he never wanted to let her go. Me? I was stuck in a black hole of dark, dark thoughts. I had no one by my side. Brady, who’d always been there for me, was currently being lowered into the dirt, leaving me alone up here to fend for myself without him.
The hatred started then, I think. Then it just grew and grew. The more they asked me to do things with them just ended up pissing me off. I’m glad they were able to go to the county fair and not think about Brady, but I couldn’t. I’m so happy they could continue to play football and have their epic parties afterward and not think about my brother every second of every day, but that’s not me. Hell, I don’t even want that to be me.
Brady had an out. He was going to get the hell out of Spring Hill just like he always wanted. Instead, he died of an aneurysm during football practice. They say it was brought on by a tackle, so no, I don’t want to think about football. I don’t want to hear about football. And I sure as fuck don’t want to be buddy buddy with my brother’s football playing asshole friends who think they run everything in this fucking town.
The principal’s door opens and Reid steps out. He doesn’t even look at me when the principal says, “Thank you so much for talking to me about this unfortunate incident, Mr. Parker. I hope you’ll still be one hundred percent at practice today.”
My gut twists. Don’t they know none of that stuff fucking matters?
“It’s no problem, Mr. Dade. Barely felt a thing.”
My face burns at that, and I lean further back in my chair. I must draw their attention because Mr. Dade says, “I’m sure Miss Page will want to apologize for the physical altercation.”
I lift my gaze to meet his. “I’m sure Miss Page doesn’t.”
Like hell I would. I wonder if Mr. Parker told Dade what he said to me. Fuck him. Disgracing my brother’s memory. He doesn’t know a thing about my brother, not like me.
“Miss. Page,” Dade says, turning my name into two separate anomalies. He looks to Reid and shakes his head like they’re on the same level, like he’s apologizing to Reid for my behavior as if they’re equals of some sort and I’m just a troubled student they both have to deal with. “I’ll handle this. You run off to class, so you can keep those grades up for those scholarships.”
The knife in my gut twists again. Brady was going to get a scholarship. He called it his Spring Hill Blues Scholarship for getting the hell out of Spring Hill. I always admired him for that. He didn’t just want to leave Spring Hill for college, he wanted to get the fuck out for real and never come back. He wouldn’t have returned to teach P.E. or coach Mighty Mites. No, he was done with this place.
“Of course,” Reid says. Again, he doesn’t even give me a second glance as he turns and leaves the sitting area. Outside, I hear Dade’s secretary typing away at her desktop, more than likely adding notes to my usually stellar file. Hell, maybe they’re even writing me up. That would take the cake, wouldn’t it? My first referral?
“Inside, Miss Page,” Dade says, gesturing toward his sparse office.
I stand from my seat and slip past the middle-aged man. Did I mention he went to Spring Hill too? Class of Sixty something, I think. It’s just sad. I’m not going to be one of these people who can’t get the fuck out of here.
Dade shuts the door behind us and then moves toward his office chair. When he sits, he doesn’t waste any time getting straight to the point. “We’re worried about you, Miss Page. Reid Parker, especially. You know that nice young man just told me not to punish you. Now, I told him I couldn’t do that because rules are rules, but—”
I make a sound of amusement. “Rules are rules? Like when Cade brought in a Super Soaker to Homecoming last year and nothing happened to him? Does it explicitly say somewhere in the Code of Conduct that water guns are allowed? I’ll make sure to bring mine in. I mean, if so. If that’s what we’re saying here.”
Mr. Dade levels a glare at me. I don’t care. I just want him to know I’m aware of the hypocrisy of everything.
“Do you deny you slapped Mr. Parker?”
“No,” I tell him, leaning back in my chair. “I’m pretty sure you saw the whole thing, so it would be stupid of me to deny it. Besides, he deserved it. I’d do it again.”
His face tightens, deepening his skin’s creases which become more like craters. “We don’t allow physical altercations at Spring Hill, Briar. You know that.”
“Unless they’re out on the football field?”
His nostrils flare.
&
nbsp; This is kind of fun. I don’t know why I was so meek before. Pushing the envelope has its own set of positives.
“I’m afraid I won’t be able to abide by Mr. Parker’s wishes.”
“That’s a first,” I quip.
“Miss Page,” Dade says, his voice laced with anger.
