by Dela
My heart stopped at first glance at the clock. No, it must be wrong. I snatched my phone. 10:01 a.m.
“AHHHHH!”
I speed dialed the school immediately. My room was spinning, my head pounding. I rushed to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water and ibuprofen. Did I really go to Vegas last night and come back at five in the morning? Oh mother, did Kendal see me drunk?
“Hi, Mr. Latche? Yes, I know. I must not have heard my alarm. A sub? You already got a sub? Yes, I understand. Fired? But . . .why . . . how did you know about Ukraine? My server?”
What he said next I couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter. I was a newly unemployed person by no choice of my own.
I speed dialed Kendal before the floodgates opened. I’ve never been fired before and it stung like a fresh cut. I deserved to have that job. I was better than half the teachers there. So what if I had Ukraine? That job was what kept me grounded.
“You’re alive,” he answered on the first ring.
“Are you busy?” Oh no, I sounded panicked and desperate—and I hated both.
“Define busy. Wait, why aren’t you at school?”
“My alarm didn’t go off. And they fired me!” I rushed. My bottom lip quivered and I squeezed my jaw to stop it as I took a deep breath.
I heard him muffle the phone with his hand to speak to whoever was next to him at the moment.
“So what happened?” he said. “They fired you? Didn’t Gizelle get you that job?”
“What do you expect when you miss too many days of school and then you do a no-show? I can’t believe how irresponsible I am. I should have never taken all those days off right before Christmas, and I should have never gone to Vegas. I’d only just started this job a few months ago! I was right. Whims are stupid.”
“Jessie, calm down. What are you talking about whims are stupid? I don’t know what last night was about, but you getting fired had nothing to do with you taking time off, or not calling. There had to be something else. School districts don’t just fire teachers. There has to be a good cause. Is there something else that happened?”
“I can’t believe my alarm didn’t go off!” I argued, unable to focus on anything at the moment. The room was spinning.
“I’m sorry, Jessie. I can tell this is hard for you. Do you need anything?”
I let out a sharp breath. “I’m just so mad!” Ukraine felt so close I could taste it. And right now it tasted bitter. I didn’t want to leave like this.
“Babe, you don’t have to work. I can take care of you.”
“Absolutely not. I support myself . . . but you can feed me tonight if you’d like.” I glanced at my luggage waiting to be packed.
“Done. Be at my place at six?”
“Why so late?”
“Because I’m picking up my mom from the airport. I told my driver not to worry about it.”
“Your mom will be in town?” I suddenly lost my breath again and a parched feeling consumed me.
“Jessie, breathe. She’s harmless.” There was a faint pause and then he rushed, “She also doesn’t believe I have a girlfriend.”
“That’s why she’s coming . . . because of me?”
“She’s bringing papers for me to sign. But she’ll love you, you’ll see.”
“Oh alright. I trust you, but it doesn’t mean I’m any less nervous.”
“Thank you. You’re amazing! I’ve got to run and get some business done before I see you. Are you going to be okay until then? Want me to send my driver?”
“No thanks. I need to drive myself tonight.”
“Okay, love. Tonight then.”
He hung up to finish undone business, whatever that meant. So I stumbled over to my Ukraine papers, suddenly feeling like a fool for keeping all this a secret. My flight left at eight in the morning. Was it wrong that the thought of leaving made my heart race? What if unfinished business meant picking up a ring? It was possible, and his mom was on her way to town. She’s probably here to celebrate! But what about my dreams?
Feeling brighter, despite having a hangover, losing my job and knowing I was leaving Kendal in a few hours, I showered and met Sue and Bianca for lunch at an indoor café. I was surprised to see that Sue was engaged to I-drive-a-jeep hipster, and that Bianca and Colby were still on and off. Gross.
I left them feeling hopeful about Kendal and me. According to them, they’ve never seen Kendal with anyone longer than a day. That was a good sign, right?
