She pulled Dolly to her and kissed her passionately. She slipped her tongue into Dolly’s open mouth and tangled it around her tongue. The action only fueled her need.
Dolly rolled off Tommy, allowing Tommy to move her hand between Dolly’s legs where she found her wet and ready for her. She slid her fingers inside Dolly, who spread her legs wider to allow her to go deeper.
“Fuck me, Tommy. Fuck me good.”
Dolly’s attitude only made Tommy crazier. She loved the licentious way Dolly was behaving. She loved the reckless abandon she was allowing herself to act with. This was a side of her she’d never seen. A side she’d like to see more of.
“Give it to me,” Dolly said. “I want more.”
Tommy slipped another finger inside and Dolly moaned. Tommy was loving the feel of Dolly’s juices flowing down her forearm. She added yet another finger to see if Dolly could take it and she did.
“Oh God, yes. That feels amazing,” Dolly said.
Tommy was frenzied by that point. Fucking Dolly wasn’t enough. She needed to do more. She longed to taste the copious amounts of fluid that were pouring forth from her. She slid down her body and ran her tongue over her clit. Her flavor was heady, intoxicating. She continued to move her fingers in and out while she licked and sucked her swollen clit until Dolly tangled her fingers in her hair. She arched into her, was still, then relaxed back onto the bed, spent.
“You were amazing,” Tommy said. “I like it when you’re reckless.”
“I was horny as hell.”
“I still am.”
“But not for long,” Dolly said as she slipped her fingers inside Tommy.
“Oh yeah, that’s it,” Tommy moaned as she moved against Dolly. “That feels so fucking good.”
“You like that, huh? You want more?”
“Please. Give it to me, baby.”
“You got it.” She plunged her fingers deeper and faster until Tommy was writhing on the bed under her. She arched her hips and gyrated, making sure Dolly hit every spot inside her. Finally, she felt the pressure build in her center. It grew to an almost painful point and then it blew up, the pressure released and a warm current spread throughout her body.
She felt completely satiated, but wasn’t sure how Dolly was doing. She’d been so aroused. She ran her hand down her body again until she was inside her.
“Oh, more? Thank you,” Dolly said.
“My pleasure.” Tommy stroked her until she cried out again and again as she rode one orgasm after another.
When Tommy was sure Dolly had had enough, she climbed up next to her on the bed and pulled her into a loving embrace. The unwanted thought crept in that in a few short hours Dolly would be gone. She couldn’t stand the thought of it, but was confident that their love was strong enough to withstand the distance to come and the differences they had. She almost said something to Dolly, but heard her soft sleeping sounds and didn’t want to disturb her.
Tommy woke up the next morning to find Dolly in her white nurse’s uniform. She was sitting on the desk chair looking at Tommy.
“How long have you been up?” Tommy said.
“A couple of hours.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Hung over as hell.”
Tommy laughed.
“It’s really not funny,” Dolly said.
“I’ll bet you dollars to doughnuts you won’t be the only one.”
“That may be true. I still don’t like feeling this way.”
“But did you have fun?” Tommy said.
“I did.”
“Good. That’s all that matters.”
“I suppose you’re right. And it was fun.”
“Come sit on the bed with me,” Tommy said.
“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Hey, baby. I see you’re already dressed, I’m not going to try to molest you. I just want you to come sit with me.”
“I think we need to talk,” Dolly said.
Tommy didn’t like the sound of that. Her stomach clenched in a fist of fear. Sure, she knew they needed to talk about the logistics of their relationship, but there was something in Dolly’s tone that scared her to death.
“You mean about how we’re going to keep this going while you’re gone?” Tommy said hopefully.
“I mean in general.”
“Baby, I don’t like your tone. You’re scaring me.”
“I’ve been thinking,” Dolly began.
“Oh shit. No, you haven’t. Don’t say anything more. I don’t want to hear it. We’ll be fine, baby. I promise.”
“It’s asking a lot for us to make it through the rest of my time. Sure, I’m only on this tour for six months, but who knows where my next tour will take me? And who knows when we’ll see each other again?”
“So you’re telling me these past few days have been a lie? You’ve had no intention of making a relationship with me?” She couldn’t believe her ears. Dolly had seemed as committed as she had been. She’d been loving, attentive, caring. And now she was basically telling her to go to hell without her.
“No, I’m not saying that. I do love you, Tommy. I’ll always love you. I just don’t think we’re right for each other.”
“And just when did you decide this?” Tommy said.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? When was it, Dolly? Yesterday? The day before? This morning? When did you realize we weren’t going to make it?”
“Last night.”
“Before or after we made love?”
Dolly looked at her feet. She didn’t answer.
“At dinner? Is that when? At our last meal together?”
“That’s when I started having my doubts,” Dolly said.
“And you said nothing,” Tommy said. “And you let me make love to you last night.”
Tommy was disgusted. She felt used and dirty.
“I still love you, Tommy. I don’t think you’re hearing me.”
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t dump me.”
