by Mary Calmes
“You best get on back up to the house, boys,” Tyler grunted. “Leave the men be.”
They left without another word as Charlotte’s mother took a seat on the other side of me. She passed me a slice of peach cobbler.
When I turned to look at her, she smiled warmly.
“You and Charlotte didn’t have any last night, and I think that’s because she was busy telling Ben and Rand about what happened those many years ago when she was attacked.”
I stopped breathing.
She tipped her head at Tyler. “We both know. I told him after the hospital called me. She was covered under my medical insurance, after all, Stef.”
I had never once considered who had paid the medical bills when she was taken to the hospital to be checked out. It had never even crossed my mind. “I’m sorry.”
“For what? Are you sorry for saving my baby’s life, which is what Rand said you did when I asked him about it this morning? Are you sorry for helping her pay her college tuition? Are you sorry for being there for her when her family couldn’t and being the one person I could always depend on to do the right thing by her? Tell me… what precisely are you sorry for?”
I couldn’t even speak.
“Perhaps you’re sorry to be having peach cobbler with beer? Is that it?”
I smiled at her, even though I could barely see her through the tears filling my eyes. “Yes, ma’am, that’s what I’m sorry for.”
“That’s what I thought,” she said, leaning back in the cedar rocking chair.
“If you two are done jawin’ over there,” Tyler complained, since he was trying to nap, though he wouldn’t have admitted it.
We both apologized as I started eating, and May Holloway patted my leg.
AROUND FOUR that afternoon, I made it back to the bed and breakfast, where the wedding party was staying. I got a ride over with Charlotte’s mom after looking in on Phil before I left. The calf looked better than I did—he was cleaner, and he smelled nicer. I promised Tyler that we would do tequila shots at the wedding, and he assured me that he would not forget.
In the house, the bridesmaids were all sitting out on the covered veranda that looked over the man-made lake. It was beautiful, and they all looked stunning. I waved in passing but never made it to the stairs.
“Stefan!” Alison snapped at me. “Where have you been? Charlotte is a mess, and her hair’s not done, and her makeup is—”
“Then get up there and help her out.” I squinted at her. “You guys should—”
“Stef!”
We all looked up, and there, at the top of the stairs, was Charlotte. She looked like hell. Her hair was all piled up on top of her head, she was without a drop of makeup, and her eyes were red and puffy.
“What are you doing?” I asked as I climbed the stairs.
“It’s because you think I don’t need you,” she sniffled. “You get like this. I just never thought for a second that you would think I was like everybody else.”
“What’re you talking about?” I asked as I stopped a step below her.
She stared down at my face. “In your head, everybody’s going to leave you, nobody sticks around, and so the second you think somebody’s bored with you or that they don’t need you, you do the patented Joss disappearing act and are never seen again. You did it all the time in college. Even now I sometimes get guys that I’ve met once or twice calling me asking what they did because you don’t answer your phone or e-mail them back. You know Cody called me just a week ago asking if you had told me what went wrong because you never actually broke up with him. You just disappeared.”
“I did not break up with Cody because I thought he was going to leave me.”
“Technically you didn’t break up with him at all!”
“What I mean to say is that he wanted more than I was ready to give.”
“Fine, whatever, the point is you just disappeared, never to be heard from again.”
I scowled at her. “What’s your point?”
“The point is that you do not get to treat me like that!” she shrieked.
I stepped up to her, and she grabbed me, clutching tight, the sobbing instantaneous. “Oh, for crissakes, Charlotte,” I grumbled, lifting her up, her legs wrapping instantly around my hips as I walked us down the hall.
“You don’t have to be my knight in shining armor for me to love you dearly, desperately, and totally. I love you, Stef,” she cried into my shoulder, dampening my already disgusting and crusty T-shirt. “And not just because you saved me, not because we shared this secret, but because of all the rest… all our history.”
I was smart enough to know I left people before they could leave me. It was bad, but I did it anyway. My mother was the first and last person that ever left me; I was the one who had all the power after that.