The door pushes in behind me. For a moment, I’m startled, but then I hear my mother’s voice. “Thank you, Reid. I don’t know what I would do…” Her voice breaks, and with it, a little piece of my armor chips away. Don’t worry. It’s replaced by fury in the next second. We don’t know what we would do without Reid fucking Parker? Is she serious? We already know what we would do without Brady. Surely Reid Parker could get hit by a bus and it wouldn’t change our lives at all.
Mr. Dade stands. “Mrs. Page, thank you for coming.”
The door behind me shuts, and my mother’s heels click forward. She and Mr. Dade shake hands. I’m getting daggers, but I don’t look up. Instead, my mom sits in the chair next to mine, her back as straight as an arrow. I’m too tired to put on airs. “Thanks for calling me, Roger,” Mom says. She shakes her head. “Mr. Dade. Sorry about that.”
He waves her use of his first name away. Everyone in Spring Hill knows everyone else. The names we use for one another are dictated by the social interaction. One second, Sheriff Thomas is Sheriff Thomas, the next, he’s Daryl who likes to play darts down at the pool hall and gets sloppy after too many drinks. “I know you have a lot on your plate. Did Mr. Parker explain the situation to you?”
“Yes, he certainly did.” Dagger eyes again. I’m already digging my fingernails into my skin to try to keep my mouth shut. People don’t like opinions in Spring Hill, especially those that go against what everyone else thinks. “I’m sure Briar has apologized profusely.”
“Actually,” Mr. Dade says. “She’s refused to apologize at all to Reid.”
“Briar!” my mother exclaims, true shock forcing through her lips. The sound makes me wince a little.
“Even so,” Mr. Dade continues. “Reid has asked that she not be punished for what happened, but I’m afraid I can’t abide by that. She’ll have to serve after-school detention for two weeks.”
My mother’s fingers grip onto the armrests. “Of course. I completely understand.”
I can feel her eyes lasering into me, but I avoid her look like the plague. Tonight will not be a fun night in the Page household. Not that any night has been all that great since Brady’s death.
After that, they continue to talk about me like I’m not even there. My mother asks if I’ve seen the school counselor yet even though I don’t have study hall until the last period of the day. She should know this. I’ve told her only about a hundred times since she set the appointment up for me after I was dragged back home. They’re all worried I’ll run away again.
They should be.
“I think that’s perfect,” my mother says, her tone clipped. “She can talk about what she’s done with Ms. Lyons and then she can think about what she’s done while sitting in detention. Right, Briar?”
I nod.
The accusatory eyes have gone, but what’s replaced them is sometimes worse. They’re her sad eyes. The eyes that wonder what’s gotten into me lately.
Honestly? I’m just fed up with everything.
After that, Principal Dade tells me I can go to class while my mother hangs back to talk to him. It doesn’t matter to me. I’m sure my mother will have plenty to say to me tonight. I’m only getting a few hours leeway on the scolding that’s sure to come in private.
I grab my bookbag from the chair I’d been waiting on out in the sitting room and head back into the hallway. The football banners and streamers are everywhere, making my gut clench. My teeth gnash together. I seriously can’t get away from any of it.
Because it’s in the middle of a period, there’s no one in the halls. I glare up at one of the signs that says SPRING HILL TOUGH in block letters. Part of the cord it’s strung up with his hanging down next to the wall. I set my bag down and jump at it. I land without the cord, so I jump again. This time, my fingers just graze it. I make an annoyed sound in the back of my throat and jump again. My fingers find the cord, but at the same time, strong hands pull back on my hips. I let out a yelp and then I’m tripping over my baggy sweats and hit the ground hard on my ass.
I stare up at the fiery green eyes of Reid Parker. “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing, Briar?”
I push myself to my feet. “Tearing the fucking sign down. What does it look like?”
He shakes his head at me. “Is that what Dade and your mom dismissed you to do? Rip the football sign down?”
I blink at him. I don’t even know why I’m even standing here answering his questions. I don’t owe him shit. I stretch my arm around him to get my bookbag, but he steps in the way. Reaching out, he grabs a few strands of my hair and sneers at them.
I yank my head away. “Don’t touch me.”
He glowers. “When did you turn into such a little bitch?”
I smile at him. Of course, he would think that. I don’t fall at his feet, so that must mean I’m a bitch. “I guess it’s always been begging to get out.”
