by Lily Rose
“What?” I blurted. “Why aren’t you?”
“I’m going to stay with Axel. You know, keep him calm.”
I wanted to ask him to stay but that would be selfish. “That’s a good idea.”
He shrugged. “I’m the best man, right?”
“I’ll miss you.”
He seemed pleased by that response. “I’ll miss you, Muffin.” He gave me a final kiss goodnight.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him, not wanting to let him go. I would miss him more than I cared to admit, and even though it was just one night apart, it was too much for me.
Hawke allowed the affection to linger and he pressed his lips against my forehead. “I’ll be dancing with you all night tomorrow, Francesca. And I’ll dance all my dances with you forever.”
24
Trouble
Hawke
I wasn’t looking forward to staying with Axel. It was nothing against him personally. I just wanted to be with Francesca, to feel her small body wrapped around mine while we slept. I wanted to open my eyes and see her first thing in the morning.
I wanted her.
Axel and I walked back to my apartment. He was dead quiet, walking with his hands in his pockets.
“Everything alright, man?” I didn’t confront him directly. Instead, I tried to go about it casually so he wouldn’t feel like he was on trial.
“I’m fine.” He kept up the quick pace like he desperately needed to get inside.
“You’re sure?” I asked. “You didn’t eat spoiled meat or something?”
“No.”
There was definitely something wrong but he wasn’t sharing.
We entered my apartment and turned on the lights.
“I’ll take the sofa. You can have the bed.”
“I’m good,” he said. “I prefer the living room.”
“I washed all the bedding.” Maybe he was grossed out by the idea of Francesca and I doing it on that mattress.
“Honestly, I prefer the couch.” He took off his jacket and tossed it over the back of the couch. Then he kicked off his shoes. When he sat down on the cushion, he released a deep sigh.
I sat beside him. “Axel, I know marriage is scary. It would scare anyone. You don’t have to shut me down. I don’t think less of you.”
Axel rested his hands on his knees. “Marriage doesn’t scare me.”
“Then what’s up?”
“Nothing.”
Why was he being such a pain? “Dude, you can tell me. I’ll take your secrets to the grave.”
He remained quiet like he was considering his answer. But then he abruptly stood up and headed to the bathroom. “I’m going to shower. Good night.”
I officially gave up.
I had a hard time sleeping that night, and I knew it was because Francesca wasn’t there. I missed her scent on my sheets. I missed the way she kissed me on the chest first thing in the morning. She would cling to me like she needed me to survive.
Without her, I was just a man alone in a bed.
Just when I dozed off, my phone rang.
I anxiously grabbed it because I hoped it was Francesca calling to tell me she missed me. But it wasn’t her.
It was my mom.
I immediately answered it. “Mom?”
There was an unrecognizable sound in the background, like something was moving. I couldn’t make it out.
“Mom?”
Finally, her voice came to the phone. “Hawke?” She sounded distressed, like she was in danger.
“Mom, are you okay?”
“Hawke—”
The line went dead.
I listened to the dial tone as the panic kicked in. I was on the other side of the country and had no way of getting to her. The only option I had was calling the police, and of course, I would do it even if my mom didn’t like it. I ended the call then pressed 9-1-1.
My phone rang again, my mom’s name on the screen.
I answered it and shoved it against my ear. “Mom, I’m calling the cops. They’ll be there in a second.”
“The cops?” Her voice was nothing like it was before. Now she sounded calm, almost happy. It was like the previous conversation never happened. “Why would you do that?”
Was I missing something? “When you called earlier, it sounded like something was wrong. Are you okay?”
“Oh that?” She laughed into the phone. “I dropped my cell on the counter and it almost fell in the sink. So stupid of me.”
I sat up in bed and kept listening.
“I was just calling because I remembered Axel is getting married tomorrow. Are you excited?”
“Yeah.” Not really. Axel was acting strange, and I knew the wedding would be stressful.
“Good. I’m sure you’ll look handsome in your suit.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Well, I’ll let you go. I just realized how late it was there.”
Something in my gut told me to keep her on the phone. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, sweetheart.” She breathed into the phone and remained quiet. “I miss you.” Her voice was full of emotion, like her heart would give out.
“I miss you too.”
“I love you so much, Hawke. You’re the best son a mom could ask for.”
I didn’t get emotional very often but those words filled me with warmth. “I love you too, Mom.”
The next morning, I headed into the kitchen to make some coffee. I didn’t get any sleep last night and my eyes were practically bloodshot. I’d need some serious caffeine if I were going to get through this day.
“How do you take it?” I asked as I put on the coffee pot.
No response.
I walked to the couch and looked at the scattered blankets and the pillow that fell on the ground. “Axel?” My eyes immediately moved to the bathroom, but the door was wide open. I looked for his bag on the ground but that wasn’t there either.
Crap.
