Two hours later, I knew I needed to get up. The wind was nipping at me and the last thing I needed was to be sick…again. With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I didn’t want to be in the hospital. The one thing I always told myself to make me feel better was that no matter how bad I felt there was always someone out there that felt worse.
Pushing up from the ground, I rubbed his headstone. “I need to go home sweetheart. I love you and miss you every…single…day! I’ll see you soon.” I got to my feet and headed toward my car. It wasn’t fancy, just a Subaru Outback. He bought it for me before he passed because the winters could be hard. I lived on a dirt road in Southwest Virginia with trees surrounding our three-bedroom ranch house. We had bees to make honey because he read it was really good for my immune system. Graysen always tried anything he could to make sure I was healthy and it only made me love him more.
Driving home, I needed to get my mind in a better place before Austin arrived. I didn’t want him to think that the first time he left me alone for a date that I fell apart. He needed to go to college, just live and make something out of himself. He was very smart, always making straight A’s. He was also musically talented like his dad and had been taking guitar lessons for four years. The last thing I wanted to do was hold him back.
Arriving home, I poured myself a glass of wine and curled up on the couch with a blanket and a book. I loved reading so I would use that to pass the time until Austin came home. Even though he’s eighteen, I stilled worried about him. A drunk driver killed Graysen and I just needed to know that he was home safely before I could rest.
A little after midnight I heard the front door. Austin quietly let himself in and after hanging the keys up; he walked in to the living room. “Hey mom I’m home.” He came over and took a seat on the other end of our cream-colored leather couch. Looking at him sitting there, I couldn’t help but be proud. He was six-feet-two and weighed around 200lbs. He had started working out last year and it showed.
“Did you have a good time?” I asked, putting my book down.
“I did.” He grinned.
Laughing, I said, “I can tell by the look on your face that I don’t want any details.” He laughed aloud. “I think I’m going to go to bed. I’m glad your home honey.” Standing, I kissed his forehead and headed to my bedroom.
“Goodnight mom. See ya in the morning.” He called out.
The next morning Austin found me in the kitchen sitting at the bar sipping on my coffee. I smiled as he walked through still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Morning. Sleep well?” I almost laughed at his disheveled look. I don’t know what he did last night but I assumed he thought about Kaitlyn all night and hadn’t slept much.
“Not really.” He grinned. “What do have planned for today?” He asked while grabbing his own coffee.
“Nothing really, why?” I watched him as he came over and sat down at the breakfast bar beside me.
“Let’s go fishing.” That came out of nowhere. “Like we use to.” When Graysen was alive, we would take our one-man pontoon boats and float the river. I loved it. We had…well have three of them but after Graysen died, we quit going.
“Ok, but we may have to buy more fishing rods. Let me do all my morning meds and we’ll go. We can stop by Walmart and buy what we don’t have.” His beaming smile warmed my heart.
“Good. While you get ready, I’ll go load the boats and see what we need.” We finished our coffee and then went our separate ways.
Austin had the boats loaded on top of the Subaru. What fishing supplies we had were in the back along with his bicycle. We stopped by the store and picked up two new rods along with hooks, sinkers and a container of night crawlers. We were set!
We chained Austin’s bike to a tree where our float would end so he could ride up the road and get the car when it was over. Driving on down the road, we found our familiar spot and unloaded the boats. After readying our supplies, we were on the river with fishing poles in hand.
“Thanks mom.” He said solemnly and without looking at me.
“You’re welcome.”
Floating the river was a great idea. Being on the river had a calming affect for both of us. It made us think of Graysen, but instead of internalizing it, we talked about him a lot. I never realized the depth of which his death affected Austin. I knew he took it hard but it’s easy to get caught up in your own grief. Once again, I felt thankful that we both went to counseling and had such a close relationship.
Chapter 2
Thanksgiving!
Before I knew it, Thanksgiving had arrived and I spent the whole morning cooking. My mother always had a big dinner with all the fixings. My sister Beth and her husband Scott would be there, along with their three girls. Sometimes my Aunt and Uncles would come, but usually it was just us. Mother always baked a turkey, and I fixed sweet potato casserole. Of course, we had many other things as well. “Mom, are you about ready to go?” Austin asked as he walked in to the kitchen. “Mm, something smells good. Did you bake an apple pie?” He asked at the same time he opened the oven door.
“I did. I know that’s your favorite.” The pie was in the oven so it would stay warm. Everything was ready. “I’m ready. We just need to load the food up.”
Austin drove as always. Graysen never would let me drive either. Forty-five minutes later, we arrived at mom and dad’s house. Beth and her family were already there. Mom came over to give me a hug. “Lana, I’m glad you made it, and on time too.”
“I know can you believe it? This is like the first time I’ve never been late.” I said, smiling. She loved to play this little game, always figuring that I will be at least fifteen minutes late everywhere I go.
