by Jolene Perry
After a few laps, I realize I’m alone in the water. I check the edges of the pool and see mom’s feet below the surface. I swim straight to her and stand up.
“I’m starving.” She smiles.
“Me, too.”
“Good.” She stands up and heads for the house.
I sit on the edge of the pool for a few more moments. My night with Sky flashes to mind. Her raw honesty. Her dark hair. And yes, her small black panties. Last night was real. I wonder when I’ll see her again. My stomach rumbles and I smile. Smile. As impossible as that felt this morning, it feels good now. It’s not like Sarah died.
No. Just like she’s dating someone who won’t understand a tenth of her worth.
But it’s what she wants.
Maybe she doesn’t know what she wants.
And how am I supposed to tell her?
Stop having imaginary conversations in your head, Jameson. Sooner or later you’ll be having them out loud.
“Breakfast!” Mom calls out the back door.
I almost laugh then because it’s probably somewhere between two and three in the afternoon.
- - -
Spring Break passes like this:
Wake up around noon or one, or two. Swim. Lay in the sun that’s almost hot enough to really love lying in. Hang out downtown. Fend off attacks from Kim, even though they make me feel good.
Visit Mike, who takes care of the dolphins at the Mirage, but only after the exhibit is closed. I like having them to myself.
Drive by and look out at Sky’s house more than I should. Miss Sarah. Want Sarah to call. Sarah calls. Wish Sarah hadn’t called.
My eighteenth birthday consists of the swim team coming to my house and trashing my backyard. I’m okay with this. Sarah couldn’t come. Sky isn’t here. Just people who like to swim.
I swim. And then swim more. And then swim more. It works my body and helps keep my brain from wandering to places I don’t want it to go – like to Sarah. I almost won state last year in the men’s freestyle. I have to do it this year. It gives me an excuse to spend hour after hour in the solitude of the pool.
I’m getting sympathy stares from Mom, and Dad’s been working every shift he can get his hands on. Maybe he wants to update his Porsche.
I’m mad at myself for not taking Sky’s number, and wish I could erase Sarah.
Time just passes.
FOUR
There have been a lot of mornings, especially Mondays, that I haven’t wanted to go to school. They don’t compare to this Monday. Not even a little bit. I think about being sick today. Neither Mom or Dad care if I take a day once in a while. I keep my grades up. It’s all part of Honor Society and student government and all that. But if I don’t go today, I’ll have to go tomorrow, or the next day. One extra day won’t change anything. Which sucks.
I put on my Green Valley High School T-shirt, Diesel jeans, and old school Asics. Normal. Something I’d wear any day. I run my hands over my head, thankful I don’t have any hair to deal with. Sarah hasn’t called for a ride so I’m assuming she’s getting one from someone else. I take a deep breath before my lungs cave in.
There’s a student government meeting this morning. I have time for a Cliff bar and nothing else. I take my first bite as I step out the front door.
“Shit, shit shit!” I hear a girl’s voice.
I stop next to my car and see Sky, a few houses down, kicking the tires on a worn, red Honda Civic. Where has she been this past week when I’ve looked toward her house more times than I’ll ever admit?
“Problem?” I yell.
“No!” She laughs. “Everything’s freaking perfect!”
I climb into my car and pull out of the driveway. I watch her face fall and then brighten as I stop next to her. Most people look better in the dark, their faces lit up by the street lamps or backyard pool lights. But not Sky, her deep skin is even more incredible in the sun.
“So. This is actually your car.” Her hands go on her hips, but all I can see from down here is legs.
“This is my car.” I smile at her through the window.
“It’s a Golf. An old one.”
“A quasi-sometimes-lifeguard job at the local pool doesn’t pay for a Porsche.” I open my door and stand up, resting my hand on the doorframe.
“Guess not.” She shifts her backpack higher on her shoulder. “So, what does?”
“My parents work in a casino.” It’s funny that no one really questions after that. They know there’s good money to be made there if you’re in one of the right jobs.
