by RJ Crayton
My hands are shaking a little. I pick it up and hold it tight in my hands, as a wave of guilt washes over me for leaving Susan in that nightmare of a place. For letting Susan sacrifice herself for me. Part of me wants to lie on that bed and have a good cry. But, Susan wouldn’t want that. She wouldn’t want me second-guessing her decisions, treating her like a child, like an invalid. She is strong and brave and makes her own choices.
I sit on the bed. The mattress is firm, like Susan. I take a deep breath, open the envelope, and pull out a single sheet of white paper filled with loopy cursive:
Kelsey,
I’m so happy for you and Luke. I’m just sorry I can’t be there to see
it myself, though Haleema promised me a play-by-play.
I hope you like the dress (and the shoes! — I know how much you love
shoes!). Luke asked me to pick something you’d like, but there wasn’t
a whole lot of time. I lucked out and found this. It practically screamed
from the rack, “Kelsey would look great in me!” At the very least, I know
the size is right. Thankfully, you’re not so pregnant that it won’t fit! I
know you’ll make a great mother.
Know that I love you. You have always been my best friend, and
especially, this last year, you have been my lifeline, giving me hope in
my darkest moments. You deserve all the happiness in the world and I
know you and Luke will find it in Peoria.
You will forever be my friend, and I wish you nothing but joy on your
journey and in your new life. I will miss you terribly, but know you will
always be in my heart, and I am happy that you are getting your happily
ever after. Don’t be sad I’m not there. Enjoy your day today and your
new life.
Love,
Susan
Warm tears run down my cheeks. I love Susan, she loves me, and I won’t see her anymore. I feel as if there is a hole in me because of it. I lift my hands, wipe away the tears and take a deep breath. As guilty and sad as I feel about Susan’s absence and my impending departure, there is nothing I can do about it. All the choices I have made mean that I can’t stay here in FoSS anymore. I have to put on my big girl britches and deal with the consequences.
I set the letter on the bed, then unzip the black bag. Inside is a full-length, long-sleeved, white silk dress. The fabric is soft and thin, shimmering slightly when touched, and hanging just perfectly. It is elegant and simple, and just what I’d have picked myself. Susan knows me too well. On the floor next to the bed is a shoebox. I pick it up and look inside. White heels with an open toe, and a bit of something sparkly embedded in them. They glimmer in the light. Perfect.
There is no veil, which is good. I have never been partial to them before, and now the idea of one is particularly unpleasant, as it screams: “bride is bald.” Though, I suppose that will be pretty noticeable anyway.
I look to the dresser, where a bouquet of white lilies sit. There are a couple dozen buds in bloom tied together with a white ribbon. It goes exquisitely with the dress. I am about to change when there is a knock at the door. I move quickly, opening the door just a crack.
“May I come in?” Dr. Grant asks.
I open the door wider, and he slips in carrying his medical bag. I close the door quietly behind him. “Luke said you might have been injured and he wanted me to check on you and the baby,” he says quietly, adding, “without alarming your father.”
“Yes.” Luke is right. I don’t want my father to worry. Dr. Grant does a quick check of my vital stats, asks me a few questions, listens to my heartbeat as well as Peanut’s, then pronounces us A-OK.
“Thank you,” I say, giving him a hug.
“I should go,” he says, pulling away and heading toward the door. “You need to get dressed.”
Once he is gone, I follow his advice, quickly slipping into the dress, and grabbing my bouquet. I look in the mirror. Bald, but still bride-like. It will do. And, the truth is, I don’t actually care that I look like a Q-tip in a wedding gown. I care that Luke and I are getting married, and my father will be there. Though, Susan’s absence is like a missing puzzle piece in what would otherwise be a perfect picture. But nothing in life is ever perfect.
There is another knock on the door. My father speaks. “May I come in?”
“Yes,” I call out.
He enters, then beams a genuine smile. “You look beautiful.”
“For a bald woman, you mean,” I tease.
“No, for any woman,” he retorts. “Besides, Luke’s not marrying you for your hair. He likes you with or without it.”
