I’d never thought to ask anyone that question, but perhaps having a soul felt like nothing at all. Perhaps it merely was, perhaps that feeling of emptiness inside of me had nothing at all to do with being soulless and everything to do with this house and these contemptible people.
“I don’t want to marry him. I don’t.”
A tear dripped off the tip of my nose; only then did I realize I’d been crying all along. In a daze I wiped the wetness from my cheeks and slipped my dirty feet into my hole riddled clogs.
I would regret this night for the rest of my life if I didn’t at least try. Hadn’t I told Ragoth, “I belong to me and me alone”?
Clenching my fists tight by my side, I nodded, and ignoring the swarming nest of nerves ripping and clawing through my belly I muttered Nyx’s incantation, and slipped out of my window for the final time.
I wasn’t coming back here. Ever again.
The moment my feet touched the grass, I ran. My sides ached from the exercise, and my lungs throbbed for air, but I couldn’t stop what I was doing.
I wasn’t even sure what it was I was doing. I’d thought none of this through. But the farther away I got from Zerelda the better I felt. And for the first time in days, I smiled.
The second I hit the tree line I screamed his name. “Ragoth! Ragoth! Please tell me you’re here, please boy, please!”
No answer, only the echoing laughter of beasts that romped and played through the night. Over and over I screamed out his name, so that even the flowers of the field joined in.
“Oh, boy!”
“Oh, dragon!”
“Come, come quick...”
Cupping hands around my mouth, I screamed even louder, aware that if Zerelda were still up she’d probably hear me now, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care.
Not anymore.
She was a liar. None of this was real. My life, my soul, mine to do with as I willed.
“Please, Ragoth. Please,” I moaned with a voice grown hoarse after several more minutes.
Soul sick, I had to confront the very real possibility that my beloved dragon was gone for good. Staring wildly at the trees surrounding me, I dropped to my knees and bending over, banged my fists into the ground, and cried.
It was over and a part of me felt dead inside. I’d not realized just how vital Ragoth had been to my sanity until now. How could I survive in a world without him in it? How could I do this?
I didn’t want to do it.
I didn’t...
“Lena.”
That softly spoken word said in that deep dragonish burr had me jumping to my feet like a wild, startled polecat.
I felt frenzied and discombobulated, and for a second I forgot how to speak.
“Lena?”
He said my name again, gently, looking at me as though he feared for my sanity. I must look a fright, but I didn’t care. I wiped at my face with my dirty sleeves and smiled tremulously.
“You’re so beautiful,” I finally whispered.
And he was, like he always was. So very, very beautiful. So perfect compared to my imperfect form. I felt so ugly, so ungainly beside him, but he came up to me, framed my face in his large, warm hands, and I trembled.
Because I knew that to him I was the prettiest thing ever. With Ragoth, I was beautiful.
He nuzzled my jaw. “I couldn’t leave you, Lena. I tried to walk away, but...” he gripped my hands in his, and when I looked at him, there were tears shining in his own eyes, “you own my soul, my heart, my everything. How can I leave you?”
“Then don’t.”
He shook his head, and I knew he didn’t understand my meaning. Grabbing his face with my hands, I looked deep into his sea glass eyes. Loving everything about him, ready to burst with the overwhelming joy of simply having him here.
“Run away with me. Take me far away from here forever.”
His jaw dropped. And then he was jerking me tight into his arms and I’d read so many questions scroll across his face. But it felt so good to be in his arms, to be held by him.
He trembled, and I knew I was not the only one affected. Dropping a kiss to my hair, he ran his fingers across the bony outline of my back, pressing and hugging me tight. So tight it was hard to breathe, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care if I died in his arms, so long as I never had to leave them ever again.
“You asked me if I loved you, boy, and the answer is yes. Always you. Only you. This world is not sane without you in it. I want nothing, no part of this kingdom, no part of that king, I would rather die a thousand deaths than to live one day without you.”