“Oh.”
“Can I give you a ride?”
“Don’t you need to get to school?” Her eyes narrow. She’s pointing out my age again, I’m sure of it.
“Don’t you?”
Her smile widens. “Yeah. Sure you don’t mind?”
“Not at all.” A corner of my mouth pulls up. Something that seemed like an impossibility only a few moments ago.
“Thanks.”
Sky’s in tiny shorts, a hoodie, and old chucks. Her long hair flows behind her as she walks around the front of my car.
I climb in at the same time she does.
“Don’t look at me like that, Jay.” She purses her lips together, but I’m sure she’s holding in a smile.
“Like what?” I let myself smile back as I pull out of the driveway and head toward campus. This is probably going to be the best part of my day.
“Like you’re trying to earn your real kiss.” She crosses her legs.
I glance down.
“Eyes on the road.” She laughs and pulls her pack onto her lap. “Thanks for this. I’m not good with math and it doesn’t help that it’s a seven-thirty class.”
“What kind of math are you doing?” The drive to campus is short. I only have about three more minutes in the car with her, and I want to make the most of it.
“Just college algebra.” Her shoulders slump.
“I could help you, if you want.” College algebra, I know I can help.
“Well wouldn’t that be crazy?”
As I study her face, I now don’t think she’s much older than me. A year, two tops. Much better. She might be a little bit closer to my league than I thought.
“Come on over later. I’ll make sure there’s Pepsi. We’ll work on math, and if you want, we could go for another swim.”
“I don’t know what to make of you.” Her face looks more serious than I’ve ever seen it.
Milk chocolate eyes, high cheekbones, thin lips. I want to run my finger down the line of her jaw, across her chin. I’m probably just putting whatever I felt, or feel for Sarah onto Sky. Really not fair. But then I remember our kiss, and I think about how much I’d like to do it again.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop.” She points at me.
I resist the temptation to kiss the tip of her finger. “Stopping.” I put my car in park for her to climb out.
“Thanks for the ride.” She steps out.
“See you later. You know, for Pepsi.” I lean over into the passenger’s seat so I can see her face.
“And math.” She stops before closing the door. “If I need help.”
The door closes. I sit and watch her long legs walk away. What am I doing?
- - -
I jog into the student government meeting about five minutes before it’s supposed to end.
“Oh, there’s our student body VP. Nice of you to show.” Matt and I are friends, but he gets a power trip over being student body Pres.
“Bite me, Matt.” I laugh and plant my butt on a desk and my feet in the chair in front of it.
“We were just talking about the next assembly.”
All eyes are on me. I’m never late. I ignore the looks and pull out my notebook. “Safety assembly, right?”
“Uh, right.” Matt’s mouth pulls down. He’s probably annoyed I remember because I walked in late.
“I talked with our two speakers yesterday. They’re good.” I glance down
my notes. “Mr. Forrester did a dry run with the projection screen in the gym so the slide show that the police want to do should go off without a hitch.”
The door opens again. Sarah. My mouth is dry. I’m pretty sure my tongue swells up to something that looks like a baseball and my heart threatens to break free from its cage inside my ribs. Even the shape of her body shows her bubbly personality. She’s short with great curves and a big smile. This sucks.
“What were you two up to?” Kaylee smirks at me as she taps my foot with hers.
Right. Kaylee’s not allowed to go to the dances. She’s probably the only one in the school who doesn’t know our quarterback now has a girlfriend.
And then it happens. What I knew I’d face today. Eric appears behind her, leans down, and gives her a kiss before stepping away. Sarah’s lips. The ones I’ve stared at for… Okay. I gotta get a grip or I’ll never make it through the day.
She beams. It’s a Sarah smile. The one no one should be able to resist because it’s full of goodness and happiness. She half leans out the door as it closes and when she turns to face us, the happiness is still all over her face. It dances around in her eyes and weaves its way through her body.
The whole room is now staring at her.
“Sorry.” She bites her bottom lip to hold in her goofy grin.
