by Dela
I glanced to Jessie, half excited. But she was talking to Gizelle with both her arms outstretched along the edge of the spa. I slowly turned to Bianca just as her hand cupped my balls. I gulped; she grinned.
I shot up just as an erection arose. “I’ll be right back.”
I hopped out like a bullet, wrapped myself with the first towel I saw, and darted inside. Shit, shit, shit. What the hell does Bianca think she’s doing? What gave her the impression I was on to her? I shook my head, thinking, planning, when the sliding glass door opened. I looked up and my heart sunk.
“What are you doing?” Bianca asked.
“Um, nothing. I needed a drink,” I answered, steering for the cups.
She dropped her towel and followed me in her wet bikini. Oh geez her nipples were hard. I turned away to reach for the cups when her body pressed into my back. Her arms snaked around me when she started kissing my shoulders.
“Kendal . . .”
I spun around, rage branding my blood. “What are you doing Bianca?”
But turning around was a bad idea. She cupped me again and I jumped, nearly knocking the last pickle jar off the counter.
“Kendal,” she whispered, chuckling. I knew she could feel my hardness. “Let’s fool around.”
I pushed her hand away and pulled my waistline loose to adjust myself. As my hands fidgeted I looked up outside to Jessie.
“What are you worried about?” Bianca came on again, grazing her fingertips along my arm. “Is it Jessie? She can join us if you’d like. She’s pretty hot too.”
“What? No, Bianca, no! This isn’t an orgy.” I pulled my hand out of my pants and adjusted the waistband. “Look, I’m going outside. Don’t touch me again.” I slid the door open and turned around. Bianca was right behind covering her snickering mouth with her hand. “And don’t you think about touching Jessie,” I added.
“I get it,” she smirked, twisting her long, red strands of hair.
“Everything okay?” Sue asked as I slipped inside the steamy bath.
I sat much closer to Jessie this time. Our legs were sliding against each other, which would have been cause enough for me to grab her thigh, but that’s not why I did it. I squeezed Jessie’s thigh protectively, because Bianca eyed us like prey as she slid back into the water. She slithered her way back to her seat and lifted her chest up enough for her boobs to bobble out of the water like two buoys. She moaned with a half-smile. “Everything is fine. Just thirsty.”
Once the commotion with Bianca settled, I realized I was holding Jessie’s leg, and in front of Colby—granted he couldn’t see through the raging bubbles. My hand relaxed a bit, and I slid it a little higher up her thigh. She squirmed under the water with a straight face. I was surprised when she spread her legs. I moved my hand higher until my pinky could skim the bottom of her bikini.
In my peripheral Bianca was watching. I knew I wasn’t fooling her. She just smiled and looked away, sliding closer to Colby. He was a Sue-and-Bianca sandwich. If that wasn’t enough to make me feel bad for him, then I didn’t know what was. About five seconds later, Colby’s body jerked up unnaturally, his eyes stricken with shock. He looked at Bianca, her face inches from his, smiling, focused. He looked away and down toward his lap. You couldn’t see it, but I knew what was happening beneath the fluid cloak.
“When are you due, Gizelle?” he asked, his voice raising an octave.
“Not until the end of May,” she replied.
“That’s so exciting Gizelle,” Jessie said. “How far are you then?”
Colby started moving subtly when Bianca looked at me. The water was almost to her chin now as she sank lower, letting her hand do things to Colby. I narrowed my eyes as she smiled. As she looked away Jessie’s left arm took me by surprise, pushing my hand harder into her. Without thinking my pinky spread, teasing her as it lifted the edge of her bikini.
“I’m only six weeks, but I wish I was further,” Gizelle went on.
“Are you sick yet?” Sue wondered.
“Not too bad right now. But I know it’ll get much worse so I’m preparing myself for that.”
“Gizelle’s a champ,” Austin said patting her leg.