I turned to grab my phone when I noticed the note on the table.
* * *
Hawke,
Tell Marie I’m sorry.
Francesca answered on the first ring. “Miss me?”
I did, but there wasn’t time for that conversation. “Go somewhere where no one can hear you.”
Instead of asking questions, the phone became muffled as she moved. Then her voice came into the receiver. “What’s up?”
“Can anyone hear you?”
“I’m at the end of the hallway by the stairs. Marie is in the apartment. What’s up, Hawke?”
It was a long shot but I had to ask. “Is Axel there? Have you seen him today?”
“No… Why?”
I didn’t want to bring her into this, but I needed help. “Axel took off.”
“As in…he went out for coffee?” There was hope in her voice, but also doubt.
“No. He left, Francesca. He left a note on the table.”
Now she started to panic. “What did it say? Tell me word for word.”
“He said tell Marie I’m sorry.”
“Oh my goodness.” She gasped into the phone. “What is he thinking?”
“I don’t have a clue.”
“This is just so…unexpected. He loves Marie.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “I knew something was bothering him last night.”
“I did too,” she said. “But I thought he just ate something bad.”
“Francesca, I don’t know what to do.”
“Did you call him?”
“His phone is off.”
“That piece of crap,” she hissed. “Hawke, you have to find him.”
“I don’t even know where to look. He might be on a plane to Tuscany for all I know.”
She sighed into the phone. “I’m not letting him do this to Marie. And I’m not letting Axel make the biggest mistake of his life.”
“Then what do we do?”
“I’ll stall Marie as much as I can while you find him.
”
I rubbed my temple. “I don’t even know where to look.”
“Check all his regular places, like bars and restaurants. If he’s not there, check his office and his gym.”
“You really think he’d run out on his wedding day and hit the gym?” Now wasn’t the time to be sarcastic but I was too stressed to filter my words.
“Just check,” she snapped. “And let me know when you do.”
I checked every place I could think of, and like I expected, he was nowhere in sight. If I were going to run for it, I’d be on a plane somewhere beautiful. I wouldn’t stay in town and risk the possibility of being found.
We were running out of time, and the fear was turning into pure panic. I didn’t know why Axel took off, but I knew it wasn’t because he stopped loving Marie. He loved that woman more than anything on the planet. I couldn’t let him throw his relationship away. A girl could forgive a man for a lot of things, but leaving her at the alter in front of her friends and family was not one of them.
Francesca called me. “Please tell me you found him.”
I sighed in response.
“I’m sorry. I looked everywhere.”
“Okay, what did he say to you? What was the last thing he said? Think, Hawke.”
“I told him it was okay to be scared of marriage. It’s common.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I knew something was bothering him,” I snapped. “I was trying to make him feel better.”
“Whatever,” she said. “What did he say to that?”
“He said he wasn’t afraid of marriage then he got into the shower.”
“What?” she asked in surprise. “He said he wasn’t afraid of marriage?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re sure?”
“I know what I heard, Francesca.” Butting heads with her would get me nowhere but the frustration was getting to me.
“Now this makes even less sense.”
“I know.” I tried to think of somewhere else he would be, and I had a strong suspicion he was over the Atlantic Ocean by now. “We aren’t going to find him in time. You need to tell Marie.”
“No. We have a few hours.”
“Even if I find him, I’m going to need a few hours just to convince him he’s making a mistake. If he left Marie like this, he’s probably set in his decision.”
“Keep looking.”
“Where?” I demanded. “If his phone was on, I could have a friend trace it but that’s not an option.”
Francesca was silent on the phone. She was probably pacing in the hallway. “Marie is about to put her dress on. I can’t let her put it on then watch her take it off while she’s in tears.”
I didn’t want that for her either. “We’re out of options.”
Francesca continued pacing. “Wait…I think I have an idea.”
I already didn’t have much faith in it. “What?”
“Go to my shop.”
“Why?” I asked. “You want me to bring you some muffins?”
“No,” she hissed. “I bet Axel is hiding there, in my office.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s the one place we wouldn’t look.”
I highly doubted that. “I don’t know…”
“He has a key to get inside. I bet he’s there.”
“Uh…”
“Hawke, just check. If he’s not there…then I’ll tell Marie.”
Axel better be there. Otherwise, this was going to be the worst day of Marie’s life…and Francesca’s. “Okay.”
I headed into the back of the shop and passed the workers. They recognized me so they didn’t question why I was there when Francesca wasn’t. If they did ask, I would say she left something behind for the cake.
I’d never been to Francesca’s office but I found it easily. The door was closed so I opened it without knocking. Unable to believe my eyes, I froze on the spot. Just as Francesca predicted, Axel was sitting in the chair behind the desk looking like crap.
He stared at me with equal surprise.
Now that I was face-to-face with him, I didn’t know what to say. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it so he couldn’t make a run for it.