I pulled onto Kendal’s property a couple hours later in a nice sundress. It was dark now and the glare of the house reflected off the wet pavement as I drove down the elongated driveway. I parked under the awning and took a deep breath, reaching for my coat. It was still too cold to go anywhere without it.
I pulled out my phone and texted Regina with a bad case of fear.
Meeting Kendal’s mom tonight and my plane leaves in a few hours. I can’t do this Regina, I just can’t!
This is a one-way street. If Kendal doesn’t pull something big tonight I’d be shocked. And if he doesn’t, then you will be doing what you’ve always wanted to do in Ukraine. Have faith friend.
Going into the lair. Wish me luck.
I smoothed out my hair and rang the doorbell. I don’t know why Kendal gave me a key, I never felt comfortable using it. It would be different if I lived here.
“Jessie, you’re here!” Kendal greeted me with a tight hug and quick smooch. “You look stunning.”
“Thanks.” His mouth tasted like cinnamon. I licked my lips as he grabbed my hand and walked me to the kitchen.
“Mom, this is my girlfriend, Jessie . . . Jessie, this is my mom, Maria.”
A short, thin woman with wavy brown hair turned around. She stunned me with young, piercing green eyes like Kendal’s. “Jessie? The Jessie my son claims to have?”
Claims to have? I wondered what she meant as I glanced at Gizelle by the food on the island, snacking on some cheese and crackers on a wooden platter. Her eyes narrowed on Kendal’s and shook her head. I couldn’t tell if she looked disappointed or angry, but something was definitely bothering her.
“My mom . . .” Kendal cut in. “Never believed that I had a girlfriend.”
“Oh,” I said, relieved. I couldn’t help the awkward chuckle that escaped.
“Well would it hurt to talk to your mother more?” she said sweetly, walking toward us.
I felt her dominance as she approached me and tried to stand up straighter. She got close enough to me that I leaned back, but then she raised opened arms and hugged me.
“Nice to meet you, Jessie.”
Surprised, I reciprocated the hug and felt bones. She was skinnier than she appeared in her sweater. She took a step back and split the closed smile she held, which felt warmer than her striking glare.
“Kendal has told me so much about you,” she said. Her smooth skin seemed poreless, but there were a few wrinkles that made her look human and not all plastic.
“Oh you have?” I looked toward Kendal nervously. “He didn’t tell me.”
“Oh yes, he’s been trying to convince me that he’s been fond of you for a very long time. I had to come see this mystery girl for myself.”
“Oh,” I laughed awkwardly and threw up jazz hands. “I’m here.”
Something seemed off, but I couldn’t guess what. Kendal acted reserved, and Gizelle was not her usual Mrs. Congeniality self. In fact, she hadn’t seemed to look me in the eyes once since I’d arrived. Was she appalled at what I’d done last night?
“Can we eat?” Gizelle begged, filling her mouth with another bite of cheese.
“Where’s Austin?” I asked.
She finally looked up as I spoke, and she looked tired. “He’s at home with Daniela. She’s sick.”
“Sick?” I wondered. We were with her only yesterday and she seemed fine.
“A little too much fun at Enchanted,” she added, snapping a carrot between her teeth.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. If I would have known
. . .”
She smiled. “It’s okay, Jessie.” She stood and stretched her back. It made her baby bump protrude more in her loose shirt. “She was just excited she didn’t have to go to school.”
“Oh,” I chuckled. “Give her my love?”
Gizelle nodded, knowing I wouldn’t be able to do it myself. She knew I was leaving tomorrow, and was always okay with it, as okay with it as she could be I suppose. She’d tried to convince me to stay a few times but gave up when I threatened to never speak to her again. If Kendal had a proposal planned tonight, she’d be happy right now, right? I began to think Kendal’s mom was here for something else entirely. I gulped.
Eventually we all made it to the formal dining table. It wasn’t prepared for a special occasion. The candles on the candlesticks weren’t lit, and I noticed he hadn’t used his nicer china. I watched, even more confused about why I was here, as Kendal sat the grilled chicken on the table next to a salad he’d prepared with some fruit.
