When they were in the room, Harper looked at him with wide eyes. He didn’t know her well enough to know if she was suddenly hesitating now that they were alone, in a bedroom, or if she was adjusting to the darkness.
“Do you want the lights on?” he asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” she replied.
For whatever reason, that made his temper react. It should matter. This would be their first time, and that mattered. At least, it mattered to him.
“We don’t have to do this,” he said, his voice more annoyed than he intended it to be. “If you don’t want to.”
Her brow furrowed. “You’re defensive,” she said. Like it was a fact. Because it was. “Why are you defensive?” She tilted her head to the side and gave him a pointed stare. “This doesn’t have to mean anything. Sex is sex. I know guys like to think that girls can’t separate sex and love but we can. At least, I can.” She narrowed her eyes when she saw him smirk. “What?”
“You’re babbling,” he said, cocking his head to the side and looking at her with a knowing glint, even through the haze of lust. “You’re nervous. Which means this isn’t just about sex to you. It’s more.”
She felt her cheeks start to heat up. “Is it,” she began.
“You’re cute when you’re nervous,” he said, interrupting her without a care in the world. He reached out and curled a strand of hair around his finger. “Especially if I’m the one making you nervous.”
“Do you want sex to mean more to you?” she forced herself to ask, forced herself to not think about his words and the effect they were having on her heart.
He stared at her for a long moment. “You really don’t get it, do you?” he asked. “What you do to me.” He shook his head, the corner of his lips tilted up. “I want what you want, Harp. I want you. I do. But sex isn’t just sex to me. Not when it comes to you.”
Harper swallowed, nodding her head. She had no idea why she was nodding her head. Probably because she didn’t know what else to say.
“How do you feel?” he asked, his eyes still intense, still cloudy and dark.
“I,” she said, “I don’t know how I feel, to be honest. I just know I want you.” She locked eyes with him, the truth of her words surprising even her. “I want you.”
His nostrils flared at her words, his gaze becoming even more intense, and he nodded his head. He didn’t hesitate and took her in his arms before claiming her lips like they were his, like he had any right to claim them at all. She opened willingly to him, and when he started to tug at her shirt, she didn’t pull away, didn’t stop him.
Because she did want him.
Badly.
It wasn’t long before her shirt and bra had been carelessly discarded on the floor, Zach on top of Harper, her back on the bed, his mouth devouring every inch of skin she could offer him. Her legs were already wrapped around him and her impatient fingers tugged on his shirt so she could see his skin, feel his body flesh to flesh.
When it was finally off him and disposed of, she let her fingers roam every ripple of his muscles. She reveled in the way he twitched under her touch, loved the way someone as strong as he was became powerless under her fingers. He was tight in all the right places, and a part of her wished she had a better view of his back because she was positive she would find the muscles there just as strong as his chest, if not more so.
“You’re beautiful,” she breathed out, not being able to contain the words any longer. Her eyes found his as her words compelled him to stop kissing her. Instead, he simply stared, like he was in shock. Like he had no idea what to say to that.
“No one’s ever said that to me before,” he murmured. It wasn’t something he should have told her, but she was glad for it anyway.
“Then everyone who came before was fools,” she said.
At that moment, he sprung on her. Passion sizzled between them, her fingers clawing at his arms, his back, anywhere she touched. It wasn’t long before the rest of their clothes were shed and they were completely bare for the other, on complete display.
“You’re beautiful, Harper” he said. It was cliché, she knew, and she had just told him the same thing, but the way he looked at her when he said it, the fact that he said her name… To her, there was meaning behind the words other than mere flattery. He meant them.
She kissed him in response. She could feel the length of him press into the inside of her thigh, and her pelvis throbbed with moisture at the simple feeling of it.
In expert time, Zach managed to grab a condom, remove it from its wrapper, and sheath himself up in one moment. He didn’t ask her if she was sure. He didn’t tell her they didn’t have to do this again. He took his time entering her, but he entered her with pride, without worry for himself or from her.
She gasped in response, needing a moment to get used to his girth, but then it was like riding a bike. A new, big bike.
Zach didn’t go slow. Nor was he rough. But he couldn’t seem to control himself when he was inside her. She knew she wouldn’t come from this position, and she refused to have sex with Zach without coming, so she reached between them and started to massage her clit in the way only she knew how.
Zach seemed surprised by this, but he grunted in approval, his eyes getting even darker than she thought possible.
It wasn’t long before she reached her peak. Her heart jumped in her throat and the only sound she heard was the pounding of her heart, somehow beating in time with Zach’s thrusting. And then, like he knew, he whispered her name, and she was gone. She splintered around him in a million pieces with no desire to be put back together again. Zach wasn’t far behind, and when he spilled himself inside of her, she felt this odd sensation of being whole, of being complete.
Harper hadn’t planned on it, but she fell asleep with Zach inside her.
Chapter 15
Zach woke Harper up by slowly caressing her nipples. She couldn’t have been asleep for more than two hours, but it would seem Zach was up and ready to go. One look into his midnight blue eyes and she already felt herself moisten between her thighs. The look was pointed and predatory, like she was his prey and he was going to feast on her.