“Tommy, please listen to me. I do love you. But I think we’re too different to make this work.”
“What would you need from me?” Tommy said. “How would I need to change to make it work?”
“Would you really be willing to change?” Dolly said.
Tommy stared at her. No, she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t change for anyone. Either Dolly loved who she was or she didn’t.
“No. I like who I am. I won’t apologize for it.”
“And you don’t need to. But eventually, my serving in the war would get too much for you or your protesting it would get too much for me.”
“You’re making assumptions. We don’t know either of those things. Or maybe you do. Maybe my protesting has been an issue with you from the beginning and you just wanted a liberty fuck.”
“It wasn’t like that and you know it,” Dolly said.
“I’m not sure I know anything. I certainly don’t know you.”
“Tommy, please, you’re not making this easy.”
“And you thought it would be? You thought you could tell me to fuck off and I’d be okay with it? I’d just go back to my commune and forget about you, us, the past few days, the future I thought we had?”
“I don’t know,” Dolly had tears in her eyes.
“Oh no. Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare cry or act like this isn’t all your fault. I won’t feel bad for you. This is all on you. It came out of left field and blindsided me. I should be the one crying. You’re the one breaking my heart.”
“But you’re making it sound like I don’t love you. And I do. I just don’t think we’ll be able to make it work.” The tears were trickling down her cheek. Tommy hardened herself against them.
“If you loved me you’d at least be willing to try. But you’re not. That’s what I don’t understand.”
“I just don’t think it would work.”
“So you’ve said,” Tommy said. She was angry and frustrated and at
a loss of what to do. “Maybe you should leave.”
“I don’t want to leave like this. I want us to at least be civil. I was hoping we could be friends.”
“I don’t make a habit of becoming friends with people who cut me to the quick.”
“Tommy, please. Think about it. I’m off with the baby killers you hate. Eventually, you’d give up on me.”
“You don’t know me, do you?” Tommy said. “You didn’t get to know me at all over your liberty. I love you. I don’t like that you’re in the navy, but I’m past that. I don’t believe in the baby killing that’s going on. You know that. But I don’t think you do, either. You’re simply following orders. I believe that. So I’m okay with what you’re doing, to a degree.”
“To a degree, yes,” said Dolly. “But not completely. We need to respect what each other does in order to have a relationship and let’s be honest. We don’t.”
“Because you don’t respect me as an activist?” Tommy said.
Dolly didn’t respond.
“You really don’t,” Tommy said. “You don’t respect what it is I believe so wholeheartedly in. And you just played along with me over the past few days, acting like it was no big deal. How could you?”
“I guess it’s that I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you can live in a tent all your life and then protest when it’s time, then go back to your tent. It makes no sense to me. To not have more to do with your life than spew hatred.”
“Spew hatred? Look, we are in a war that we don’t belong in. Kids are dying in this war. The people have the right to be heard. I’m part of the people. I make sure our voices are heard.”
“See what I mean? We’re two different people. You speak out against the war and I help people injured in the war. We’re at two different ends of the spectrum.”
“And you’ve known that since I approached you on the dock when you first stepped off that ship,” Tommy said. “Yet you proclaimed your love for me. You made me feel happy, special, loved. Now I feel dirty and used.”
Tommy felt grimy all over. She felt like she’d bathed in grease. She climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom. She took a long shower, trying to wash off the dirty feeling she had, but it didn’t work. She toweled off and walked back to the bedroom to see Dolly still seated at the desk.
“You’re still here.” She’d hoped Dolly would leave while she showered.
“Yes, I am. I can’t leave until we’ve resolved this. I can’t go while you hate me.”
“This isn’t going to get resolved,” Tommy said. “There’s nothing to resolve. You called it off. That’s all there is to it.”
“But I don’t want you to hate me,” Dolly said.
“Maybe after some time I won’t. But for now, I can’t help it.”
“Fair enough. I’ve written down my address for you. You know, in case you ever decide to write.”
“Don’t count on it.”
“I won’t.”
Dolly stood. Tommy couldn’t believe the moment was at hand. She’d dreaded it each day they’d had together. And now it was here and she was happy to see Dolly go after what she’d done to her heart. Still, a part of her mourned the loss of the relationship they’d had.
“I guess I’d better go,” Dolly said.
“Don’t let the door hit you.”
“This isn’t how I wanted things to end.”
“I didn’t want things to end at all, so I guess we’re somewhat even,” Tommy said.
Dolly stepped over to Tommy and wrapped her arms around her. Tommy stood rigid with her arms at her sides. Dolly backed away slowly.
“Okay. I see,” she said.
Tommy said nothing. Dolly picked up her suitcase and walked to the door.
“I’m going to miss you, Tommy.”
“Don’t bother. You’ll be busy with your war and I’ll be busy trying to end it.”
“I wish it didn’t have to be like this.”
“It was your choice,” Tommy said.
“I didn’t mean for it to end like this. Oh well. There’s nothing we can do now. I need to report for duty. Take care, Tommy.”