“So I spoke to Steve,” Maria said, glancing at Kendal.
“Mom, can we please not talk about this right now?” Gizelle asked. Her plate was already piled with food, but I thought she looked sick. Was this guy Steve making her sick?
“Isn’t Steve the attorney?” I asked.
“Mom.” Kendal stiffened and looked down. “We can talk about this later.”
Her jaw snapped shut, and she looked back and forth between me and Kendal.
“Jessie,” Gizelle asked, kindly interrupting the silence. “Can you pass the bread please?”
I was at a loss for words, so I passed it in silence.
“Jessie, how long have you known Kendal again?” Maria asked.
Did she think I was after Kendal for his money? I couldn’t make sense of my presence if she didn’t seem interested in getting to know me.
“We met over seven years ago on a trip to Whistler.”
“How nice that you two were fortunate to meet again later in life. You two are very lucky.” She took a bite of a sliced strawberry. “Do you have siblings?”
“No, I’m the only child.”
“Do you live near your parents?”
“No, they live in Georgia.”
“Did Kendal bring you out here?”
“Actually, Gizelle got me a job at Daniela’s school.”
“Mom,” Kendal interrupted. “Jessie and I have known each other longer than we’ve been together. We are still working things out.”
“I see, son.” She lowered her gaze to her food and began to actually eat her dinner.
“How long will you be in Portland?” I asked.
“About a week or so. Just enough time to be with Daniela.”
“I bet you miss her so much.”
She swallowed her bite before saying with a longing smile, “I do, yes. I would love to move here so I can be closer.”
“She’s been saying that for years,” Gizelle added, rolling her eyes. She rested her cheek on her hand as she circled her fork on the plate.
“Oh shush. You know why I haven’t moved here.”
“Mom, it’s called letting go. If dad never had a reason for all his things then you don’t either.” Gizelle turned to me. “I’ve been telling her to sell a lot of their things and just move out here.”
“Don’t get them going, Jessie,” Kendal warned with a playful grin.
Maria nocked her head to Kendal “What’s that supposed to mean, son?”
“Nothing, mom.”
“Enough about me. I’m here for you.” She turned to me, then back to him and asked, “Are you guys happy?”
From the corner of my eye Gizelle’s hand slapped across her eyes. I glanced to Kendal for help. What sort of question was this?
“Well I can only speak for myself but yes, mom, I am extremely happy,” Kendal answered, careful not to look up toward me as he speared his pork chop with a bit of force.
“Excuse me for asking, Jessie, but it's a matter of business. Would you mind telling me if you’re happy with my son?”
“Mom! That is enough. Kendal, you too. I won’t be a part of this anymore.” Gizelle stood, shoving the chair backwards with the back of her legs. She leaned on the table with the palms of her hands. “Kendal, damnit, I told you to apply yourself. THIS is not applying yourself. I’m sorry Jessie.”
Gizelle walked around the table toward me and held her arms outstretched. I stood, and she embraced me tight, sniffing in my shoulder. “I’m going to miss you,” she whispered.
My heart sunk deeper than I knew it could, down into a cavity I never wanted to feel. I suddenly felt I needed to run away.
“Miss her?” Kendal asked, perplexed.
Maria tossed her hand into the air as if this was all nothing. “Gizelle, nonsense. Sit back down.”
“No, mom. I won’t.” She headed for the door, smoothing her hair over her purse. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
No one tried to stop her. I actually wanted to join her. My heart felt unsafe and began fleeing with Gizelle, but I felt I needed to stick around for answers.
“She’s being silly. There will be no missing anyone. Kendal, I can see that you and Jessie are happy. And I’m happy for you son. I know your dad would be very proud of you.”
She took a small swig of her white wine. “I will call Steve tomorrow and tell him you have earned your inheritance now.”
Woah. Red alert!
“Wait, I’m sorry. Did you just say Kendal earned his inheritance?” I asked. My heart picked up its pace, beating so fast my breaths were abrupt and short.