“Yeah, I think he does,” I say. “So, do you like Luke more now that you’ve gotten to know him better?”
“I’ve always liked Luke, Kelsey.” And while the statement is a complete contradiction of what I’ve believed up until now, I don’t think it is untrue. My father’s tone is frank. “I wasn’t effusive about Luke because I wasn’t quite ready to let you go, earlier. I wasn’t sure if he would take good care of you. But, I think he’s shown he’s more than capable of taking care of my baby girl.”
Luke is very capable. My father reaches out his hand to me. “You ready?” he asks.
“Definitely,” I say, slipping my hand into his.
Chapter 38: I Do
After the pandemics, as part of society’s rebuilding process, some traditions were abandoned; others became more deeply entrenched. Weddings fall into the latter category. They symbolize the uniting of families, the building of more families — everything a rebuilding society wants and needs to encourage. Society will always survive if our families are strong and plentiful.
So, the idea of a wedding in such a short time in such a small space with so few people feels out of place. Yet, at the same time, I am ecstatic. Especially when I think about the lengths to which Luke has gone to make it happen.
It is time. My father sticks his head out the door, issuing some signal and then, seconds later, I hear Mendelssohn’s Wedding March begin. My father gives a simple smile, holds out his arm to me. I take it, looping my arm through his, and we walk out the bedroom door, to the center of the living room, where my husband-to-be stands waiting in a handsome black tuxedo, cummerbund and all.
Uncle Albert welcomes everyone. “Thank you for coming today to witness the joining in matrimony of Kelsey Anne Reed and Lucas Jeremiah Geary,” he begins. “You all know that it has been a long and difficult journey for them to arrive at this point.” He stares solemnly at us. “And they still have more difficulty ahead. But, they will not face these difficult times alone. They will have each other. Tonight, we are here to unite them. They will solidify their bond so that they may spend the rest of their lives together.”
Albert smiles, then says, “Luke and Kelsey would like to say a few words.”
Luke and I smile in unison, then Luke takes my hands. His ocean blue eyes find mine and everything else fades away: tonight’s horrors, the past two weeks, Susan’s absence, my father’s presence, all the other people in the room. It feels like just Luke and me, together, forever, as I know it should be.
“The first time I saw you, I knew you were special,” he says, his lips curling up into that sweet smile, as dimples emerge from their hiding place. “I knew you were someone I’d never forget. What I didn’t know was that you would change my life.”
His hands squeeze mine tighter, and he looks down briefly, but then finds my waiting smile again. “When I was younger, my home life was difficult because my mother was ill and eventually she died. And we coped and moved on with life. I certainly wasn’t unhappy my entire childhood, but I still knew there was something missing, something I didn’t have. But, when I met you, I felt it. I discovered what I knew all along was missing. I felt peace. I felt complete, like a hole in me had been plugged, a hole I hadn’t even known was there.
“And even though I knew this peace was
new and wonderful and everything I wanted, I didn’t realize it could be taken away,” he pauses, shakes his head lamentably. “Not until last month. Not until you’d been marked, and I realized that everything we had could go away. Poof. Just like that. And worse, I knew that I could not live my entire life without you. Kelsey, I couldn’t imagine not seeing your smile, not hearing your laugh, not watching you light up when you get excited about some new project.
“I’m so very happy you’ve agreed to be my wife. I promise to be there for you every day for the rest of our lives.”
Luke keeps my left hand in his, but releases his right hand to reach for the ring my father is holding. Once he’s taken hold of it, he slips the little gold band on my finger.
The ring is warm. Not the cold you expect metal to be. I am a little surprised, yet it seems fitting. After the month we’ve had, a little warmth is nice.
I am so happy to be here with Luke. His words are so poignant, so touching, I am not sure I’ll remember what I want to say. When I envisioned saying a few words, I thought it would be short and simple. What we lacked in elegance would be made up for in sentiment. Yet, Luke has not lacked eloquence. I hope what I have to say won’t pale in comparison. But, even if it does, I know Luke won’t care, so long as I say one thing. So, I figure I’ll lead with it.