Colby jerked again, his eyes rolling back this time. It was unbelievable that no one noticed. I wondered how long it would take, or if he would stop it. I wasn’t going to stick around to find out.
I stood, covering my hard on, steam rising off my chest. “Jessie, would you mind accompanying me inside?”
She stood quickly. “It’s getting hot, isn’t it?”
I reached for her arm to help her out and felt a soggy friendship bracelet around her wrist. I thought it was odd she didn’t take it off as I wrapped a towel around her. Then I threw one over my shoulders and we jetted inside.
Once she was standing on the mat in the kitchen Jessie shook and jumped all at the same time.
“Go take a hot shower. You’re freezing,” I said, imagining lathered soap all over her body.
“I, I, I know . . .”
A ring in the other room whistled its tune. It sounded like mine. “I should probably get that.”
Her chin shivered up and down uncontrollably. We went our own ways, her to the small bathroom, me to Gizelle and Austin’s, picking up my bag and phone off the couch on the way.
It wasn’t until after dinner and games that Jessie and I had time alone again. Colby and the girls went with Gizelle and Austin to town. Colby seemed to be enjoying Bianca’s company more—surprise—but Jessie started coming down with a fever. I opted to stay back and keep her company.
I put some pillows on the floor in front of the fireplace where she joined me, drugged up with cold medicine. I lifted my arm and she nuzzled her cheek against my shoulder sleepily.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” I said.
I took a long pause. I reached across my body with my free hand and grabbed hers. I placed it on my lap and traced her veins with my fingertips up to the curve of her wrists. I found that old, haggard bracelet again and pinched it between my fingers. It was made of wool, and thick. Jessie moved softly.
“Are you comfortable?” I asked.
“Mmm,” she lulled, staring at my fingers whirling her bracelet.
“Jessie?”
“Mmm?”
“I’ll never stop fighting for you. Even when I have you completely, the fight will never go away. Can you accept that?”
She stirred, lifting her head to peer into my eyes. “Who are you fighting?”
“It’s not who, it’s what,” I answered. I felt her stare unwavering, the way I now focused on the fire. “Do you remember when you met me in the airport that you smelled alcohol on my breath?”
“Yes.”
“I . . . I apologize. I need to tell you this.”
“It’s okay. Tell me, Kendal.”
I breathed in deep, filling my lungs with one last comfortable breath. “I was drinking early in the morning because I had a love once, and I lost her.”
“I’m so sorry.” She tried to sit up but I shushed her back down. “Kendal, you don’t have to share this with me if it’s too painful. I’ve never really lost a loved one to cancer. Regina has, but I haven’t. Not yet at least.”
“Cancer? No, baby, I didn’t lose her to cancer.”
“No? Well then what?”
“I broke up with her.”
“What now?”
“I broke up with her because she was trying to get me to tie the knot.”
She hesitated while my information processed inside her brilliant mind. She couldn’t have possibly known that the issue worsened once dad passed. I was bad when I first met Jessie. I was young and adventurous. And now, I was scared. Loving someone so deeply horrified me, which is why I suppose Dad decided to add it to his inheritance clause—and probably the one thing that would force me to a commitment—but that also was written for the old Kendal. I didn’t need his inheritance anymore. And I had Jessie now. Hell, she changed my entire game! If she w
ere meant for me, I’d wait until after the deadline, to prove to myself that I’d changed.
Eventually she spoke with an incredulous expression. “Are you serious?”
“Never been more serious.”
Jessie stopped trying to look me in the eyes and looked toward the fire too. I hugged her tighter. “Well then if you broke up with her why were you the one drinking in the morning?”
“Because I knew that I could have married her. I loved her, I really did. But at twenty-five? No way.”
“So what are you fighting then that causes you to break up with someone you love? Because twenty-five isn’t too young. I would have married at that age if I had found the one.”
I cleared my throat and roused my hair with my fingers. “Well, actually, it’s a fear that isn’t too prominent, but it’s there, deep in my bones. And somehow always dominant when I feel close to someone.”
