by Bijou Hunter
The sun goes down while Mom reads to me. I’m now in a dark car on the side of the road next to the woods. It’s as if I want to be murdered!
Sitting up, I tell Mom that I love her more than anyone but not to share that information with Dad since his feelings might be hurt.
“I’m sorry sex wasn’t what you hoped.”
“My expectations were probably too high, and I fell for a guy who didn’t fall for me. That last part was probably the bigger problem, but I feel okay to drive home now.”
“Where are you right now?” she asks, alarmed.
“On the side of the road. I didn’t want to drive upset. It’s not safe.”
“No, it’s not. You’re so smart.”
Smiling, I hurry to the front seat and lock the doors. My mom’s praise always makes me stronger. I focus past my worries and drive home without killing anyone. She reads to me on the way, just in case I need calming. Once home, I let her get back to the book. I sense a fuck scene is coming up, and I can’t listen to people with such bad hygiene screwing. I’ve suffered enough today.
Inside, I find Shane in the kitchen with Iggy. Max stands at the stove, making them cheese quesadillas. My brother sees me and instantly knows I’ve been crying. I’d like to say he figures it out because of our psychic bond, but I probably just look blotchy.
“What happened?” he asks.
I look at Shane and remember the fear I felt in that trailer. How I thought only my brother could help me. When I was in a bad place years ago, he was the one I turned to. Not my parents but my little brother. Shane’s my safe place.
He must see the fear in my eyes now. His snarl doesn’t comfort me, though. I’m in a panic as I grab his wrists. Running between us—and completely oblivious to our wild emotions—Iggy giggles with delight.
“I’m going to kill him,” Shane growls.
“No, bruv. You need to listen to me.”
“Screw feelings. I’m going to tear his limbs off.”
“Ramona!” I call out because I don’t know how to make my brother calm down. I used to have that ability. Maybe I still do, but I’m on edge, and he’s losing his shit. Our crazy feeds off each other.
“What’s wrong?” asks the little rocker chick, appearing from the TV room with Ozzy in her arms.
“You need to make him listen.”
Ramona doesn’t ask questions. She just places her hand on his arm and says his name. As if she flipped a switch in his brain, Shane actually sees me rather than the carnage he wants to create.
“Did he hurt you?” my brother asks in a low voice.
Tears biting my eyes, I shake my head.
“Did you get scared?”
Nodding, I start crying. I’m safe at home with my family and friends and the ghosts and my dogs. I can let my girly feelings run amuck without worrying about dead squirrels and giant dickheads.
Shane hugs me to him and says that he understands. I know he doesn’t. He isn’t wired like I am, but he loves me enough to lie.
Ramona and Max stand around, confused and worried. Iggy still thinks he’s at Mardi Gras, dancing and singing to the song playing in his little head. Soon, Max’s niece, Desi, stands in the kitchen, watching me cry. I put on a show for everyone.
But eventually, I run out of tears and decide I should change my clothes. I don’t shower because I want Goliath’s stink on me. I don’t care if that’s weird. I need what I need.
Now comfortable in my loose-fitting pajamas, I end up on the couch in the TV room. I cuddle under another of the million blankets we store in the house for some future apocalypse that’ll lead to a lack of heat. This one is plush with butterflies on it. I claimed the blanket after River bought it as a gag gift for Shane.
“We’ll watch ‘Club Dread’ tonight,” Ramona suggests, knowing I need babying since I’m high maintenance. Is that why Goliath doesn’t like me? Well, fuck him! I’m too old to change. If he wanted me to be different, he should have gotten out of prison sooner. Having been on earth for over a quarter of a century, I refuse to change. My current personality is now set in stone. Them’s the rules!
“Thank you, sweet sister-in-law.”
Ramona smiles at me as Shane starts the movie. Iggy brings me another pillow since he thinks my giant head needs more support.
“Such a good boy,” I tell my nephew, who looks at his parents and lifts his itty-bitty hands in victory. “This kid rocks.”