“We know so much about each other, we’ve shared so much… all of that makes us more than just friends, Stef. I know how you need quiet in the morning, and you know how I like my coffee and that I like pickles but not cucumbers. I know how you held me the night I was attacked… after you brought me home to your apartment and made me tea… how you wrapped me in your arms under the covers, and I was so safe…. Oh Stef, do you really think I could ever not need you or not want you or not love you? Is that even fucking possible?”
No. The answer was no. It was not possible. I was permanent. I squeezed her so tight she farted. “Charlotte!”
The crying turned to laughter instantly, and when I put her down, she couldn’t even breathe.
“God, you’re disgusting.”
Her head was back, tears rolling down her cheeks as she laughed and laughed. When I looked over my shoulder, the entire bridal party was there.
“You two are so weird,” Ben grumbled.
“Not me.” I scowled at him. “Just your girlfriend.”
But his look, the softness in his eyes, let me know that when he was looking at us, it was the pair of us together that he just didn’t get.
“You two better hurry the hell up,” he barked at us. “The party can’t start without either one of you.”
Since it was true, I grabbed Charlotte’s hand and tugged her after me down the hall. The heavy sigh was not to be missed followed a second later by a quick cough.
“What?” I asked her.
“I don’t know.” She scrunched up her nose at me. “What the hell is all over you?”
“Why?”
“You reek.”
“Oh, this morning I helped deliver a calf.”
“And you let me touch you? Oh my God, I’ve gotta shower all over again.”
“Sorry. Birth is both a beautiful and horrifying experience all at the same time.”
“Yeah, I can see that,” she said, picking at something on my T-shirt as we hurried down the hall. “Gross.”
AS I helped Charlotte into the back of the limousine, a sharp intake of breath made my head snap up. The look on the face of Tina Jacobs gave me pause.
“What?”
“You look… good.”
I was confused; Charlotte was the one who would stop traffic. “You mean her.”
“What?”
“Char,” I reminded her. “She’s gorgeous, right?”
“Well, yes, but… Jesus, Stef.”
It took me a second, but the way she was looking at me, I understood. I arched one eyebrow for her. “Oh, I’m the pretty one.”
Her mouth was open.
“Goddamn, you clean up nice,” Kristin assured me. “And that hair of yours is just… something.”
“Oh Stef, you’re beautiful.” Alison breathed out the words.
“And I’m what, chopped liver?”
We all looked at Charlotte.
“Seriously, diva, do you need a minute?” I asked her.
She growled at me, which was funny considering how stunningly elegant she looked.
“Nothing and no one is as beautiful as you are right now. You’re glowing.”
“Appar
ently it’s reflected glow,” she said, gesturing at her bridesmaids, who were all staring wide-eyed at me. “Why couldn’t you have just kept the hideous white tux that all the rest of the guys were wearing?”
“You know the answer to that.” I waggled my eyebrows for her. “When have I ever been like the rest of the guys?”
She rolled her eyes as her bridesmaids all giggled. Pretty soon after, as I was ready to walk down the aisle before her, she grabbed the back of my tuxedo jacket so I couldn’t.
“This is so not the time to get cold feet,” I warned her as I turned around to face her.
“No, I know it’s not—I just wanted to say that you look really nice. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”
I was wearing a tan polished cotton tuxedo with peak lapels, and I knew I looked good in it. I had had my assistant, Christina Wu, go to my apartment and ship it overnight. The fact that Charlotte was taking the moment when I was supposed to be walking down the aisle to give me a compliment was somewhat odd.
“Char, you need to let him go now,” Uncle Tyler told her. “We’ll meet him down there in front in just a few minutes.”
Charlotte had asked her uncle to give her away in her father’s stead, and I was sure he had been seeing it as an honor right up until the moment when she lost her mind. The look he was giving me was one of concern.
“Do you feel weird?” she asked me suddenly. “I mean, I never once even considered that this all might make you feel weird.”