“Well reign it in. We’ve all had enough.”
“Oh God.” I smile. I legit smile. “This is hilarious. You know that, right? I mean, you can feel it, too, can’t you? The ridiculousness of it. I don’t know how many times I need to make this loud and clear but let me do it again. Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me. I don’t care about you or Lex or Cade or anyone else for that matter. If my bitchiness offends you so much, look the other fucking way.”
He growls low in his throat. He sets his hands on my shoulders and pushes me until my back’s against the wall. “Grow the fuck up, Briar. Get your shit together. Dress for school. Take a fucking shower. And for God’s sake, dye your hair back. Your mother’s a fucking mess, and she doesn’t need you acting out like this just for attention.”
I raise my hands to shove them into his chest, but he easily plucks them out of the air.
“I’m not messing around. I’ll make your life a living hell if you don’t get your shit together. You think you don’t want anything to do with the football team now? You wait. You’ll be on the sidelines during every fucking game and practice. I won’t let you out of my sight.” He tosses my hands aside. “And that’s a promise. Do you understand?”
The bell rings above us as I glare at him. His words sink into me. With the steady heat of his eyes, I know he means every single word he says. I’ve seen him use his will over people my whole entire life. I’ve laughed with him and my brother, but that’s all been in fun. It was just a little teasing. It was a way for us to get exactly what we wanted. This time, he’s gone too far with someone who gives no fucks.
He wants me to bring the old Briar back, but I can’t. She’s gone for good, and you know what, I don’t even miss her.
I loathe the person she was. I hate that she lived for approval. That she did extra credit to stay at the top of her class. She lived in a bubble is all she did. That bubble called Spring Hill. She didn’t understand anything in the outside world.
The hallway starts to fill with students. People slap Reid on the back, and every time it happens, it’s like someone slides a blade a little further into my heart. Why my brother? Why not someone like Reid?
“I’m not afraid of you, Parker.”
For a second, he’s taken aback, but then the creases in his face deepen as his lips thin. “Why are you so determined to ruin your family?”
I swallow before snatching my bag up from the other side of him. “In case you haven’t noticed, that’s already happened.”
I barrel right through Cade and Lex who are coming up behind Reid like usual. Both of them are wearing matching surprised faces as I knock their upper arms with my own. It’s only pure determination that gets me through them because they’re huge football players, and I’m just me. It’s hate that’s drivi
ng me now.
I head straight for the main doors and out onto the sidewalk that leads to the parking lot. I refuse to look to my right where the football bleachers rise up in the distance, but I cross the lot, heat rising from the asphalt, to get to the other side. I take a seat just under one of the huge lamplights and fish my cell phone out of my bag. I go into the last conversation I had with Ezra and stare at the last words he sent me. You look beautiful, baby.
Tears start to run down my face. Sometimes I just feel so heavy I need to release things. Emotions, baggage, decisions, whatever it is. It just needs to come out. I send Ezra a heart and clutch my cell phone close.
Sure, some would call him my online boyfriend, but he’s much more than that. He’s the person I tell everything to. He doesn’t care that I didn’t wash my hair this morning and didn’t bother with dry shampoo or makeup. He actually likes my dark hair, and he didn’t balk when I sent him the selfie where you could see the collar of my baggy sweatshirt.
Everyone else had shit to say about it, but he didn’t. He thinks I’m beautiful.
And right now, when I feel like the lowest shit on Earth, can’t I just have one person who thinks I’m beautiful?
3
I’m lying on my bed staring up at the ceiling when lights flash through my window. I blink, thinking the intrusion was just something my eyes did to try to trick me, or because it’s late and I’ve been staring at the ceiling for hours like it can give me the answers to all my problems.
The lights flash again. Two in quick succession. My stomach lurches. I pull myself up on my forearms and peek out the window directly to my left. There it is. The familiar silver Honda Civic that I haven’t seen since I tried getting the hell away from Spring Hill.
I peel the covers off me and plant my feet on the floor, still staring out the window. He’s parked just far enough away from the house so that the lights only shine in my window, and so he can’t be seen from the other parts of the house, even though it doesn’t matter, my parents are already sleeping. Gone are the days where they would stay up after we had gone to bed. They’re too tired now. Too lost.