Axel covered his face and sighed. “How did you find me?”
“Francesca.”
“That brat.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Axel, what are you doing? You’re getting married in two hours.”
“I’m not getting married.” He lowered his hands and rested them against his lips.
“Why not?” I moved to the chair facing the desk because it was clear he wasn’t going to take off. “You were so excited about it last week. Don’t get scared, Axel. You love Marie, and she loves you.”
“Of course I love her.” He stared at the surface of the table and didn’t meet my gaze.
“Then don’t let the fear scare you off. Marriage is a big commitment, but it’s a good kind of commitment. You get to spend the rest of your life with the one woman you love.” It wasn’t easy for me to spit out mushy stuff like this, but I was doing it for him. “I know this is what you want. You want to be with her forever. I’ve seen you with her, Axel. Even if you never said you loved her, it’s obvious—to the world.”
“Shut up.”
My eyes narrowed on his face, and I felt my hands form fists. If he said that to me under a different circumstance, he’d have a bloody lip. But since the situation was so tense, I let it slide. “Excuse me?”
“I told you I loved her. That’s not the problem.”
“Then what is?” I snapped. “What could possibly make you run out on Marie on her wedding day? You’re going to break her heart and no one will ever put it back together.”
He kept his knuckles against his lips.
“Talk to me.”
“It’s…hard to say out loud.”
I had no idea what he was referring to. What could possibly be weighing on him? If the commitment wasn’t holding him back, and love wasn’t an issue, what could it be? “It’s me, Axel. You can tell me anything.”
He covered his face again then slowly lowered his hands. He released a deep sigh before he spoke. “I cheated on Marie.”
What?
Did he really just say that?
I stared at him blankly because I couldn’t believe it. He was head-over-heels for Marie. Why would he sneak around? “You cheated on her?”
He closed his eyes in shame. “Yeah.”
I leaned back in the chair and rested my chin on my knuckles, unable to believe this. This was the last thing I expected him to say.
“I can’t marry her. I don’t deserve her.”
I wish I could say otherwise but I couldn’t. A lot of things were forgivable but cheating wasn’t one of them. And I knew Marie wouldn’t turn her cheek and let it slide. I would judge her if she did. “You should have said something to her before…not waited until your wedding day.”
“I know.” He rubbed his temple. “I thought I could just forget about it and move on but…the guilt has been killing me. I hate myself, Hawke. I really do. I wish I could take it back.”
I do too.
“I’m not marrying her. I’m not going to even speak to her…because I don’t deserve to.”
This was how it ended? The couple I believed in most called it quits? Axel, a man I thought was madly in love, betrayed the one person he cared most about. It actually broke my heart a little bit. “What happened? Were you drunk?” That was the only scenario I could think of.
“Yeah…really drunk.”
It didn’t justify his behavior but at least it was better than him purposely having an affair. I didn’t know what to say so I sat there in silence.
Axel continued to rub his temple.
“Did you sleep with her just one time?”
“Sleep with her?” he asked. “I didn’t sleep with her.”
Both of my eyebrows shot up. “Come again?”
�
��I didn’t sleep with her.” He rested his hands on the desk.
“Then what did you do?”
“We made out for a few minutes. Then I realized how stupid I was being and I left.”
This changed everything. “So, you just kissed someone?”
“What do you mean just kissed someone?” he asked. “Cheating is cheating.”
“What else happened?” I asked. “When did this go down?”
“About two years ago.”
This was getting even more confusing. “Two years ago?”
“Yeah, it was when Marie and I were first getting together. We got into a bad fight and I stormed off and went to a bar. I was pissed at Marie so I did something really stupid.”
This changed everything. “When you guys first got together? Didn’t that take months to happen?”
“Yeah. We weren’t in a relationship but we were still seeing each other…I still messed up.”
“Axel, hold on. You didn’t cheat on her.”
“I made out with some chick that wasn’t her,” he said with a deadpan voice. “Yes, it was cheating.”
“But she wasn’t even your girlfriend.”
“Not officially, no.”
“Then you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I still never told her about it.”
“And you think today is the best day to spill the beans?” I asked incredulously. “Marie wouldn’t leave you for that. It happened two years ago and you weren’t even together yet. You weren’t the same person then as you are now. Axel, it’s irrelevant.”
“Can I really marry her and never tell her?” he asked. “I don’t think I can.”
“You’re just going to ruin the day by telling her.”
“What if I marry her then tell her and she never forgives me?” he asked. “Wouldn’t that be worse?”
“Why tell her at all?” I asked. “She would forgive you if she knew. It’s not even worth talking about. It was so long ago.”
Axel shook his head slightly.
“Axel, don’t run out on Marie because of that. We all know you love her.”
“I do,” he said sadly.
“Then let’s get you ready for the ceremony.”