It stabs and pulls at my chest, but my mouth stays closed. I make no noise and am amazed that I’m still in one piece.
“Jameson will catch me up later.” She sits on the desk behind me and does a quick, soft scratch on my back. She always does this. Today is the first day I haven’t loved it.
“Well, we’re adjourned unless anyone has any objections.” Matt sighs as if in defeat. A whole five minutes of his meeting was disturbed. Fortunately, I’m used to him. Matt is an odd mix of overachiever and lazy jock. It only seems like a contradiction in terms if you haven’t met him.
I stand up and Sarah throws her arms around me, hugging me tightly. “Thank you. You know, for everything.”
“Are you moving or something?” I try to tease. I don’t want to let the warmth of her body next to mine affect me, but it’s hard. She feels so good. I lean my face down, just a little and breathe in. Then I have to keep from choking. She doesn’t smell like Sarah, she smells like guy, like Eric.
I drop my arms.
“I gotta run.” She steps back, goofy grin still intact.
“See ya.” And I stand in the room like an idiot and watch her walk away.
“You okay?” Kaylee bumps my side with her shoulder.
“I… I don’t know.” The classroom is empty aside from Kaylee and Mr. Carlson, who pretty much leaves us to our meetings.
“You like her.” Kaylee’s voice is quiet.
“Doesn’t matter.” I shake my head.
“If it makes you feel better, I was just waiting for the day when you two walked in here holding hands. It felt inevitable.” Now she’s wearing the same sympathetic smile Mom’s been showing.
But all I can think is—Yeah, that makes two of us.
“Jameson?” Mr. Carlson asks from his desk. He’s a good teacher and a great coach.
“Yeah?” I whirl around.
“First official day of swim team practice today.”
“You know I’ll be there.”
“Great.” He adjusts his wire glasses once before going back to his computer.
I’ll need the distraction.
FIVE
“Jameson!” Coach Carlson waves at me as I step out of the locker room next to the pool.
“Hey.” I walk up to him and set down my bag. It feels like I’ll explode if I have to sit still. The tension from my day, from watching Sarah and Eric, Eric and Sarah… It’s just built up high.
“You’re still up for this, right?” He holds a clipboard under his arm.
“Captain?” I’m sure this is what he’s referring to.
“It’s a lot of work,” he warns again.
I’m still thrilled he picked me. “I know. I’m good.” I nod.
“Great.” He walks away to start practice. “Make sure you get a junior for your co-captain, okay? I need someone to take your place next year.”
I laugh. “No one can take my place, coach.”
He laughs with me over his shoulder. “You’re probably right.”
Finally, something I’m good at. I can’t wait to get in the water.
- - -
I pull up the driveway after spending a rigorous couple of hours in the school pool to hear Mom and Dad arguing. The good mood from practice vanishes. My parents aren’t perfect, and it’s not that they never argue. It’s that they don’t argue often. I spin around at the front door, and walk through the backyard instead. I open the slider door to my room and drop my pack on the bedroom floor, thankful I didn’t have to walk between them to get here.
Their voices die down and Dad walks out. I know its Dad who walks out because the next thing I hear is the kitchen faucet. When Mom and Dad argue, Mom spends the next few days scrubbing the entire house and slamming cupboard doors harder than necessary. I’m sure her cleaning frenzy will eventually make it to my room so I sit down and start picking up. Best to get some of it over with now.
I’m in front of my TV and start putting stacks of DVDs and Blu-Ray’s back in their cases. As I sit, I can see into my bathroom. It’s a mess, too. Mom insisted that this skinny little sink on some sort of post would make my bathroom look bigger, but really, it just makes it so I have nowhere to put stuff. Hence the mess.
The problem is that cleaning my room won’t help me stop thinking about Sarah. She’s everywhere in here. Most of the movies that are out of their cases are ones we watched together. My computer desk has two chairs because she’s here so often that there just needs to be two chairs by the computer. She helped me put most of the posters up in my room—all that weirdo music I listen to so much. I lean against my bed. How many hours have we sat on my bed together to do homework? Or watch a movie? Me wishing I had the guts to press our lips together?