Except Harper wanted to be in control now. She wanted to be the one who called the shots. She wanted to make this strong, tough hockey player beg for more, moan her name, and be completely and utterly helpless.
As such, she pushed him so he was flat on his back. At first, he seemed surprised. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to protest. But when she reached to his nightstand and grabbed a condom, he closed his mouth. There was still a hint of wariness in those eyes, but he was hard against her thigh and it would appear that he trusted her enough to see where she planned to take this.
Harper smirked as she opened the condom and slowly slid the slick material onto his cock. She drew it out, using one hand to put it on and the second to idly play with his balls. He hissed at the contact, but pleasure clouded his eyes. He was sensitive there, she realized, just like every man she’d been with. Probably just like every man.
Without warning, she straddled him and slid down his considerable length. She should have been accustomed to his size already, since they had had sex so recently, but she had to slow her ministrations down just to allow herself some time to stretch around him. He groaned in response and held onto her waist, helping her ease down.
“Fuck, you’re already wet,” he muttered, his eyes squeezed shut. His grip on her was firm.
“Can you imagine what I would feel like without the condom?” she asked before she could stop herself.
His eyes flashed open, capturing hers. “Don’t tempt me, Harper,” he said, and she felt a shock to her pelvis at the way he said her name.
She grinned down at him and started to roll her hips on top of him, the same way she had danced last night, early this morning, she couldn’t keep track. Any retort that was ready to come out of his perfect mouth was snuffed out the minute she started to move, and even she was cast under
a spell, his cock impaling her in just the right spot. She should speed up, but she couldn’t. She was forced to go slow.
His hands cupped her breasts, his long thumbs caressing her nipples in just the right way that was firm but gentle, eliciting a throb of pleasure to soak the thrusting his cock was already doing to her. She threw her head back, her eyes rolling closed as her left hand found her clit and she started dancing along the swollen nub, begging for release.
Orgasm came easy, hard and slow. It was different, coming slowly. It was powerful and shook her to her core. It was hard to grasp it the way she did coming hard and fast, but this orgasm lasted longer and the waves rolled consistently until she couldn’t touch herself anymore. Until she was too sensitive for Zach’s fingers on her nipples. She had to push them away.
“You’re amazing,” he murmured through hooded eyes. She watched as he gave her a lazy smile, those dark blue eyes never leaving hers. She felt shy under his gaze, which was silly, considering what they had just done again, but she did not look away from him, nor did she immediately get off. He softened inside of her but she liked the way he felt inside her, the way her body felt with him. It wasn’t like the way she had been with the guys who came before Zach.
It was different.
She refused to think about it.
“I should get to my room,” she murmured, prepared to slide off him and grab her underwear so she didn’t make too much of a mess. Zach’s hands immediately stopped caressing her hips, and instead, gripped them with just enough pressure to keep her in place.
“Don’t go just yet,” he said, and pulled her down so she was lying on top of him. “Hang out for just a little bit longer.”
She should go. Harper knew she should go. Who knew when Zach’s roommate would be back and it was already bad enough that they saw her and Zach together at the club. She didn’t want to be known as a puck bunny and a part of her worried that any respect she had from them when she first introduced herself was thrown out the window.
Surprisingly enough, Harper didn’t regret what happened between
her and Zach. Truth be told, she thought she would. She thought she would worry about their relationship, her job, and how the team perceived her. And she did. To a degree. But not enough to wish she hadn’t agreed to go out with him tonight, to kiss him the way she had at the club, and to be with him in his bed.
She wouldn’t necessarily say they made love, but she also didn’t think they fucked. It was an in-between that had the roughness and the intimacy of both. She liked it, she realized. In fact, Harper would never admit it out loud, but she could get used to it.
With him.
So she agreed. She let her body relax. She let her eyes close. And she allowed herself to fall asleep in surprisingly comfortable arms.
Harper awoke to the comfortable pressure between her legs. She hadn’t been drunk when Zach kissed her. She hadn’t been tired or tipsy when they went back to the hotel room together. She was completely sober when she heard the rip of the plastic, when she felt his considerable length enter her body. She didn’t even try to stop it. She didn’t want to.
And now. Now.
Her eyes dropped to Zach. He slept on his stomach, his face away from hers, but one arm still thrown carelessly across her stomach, his fingers sprawled out like she was his, like he was afraid she would slink off into the night.
Her heart felt full at the thought, but the fear immediately jumped in. She had wanted it, wanted him. Badly. She was surprised at how badly she wanted him. Maybe it was because she hadn’t been with anyone since Bryan and wanted to know that someone desired her in that way. And yeah, there was an element of pride that went along with bedding a hockey player. But now, those feelings, that pride, didn’t mean much to her. Any hope of deepening the relationship on an emotional level probably went completely out the window. Her chest ached, but she pushed it aside.
Never again. She couldn’t let this happen again. Any respect he had for her probably vanished. Not that she cared what he thought of her –
No. That was a lie. Harper hated to admit it, but she did care what he thought about her. Because despite his many personality flaws, Harper truly believed that Zach was a good guy.
