“And you.”
“No. I do not know the why.” She would never know that now.
He unbuttoned his shirt and rolled up his sleeves. “Did your father know about your claim?”
“My father?”
“Yes, your father. Did you tell him about the claim?”
“I am his daughter.”
“You just got done telling me he was ill and not thinking straight at the end of his life. A smart daughter would not be telling a man like that secrets.” He soaped his hands, picked hers up and washed them gently, sliding his fingers over her palms, between them, massaging the muscles at the base of her thumb and in the center of her palm. It felt surprisingly good.
She didn’t hear any censure in his voice. “It was my father who found the gold, but then forgot, but no, I did not remind my father of the claim.”
“You were buying your way out from under him, too, weren’t you?”
She nodded.
“Did he know?”
She shook her head. “He did not even suspect. Chinese daughters do not leave their homes unless they go with a husband.”
“But you’ve decided to be American.”
“Yes.” It was hard to concentrate with him standing so close behind her, his hands on hers, the heat of his body wrapping around her like a hug. All she needed to do was step away. That was all. It was the one thing she couldn’t do.
“Hard choices.”
“Yes.”
He handed her a towel, then picked up a washcloth and dipped it in the water. He rubbed soap into it.
“Turn around.”
She did, but he didn’t back up. His hips touched her groin, her breasts his chest, his finger under her chin lifted her face for the gentle wipe of the facecloth.
“What’s your choice going to be tonight, Fei?”
“What do you mean?”
“I may not be as honorable a man as Ida let on. Not when it comes to you. It means the day after tomorrow, when Lin’s relatives come for her, I am going to send you with them. Give you your fresh start. But tonight, tonight I’m feeling selfish. Tonight I want to know what it’s like to make love to my wife in a bed.”
He wasn’t making sense. “What do you do, Shadow?”
“The hell if I know.”
The cloth stroked over her cheek and down over her chin to her neck, hitting the barrier of her collar and then sliding sideways over the nape. It felt cool and wonderful. His hands felt cool and wonderful.
“I’ve always been on the outside looking in, Fei. Other people’s lives. Other people’s families. Other people’s loves. I’ve got a price on my head and that’s not going to change. Keeping you with me would just bury you with me, and that I won’t do.”
“But you want tonight.”
“Yeah.” The first three buttons of her shirt surrendered to his fingers without a whisper of a protest. “Bastard that I am, I want my wedding night.”
“I do not know what the female equivalent of a bastard is.”
He blinked, cocked his eyebrow at her, and the cloth paused at her collarbone.
“But I want my wedding night, too. I want to stay with you.”
“I won’t force you.”
“I know.”
“You’ve got people waiting for you.”
He didn’t understand the hierarchy in family. Didn’t understand where her mixed blood put her. She didn’t correct him.
“You can start over in San Francisco.”
Yes, she could. She wasn’t going to, but she could.
“I will be fine, Shadow. You do not have to worry about me.”
“I seem to do it anyway.”
He didn’t look as though he liked it, either. She could tell. He hooked his fingers in the tiny buttons on the front of her shirt. She could feel his frustration build.
“If you rip this one, I do not have another.”
“Then maybe you ought to do it.”
He was giving her a choice again, she realized. If she would not undo the last buttons on the shirt, then it would all end. She would have had her taste of wild and still be pure. Her cousin’s family could find her a match, and her future could go on in the way it had always been planned by all the people who had a say. Everyone except her.
She undid the next button and watched his pupils dilate, his nostrils flare. The next button wasn’t so easy and, by the time she got to the fourth, her courage ran out. He touched the cool cloth to the pulse pounding in her throat and eased it down into the V she’d created.
She caught his wrist in her hand, wrapping her fingers around the heavy bone and lean muscle. “What’s wrong?”
“I find I’m not prepared to seduce my husband on my wedding night.”
He froze.
She fought the urge to lower her gaze. “I have that awkward feeling again. I do not know what will please you, if I will please you.”
Kindness softened the hard edge. “Are we back to you worrying that these breasts are too little for my taste?”
“American women are much more—” With a gesture in front of her chest, she finished the sentence.
“You’re an American now, you said so yourself.”
“Declaring it did not make my bosom grow.”
Shadow dropped his forehead to hers and chuckled.
“Fei Yen? Has anyone ever told you you’re an honest woman?”
“I do not believe those are the words that have been used.”
“Well, I like your honesty and I like your breasts. They’re not too small and your hips are not too wide and your mouth is not too lush.”
She didn’t know what to make of that litany. A list of her attributes. Was it a condemnation? Was it a compliment?
“Hell.” Shadow sighed. “I’m not doing too well here, am I?”
“I don’t know what you’re doing.”
“I’m trying to seduce you, but I’m not doing much of a job.”
“Why did you not say so?”
Dropping the washcloth in the basin, he picked her up. “It’s one of those things a man isn’t supposed to have to say.”
As he carried her to the bed, she asked, “You have seduced many women?”
“More than my fair share. Enough that you don’t have to worry that I don’t know what I’m doing between the sheets.”
That wasn’t what she wanted to hear. But she, too, found his honesty refreshing, so she didn’t complain.
“How many is a fair share?”
“Enough.”
“There have been so many you cannot put a number on it?”
“Fei, I don’t remember a goddamn one of them right now.”
