by Sky Winters
“Perhaps you did,” he said, taking another bite of eggs. Then he pointed his fork at her. “But I get the feeling that you’re able to accomplish great things, with or without a good teacher.”
She blushed. Immediately, she looked down at her food in an attempt to hide her awed expression from him. “Thank you,” she said.
Secretly, she reveled in that compliment for the rest of the day.
Life continued on like that—sharing breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, but spending the time in between working on various chores by themselves. Anna always remained indoors while Earl spent most of his time tending to the barn and to the animals; it was a good system, one that she enjoyed.
And every night, they slept in the same bed together. The more often this happened, the more comforting Anna found the arrangement. She felt safe, sleeping next to a strong man like Earl. And though the two often discussed getting her own room constructed, she secretly hoped they never had the time or the means to make this happen. She wasn’t sure if she could learn how to sleep by herself again…without another warm body, without the soothing sounds of Earl’s gentle breathing…
Anna shook her head. Dinner having been finished for some time now, she returned her attention to putting the newly cleaned dishes back into the cabinets. Earl was sitting in his rocking chair by the fireplace on the other side of the room, the fire’s warm glow flickering over his muscular figure.
It had gotten immensely colder over the time she had been living there, and she swore the air was beginning to taste like snow. She looked at her foggy window, its corners frosted. A little thrill shot through her at the thought of snow falling over her cozy little cabin; it would just be like the cabin in her old snow globe her father had given to her.
“It’s December, isn’t it?” she asked Earl. She put the last clean dish away before turning to get a better look at him. “Don’t you think? It feels like winter.”
“Yeah, I think it is.” He looked over at her. “Why?”
Laughter burst out of her mouth until she realized he was completely serious, then her face fell. “Well, uh, it might snow, because that happens in the winter, and…and Christmas is coming up.” Another wave of excitement crashed over her when she realized this, but then she was immediately tempered when a different question came to mind. “Do you decorate for Christmas?”
He stiffened. His expression hardening, he returned his attention to the fire. “I didn’t last year, no. There’s no one here to see it, so why bother?”
“So we’ll see it.”
She hadn’t mean to sound confrontational, but when tense silence followed, she winced at her apparent insensitivity. Puffing out a taut breath of air, she walked over and sat in the chair adjacent to Earl’s rocking chair. The basket beside her seat was full of knitting supplies Earl had gotten from town a few weeks earlier when she requested it. She used to knit in New York City when she got bored or lonely, and while Earl helped her with the loneliness problem, she just got bored in the cabin from time to time.
She glanced down at knitting supplies now, uncertainty worming its way through her. Already, she thought about knitting something for Earl for the holidays, but if he didn’t even want to celebrate Christmas—if it hurt him too much to do so because of…
“What was your wife’s name?” she asked. It was the first time she had asked such a question about his past, and the moment it past her lips, her heartrate skyrocketed.
Earl was quiet for a moment. “Emma.”
Anna kept her gaze on her knitting supplies.
“She loved Christmas,” Earl said, his tone wistful yet tired. “Always went overboard with the decorations—with the party.”
“Party?”
“Yeah.” He laughed. “She would invite a lot of the townspeople to come up here for a Christmas party. I hated those parties, but they meant the world to her. She loved people a lot more than I did…do.”
She smiled and dared to look up at him. The way his beautiful green eyes seemed to glow against the fire’s illumination was wondrous. She lost her train of thought as she stared at him, but she did manage to say, “I do not favor parties, either, though I never had good experiences with them. People tend to be more exhausting than they are worth.”
Earl looked at her, those eyes of his gleaming with a sense of grief. “I’m sorry.”
She continued to smile, though a flash of guilt shot through her. “No, no, that wasn’t fair of me. I…I do remember one Christmas party with my birth parents…the Christmas before they died. That party was pretty nice. They didn’t have a lot of money, but they had some close friends.” Nostalgia wrapped around her, and it felt heavy but welcomed. “My father was so excited to give me my Christmas present, he gave it to me at that party rather than at Christmas.”
“What did he give you?”
Her throat clogged, tears welling in her eyes. “He made me a snow globe. It had a little cabin in a forest, like this great place. It was the most precious thing I owned, especially after he and my mother died. It was all that I had left of them. And of a better time in my life.
Earl was giving her such an imploring, pained look that she had to shift her gaze. He was so…she didn’t know, but with him just looking at her, she was certain he could make her confess anything to him. How could she ever deny Earl Smith anything when he looked at her like that? She was his, probably more than even she realized.
“What happened to it?” he asked softly.
“Marino shattered it.”
Earl closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Anna.”
“Me, too.”
She watched the fire a moment longer. She thought she could feel Earl watching her again, but it was probably paranoia—or hope—getting the better of her. She mentally shook the thought away and decided that she should go to bed.
“We can decorate for Christmas tomorrow,” Earl said. “If you want.”
She snapped her gaze to him. When he gave her a good-natured shrug, she beamed. “If you’re comfortable with it, I would like that very much.”