That’s how the rest of my night goes. We watch movies. Iggy plays, mostly with Desi. I hide under my blanket and think about how my pussy will never be the same after Goliath’s giant dick made it beg. People eat in the TV room. Shane seethes silently. River tells him to shut up.
Then Max and Ramona disappear upstairs to put Desi and the boys to bed. River leaves next because he wants sex. Men are all the same.
My brother kneels next to the couch after I start a trashy zombie flick with lots of boobs and bad dubbing.
“Do you need me to stay with you?” he asks.
“No, I know you’re horny and want to plow your woman before bed.”
Despite allowing a small grin, he still wants to pout about how I won’t let him kill Goliath. “True, but that can wait until later.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not, though.”
“Do you think Taylor would ditch Kelsi and come hang out with me?”
“Yes.”
Smiling, I pat his hand. “She’s a good friend.”
“Are you going to call her?”
“No, I just wanted to know if you thought she would ditch everything for me. I need to know I’m important.”
“I feel as if I should stay here with you.”
“No, I’m fine. I have the dogs and the movie and the ghosts. I think I felt one earlier.”
Shane struggles not to roll his eyes. He doesn’t buy the ghost thing, but that’s because he’s psychically constipated. No one’s perfect, not even my baby bruv.
“Promise you won’t punish Goliath,” I say, causing him to scowl. “I know as my darling brother that it’s your duty to protect your big sis, and you’ve always done a wonderful job. This time, though, you need to stand down.”
“He’s an asshole.”
“Yeah, but he never made any promises. Or claimed I was special. I made myself believe things about him and us. He never did anything to encourage my fantasies. It wouldn’t be fair to punish him when I created an entire romance in my head.”
Shane’s dark eyes flash with rage. “I still want to stomp him.”
“I know, but he’s large and might fall on you. I can’t have my baby bruv trapped under a dead giant.”
My brother allows a smile again. I think of Ramona cuddled up in bed, waiting for her love. Disappointment washes over me, and the tears follow.
“What’s wrong?” he whispers, squeezing his hand.
“I want River.”
Shane’s face goes through several expressions before landing on horrified. “Now? He’s with Max.”
“No, not him specifically. I want a man like him. Or one like you or like Dad. I want a man who sees me and goes crazy inside. What if there’s no one in the world for me like that?”
“I know he exists. How could someone as amazing as you not have an amazing man waiting for her?”
Shane’s words soothe my bruised heart. “You should go be with Ramona before she falls asleep. I bet she dreams better after you nail her.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take care of you?”
“I always want that, but I’ll feel guilty.”
“Maybe you should avoid gory movies,” he suggests as the first zombie chows down on the dumbest cop in the world.
“It’s cathartic. Besides, I have Hansel to keep me safe,” I say and run my fingers over the dog’s little head.
Shane relents to my prodding and goes to find Ramona. I snuggle under the blanket and watch stupid people get killed by slow-moving threats. Having seen the movie a d
ozen times, I’m quickly bored and doze off.
The sound of a motorcycle outside wakes me, and I allow myself a moment of hope that Goliath has shown up to stake his claim. He’s crazy about me! I’m special! No other woman will do! My hot pussy warmed his cold, dead heart!
Instead, the Harley belongs to a club brother escorting Maude home from her stripping job. I hear the front door open and then her heels clicking against the hardwoods.
Maude peeks her head into the room and then keeps walking. I assume she’ll go to bed despite her usually coming down for cocoa and mini muffins.
I know I should move to the sitting room that I use for my bedroom, but I’m too lazy to get up from this couch just to end up on a different one. Besides, Gretel is comfy on my feet while Hansel snuggles against my tummy. No reason to wake the dogs.
Ten minutes after she arrives home, Maude returns to the TV room where I now watch 1959’s “House on Haunted Hill.” Freshly showered and in a comfy pink nightgown, she sets her cocoa on the side table and takes a bite of a muffin.
“Why were you crying?”