There is no planning a revelation; they come when they want. I understood at that moment that I could never lose my place in Charlotte’s life. She needed me for her sanity. I was her touchstone. Of course there would be pieces I would never know that only husbands and wives shared, but I would still be on board for breakdowns like the one she was currently having.
“Char,” I said gently, cupping her face in my hands as I stepped in close to her and looked down into her eyes. “I’m fine. You know me, crowds, whatever—none of this scares me. You’re the one who’s having a meltdown.”
“Maybe”—she started panting—“a little.”
“What is it, the walking?” I asked, because I was pretty sure that was it.
“Yeah… I think so… yeah.”
I understood. Walking slowly down a long aisle, there was lots of time to screw up, roll your ankle, stumble, and fall. She was not all that coordinated to begin with; she tripped over her own feet all the time. I was forever catching her when we were in college. Standing there with her, staring into her big blue eyes, I thought of a solution.
We ran down the aisle. There was less room for error if you were moving fast. Charlotte wanted either perfection or a total wipeout. She was an all or nothing girl.
No one even had time to stand for the bride before we were there in front of Reverend Ellis. Ben’s smile was huge, Nick was shaking his head, and after a moment, when the reverend was still just staring at the bride and groom, speechless and flustered, I got things going by taking a quick step up and giving the man a smack on the shoulder and telling him to go for it. We were all driving the poor man crazy.
“Uh… okay… who gives this woman to be wed?”
“Me and her brother.” Charlotte’s mother chuckled as she stood up in the front row, “and her uncle, who’s still comin’ down the aisle.”
The reverend looked over at Tyler, who waved from where he was, almost to us.
“Nobody counted one-two-three go,” he grumbled. “They just ran.”
The hall resounded with laughter, and when I turned to look at Charlotte, I saw her sigh before breaking into the huge smile I knew. She was happy, and that was all that mattered. It was how it was supposed to be.
After the ceremony, pictures had to be taken. Charlotte had not wanted any taken of her and Ben together before the wedding. She was certain it was bad luck. So while the rest of us stood around waiting, they posed for shot after shot.
“Stef.”
I was so busy watching the interaction of Ben’s family with Charlotte that I hadn’t even noticed that Rand was behind me. “Hey.” I smiled at him, my eyes flicking to his mother and Uncle Tyler, who had appeared with him. “You guys ready for your turn next?”
Rand reached out to touch the lapel of my jacket. “We were thinkin’ you should be in the photos with us.”
“Oh no.” I shook my head. “I’ll be in the pictures with the bridal party. That’s enough.”
“I was thinking it wasn’t,” May Holloway told me. “I’d like you with us, Stef.”
I looked up at Rand as he stepped in close to me, his hand wrapping loosely around my throat. Where the emotion came from, I wasn’t sure, but suddenly I could barely breathe.
“Me too,” he said, his voice low and husky. “Come take the picture.”
When the photographer called for the bride’s family, before a word could be spoken, Charlotte yelled my name.
“You, too, Stef!”
Which basically shut the door on any protest I might have made.
“You look great,” I told Rand as I took my place beside him, turning and smiling.
“Do I?”
“Yessir,” I assured him, taking the moment when no one was looking to let my fingers touch the end of the bolo tie he was wearing. “And this is a nice touch. Only you could get away with an Armani tuxedo and this instead of a bow tie. It’s very you.”
He turned to me.
“What?” I chuckled, my voice dropping low. “You know you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
His stunned expression, which I knew I caused, sent fluttering heat all through me.
“Guys,” the photographer called out.
I moved fast, closer to the others, leaning in, letting out a breath.
“You.”
I looked back over at him.
“It’s hard to keep my hands… off.” The muscles in his jaw clenched. “Can’t leave you alone… won’t.”
My head turned back to the photographer quickly as I heard Rand take a sharp breath. It was satisfying to know that I was the cause of the man’s inability to make his lungs work.