Well. This is it. I’m officially moping. Does that make me pathetic? I honestly don’t care.
“Knock, knock.” Mom’s voice carries further than her soft knocks, like always.
“Come on in.” My room looks like it hasn’t in a while. I can see the floor, the whole floor.
“Wow.” Mom surveys the room as she steps inside, her brown ponytail hanging halfway down her back.
“I…” I start to say I heard you fighting, but that suddenly doesn’t seem right.
“I heard you drive up.” She sits on my bed. “Your dad has been really distracted lately. It feels like something’s going on and I’m not sure what.”
I don’t know that she really means to say this to me. She’s staring out my window into the backyard.
“I’m also not sure how to ask him.”
I open my mouth to speak but have no idea what to say.
Her body jerks, as if suddenly aware of my presence. “Sorry, Jameson. Should we order a pizza tonight?”
Pizza weighs me down for like a day of swim practice, but I don’t say anything. “Sounds great, Mom.” I start to ask when Dad will be home, but I stop myself. What does it mean that I didn’t want to ask? Is this fight different?
She stands up and starts out of my room. “Your dad picked up an extra shift. He won’t be home ‘til late.”
“Okay.” I do a good job of keeping my voice smooth, but my gut feels all twisted up inside.
I’m not sure what to do with myself so I sit in the quiet in my room until I hear Mom answer the door for our pizza. So, now I just get to try to act normal and pretend that nothing’s hanging in the air—nothing about Sarah and Eric, nothing to do with Mom and Dad. I take a deep breath and step out next to the kitchen.
“Not Valentine’s Day, Mom.” I really can’t handle that movie right now.
“I suppose you want me to watch some British gangster movie that drops the f-bomb every chance they get?�
� She cocks an eyebrow and hands me a plate with a slice of Hawaiian.
“Mom, you’re too old to say f-bomb, and yeah, that’s what I’m in the mood for.” We stare at one another over the counter in the kitchen. “Valentine’s Day would be great,” I concede with a smile. I’m sure I can be a good guy and watch her girlie movie with her.
Mom laughs. “How about we do Sherlock Holmes. It’s done by that same guy you like so much, right?”
I nod. It’s a good compromise.
We’re a third of the way into the movie, and I’ve managed to cram three pizza slices into my stomach. I’m slumped on the couch like the skinny teenage version of Homer Simpson when I hear a knock at the door.
“I’ll get it.” Mom stands up. “I need another slice anyway.”
I turn back to the movie. Rachel McAdams is about to come on. She’s hot. The TV has my full attention.
“I’m Sky.” I hear behind me. “I’m here for math.”
“I’m Megan,” Mom says, “and I’m here because I live here.” She laughs. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Like a shot I’m off the couch and my heart jumps to triple time. In two leaping steps I can see her and Mom talking in the entry. I guess part of me figured she wouldn’t show. And part of me forgot, which seems insane.
“Hey, Jay. Offer still on?” She smiles this relaxed smile like her gorgeous form is always popping in for math and Pepsi.
“Uh…” Snap out of it idiot. “Yeah. We’re still on.”
“Good. Matrices are kicking my butt.” She starts toward me.
Mom’s eyes are wide as she stares at me. Then she mouths the word, wow.
That pretty much covers Sky. Right now I just want to breathe. One small step at a time, and maybe I’ll be able to act something like normal. Probably right about the time she leaves.
“Oh, I love this movie.” She smiles as she steps into the living room. “I’m totally interrupting, aren’t I?” Her gaze slides between Mom and I.
“Nope.” Mom shoves the last few slices of pizza into the fridge. “I was just about to go sort out my closet.”
“Okay.” Sky’s lips are pressed together and her body twists slightly from side to side, as if unsure as to what she should be doing. She glances between Mom and me several times.