A heavy growl rumbled through his chest and I knew my words had pleased him.
“But, Lena, your soul—”
Leaning back, I pressed a finger to his lips, stilling the words, and shook my head. “Then I don’t want it. If she owns it, I don’t want it. I don’t need it. The only thing I need is you.”
“But my kiss, your nature, your morphling heritage, you said—”
No, I would not let him talk us out of this. I knew he wanted this too, I could feel the excitement course through him, the scent of it was palpable even to me.
“Everything I know about being a morphling I learned from her. What if she’s lied to me? What if none of this was real? What if she only told me these things to keep me docile and tame? What if this is nothing more than a plot? Ragoth, I can’t—”
“Ssh.” He cringed, looking as pained as I felt. “Stop, my sweet Lena. No more. If you wish to leave, then we’ll leave. I’ll take you wherever you wish to go. We’ll travel the worlds, visit the stars.”
My lips twitched. “The only place I wish to be is with you, beast. That’s the only place that would ever keep me happy.”
For a moment I spied a glimmer of worry burn through his beautiful eyes, but the second quickly fled and then with a chuckle, he shook his head and gently stepped away from me.
“Then stand back so that I may change.”
Laughing, giddy for the first time in ever, I did as he asked and laughed even harder when he transformed into his gorgeous other self. I wasn’t sure whether I preferred the beast to the man or the man to the beast, but either way, they both made me happy.
He opened his gargantuan palm to me and I never hesitated. I stepped into the deadly cage of those claws and hugged them close as he gently closed his fist around me.
I squealed with delight when his wings unfurled and with one giant beat of them we lifted high into the sky.
For so long I’d felt nothing but fear in my life. For so long my days had been nothing but pain and grief and worries. Dreading the day of my blooming, the day I’d lose my will to the whims of my husband. A man I did not know and did not want.
But right now, in this very moment, this heartbeat of time I felt nothing but pure and utter joy.
Incandescent with laughter, I spread my arms and pretended it was I that flew. Closing my eyes I inhaled the sweet breeze of the night and let it sink in deep.
So this was freedom...
Below me the ground sped past and in just moments I saw the very edge of the border of wonderland. I could not wait to leave it behind forever.
“Three.” I beamed.
“Two.” My heart thundered in my ears.
“O—”
I screamed, feeling as though something had just reached through my body and ripped out my spine. Like I was bursting into flame from the inside out.
And then there was nothing but darkness.
I remembered nothing until next I opened my eyes and I was once more back in the groves and soaked in Ragoth’s tears. Fear shone like a beacon through his reptilian gaze.
“Lena! Lena!” He shook me so hard my head lolled.
Groaning, I tried to sit up, and I was crushed to his chest for the effort.
“Oh gods, Lena.” His voice choked up, and he stopped speaking, hugging me so tight that there was not even an inch of space between us. “Oh gods,” he moaned over and over and over
again.
“What happened?” I asked in a haze.
“Your body, Lena. Your body was entirely broken.” His eyes were shrouded in misery and his chin wobbled.
“What?” Fear clung to my skin like leeches, making me feel sick to the pit of my stomach.
“Broken,” he repeated. “All your limbs. Everything. The moment I took you from wonderland. You almost died on me. You almost—”
Shock is a strange, wondrous thing. Torture. Pain. Numbness. It was all of those things, it was also so much more. I sat there in his arms as he cried over me, my world slowly unraveling before my very eyes.
The memory of that bright flare of pain. But not just pain. It’d been everything. And it’d consumed my mind, and my body. I’d spiraled into darkness and confronted the truth.
My soul was bound to wonderland.
Which meant Zerelda hadn’t lied.
Which meant...
I looked at him at the same moment he looked at me.
“I can never have you,” he whispered, “if I take you, I kill you.”
“No.” I shook my head, even though I knew he was right. I could try to hide in the wilds of wonderland, but Zerelda truly did own my soul. She would find me.
She would always find me.