When she didn’t speak, I did. “I have commitment issues, Jessie.”
“How come?” She yawned, stretching her arms above her head.
“Is it weird that I think if I commit to someone I won’t be able to be myself?”
Her eyes looked heavy, and her body began to go slack. She leaned heavier into me but still never looked up. I was comfortable with that. There was a laziness about it that made it seem like she trusted me. “How about you commit to someone and see how you like your new self?” she said softly.
I chuckled. “You’re so clever, Bubblegum.”
“Buuuuubbbblegummm. I miisssss yoouuu callinnnng mee thaaat.”
“You should probably get some rest now. You’re slurring your words.” And burning up. I was worried she’d wake up worse tomorrow.
“Iiiii ammmmm nooooooot.”
“Shhhh.”
I rubbed her hair back behind her forehead, pretending she was mine, pretending I was still me, pretending there was just us.
A few minutes later, I kissed the top of her head and stared at the flames in the fire. When her blocked-up breathing created a light purr on my chest, I picked her up and carried her to bed.
Chapter Eighteen
Kendal
The house was still asleep when Jessie woke me.
“Kendal, do you think you can drive me home?”
“Are you okay?” She was pale, a light layer of sweat covering her cheeks. I shot up just as her body shivered and her teeth clattered.
“I just need to get home. I feel horrible.”
“Of course. Do you have your things?”
She looked toward the plump bag at her feet.
“Alright, just give me a minute in the bathroom.” I reached for my keys and handed them to her. “Here, you can wait for me in the car.”
Moments later I got to the car. The heater was on full blast. Jessie’s body was limp, propped low against the reclined seat. Without wasting time I shifted to drive and headed home.
We beat Portland’s morning traffic, because we had left the beach before the sun rose. I was glad Jessie slept the entire way, but now we were at her apartment. I shook her shoulder softly.
“Jessie, you’re home.”
Her movements were barely noticeable, and she mumbled incoherently. I realized she would need help getting inside. I hopped out, ran to her side and reached for her bag. I swung it around my shoulder and leaned down to grab her.
“Here, let me help you out.” Her skin was fire to the touch. I kept my hands locked on her arms, unwilling to let her go.
“Thank you Kendal. Will you go back to the beach?” she asked as we walked slowly along the sidewalk.
“I don’t think so. I think I’m going to go see my mom and then catch a plane back to L.A. But do you mind if I stay with you for a while? To make sure you’ve got everything you need?”
She nodded with a shiver. It looked painful the way her eyes squinted. “I don’t want to get you sick,” she coughed.
“Jessie, it’s nothing of concern.”
“Fiiine, come in. But promise you won’t stay too long. I would feel so bad if you got sick.”
“Scout’s honor.”
She shouldered the front door open with a sniff. “I’ll text Gizelle and let her know what happened.”
I nodded as she adjusted the thick grey sweater around her waist.
The front room, which encased the kitchen and family room in one, wasn’t what I expected. I remembered her old suede couch, hodgepodge of tables, and dead plants. Now there was a new leather couch and a large silk tree in the corner by the front windows, which were covered by white drapes. It was sleek in here. No soft edges except from the pillows that carried a modern print.
“You’ve been shopping,” I said, closing the door behind me.
“I figured it was time,” she smiled, placing a full teakettle on the stove. “Tea?”
I joined her in the kitchen. “Here, let me get that. You should go lie down.”
She sniffed, reaching for a tissue on the counter, and sluggishly walked to the couch. “Thank you.”
I turned the heat to high. “Can I get you anything else?”
I watched her slowly ease her aching body onto the couch and moan with relief as she turned on one side. I noticed a folded blanket on the other end. I left the stove and grabbed the soft fabric and spread it out over her body.
“Oh, that feels good,” she said. Her voice sounded stuffier. I checked her forehead for a temperature. Burning.
“Kendal?” she asked nasally.
“Yeah?”