I reflexively reach up and rub my face. While my cheeks aren’t damp, I assume my face remains blotchy. “The romantic ideas in my head didn’t pan out.”
“I’m sorry. Goliath doesn’t seem like the romantic type.”
“No, he isn’t. I wanted him so much that I pretended his personality fit mine. It’s fine, though. I’m not really lonely. I just get jealous about all my friends falling in love and creating life.” When Maude instinctively places her hand against her stomach, I ask, “How long can you work at the strip club? Is there a fetish for hot preggos?”
Blue eyes warming, Maude grins. “I didn’t show with Desi until I was four months pregnant. I plan to work for as long as I can suck in my gut. I don’t need the money for bills. River said he’ll get me a job working for the club after the baby’s born. Still, I like the idea of having money stashed away for later.”
“The guy who knocked you up, was he someone that you liked for a long time?”
“No,” she says, seeming a little sad.
“Did he show up and knock your socks off with his charm and good looks?”
“Yeah,” she says, smiling softly. “I was only with one other guy before Kenny. Then I spent all those years married, and I didn’t really think about other men. Not because Kenny was so great, but I was busy, and men seemed like a hassle. But this guy was handsome in a way most men aren’t. I got a hot feeling in my gut. Lust and excitement like I hadn’t felt since I was a horny teenager. So, yeah, I fucked a stranger.”
“And created life.”
Maude grins again. “After my heart attack, I had to change birth control. I never tested the new one since I dumped Kenny as soon as I got out of the hospital. Apparently, it didn’t click for me. The old one worked great, though. I guess it was fate.”
“I’m not jealous of you.”
Maude’s smile grows. “You’re very mature.”
“I had sex today. I feel like I should put my legs in the air to keep the sperm inside. Then I can make a baby and not end up completely alone.”
“You’re never alone, Shelby,” she says patiently. “Twenty people live in this house.”
We share a laugh at the reality of our current living situation. Soon, my brother will find a place of his own. River and Max are building their new house. People will leave, and I’ll be here alone with my ghosts. Oh, and the dogs.
Maude finishes her cocoa and muffins. We don’t talk. I’m depressed, and she’s tired. When she stands, she offers me a smile.
“I’m sorry your attempt at romance didn’t work out. You’re happy otherwise, right?”
“Yeah, I’m living the good life. I just got all wound up over someone who was never going to get wound up over me. I’ll feel better tomorrow.”
Maude gives me another reassuring smile and then heads to bed. Like so many nights, I’m downstairs alone with the dogs. I check my phone to see if I have any messages. Mom says she loves me. Dad sent his nightly text, telling me how Ellsberg was better when I was there. Then I check the security cameras to make sure no one’s lurking in the autumn night. Outside looks downright horror movie-like with the fog and heavy moon.
I shut off the light in the TV room and watch the black-and-white movie with the sound down low. The subtitles are on so I can follow the story, but I’ve seen this movie so many times that I can recite most of the dialogue by heart.
Before sleep takes me, I find myself falling into self-pity a few times. My mind returns to Goliath’s trailer. I replay the best moments, trying to avoid the bad ones. Eventually, I make myself imagine tomorrow with my friends and family while editing out thoughts of the man I want but can’t have. Like with the ghosts in the house and the rendering plant stink, sometimes, acceptance is the only solution.
THE CHAPTER WHERE THE PUMPKINS RIPEN
THE GOLIATH
Three days after Shelby Campbell shows up at my trailer, I accept how no one is coming to kill me. A few times, I run into her brother and River. Neither of them seems pleased with me, but I never sensed they liked me to begin with. I expect a talking-to about how I need to treat Shelby like a queen or some shit. They don’t mention her at all. No one does, and I don’t see her for a week.
Hugh is the only person to mention her after I find him sitting in a booth late one night at the Saloon.
“I worried you two would date for a while before it came crashing down,” he says, shaking his head. “Then everyone would have to take sides and hate the other team. That’s the kind of drama I try to avoid in life.”
“Your closest friends are chicks,” I mutter and order a whiskey.