“Good-bye.”
Tommy closed the door behind Dolly but pulled the curtain back so she could watch her walk to the dock. It hurt like hell to watch the only woman she’d ever loved walk out of her life.
She moved away from the window and sat on the edge of the bed. She buried her face in her hands and cried.
Chapter Seventeen
Tommy looked around the room she’d shared with Dolly those few days. All she wanted to do was crawl back into bed and go to sleep. Then maybe she’d wake up and it would have all been a nightmare and Dolly would still love her and they could live happily ever after.
But she knew that wasn’t going to happen. Still, sleep sounded so good. It was one of her favorite escape mechanisms. She had to check out, though, so sleep wasn’t an option. Instead, she fired up a doobie and took a few hits. There, that helped. She was feeling mellow and relaxed and able to move on with her day, if not her life.
She grabbed a duffle bag they had picked up on one of their shopping sprees and shoved all her clothes in it. Not that she would need these clothes on the commune, she reasoned she might need them at some point in the future so she opted to keep them. With a full duffle bag, she walked to the office, paid their bill, and started her trip back to the commune.
She walked across the parking lot, unable to believe it had just been the day before that she’d taken this trip with Dolly. She’d been so excited to show her where she lived and introduce her to her friends. She’d had no idea Dolly had been play acting the whole time.
Tommy cut through the underbrush and came out on the open area that was home. Her heart felt lighter than it had all morning. She was home. Home. A place where people loved her for who she was. A place where no one acted one way when they felt another. Home. A place where Dolly could no longer hurt her.
She made her way through the tents to hers and set her duffle bag down. She lay down on her cot and laced her fingers behind her head. She stared at the ceiling and replayed every moment of the past few days. She wondered what she’d missed. Had there been any signs that Dolly hadn’t really been in love with her? Sure, Dolly said she still was, but Tommy was certain that was just her way of feeling better about herself. She didn’t think Dolly had ever loved her.
Tommy would have been fine simply having a fling with Dolly. She would have entered that enthusiastically. She loved no-strings-attached sex. But Dolly had been different. Or so she’d thought.
She was educated, intelligent, and soft-spoken. And her eyes. Her eyes had been so animated. One could see everything she was thinking and feeling in those eyes. Tommy tried to shake off the depression she was feeling, but couldn’t. She lay like that for what seemed like hours until sleep finally overtook her.
She woke up unsure of where she was, but the events of the day came back and hit her full force. She sat on the edge of her cot and rubbed her eyes. She checked her watch. Two o’clock. After lunch and before dinner. And she was hungry. She reached for one of the joints she’d taken to town that fateful night and found them gone. She rolled another and took several hits. This made her feel better, though she was still hungry. She headed to the dining hall to see if she could find something to munch on.
She found Trinity relaxing with a book.
“Hey, Trinity,” she said. “Are there any leftovers in the fridge?”
“Sure. Help yourself. Where’s your girlfriend today?”
“Truth?”
“Truth,” Trinity said.
“She dumped me this morning.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. She seemed like a nice woman.”
“Yeah. She really did,” Tommy said.
She helped herself to leftovers and had just finished when a man came running in.
“The ship’s set to leave. Everyone to the dock.”
In her stoned state of
mind, it took Tommy a minute to realize they needed to protest a navy ship. It took her another minute to realize Dolly would be on it. She got up and hurried with the rest of the gang to the dock. Some held signs. Some chanted. But Tommy couldn’t help herself. She yelled at the top of her lungs, hoping somehow Dolly would hear her above the others.
“Fuck you, baby killers!” she said. Someone picked up on it. Then another and soon the whole group was chanting it at the ship. Still, Tommy tried to yell the loudest. She wanted her voice screaming at her to be the last thing Dolly heard before she left town.
After the ship had pulled out of dock, Tommy walked with the rest of her group back to the commune. Most people were jumping around or dancing, high after the protest. Tommy tried to feel their happiness. Or anything. But she felt nothing. Only numbness. She tried to tell herself she felt vengeance at cussing at Dolly for what she’d done to her, but she didn’t. Dolly was gone. They were through and Dolly was really gone. Her heart was broken.
It was almost dinner time by the time they got back to the commune. Needing to keep herself busy, Tommy went to the dining hall to help with dinner preparations. She was given some tasks to do that kept her hands occupied, but not her mind. Still, it beat sitting in her tent wallowing in her sorrows.
“Hey, Tommy, you okay?” Jimmy, a man about her age with long blond hair stopped at her station.
“I’m okay, why?”
“You’re not yourself. You’re awfully quiet.”
“Rough day,” Tommy said.
“Sorry to hear that, man. Hey, I haven’t seen you around in a while. Where you been?”
“I met up with a townie and thought we were in love. Was with her for a few days.”
“Yeah, but it didn’t work out?”
“No. She let me know that this morning.”
“Bummer. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah. I didn’t see it coming, you know?”
“That’s the worst,” Jimmy said. “When it’s all one-sided.”
Love on Liberty Page 16