“Luke,” I start; it sounds more like a long breath than a name. “I love you. From the moment I met you, I felt a connection. And ever since then, it’s grown. You are sweet, strong and loving. You have been my knight in shining armor, my friend and my confidante. I often wonder how I got so lucky to have you in my life; and then I realize it’s best not to question your good fortune; just to go with it. So, that’s what I am going to do. For now and for every day for the rest of my life: go forward with you. I promise to love you always and to always try to make you as happy as you have made me.”
I reach out my hand toward Emmie, who obliges me with the simple gold band, and slide it onto Luke’s finger.
We both turn to look at a joyous Uncle Albert, who says, “Luke, do you take Kelsey to be your lawfully wedded wife, for as long as you both shall live?”
“Yes,” Luke says.
“Kelsey,” Albert says, turning to me. “Do you take Luke to be your lawfully wedded husband, for as long as you both shall live?
“Yes,” I say.
“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
With those words behind us, Luke leans in, wraps his arms around me and presses his warm lips to mine, in a kiss that makes me tingle all the way down to my toes. We could stay like this forever, locked in each other’s embrace. It is the applause, the gentle clapping of the small assembled crew that gets us to break free. I smile and turn to see almost everyone who matters. I feel a pang of sadness as I think about Susan.
My father comes over first, shake Luke’s hand. “Congratulations,” he says. “Take care of her.” Luke nods. Then, Daddy hugs me. Albert, Dr. Grant, Haleema, Emmie all offer their well wishes.
Then, my father looks at his watch. “Dr. Grant, go ahead and make the call,” he says. He turns to us, next. “You should say your good-byes.”
Dr. Grant departs for a moment, mobile phone to his ear. Luke and I together say good-bye to Haleema, Emmie and Albert. Then there are two left, my father and Dr. Grant. I don’t want to tell my father good-bye, so I postpone it a moment more by walking straight toward Dr. Grant, Luke following a step behind.
I hug him. “Thank you,” I say. “You have put a lot at risk for us. I want you to know I appreciate it so much. Your help is the reason we’re able to get out of here tonight.”
He gives me a gentle pat on the shoulder. “After your mother died, I promised myself I would help you in any way I could. I’m glad I’ve been able to keep that promise.”
I feel like I should say more, but Dr. Grant ends the conversation. “Good luck, Kelsey, Luke,” he says, then shakes both our hands. He turns and walks toward the others milling about on the other side of the room. Sad to see all those I’m leaving, I look in the other direction, only to see my father standing near the door waiting. I sigh.
There is no avoiding it. I have to tell my father good-bye for good; tell him good-bye and know I am not going to see him again.
We walk over and meet my father at the door. Luke speaks first, thanking my father for all his help getting him into the holding facility as a guard, and promising him he will take very good care of me in Peoria. “I’ve been there on many occasions, with Dr. Grant. It’s very safe and I will make sure your daughter and grandchild are happy.”
My father claps him on the back like an old friend. “I know you’ll take good care of them, Luke. You’ve already done a fine job. I’m glad Kelsey will be with you.”
Luke offers us a moment alone, then walks over to his sister. I wonder momentarily what private good-bye he will say to Emmie. Then I turn back to my father, who looks expectant.
“It’s OK,” he says, flashing a genuine smile.
“What’s OK?”
“That you’re leaving and not coming back.”
But it isn’t OK. I am leaving him alone. He’ll really be alone now. I look down, find a circle to stare at in the grain of the wood floor, not quite wanting to face him. “It’s not OK, Daddy. I know it’s necessary at this point. But, I want you to know how sorry I am that I have to leave you.” I finally lift my head to see him. There is understanding in his face.
“Kelsey, you feel guilty because you feel like you’re leaving me alone,” he says. “I don’t want you to feel bad. Of course, I’ll miss you, but what I want most, what I’ve always wanted most, is for you to be safe, healthy and happy. If you stay here, there is no happiness, health or safety in your future. Going to Peoria means you’ll have all three, and that’s what I want.”