“Low-drama chicks. They’re rarely catty. When a guy did them wrong, they just chilled at home, smoking weed and watching funny shit. None of this crap like Fuse’s daughters, who acted as if they were trying out for a show on Bravo.”
“I don’t know what that means, and I don’t care.”
“Did you ever fuck his daughters?”
“The older one sucked me off. For morale, she said. I think she was trying to trick me or something. Don’t know. She overestimated how much I can pay attention after a blowjob. I mean, she was just yapping while I enjoyed my spent balls.”
“I sometimes wish those twats got killed when Cum Shot went out,” Hugh says, showing me a coldness I didn’t know he had.
“Maybe you need a show on Bravo,” I mutter.
Hugh snorts. “Look at you, turning shit around on me.”
I down two shots of whiskey and let the burn reach my gut. “I thought Shelby was gonna have me killed.”
“Me too, man,” he says, giving me a half-smile. “But I guess it ended too fast for her to build up the kind of drama necessary to inspire her brother to murder you.”
“Guess so,” I grumble and think back to her stretched out naked on my bed. “Women are difficult to understand.”
“Most of them aren’t. Shelby is because she’s moody. Meaning, the chick you figure out today won’t be the chick you’ll run into tomorrow. Still, she seemed fine when I saw her earlier. She was mostly concerned that her dogs needed bigger sweaters because they’re getting fat.”
I can imagine Shelby with her ugly French dogs. The few times I’ve gone to that creepy house, they ran around, sniffing everyone. I thought the girl was going to piss on my foot. Like maybe she thought I was a tree or some shit. Instead, she sat down next to me and used my body for shade. So, yomp, the dog thought I was a tree.
“Shelby’s hot, but I’m not looking to die over a fuck,” I say and order another drink. “I didn’t know if it would come down to that. I can’t get a read on the new guys. They’re nothing like Fuse and Cum Shot.”
“Well, I didn’t know those assholes, so I can’t compare,” Hugh says and then leans closer while wearing a mischievous smile. “Now I don’t normally rat out my friends, but I feel like maybe you don’t have anyone giving you the rig
ht info. That’s why you skulk around, looking awkward. I can’t imagine the new crew is any worse than the old one. Still, I’ll let you in on a secret about them.”
“I’m not one for gossip, but I ain’t telling you to shut up either.”
“Well, River isn’t the relaxed hippie he pretends to be. That guy is always looking for someone to kill. Shane has a lot of bark, but he won’t bite unless the boss says so. Meaning, you have to worry more about River than Shane. A lot of people don’t get that. River seems like a pussy. Shane looks like he’s seconds away from attacking. It’s a con to draw people’s attention to the younger guy. But it’s River that’ll fuck you up, and he isn’t nearly as nice as he pretends. That’s why he runs shit. Not because of his daddy in Ellsberg. Because he’s a cold fucker.”
Frowning, I mutter, “I thought you liked him.”
“I do. I like you too, and you’re an asshole. I fuck Utah, who’s a giant jerk. I’m a sneaky bitch myself. People aren’t just one thing. River is a good friend, and he pampers Max. He takes care of his people and doesn’t resort to yelling when he’s upset. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t a cruel man to his enemies. That’s why I was willing to join the club. All those years, Utah worried about getting screwed over by Fuse and Cum Shot. He never felt safe with the Skullz. With River, I feel safe. River’s loyal to his people and will absolutely destroy any threat. Those are good qualities in a leader. I also know if he has a problem with me, he’ll just spit it out. He’s not sneaky like the assholes were with Utah.”
“How come they never spit out their problem with me?”
Hugh shrugs. “I don’t think they have one.”
“Bullshit.”
“Dude, you’re not acting as if you belong. That makes them wary, but they can’t order you to be friendlier. What if you’re not a naturally warm guy? Or maybe prison made you bitchy. They’re not going to hold your hand, but I never hear them say shit about you. Even since you nailed Shelby, they only feel sorry for her. I think you’re seeing drama that isn’t brewing.”