“Hi Grandma.” Austin said before hugging her.
“Look at you. I think you’ve grown more since I saw you last. And look at your arms, have you been working out?” Without answering, he blushed. “Okay, the food’s on the table. Let’s unpack yours and eat.” Mom started setting the food out while my sister Beth set out the plates and silverware. Not long after, we were all sitting around the table. I looked at each person, thankful they were here this year. Life is short and you never know what the next year holds. Mom passed the food to dad. Beth and her husband Scott helped the kids fill their plates. I looked at Austin and smiled, knowing we were both grateful even though we still missed Graysen.
The food was delicious, but I ate way too much. I always loved Thanksgiving, I still do but it’s not the same anymore. When mom stood to clear the plates, I got up to help her. “Here mom let me do that.” I tried to take them from her, but I should’ve known better.
“Nonsense Lana. The day I let someone clean up my mess is the day you better take me to the hospital.” She kept gathering the plates so I headed to the kitchen and ran some dishwater and started with what was there already. Mom soon joined me, rinsing while I washed. “Lana, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.” I swallowed hard, already knowing what she would say. She’s hinted before, but this is the first real conversation. “You need to get out more. I know you still miss Graysen, but it’s been two years and it’s not healthy to just sit in the house all day. So for Christmas, James and I decided to send you on vacation.”
What could I say? I didn’t want to go anywhere. I liked being at home. “Mom, I appreciate what you and dad are trying to do, but you know how it is, I could be sick at Christmas.” With my disease, I stay tired a lot, but thankfully, my health has been better this year with no hospital stays. I still have a lot of medicine to do every morning and night, but it only takes me about twenty-five minutes.
“And you could still be just fine. Just think about it. You’re still so young sweetheart. Maybe you’ll meet someone if you go on a trip. Austin could stay here with us and one of your friends could go with you. What do you think?”
That’s my mom, always the optimist. Shaking my head, I said, “Don’t get your hopes up. I accepted the fact a long time ago that nobody would want a wife
that’s sick.” Her face fell. “It’s okay mom, really.” Maybe I shouldn’t be so honest. I know she just wants what she thinks is best for me.
“Regardless, you still need to get away.” It would be nice to go on a trip. Living out in the country was great, but it felt monotonous at times. Don’t get me wrong, I love sitting on the back porch drinking coffee and watching the birds eat from the feeder. We live so far out in the country; it took twenty-five minutes just to get to my two red-light town and driving through it literally took less than five minutes.
“I could see if Megan would want to go with me.” Giving in and really thinking about it.
“That’s a wonderful idea. We don’t get to see Austin enough so he can stay here. You can leave the day after Christmas and stay through New Year’s!” Mom sounded excited, more excited than I did.
“First I have to ask Megan. I am not going on a trip by myself. Second, I have to make sure Austin’s okay with me being gone on New Year’s because we always bring it in together.”
“Oh he’ll be fine with it. What eighteen year old boy wouldn’t want to be with a girl at some party on New Year’s?” She had a point.
“Okay, I’ll talk to Megan. I haven’t spent much time with her the last two years so it would be nice if she could go. If she can’t, I’ll find someone.” Moms beaming smile was answer enough. We finished the dishes, made coffee to go with the apple pie, and joined the rest of the family in the living room.
The homemade apple pie was delicious, and went well with the coffee. I really enjoy it when all the family is together, just sitting and talking.
“Mom you look tired, are you ready to go home?” Austin asked and I could see the concern in his eyes.
“I am tired.” I said, giving him a halfhearted smile. “Let me pack my stuff up and we’ll go.” I started to get up but he stopped me.
“You stay there and I’ll get everything, load it up, and drive us home.” Immediately leaving for the kitchen, I heard him in there gathering our things.
“He’s such a good son.” My mother said with such respect. Austin tried his best to take care of me and I appreciated it so much, but it also made me feel guilty. It should be me taking care of him.
“I know. I’m thankful to have him.” He came back carrying our things. We said our goodbyes with hugs and kisses, thanking everybody for a great day, and headed home.
In the car ride home, I started coughing while exhaustion overtook me. Not a good combination. It would take about twenty-five minutes to use my medicine and get ready for bed before I would be good to go for the rest of the night. However, there are many times like tonight when I felt so exhausted, I wish I could just go to bed like normal people, but I knew I’d pay for it the next day. Therefore, there would be no skipping my medicine.
The next day I could barely get out of bed. I sat in the recliner all day with my book while we ate cereal and sandwiches. This is what normally happened. I would have normal energy for a few days, but then the exhaustion would overwhelm me and for one day, I would sit around and recuperate. I hid my disease well, as most of us do. Who wants to explain what’s wrong to everyone? I remember reading a post that said something like, Anyone can act sick, but it takes real talent to act well. I chuckled thinking how true that statement was. When I coughed, I would explain it away as either allergies or asthma. That always seemed to work.