I’d never been my own after all.
My love, my best and only friend, stayed with me in those woods until the sky turned pink with the first rays of light. And then without a word, he held out his hand, took me in his arms, and gently walked me back to the cottage one last time.
Zerelda stood in the doorway wearing a large smirk and knowing eyes.
“Tried to leave, did ya?” She cackled, “I told ye, girl, ye can never leave. Now,” she yanked me in by the hand away from Ragoth who looked forlorn and full of fury, “You’ve a king to see.”
In that moment I wished he would have killed her. Eaten her the same way he’d eaten Hagar. But he didn’t, because hurting her would have killed me and my dragon would never, ever hurt me.
~*~
Ragoth
I’d finally pledged myself. I was a man true. I could have any woman in all the lands as my own (were they of noble blood), but here I sat, perched on the edge of the King of Heart’s castle’s parapet, watching with my heart locked in my throat as the only woman I’d ever love walked down the aisle to meet him.
The grounds overflowed with guests of all kinds. Monsters, fairies, humans, and animals.
This castle wasn’t that much different from mine. The polished stones gleamed like the brightest marble. A moat surrounded the keep, currently full of sirens singing a hypnotic tune as Lena marched robotically forward.
I knew her like I knew myself. Her vacant expression, the paleness of her already pale flesh; she was soul sick.
But she’d never looked more ravishing to me.
Dressed in a resplendent gown of rich brocaded gold and deepest red. Her golden hair was pinned high on her head by a crown fixed with diamonds the size of my talons.
But still her skin glowed that unearthly shade of fine blue that made my heart beat violently in my chest. Her doll-like face that’d always been so clean and fresh, now bore paint. Rouge on her cheeks, bloodred lipstick, and one eye had been painted over with a red heart.
I dug my talons into the stone, at war with myself. I wanted to swoop down there, snatch her up, and never let her go again. Even if we could never know the taste of each other’s flesh, but we’d tried that and failed.
I’d almost killed her in the process and I could never harm her again. But maybe if I could figure out a way to regain her soul and kill every one in wonderland and...and...and...
My ideas stank of desperation, because I had nothing to offer her. Even if I could somehow regain her soul, she and I could never be together. Not intimately. A lifetime of being naught but one of many treasures in my nest, she’d never know the feel of me inside of her. She would be little more than a porcelain doll, lovely to gaze upon, but never to be played with.
She was a woman; she would have a woman’s needs. I already had a man’s need. I wanted to rut her, violently and passionately, and then slowly, decadently, trailing a line of kisses down her spine with the type of reverence she deserved. But I couldn’t worship her as I desired.
Not until she became nobility; only the irony was, the moment she did, I lost her anyway.
She was nearly to the king’s side now.
He stood surrounded by a bevy of knights dressed in red-and-gold armor. His face was cold and impassive. His eyes looked upon Lena with possession and calculation. Dressed in similar shades as she, he bowed deeply when she neared him then, taking her hand, planted a kiss on her palm and whispered, “Zelena.”
Fire churned through my belly. Jets of steam frothed from my snout. I wanted her to shove him away. Wanted her to stomp her foot and show the type of passion with him that she’d so often shown to me.
But Lena was cold, and completely detached from the situation around her.
A priest, dressed in a smock of black and white with hearts painted all over it, intoned deeply, “Do you, King Charles of Hearts, take Zelena Hermosa to be your bride?”
“I do.” His voice was a deep, steady rumble.
The priest’s beady eyes turned to Lena’s. “And do you, Zelena Hermosa, take King Charles of Hearts to be your sovereign and king in all things?”
Her eyes, the clear beautiful blue, looked up then, and I knew she saw me. Somehow she’d known I’d be here, known I couldn’t stay away. I shook my head softly.
A lone tear slipped from her heart-shaped painted eye as she whispered, “I do.”
With a roar I could no longer contain, I spread my wings wide and screamed my fury to the heavens. Below me, I heard the cries of the wedding party, saw the humans and monsters scatter and scrabble for cover.