“She didn’t mean it like that,” Kendal rushed.
“No, no. I think I heard her right.” I turned to him as anger stirred in my gut. “Did your mom come here to see me only to make sure you weren’t lying about having a girlfriend so that you could inherit money from your dad?”
“When you say it like that, babe, it doesn’t come out right. You’re here because I want you here, not because of that. I swear.”
I scraped my chair loudly across his expensive floor. Why did he even need more money?
“Please excuse me, I don’t feel well,” I said, holding my stomach.
I threw my napkin onto my plate and briskly walked to the front door.
“Jessie, hey Jessie!” Kendal called, running after me. He stopped me at the door, pushing it closed with his hand. “Hon, you’re taking this all wrong. That will had nothing to do with us. I wanted to pursue you whether it was there or not.”
“But it was there. And you said nothing to me about it. Do you know how that makes you look? Like you were only with me so you could win that stupid money.”
“I see that now, but that’s not how I wanted things to be. You know I care for you.”
I squeezed my fists and grunted. “Oh my gosh I am such a fool to actually think you’d stop chasing whims. You were chasing after that money all this time!” I tried to move his hand off the door. “Please move. This isn’t working.”
“What?” His voice shook with shock and he didn’t budge. “What do you mean?”
“I mean there are just some things we can’t recover from Whistler. Maybe we grew too far apart after all.”
“I beg to differ. I’m very content with you. Whatever it is, we can work through it,” he pleaded.
I squinted and shook my head. “See, Kendal, I don’t think we can. I can’t change who you are.”
“Who I am? What about you? You’ve been checked out for weeks and did I ever press the issue?” His voice grew loud enough for the entire house to hear. It shattered what was left of me.
“That’s not fair,” I said.
“Isn’t it? You’re calling me something I’m not.”
“Kendal, I—”
He folded his arms and looked at the floor with a stern glare. “Just go.”
“What?”
“Go!”
I stared at him with a lost expression as my heart suddenly spun out of control in pain. I flung the door op
en and stormed out with a rage that made everything hurt. I had eight more hours until my flight and now it couldn’t come quickly enough. It would be another long night playing with the yarn around my wrist, but it would be the last.
The next morning, before getting into the cab, and after ignoring all of Kendal’s attempts to call, I untied the frail thread and set it on the counter. Good-bye, Kendal.
I turned my phone off the entire way to Ukraine. I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore. I couldn’t. The thought of losing Kendal for good was so sharp I had no choice but to ignore him and hope he’d eventually stop calling like Colby did. I’d decided that it was the only way around this without losing my mind from sadness.
I flew into Lviv International Airport then took a train for two hours to my station in a town called Klevan. My new home was with an old lady who had lost her husband a few years back. She lived in a small but cozy bungalow surrounded by old trees. She’d probably lived here most her life with her husband. I wondered what that would be like, to live your entire life with your best friend and then lose him to time. But what a lifetime you’d have. I imagined they probably did thousands of things together and hoped she’d have only happy memories of him.
I unpacked my two suitcases in a tiny upstairs room where I had to lean over so my head didn’t hit the ceiling. Only when I was finished and resolved I had nothing left to do did I check my phone. The voicemail was full and they were all from Kendal. I deleted every one of them right away. Nobody hurt me like he did. He didn’t deserve for me to even listen to them. This was my chance to start anew, and I wasn’t going to let him waste any more of my time.
I was shocked how fast the days passed. The children were pleasant and I looked forward to seeing them every day when I woke up. But soon I was facing the challenge of spending the weekend alone.
My new colleagues told me—once I confessed where I lived, with a frail old widow in the quaintest bungalow—that there was an old railroad set in a tunnel of trees that was worth a trip. I laughed when they told me it was called the Tunnel of Love. Actually, it made me want to puke.
But as Saturday approached, seeing that the only thing to do here was walk in the arborous landscape, I found myself wandering to the tunnel.