“How come you didn’t call me when you heard I broke up with Colby? Weren’t you happy?”
“No, Jessie, of course I was happy. I seemed to have had a lot on my mind.”
“Like what?”
A soft whistling burst through the silence. I shot up and ran to the kitchen as it grew louder. I snatched a towel that was tossed on the counter and used it to grab the kettle handle. I turned the heat off and poured us two mugs of water.
“Where’s your tea?” I asked.
“In the cupboard to the left above the stove.”
There were two kinds: chamomile and English breakfast. Considering I didn’t want to be waking her up, I poured us both herbal and joined her back at the couch. I set her tea on the coffee table and sat on the floor by her head.
“So?” she asked.
“So what?”
She grinned through her tight congestion and watery eyes. “Was the stuff on your mind about me by any chance?”
“Some of it, yes.” I knew I couldn’t tell her about the will. Hell, that would scare even me off.
She lifted her mug and raised it underneath her nose. She breathed in the steam, closing her eyes as tranquility filled her. Then she opened them and looked right at me as if she’d been saving a fair amount of sternness. “Why do I feel there is so much more that you aren’t telling me?”
“What would be the fun in that? If you knew everything about me, then I’m hunching you wouldn’t think I was that interesting, and I definitely can’t have that.”
“Is it about your fear of commitment?”
My forehead pinched, impressed. “You remember me telling you that?”
“I wasn’t that drugged.” She smiled.
I chuckled, looking at my watch, checking how long I’d stayed.
“Did you think,” she added, “that I would want to rush into a relationship the second I stepped out of one?”
“That is a great question,” I half-laughed. That was a reason I told myself not to pursue her at first. I didn’t want that reputation, and I didn’t want her knowing that. I narrowed my eyes and smiled. “Do I have to answer that?”
She sighed.
The blanket slipped off her as she set her mug down and rested back. I fixed it above her shoulders. “I think,” I began, holding her hand up, tracing my fingers along hers, “that I didn’t care what anybody thought. I wanted you then, and I want you now.”
“But with commitment-issue-Kendal here, explain to me what want
me now means.”
I laughed again, louder this time. “That is another great question. I’m afraid I don’t have that answer. And I’m afraid I’ve overstayed my welcome. You need your rest.” I stretched my sleepless body as I stood. “Get better Jessie.”
“Hold on,” she rushed. She looked down to that haggard bracelet and twirled it with her fingers.
“Yes?”
“Do you have many memories of Whistler?”
I knelt down and kissed her forehead. “The single greatest memory I have was meeting you.” I stood again, kissing the back of her hand before placing it along her body. “Get better, Jessie Evans.”
“I will.”
As I shut the door to her apartment I knew without a doubt that woman had something up her sleeve. But what, I didn't know.
A mess waited for me back at home. Two vendors tried to cancel their contracts, the design team was waiting for final approvals, and the pile of papers and paint swatches I left before the trip were still waiting for me. I attended to those first. Some were cabinet measurements, some were finishing options, and others were about molding and appliances. I chose what I thought would look best and forwarded my final picks to the contractor.
He responded by email two weeks later. The house would be ready for move in December 20th. I couldn’t have picked a more impractical time to move. I picked up my cell to tell Jessie the news in hopes it would make her happy. I hadn’t really talked to her other than to check in and see how she was feeling. Then later, on Thanksgiving when she went to visit her folks in Alabama, we texted on occasion. But nothing serious. The occasional flirtation was as deep as it got. Every time I tried calling she was busy grading papers or meeting Bianca and Sue at the gym—which I worried about, I admit. I wondered if Bianca would make a move on her. And every time she called, I was in a meeting. I didn’t know how I was going to juggle living in Portland and running my business in L.A.
I didn’t even know when I would be back to see Jessie, but I missed her more and more each day. One late November afternoon, when the leaves were orange and the sun hadn’t shone all day, I turned my home screen on and opened up my texts to Jessie’s name.
