by Jolene Perry
“We missed it.” She frowns. “They close up at eight.”
“Maybe next time.” I shrug. But now I can’t wait to see her reaction.
“Yeah.” She’s staring back at the sign as if it’ll magically change.
I lead her through the back doors to see Mike sitting on the side of the dolphin tank, waiting.
“Where are we?” She looks around. It’s dark back here, only a few lights on for security.
“I have a friend here. Well, actually a few friends here,” I start to explain.
A smile is starting to spread across her face. She’s smart. She knows.
“Hey Jameson!” Mike stands up. “Long time, no see.”
“Yeah.” I take his hand in mine. “This is Sky. Sky, this is Mike.”
“The guy who’s going to show us the dolphins?” Her voice gets high with excitement, just like I hoped.
“That’s me.” He nods. Mike is in his fifties, is short, and kind of looks like the man version of a dolphin, pale with short grey hair and a nose that’s a size or two too big for his face.
He points to her and her necklace. “Tlingit? Haida?”
“Yeah.” Her eyes widen. “How did you know?”
“Did a cruise to Alaska with the wife a few years back.” He turns to open the gate that leads behind the dolphin tanks.
“Oh.”
I look toward Sky again. There’s a lot about her I don’t know.
“Wow.” She squeezes my hand and looks up at me in a way that makes me lose my train of thought and want nothing more than to press our lips together. I lean in close, but I’m determined to wait until she either kisses me herself, asks me for it, or the opportunity is pure perfection.
“Give me a sec to open things up, and follow me on back.” Mike sticks his key in the first door that will get us close to the pool and into the small house-like structure where they feed them.
“Good surprise?” I ask.
“Great surprise.”
“Well, this is pretty much the biggest thing we have going on tonight.” I step behind Mike as he walks us through the gate.
She leans up and nearly presses her lips to my cheek. “Don’t say that until the night is over. You never know what might happen.” Her lips brush against my ear as she speaks.
I can’t even think about what she might be implying. If I did, I’d drop right in this spot. And in this moment, I’d do anything she asked. Anything to feel the electricity of that moment again.
She does this whispery giggle as she pulls away.
“Wanna feed them?” Mike asks. He’s digging around in the buckets he has set aside.
“Sure, just a sec.” She drops my hand to sit on the edge of the pool. The dolphins know Mike means food, and they swarm, waiting. “Can I touch them?” She turns toward Mike.
“Sure. Watch their teeth. They don’t mean to bite, and they’re usually really careful, but sometimes they get over-excited.” He chuckles. These three dolphins are like his children.
“Okay.” She pulls her long hair to the side, does a quick braid and ties it off with one of the leather bracelets from her wrist. I have no idea why this is fascinating, but I can’t take my eyes off her.
She leans dangerously far over the pool and reaches her arm out. I sit on the edge and watch her face fill with wonder and excitement each time one of them presses their nose to her fingers.
“Here.” Mike hands her a dead fish.
“Thanks.” She grabs the slimy thing without hesitation and feeds it to the nearest dolphin.
“That’s not gross?” I ask.
She laughs. “I grew up commercial fishing. I’ve seen a few dead fish.”
“Oh.” Should I know this? Guess we’re learning about one another.
“This is amazing.” She only has eyes for her new friends. “Do you do this often?”
“Not as often as he used to.” Mike answers for me.
She rubs one on the head. “I’d be here all the time. They’re incredible, aren’t they?” She glances back at me, her eyes bright and her smile huge.
“They are.” And so is she. More all the time.
- - -
“You’ve really outdone yourself, Jay.” Our hands are together and we’re walking. Her hair is once again swinging behind her.
“It’s your birthday.”
“Still.” She leans her head against my shoulder for a moment.
“I’m glad you think so. One more big stop and then we can waste the rest of the night away doing whatever we like.”
“Then it really wouldn’t be a waste, would it?” She picks her head off my shoulder to look up.