I shot from the tower, launched myself into the sky, and with powerful strokes I sailed through the heavens. Raging, ready for war, for violence, wanting nothing more than to kill and hurt anything that came across my path.
But nothing did. And so I flew, blasting jets of flame from my mouth, drowning in a white-hot pain so intense I thought I would implode from it.
She was gone to me. Forever. My Lena, now the Queen of Hearts, mine no more.
~*~
Zelena
I sat on the edge of the bed, cold from head to toe. The crown sitting on the mattress next to me almost seemed to mock me.
I’d never seen Ragoth like that. I’d heard his pain. And when everyone else scattered, and Charles had ordered the knights to the tower to slay the beast, I’d stood like a lone sentinel, staring up at the sky, wishing with everything that was inside me that he would have turned back for me, would have taken me in his claws, and flown us far, far away from all the madness. Even if it did kill me this time.
To at least know one more moment of pure ecstasy in this life would have been worth any cost.
But my beautiful devil boy had vanished, and I felt void.
Empty.
I’d never seen the type of luxury that Charles had. The bed I sat on that could have slept twenty, the plush carpet beneath my feet, and the trove of jewels at my disposal. The fine-stitched clothing I’d always secretly wanted.
After the nuptials, Zerelda had given Charles my soul, and he’d given her a stockpile of jewels and coin to make even the dragonborne envious. She’d struck it rich; Zerelda would never want again.
Never need for anything.
And though I hated her, I’d foolishly hoped that she would have looked at me with something halfway resembling kindness. But she hadn’t. She’d merely turned on her heel and marched away.
Charles was somewhere in the castle. Soon he’d come to me. Soon he’d join with me, and I would lose every last vestige of who I was. I would become just like him.
And the little I knew of him, it chilled me to the bone. He was pompous, arrogant, unyielding, and cruel.
He’d not laid a hand on
me other than that initial kiss, but I could see the way he studied me. I’d become another pawn for him to use. He would fill me with his seed and his power, and my will would be gone.
I’d thought there couldn’t be anything worse than Zerelda or Hagar, but I’d been wrong.
The door opened, and his stately, handsome figure rested against the doorframe. Dressed in a golden robe, his feet were bare and his head without a crown. He looked more human than I’d ever seen him, and the fear that had me feeling as though I would puke abated just a little.
Charles would never be Ragoth, but maybe we could at least be friends. Maybe someday there could be respect.
But any sliver of hope I’d possessed vanished with his chilling words. “Spread your thighs for me, whore.”
I could try to run away, but I wouldn’t have gotten far.
The king wore a ring on his hand, one that made others do whatever he willed of them.
Even as my body shook violently, I couldn’t stop from lying down on the bed and spreading my thighs wide, exposing every inch of my most private parts to him.
Slamming the door shut behind him, he dropped his robe, and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as I saw his thick member curve ever upward.
“We will only ever do this once.” He chuckled, crawling over to me on the bed. “But then, it’s not like you will care once I’m through with you.”
He slapped me then. I’d done nothing wrong, but the way he smirked, I knew he was the type that delighted in inflicting pain. I knew this, because I’d seen that same look in Zerelda’s eyes before.
I gave no indication that I felt a thing, even though my cheek throbbed.
His eyes thinned. “Didn’t hurt enough I see?”
So he punched me. In the corner of my jaw, splitting my lip open so that I tasted blood. I moaned and he smiled.
I felt nothing when he took me. No joy. No desire. I closed my eyes and brought Ragoth’s beautiful face to my mind, waiting for the moment I lost every trace of what it meant to be me.
There were two quick grunts, and then I felt something hot splash through my channel.
I was dead inside. What little goodness had remained snapped in me. Kindness. Life. It was gone. I was cold and I was dead. I was nothing now.
The Passionate Queen (Dark Queens Book 2) Page 7