“Stefan Joss, you better be smiling,” Charlotte warned me from where she was standing in front and to the side of me, unable to see what I was doing, as we were separated by many aunts, uncles, and cousins. “I don’t want any of that arty-angsty bullshit.”
“I’m smiling,” I said as a warm hand slid over my ass. “I swear I am.”
Her grunt made everyone laugh.
IT WASN’T a wedding, it was a triathlon. There was bride and groom dancing, and speeches, bride and uncle dancing, groom and mother dancing, and every other special spotlight dance you could think of, then dinner, and then more dancing, cake cutting, cake eating, garter catching, bouquet tossing, and even more dancing. Christ. It was meant to be endured, not enjoyed, as far as I could tell. The slideshow was cute, and all the speeches were good, even mine, but really, after the fifth hour of celebration, I was done. The ceremony had been at six, and it was eleven, and everyone was still partying.
“You havin’ a good time, Stef?” Nick asked me as he walked up beside me.
I made a conscious decision to lie. “Yep.”
“Goddamn,” he breathed out, draining the last drops out of his Heineken bottle. “This has gotta be the best wedding I’ve ever been to, including my own.”
It probably had a lot to do with the open bar, the horde of people still there, and the packed dance floor. I had done hardly any dancing myself, as Charlotte had put me in charge of the photographer, the videographer, and coordinating with the catering staff. As a result, I was busy while everyone else was playing. I consoled myself with the fact that as her faith in me was absolute, she was free to enjoy her special night. Since there was no special dance for best friends, I really wasn’t missing anything except for Rand.
I needed to put some mark on the man so that every woman in attendance would know that they had no chanc
e with him. The problem was that after our earlier flirting, the man had not looked for me once. Every time I breezed into the room, he had a different woman hanging all over him. He did a lot of slow dancing, flirting, and even had each and every one of Charlotte’s bridesmaids in his lap at one point in the evening. While logically I knew that being jealous was a ridiculous waste of time, I found that the murderous rage that rose up in me didn’t respond to reason at all. I was so flustered that I didn’t hear Charlotte’s mom call my name, making her have to grab hold of me as I tried to streak by her.
“Oh—sorry.” I forced a smile, taking a quick breath.
“Honey, since Rand’s leaving shortly, do you think that you can give Tyler and me a ride back to the house in Charlotte’s car?”
“Rand’s leaving?” I was surprised, since I was supposed to be going with him when he left. “When did he—is he gone?”
“No,” she said gently, pointing over my shoulder. “Not yet, but he’s leaving with Jenny, and I think they’re about ready to go.”
I turned around, and there was Rand holding hands with a woman I had never met.
“Isn’t that his ex-wife?” Ben asked as he walked up beside me, one arm thrown across my shoulders to steady himself.
“Yes, Benjamin, it is.” May Holloway chuckled, patting her new son-in-law on the back.
“She wasn’t on my half of the guest list,” he informed her.
“I asked Charlotte to include her,” she explained. “She and Rand parted on good terms, and she was a part of our family, even if it was for a very short time.”
“Is she visiting or what?” Ben asked as he turned to her.
“I have no idea.” She sighed. “But from the looks of things, I’d say maybe she’s going to stay a spell.”
“Hey, lady.” Ben’s smile was out of control as he looked at his wife’s mother. “You wanna cut a rug with me?”
She laughed at him. “Absolutely.”
I watched Ben crook his arm for his new mother-in-law, and after she took it and he led her away, I was free to look at Rand and his ex-wife.
Jenny Holloway was beautiful, and no one had ever mentioned that fact before. She could have been a model with her height, her long, thick brown hair, and her cornflower blue eyes. Her dimples were deep, her skin creamy and flawless, and her curves were accentuated by the fitted dress she wore. If I had been asked to conjure up the perfect woman for Rand Holloway, she would have been it. When she laughed and wiped some frosting off his upper lip with her fingers, I understood that she would be the one in the man’s bed later. It was almost a relief when my phone rang. I answered as I turned away from the dance floor.