“No. I guess not.” I smile down at the expression of happiness on her face.
We walk up the strip together. Hand in hand. Me trying to figure out how to get closer, and her… I have no idea. “What are you thinking about?”
“That I’m glad it’s my birthday and you didn’t go through all of this just because it was our first date.” She glances over at me just briefly before her eyes travel to the lights that seem to come from all sides. I forget how much there is to look at here. I’ve seen it all so many times.
“Why?”
“Because as much fun as this is, it took a lot of preparation and planning on your part.”
“A little.” I’m supposed to downplay here, right?
“A lot,” she insists. “I guess I want you to know that just being with you, next to your pool, something that wasn’t planned at all, was also awesome.”
Wow. “I really, really want to kiss you right now.” I pull her to a stop on the sidewalk, forcing people to walk around us.
“Now, you’re just counting points.” She shakes her head.
“Surely, I’ve earned enough.” I smile wide.
“Oh, you’ve earned enough, but now we have to find a good moment. One that’s planned, but not planned, and it needs to be in a moment when we both need to feel like we’ll go crazy if we can’t kiss the other.”
I lean closer and whisper. “I’m already there, so I guess we’ll wait for you.”
She laughs, dismissing me as we take the final steps before I open the doors of the Paris hotel.
“Jameson! Found a replacement for me already?” Kim smiles wide with a drink tray in hand.
“Nice.” I laugh and keep walking. I realize there’s no way Sky didn’t hear or see the smile Kim had for me, but I’m not sure how to explain Kim.
“Who’s that?” Sky glances over her shoulder as we walk away.
“My mom works here. That’s her shameless flirt of a co-worker.” Does that work?
“Oh.”
It’s well after midnight. I lead Sky into the room with the big money tables.
Mom catches my eye, but sets the drinks carefully down and makes a few minutes of small talk with the gamblers before walking over.
“Hey, sweetie.” Mom steps toward us, and uses the same pro smile she uses on everyone. It’s her work face. And it’s a good one.
I can tell Sky’s surprised. Her eyes glance briefly over Mom’s costume.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Glad you two made it. Are you ready?”
“I’m ready.”
“Paul will meet you over there in a minute.” Mom pauses and looks between us a few too many times for it to be comfortable. “I’m glad you’re out having fun.”
“Thanks.” Sky’s eyes are fixed on Mom’s face.
“See you tomorrow,” I say.
“It’s after midnight. We’ll see you later on today.” Mom winks. Very few people can get away with winking. Mom’s one of them.
“Right.” I’m an idiot.
“So, why do we need Paul?” Sky asks.
“We won’t need him if you’re afraid of heights.” I lean toward her again, am I pushing it? Maybe.
“I’m not afraid of heights.” Her face turns toward mine, even though it almost puts our noses together.
“Or fish, or being naked i
n a stranger’s yard, or being honest.” Can I kiss her now?
“Let me rephrase.” She pulls away. “I’m afraid of a lot of things but choose to do them anyway.”
“So, you’re brave.” We’re walking upright again. I’m watching her face closely, even though she’s simply looking ahead. I’m trying to get better at reading her, at knowing what she’s thinking. She’s so smooth and fluid in everything she does, in her expressions, her movements, her speech… It’s nearly impossible to know what she’s has on her mind. Fortunately, she normally tells me. Or it seems like she does.
“I…” Her fine brows pull together as we walk.
“Hey, Jameson. You two ready for a ride up?” Paul’s waiting at the elevator.
“Definitely,” I answer.
We reach the top of the Eiffel Tower and we’re alone. Just like I hoped. Like I planned. Paul goes down, with the promise we’ll be able to get ourselves back without him.
“So, now I know the planned kiss moment.” Sky looks over her shoulder at me as I follow her out of the elevator.
“What?” Do I come off sounding as innocent as I want to?
“Alone, at the top of the Eiffel Tower, over-looking the Las Vegas city lights in every direction. It’s pretty ideal. You were good to save this for last.” She smirks and nods in approval. Does this mean she’s okay with it?