She had to get out of there. She would sneak out and pretend this never happened. She pointedly ignored when her heart squeezed in response to the decision she made. Her first goal was to get out of Zach’s grasp without him knowing. Then, she would go back to her room, go to the game, and fly home early – even if she had to pay for it out of her own pocket. Then, she would tell Seraphina everything. Seraphina had created this position for her; the least Harper could do was treat her job seriously and give her boss respect.
Harper took a breath and sucked in her stomach. From there, she slowly began to edge her way to the end of the bed. Her eyes darted between the floor – so she wouldn’t topple off with no warning – and Zach, to see if he would wake up. By the time her leg was able to drop to the floor, Zach still hadn’t awoken. Twisting her body to stand up would be easy. She held her breath, angled her body, and stood in one fluid motion. Immediately, she held her breath and waited. But Zach continued snoring softly, didn’t even move besides the even rise and fall of his chest from breathing.
A twinge of guilt hit her hard and unexpectedly. She chewed her bottom lip as she cast one last look at her lover, over his beautiful body. Memories flashed of last night and this morning. It was good. No, not good. The best she ever had. And she was going to give that all up.
She had to.
Harper shook her head. She needed to focus. She needed to get her head on straight.
It didn’t take her long to pull on her bra and underwear. Instead of slinking on her dress, she grabbed his shirt and decided that it was long enough that it could pass off as a dress. If she ran into anyone, they would probably assume she had shorts on underneath the hemline of the shirt because no one in their right mind would walk around with just a shirt and high heels on.
The shoes were a problem. They definitely gave off a walk-of-shame vibe – and that was what she had been trying to avoid which was why she refused to wear her dress. There was nothing she could do unless she chose to go barefoot. She wasn’t sure what was more damning. In the end, she supposed it didn’t matter. As long as she left now, as long as he didn’t see her leaving, that was all she cared about.
So she quickly ran her fingers through her hair, grabbed her shoes and her purse in her hands, and left Zachary Ryan sleeping in that bed without looking back. Even though she wasn’t spotted as she made her long trek back to her room, she kept her chin up the entire time.
Zach felt her leave the minute she slipped from his grasp and got off the bed. He didn’t want her to know he was awake, however. He hadn’t particularly cared if a girl snuck off in the morning after a passionate night of lovemaking. Most of the time, he was sleeping when it happened. Sometimes they left notes, most of the times it was their number, but he rarely called them back. He wasn’t looking for anything serious.
But Harper was different. He didn’t want to see her leave. Because then, it was real. Then, it was over.
And, he realized to himself, the last thing he wanted was for it to be over.
Chapter 16
It was two weeks since they had sex and a few days before opening game. Zach called Harper a couple of times but she didn’t call him back. She had no idea what she was supposed to say or how she was going to communicate her feelings – feelings she didn’t even understand. Harper didn’t want to lead Zach on, nor did she want to waste her time. After everything that had happened between her and Bryan, it was hard for her to open up again. In fact, if she was being honest, it was one of the last things she wanted to do.
Which was terrible, because she knew she liked Zach. A lot. She knew there was a spark there, something that set Zach apart from the rest but she didn’t know if she was ready to take that step yet, to trust someone new.
It was frustrating
because the desire was there – the desire for him and to let him in, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. Not yet, anyway. So she acted like a coward. She avoided the situation because nobody got hurt.
Harper knew she was throwing something good away by not taking a chance and she hated herself for it. But she didn’t want to get tangled up with someone new when she needed to sort herself out. If she was still afraid of her last boyfriend, she couldn’t possibly be ready for a new one. It wasn’t fair to Zach and it wasn’t fair to herself.
The stress must have caught up with her because by the time late September rolled around, she came down with a bad cold. Her nose was clogged up so badly that she found herself waking up in the middle of the night because she couldn’t breathe. She also refused to take saline drips because she didn’t want to get addicted to them. Because of the sinus issue, her head swelled up and she had constant headaches. She was pretty sure her eyes were red, her skin was pale – which washed out her face and made her freckles look darker than they were – and her hair was limp and lifeless and also probably oily due to the fact that she hadn’t washed it.
When Monday morning rolled in, Harper called Seraphina to let her know she wouldn’t be in. Her voice was raw and scratchy, which, while felt like gargling glass, made Harper feel as though she wasn’t lying.
When that was finished, she headed over to her couch, grabbed her Roku control, and flipped to Netflix. She never really had an opportunity to indulge in some binge watching and she wanted to get more into Grey’s Anatomy. She had cranberry juice and popcorn on the coffee table, her favorite quilt wrapped around her body, and her bedroom pillow on the arm of the couch, so she could lie down comfortably.
Three and a half episodes in, there was an unfamiliar knock on the door. Harper’s eyes flitted over to the door, and she debated on whether or not she was actually required to answer it. Her grandmother would have called beforehand to make sure she was home before dropping by and she would know Bryan’s knock regardless of the amount of time spent apart. Not in a romantic way, but because the sound of him unnerved her, set her on edge. It was as though her body was protecting her from any potential threat he posed to her.
Exes and Goals: A Slapshot Novel (Slapshot Series Book 1) Page 9