“Want to watch a movie?” I looked up to find Austin standing there. I hadn’t heard him come in.
“Yeah, that sounds great.” He turned on the TV and we spent the day watching movies, just him and me.
****
A week later, I felt much better and Austin and I were out Christmas shopping. I had called Megan and told her about the trip. She was excited about getting away for a week after Christmas and us spending time together. I couldn’t wait either and I think Austin felt relieved that I would actually be doing something, anything that showed I had started to live again. Maybe this would be my new beginning, but I doubted it.
Somewhere in New York
Lying awake, just as the sun started to rise, I looked over at the red headed beauty that I brought home last night. Searching my mind trying to remember her name, I came up empty. She was just one in a long line of women. Being the CEO of a major investment company, I never had to worry about dating. The women all vied for my attention. When I wanted to fuck, I had plenty to choose from. I didn’t date in the actual sense, I didn’t delude myself in to thinking that these women really wanted me. They wanted the money, along with the power that came with my name. Even though I didn’t date, I took women out all the time. We were photographed together while out to dinner or to a Broadway show, but it was with the understanding that we would fuck that night and nothing more. Hearing my phone ring, I grabbed it from my pants and hit the talk button. “Speak.”
“Man what happened to you last night?” Matt, my best friend asked. We grew up together in the same house but my parents never approved of him, as he was the son of my nanny.
“Why do you ask?” I honestly couldn’t remember so I had no idea what he was talking about.
“You got shit faced and then disappeared. That’s not like you at all.” Huh, I guess that’s why I didn’t know who what’s her name over there was.
“I don’t know. The last thing I remember was being at Robby’s party, and then nothing. There is a woman beside me though.”
“Of course there is.” He deadpanned. “I don’t remember a lot either. I think there was more in the drinks than we know.”
“Probably. I can’t believe Robby turned forty.”
“I know. That’ll be you in five more years.” Matt laughed. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’ll let you get back to what’s her name.” He hung up. Matt didn’t approve of my lifestyle. He was a one-woman man, and he and Carly had been together for two years.
Hearing the woman in my bed stir, I put my pants on. I thought about easing myself with her again, but not knowing who she was, I decided against it. Opening her eyes, she smiled but I felt nothing inside. “Good morning.” She purred.
“Morning.” I grunted. “Get dressed and I’ll call you a cab.” Her face fell and anger flashed in her eyes.
“Excuse me?” She said with barely controlled outrage.
“What didn’t you understand?” I know I’m an asshole, but I never let women spend the night. We fuck and they go home. End of story.
“You’re throwing me out?” Her eyes narrowed.
“No, I’m asking you to leave and calling you a cab.” I said, emotionless. She jumped out of bed and hastily started jerking her clothes on. Anger radiated from her, not that I cared. Women were a dime a dozen and all of the ones I knew would use their bodies to get what they wanted. I knew that, had grown up knowing that. I came from a wealthy family here in New York, and now had my own money made from a company I started.
“You’re an asshole!” She yelled as she marched from the room and slammed the door behind her. Good, now I could enjoy breakfast while I read the morning paper. Even though it was Saturday, I still needed to finish some last minute work, which I could do from here.
Working from home, I sat at my desk going over some numbers when my phone interrupted me. Grabbing it, “speak,” I said as a way of greeting.
“Man you really need to find a different way to answer your damn phone.”
“Hey Matt, what’s up?” Looking at my watch, I started putting my papers in my briefcase.
“Just wanted to see if you want to go out tonight.”
“Sure, sounds great. What did you have in mind?”
****
That night, I met Matt and David at Club Jade, the hottest new nightclub in town. We bypassed the long line at the entrance and were led up the stairs to the roped off VIP area. The scantily dressed waitress made her way over to take our order. “I’ll have a Scotch on the rocks.” I said while watching the dance floor. “Where’s Carly tonight?” I asked Matt.
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“She’s visiting her family in Maryland.” He said while eyeing the beautiful women.
“Careful there, you have lust in your eyes brother.” I said, laughing. He glanced my way and gave me a mischievous smile.
“No worries, I’m just looking. Nothing wrong with that.” I couldn’t agree more. About that time, the waitress brought our drinks over. As she set mine in front of me, she made sure to put her barely covered tits in front of my face. Of course I looked, who wouldn’t. Matt and David also got an eye full.
Three drinks later, Matt and David made their way to the dance floor. I thought about joining them, but ordered another drink instead. This time when the waitress bent over and pushed her tits in front of my face, I grabbed her ass and pulled her to me. She smiled as she spread her legs to straddle me. She was like all the others, stick thin with bleach blonde hair that looked as if she’d done it herself. Her tits were DD, and fake but I didn’t care about that. I licked those tits she kept putting in front of me. Looking around, and not seeing anyone else, she asked, “What would you like?”
Trying to Survive (The Kiser #1) Page 2