“Well, just so you don’t feel this is overly contrived, I actually hoped for a kiss as soon as I picked you up, or maybe after the meal. Or with the dolphins …” Maybe if I’m teasing too, my forwardness will be okay.
“Stop.” She laughs a little. “I don’t want to feel like all of this was just to get a kiss.”
“All of this was to see the smile on your face when you were holding those slimy fish.” And there’s actually more truth to that than there is over the kiss. But just barely.
She laughs, a real one this time, but her face falls when our eyes meet again. “I really like you, Jay, but I don’t want to be the girl who helps you get over the other girl.” It’s the first time I’ve seen her look vulnerable.
“You’re not.” I shake my head. I want to feel our lips together again. Our mouths together.
“You wouldn’t know, Jameson.” Her head shakes almost imperceptibly. She leans against the metal grating keeping people from people jumping or falling over the ledge.
“I know how I feel.” Like I want to hold her, touch her, kiss her. I step closer.
“How’s that?” Her hands are on the railing behind her, holding on.
“Like I can talk to you. Tell you things. I want to be honest with you, in everything.”
“Do you still hurt? Here?” She pushes a hand against my chest.
“A little, but not when we’re together.” That’s huge, right?
She squeezes her eyes tight. “Then you are using me, Jay. You don’t mean to, but you are.”
“I don’t want to.” I take her face in my hands. “I want to enjoy this feeling you give me, just by being around.” I can’t believe how brave I am. She feels like silk—her cheeks, the wisps of hair touching my hands.
“How’s that?” There’s no smirk or tease on her face at all. Even with her angles, she looks so soft.
“Like I’m flying.” I smile and tilt my face closer to hers. Close enough that I can feel her breath on my face. “Like I’m flying through the night sky because I have no idea what the hell I’m doing, but I can’t get enough of it.” I don’t ask her this time. I press our lips together, and she kisses me back. My arms slide down her shoulders, down her arms, around her waist, deepening our kiss. Then I pull her against me and it’s even better than I imagined. It feels like we’re on top of the world, our lips together, our bodies together and it’s just me and Sky. Just us. Because now, Sky and Jameson go together. And it’s awesome.
NINE
I don’t see Mom or Dad on Saturday. I sleep in, and I don’t know what their schedules are, but they’re both gone when I wake up. Sky is gone for the week, back in Alaska to visit her mom for UNLV’s spring break. She leaves today. As much as I want to see her again today, and kiss her again today, I also don’t want to push things too far, too fast.
Well, that’s stupid. I totally want to push things too far too fast, but I really like her and don’t want to chase her away either. We’ll talk this week and it’ll give us a chance to anticipate next week, when she’s in town again.
I spend Saturday night alone. It’s nice. I listen to my music as loud as I want. I swim in the pool and eat potato chips for dinner.
Sunday is for being lazy, even though I got to do that on Saturday. I stretch when I get out of bed and decide to head straight for the pool.
Mom’s already there. I should have checked the clock.
“Hey, Mom.” I shout to catch her attention as she swims.
“Oh, hey… Jay.” She stands up and her voice has a tone I don’t like.
“What’s up?” I sit on the edge of the pool.
Whatever it is, she doesn’t want to tell me. She’s moving too slow. She takes off her goggles and slides out of the pool to sit next to me.
“Your dad moved out.” She’s staring at the water.
“What?” There has to be an earthquake, right? Or an explosion or something to mark this for the occasion that it is. Dad can’t just leave. He’s…Dad. And how could he walk out without talking to me? Is it permanent? I can feel the muscles in my body tighten up, one by one. Dad left?
“Relax, Jameson.”
“I’m not going to relax! Where the hell is he?” I want to stand up and scream, but that won’t help Mom any.
“I don’t know. He—” She stares down at her lap.