I nod in agreement. Still, it is hard. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, Kelsey.”
We hug, and then, somehow Luke is beside us. He clears his throat. When I turn, his expression is apologetic. “We’ve got just eight minutes to get to the roof.”
Wow, that’s not a lot of time. Luke and I head to my bedroom, and change quickly. Me out of the simple silk dress and back into Susan’s clothes and wig. Luke dons black slacks, a plaid shirt, white doctor’s overcoat, and a plastic ID tag around his neck identifying him as Dr. Stephen Grant. We sign the solo marriage form and seal it in an envelope my father will drop in the mail. Luke shows me a small black waist pouch filled with Peoria currency. I wonder when he had the time to get it, but he’s found the time to do everything else.
Luke signals that he is ready, so we leave the room, wave a final good-bye to everyone, and walk out the door.
Standing in the hallway, the weight of the situation hits me, making me feel as if I am being pressed down by a thousand pounds of sand. I stop, even as Luke tugs gently on my hand, guiding me to the elevator.
I drag behind Luke. Finally, he nudges me. “Kelsey, we’ll get way behind, maybe arouse suspicion, if you don’t move.” He gives another tug on my hand, leading me to Susan’s wheelchair stationed by the elevator. Motioning for me to get in, he says, “Come on, we need to get to the roof.”
Chapter 39: Rooftop Escape
The helicopter lands on the roof, and Luke pushes me toward it. As Luke wheels me closer to the helicopter, the wig feels ridiculously wiggy. I worry that it will blow off due to the massive gale created by the helicopter’s rotors. Or, at the very least, the pilot will immediately spot it is fake hair and send me right back to the holding facility.
My eyes are closed, as I pretend to be asleep, trying to look unmemorable. Luke introduces himself as Dr. Grant and says he will be flying to the airport with me, where we’ll pick up a medical plane to Georgia. I open my eyes in time to see the paramedic nod, then start toward me. Seconds later, I am hoisted out of Susan’s wheelchair, carried onboard the copter and placed flat on a gurney. I open my eyes again, and watch the paramedic
strap me down, as Luke climbs aboard. I close my eyes again and lie still.
The entire flight to the airport, I keep my eyes closed, listening to the sound of the rotors as they whirl above and praying my wig won’t dislodge. On occasion, Luke — or at least I think it is Luke — grabs my wrist, as if checking my pulse.
The flight to the airport is shorter than I expect. When we arrive, the paramedic and Luke heft me, still strapped to the gurney, off the helicopter and onto the ground. Then the gurney is moving, being wheeled someplace new.
Keeping my eyes closed and head tucked down for fear that someone will realize I am not Susan is irrational. No one here knows Susan. But it seems best to come into eye contact with as few people as possible. To go unnoticed, blend into the scenery.
The pilot greets Luke. “I’m Dr. Grant,” Luke lies. “Thanks so much for coming out. Ms. Harper really needs to get to Georgia tonight.”
“I’ll get you there,” says a gruff-sounding man, though I can barely make out the voice over the noise of the aircraft nearby. “Due to regulations,” the gruff sounding man is saying. “She’ll need to be properly in a seat.”
“Will do,” Luke says. “Ms. Harper is able to sit up.”
The gurney is wheeled a few feet, then stops. “Susan,” Luke says. I open my eyes. “I’m going to help you onto the plane.” I glance around, but do not see the pilot. He must have climbed onto the plane already.
Luke looks confident, reassuring, as he lifts me off the gurney and carries me onto the plane. Even though the pilot isn’t near, I shut my eyes and tuck my head into Luke’s shoulder, keeping only my red wig visible. Once ensconced in my seat, I look around to see a small plane with seats that back along the plane’s hull.
It is sparse, yet comfortable. There are four seats bolted to the fuselage on my side of the plane and four pull-down seats on the opposite side. The seat portion is tucked into the fuselage at the moment, in case one wants to put medical equipment there. There are hooks on the floor, that I assume let you bolt the equipment down.