He nodded. “I am.”
Her heart fluttered. This was going to be her first Christmas season with Earl—her first good one since her parents died. It was reassuring to know that he wanted to partake in these traditions with her. More than that, it was a little moving. He was willing to do something good for her even though it reminded him of his late wife? Even though it hurt him? Anna was determined to do right by him as often as she could, and she was going to make sure this man had a good Christmas with her.
A good Christmas. It had been a long time since she believed she would get one of those again.
Chapter Five
The next day, Earl took out a few small crates from the cellar and placed them inside the front room. After he pried the crates open, he showed Anna all of the ribbons, fancy candles, ornaments, and religious figurines inside them. Anna carefully picked up a figurine of Jesus and cradled it in both of her hands.
“You can decorate the house while I go look for a tree,” Earl said, glancing over the crates.
“By yourself?” She put the figurine back into the crate, her eyes never leaving her husband. “Are you sure you don’t need any help? I really don’t mind going with you.”
He shook his head. “There’s a sled in the barn, behind the table. And I got some strong horses; I’ll manage.”
Anna bit her lip. Earl was a muscular man, yes, but the thought of him going out into the forest alone still made her stomach churn with worry. What if she lost him because of some unavoidable accidental? Many horrible possibilities tormented her, making fear jitter through her veins.
Earl grabbed her hand, startling her. When she looked up, she saw that he was smiling at her.
“I’ll be fine,” he said, squeezing her hand. He looked more amused than anything else, but she could see a bit of patient concern in his expression. “I wouldn’t leave you alone over a Christmas tree.”
She couldn�
�t help but chuckle at that, her fear twisting into something a little more…calming—or, at least, something she could tame. She straightened a little and held her head high. “You better not, Earl Smith.”
“I won’t. I’ll be back before lunch.”
“Alright. Be careful.”
He laughed. “Don’t worry so much! Have a little faith in me.”
She gave him a hard look. “Only if you’ll be careful.”
“I’ll be careful.”
“Then I have faith in you.”
He smirked, fondness in his eyes. Then he nodded and went to their bedroom to put on his winter clothing. As he did that, Anna looked deeper into the crates. She took out a few red ribbons and glanced around the front room and the kitchen.
“How do you want me to decorate?” she called back to Earl.
“Any way you like,” he called back. “It’s your home, too.”
Warmth bloomed throughout her torso. Biting back a grin, she started thinking about how she wanted to decorate this year. She set up some ribbons over the mantle—realizing that she hadn’t found any stockings yet—when Earl walked out of the bedroom with a heavy coat on and a large pair of boots. She turned around to say goodbye to him, but he was already heading out the front door.
“Be careful!” she said sternly, a little peeved that he would just up and leave like that.
“Have faith in me!” he said, winking at her before he exited the house.
A breathy groan crawled up her throat, worry once again churning within her. “Lord, please keep him safe,” she prayed. She hesitated a moment, wondering if she should try to pray harder, before she forced herself to calm down a little.
Sighing, she went over to the crates.
The Lord answered her prayer and kept her husband safe. More than that, the Lord helped Earl find the ideal tree—nothing too tall, nor too wide; it fit perfectly beside the front door and in front of two of the house’s windows. And as Earl had been setting up her tree in that perfect spot, he complimented the way she had made the entire house look, which relieved her as much as it warmed her heart.
She used the ribbons and figurines mostly to decorate the home, only placing a couple candles on the kitchen table; the idea of having many flames inside the house had made her weary. Besides, having a minimal amount of light made the atmosphere more soothing, she thought. Ultimately, she was proud of the display, and it was wonderful to know that Earl liked it, too.
“Would you like to decorate the tree with me?” she asked him in response to his compliment.
Earl grunted, finishing with keeping the tree in place. When he backed away from it, he kept his gaze on the tree as he panted. “Sure.”
Giddiness jiggled through her flesh, making her bounce as she walked over to the crate with the ornaments. She grabbed several of them and held them in her arms before returning to Earl’s side and handing him one.
Tentatively, he plucked the ornament from her hand. He observed the fragile red dome, a distant look coming over his face.
Anna frowned. “Are you alright?”
He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Just remembering.” He moved forward before she could say anything more. Then, with a great deal of gentleness, he placed the ornament on the tree.
Anna swallowed, feeling as if she was intruding on a private moment. A bit of jealous swirled through her then, but she shoved it aside; Earl and Emma didn’t deserve to have such a wretched feeling directed their way.
After several seconds of silence, Anna dared to ask, “Good memories?”
Earl turned to her and smiled. “Yes.”
“Good. Let’s create some more.” Awkwardly, she took one of the ornaments from her arms and put it on the tree. She nearly lost grip on the other ornaments though, and panic spiked through her as she jumped to encircled her arms more around the ornaments.
Earl jumped toward her, as well, his hands hovering over the fragile items in her hands. Once everything was settled, he laughed. “Here, let me help.”