I have never seen Mom look so small. She’s like this tower of Mom-ness… I don’t know. She’s strong. I don’t even know what happened, and I want to punch him in the face. Because I love my dad, but Mom.
I don’t know. I don’t know. I can’t even stop my thoughts long enough to form something. Anything.
“He had an affair. He’s…” And I wait for her to finish, but she can’t. Not right now.
My mind is reeling, spinning. My dad? My dad? “He’s not…there, is he?” Is he going to be one of those pathetic men who trades in for a younger wife and starts a whole new family?
I don’t want any of this! Which is a ridiculous thing to think because nobody wants this. My stomach turns over. He doesn’t want us anymore. He doesn’t want me. How… How did this happen?
Mom takes a deep breath. This means she’s about to go into business mode. “I’ve asked to go back into the offices. It means I’ll be working regular hours again.”
“Mom.” I put my arm around her. I don’t want her in business mode, not yet.
“I just thought it would be easier if my schedule was more normal.” She sniffs once.
“Your schedule is normal. For us.” This weight settles on my shoulders, pulling me down. I need to take care of Mom.
And then I feel it. She shakes. It’s the sound and the feel of her heart breaking because of my asshole father. It takes all my strength to sit still. I don’t want to feel helpless, but I do feel helpless. I don’t know how to take care of Mom. Maybe she doesn’t need taking care of. My fists clench together. Dad, Dad, walked out. That’s going to be spinning in my head for a while.
“I’m going to go inside and take a long, hot bath.” She shrugs away and stands up.
“What can I do?” I need to do something. Anything.
“Swim your laps. Spend time with your new girl. Just keep living, Jameson.” Her voice comes out in a tired breath. “That’s what I need.”
“I want to do more.” I’ll go crazy if I can’t help, if she doesn’t give me a job.
“Well, I want to do something, too. But there’s nothing to do.” She walks into the house.
Shit. There’s nothing I can do. I wish our pool were bigger. But I jump in anyway, ready to relieve some of the stress or to at least get my head on straig
ht.
I pull myself through the water with my arms. I push myself through the water with my legs. It’s different than Sarah, but it’s a rejection, just the same. Another person who doesn’t want Jameson. Him leaving without bothering to talk to me is still shocking. Is that how little he cares?
When I don’t think I can swim another stroke, I sink to the bottom of the pool. This has freaked my mom out since I can remember, but it relaxes me. I look around at the blue floor, the blue walls. It could probably be cleaned again. The one thing I know is I need to talk to my dad. I plan to call him as soon as I get back inside. But first, I’m going to sit. Down here. Where it’s quiet.
- - -
“So, your mom’s gone?” Dad walks into the living room, looking around like he’s afraid she’ll appear at any moment.
It honestly pisses me off. “What the hell?” I stand up, immediately defensive. “You’ve been married for almost twenty years, Dad! Don’t call her my mom. She’s your wife!”
“We’re not going to get anywhere like this, Jameson.” Dad’s using his calm voice. The one he uses when he’s dealing with drunken, asshole gamblers. Now he’s using it with me. That must mean I’m being unreasonable. It couldn’t possibly be him.
“I don’t give a shit! You don’t just walk out on this!” Every muscle in my body is ready. Tight. Waiting.
Dad sighs and leans against the counter. He rubs his forehead with his hand. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
I keep my voice quiet this time. Maybe that will get his attention. “Bullshit, Dad. One thing I know is you can stop an action. At some point in time, you make a decision and that decision means you meant to do something. Don’t give me any crap about not meaning to do things.” I can’t believe how angry I am. But it beats feeling crushed like I did earlier.
“I didn’t want to hurt anybody, Jameson.” He’s shaking his head. Like this simple stupid statement is supposed to make it all better.
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” So much for volume control and maturity. My heart’s pumping hard, and my brain’s all scrambled, and the only thing I see is my dad groveling around and not admitting what we both know to be true. He screwed up. I just want him to say it. I need him to say it.