Anna giggled, shifting her arms around so that Earl could take several of the ornaments. His hands brushed against her sleeves, sending strangely warm shivers throughout her flesh. She decided to contemplate on the contradicting sensation and focused on decorating the tree.
When they were finished, it was dark outside. Nothing but the two candles on the kitchen table illuminated the small cabin, and she used that tiny bit of light to observe their beautiful Christmas tree.
“This more perfect than I ever dreamed it would be,” she blurted, soothing albeit disorienting emotions reigning over her senses.
Earl laughed, the sound light and sensitive. “You have high expectations for a tree.”
She snorted and playfully glared at him. “No, you oaf. I mean—” She swiped her arms out, motioning around them. “Everything. This cabin, this place, this tree—everything is just perfect. It’s exactly like I dreamed the little cabin in my snow globe would be.” Embarrassment warmed her cheeks at the childish admission, and she quickly cleared her throat and glanced away. “I mean…without the glass surrounding us, obviously. And then the Christmas decorations…I just liked to daydream sometimes.” She had no idea what she was saying anymore, so she clamped her mouth shut and willed Earl to change the subject.
“I’m glad this is perfect,” he said, voice low and full of affection. “You deserve it.”
Her heart stuttered, and she turned to face him. “Earl, you deserve perfection, too. I don’t know where I would be now if it wasn’t for you and this place.” Her face was still warm, and he was staring at her with such intensity that it was hard to think, let alone breathe. She smiled through it, gratification and fondness soothing some of her anxiety away. “Thank you for saving me, Earl, and for giving me so much.”
His eyelids lower as he continued to stare at her. Though it was rather dark where they stood, she could see the emotions swirl in his eyes. He seemed…not drunk, exactly, but something seemed to be making him pinpoint his complete focus on her. And he was smiling, leaning forward just a little.
Hope and want flashed within Anna. Without thinking, she leaned toward him, too—much faster than he was leaning.
Earl’s eyes widened and he stepped back, his entire form stiffening.
Anna jolted, nausea immediately gripping her stomach. The look on his face now…he seemed horrified and confused, as if he had just woken up from a nightmare. It made tears of humiliation and rejection form in her eyes, her heart clenching and her throat constricting.
Earl said nothing for a long moment before he shook his head and hurried toward their bedroom. Once he was inside of it, he slammed the door shut.
Anna allowed the tears to run down her cheeks. Awareness burned her psyche, reminding her that she and Earl had made an arrangement; he was still loyal to his late wife, and he had told her that—had explained that to her. Lord, she was such a needy fool. How could she have done this? She ruined her perfect moment by not only wanting too much, but by asking for too much. It seemed as if her years with Marino had taught her nothing.
Anna bowed forward, her entire body tensing as agony and regret took a hold of her.
She cried for the rest of the night. And she didn’t dare go into the bedroom. Instead, she rested on the floor by the fireplace until dawn.
Chapter Six
The following days went by terribly. There was so much awkwardness and tension between her and Earl that it couldn’t be ignored, yet that was what the two of them tried to do. Anna had been too cowardly to apologize for her transgression, and Earl didn’t seem to want to talk with her about anything anymore. They ate their meals in silence, avoided each other in between those times, and then at night, Anna would sneak into their bed after she knew Earl had fallen asleep.
By the fourth day of this, Anna couldn’t stand it anymore. Her eyes were always sore, her head always ached, and her entire body was always so fatigued. And more importantly, the longer that this tensi
on continued between them, the more it hurt for Anna to breathe. She missed him; she missed her best friend.
During breakfast, both of them sitting in their usual spots, Anna finally said, “Earl, I’m sorry I tried to kiss you.”
Earl dropped his fork, his entire body going rigid. He didn’t look at her though; he looked at anything but her.
Anna wasn’t deterred. “It was beyond foolish,” she continued. “And I should have known better, and I will know better in the future, I swear it. I am so sorry I did that, and I am so sorry I caused such a rift between us. Please, tell me what I can do to fix it, and I will.”
Earl remained quiet. And he still refused to look at her. He just stared down at his half-finished breakfast, his hand ghosting over his dropped fork.
“Earl,” Anna whispered brokenly, desperation seizing her. “Please, I’ll do anything to make this right.”
Earl cringed. Then, rather abruptly, he stood up and went into their bedroom. He came out a second later with his coat and boots in his arms.
Anna tearfully watched him head outside, into the cold, before he even properly put those garments on.
After dinner, as Anna was washing the dishes in the bucket of water Earl had retrieved from the nearby creek for her, Earl told her that he needed to go into town the next day.
Anna’s grip on a dish tightened. These were the first words Earl had spoken to her in days, and they sounded like…it sounded like he wanted to spend time away from her. Pain encased her torso, a shuddering breath passing her lips.
“How long will you be gone?” she asked quietly.
Earl was stand
ing in front of the fire, his posture tense. “A few days, I think.”
Anna dropped the dish into the bucket and ignore the large splash that followed. “A few days? Why? What do you need there?”
He looked over his shoulder at her, his eyes softening. “Just a few supplies, honest. There’s no need to worry, Anna.”