He was telling her he could see only her and that was good. He laid her gently on the bed. His fingers went to work on the tie of her camisole. She glanced at the lamp. He shook his head.
“No. I want to see every inch of you.”
“I am feeling shy.”
“Then it’ll be my job to get you past that, but I don’t want to force you.”
“You are not, but I find modesty makes me want to throw nos in your face as we go.”
“Just modesty?”
She nodded.
“Not fear?”
Ah, so that was his concern. Cupping his cheek in her hand, she looked into his eyes.
“I do not fear you that way, Shadow Ochoa. I desire you. The only fear I have is that I will be clumsy in my desire and you will turn away.”
His hand caught hers, his fingers twining between hers, before he tucked them behind her back, arching her into him.
“That will never happen.”
She watched the passion flare in his eyes, making them darker still. When his gaze dropped to her mouth, her lips parted, and her tongue teased across the surface in a slow glide, tempting him like a harlot, wanting him like a wife. Never was a long time.
“Kiss me, Shadow.”
He did. Hard and passionately. His tongue thrust into her mouth, claiming her completel
y, while his hands pulled her deeper into the kiss, pushing her further. Passion, so much passion, flowed over her, finding her inhibitions, drowning them.
“Yes.”
Did he say it, or did she? Did it matter? In this they were in total agreement. Bringing her legs up, she wrapped them around his waist, binding him to her with everything she had.
“Be very sure, Fei,” Shadow whispered, separating their mouths the tiniest bit. “I can only give you tonight.”
Only tonight. One night out of a lifetime. One night to remember. Or regret. It was the scariest decision she’d ever made, but this might be the last time that this was her choice. If she went to San Francisco, she’d be bartered. If she didn’t, a woman alone could not always guarantee her fate. But she could guarantee that this first time was with someone who cared and someone she cared about.
“Don’t make me with child.”
His gaze narrowed, his hand came over her stomach almost protectively.
“I won’t.”
But he wanted to, she could tell. He very much wanted to. And, heaven help her, she could imagine it, too. Turning, Shadow sat on the bed, keeping her on his lap. This was one of her favorite positions. In this position she could feel him from hip to breast.
“Why aren’t you nervous?”
“What makes you think I’m not?”
She shrugged and looked away. “You have been with many women.”
With an easy push, he spread the camisole open. She closed her eyes.
“But I’ve never been with you.”
That brought her eyes open. Men said pretty things to women all the time to get what they wanted, but Shadow wasn’t throwing pretty words at her. He was giving her the truth.
She gave him a truth of her own. “I love everything you do to me.”
“I can say the same.”
She could feel him staring at her breasts. Part of her worried and part of her rejoiced.
“I don’t know what to do with my hands.”
“Leave them where they are.” Where they were was on the bed beside her hips.
“If I leave them here, I can’t touch you.”
“Maybe I want you feeling, not touching.”
He made it very easy to feel. Like the skim of butterfly wings, his fingers eased across her chest.
“You’re beautiful, Fei. Like fine porcelain. All graceful curves and delicate points.”
His thumb flicked her nipple. Too light to give the sensation she craved.
Arching her back, she thrust her breasts up. “I will not break.”
But she could. Shadow knew he could break her so easily and not because she was fragile. In some ways Fei was the strongest person he knew, but in others… That honesty she gave him so absolutely meant she was vulnerable to him. He wasn’t a fool. He knew she thought she was falling in love with him. He knew she weaved daydreams about what could never be. Hell, he’d woven some daydreams himself. He was a bastard for asking for a wedding night. But he wanted a taste of what others took for granted. And he wanted it with Fei.
Still, he had to warn her.
“No matter what happens tonight, you’re still getting on that stagecoach with Lin. You’re still going to San Francisco.”
“Not your home. I understand.”
“Good.”
He wanted to strip off his pants and free his cock and rub it all over those sweet, pretty breasts of hers, branding the feel of her into his senses. He wanted to press them together and fuck them until he came. Then he wanted to kiss and love them until she came. He wanted to see the pleasure take her senses, see himself reflected in her gaze when she came and whispered his name. Instead, he picked up the cloth, dipped it in the cooling water and wiped it over her chest. Gently. Tenderly. Caring for her the only way he could.
And through it all she watched his eyes, his expression. No doubt looking for disappointment. There wasn’t a goddamn thing about her that disappointed him. He meant what he’d said. She was perfect.
He dipped the cloth back in the basin. She caught his hand before he could wring it out.
“What’s wrong?”
“I need a kiss.”
Hell, so did he. She reached up. He reached down. His hand curved around her head, hers went around his neck. They held on to each other as they kissed. She kissed him with a passion he’d taught her, nibbling at his lips, licking at the corner, easing her tongue between, claiming him the way he’d claimed her but with a feminine demand that curled his toes.
“Fei.” Her name came out on a sigh of pleasure. “I’m going to touch you now, honey.”
Moaning, she nodded.
He kissed her chin, her cheek, her throat. His hand skimmed up her side, over her ribs, over the curve of her breasts. He cupped one in his hand and plumped it. So delicate. He flicked his thumb over the tip again. So sensitive.
“I want you naked.” A little gasp and a shiver.
“I want you naked, too. I want to feel your skin against mine.”
He could see it, feel it. Shit. She was going to burn him up.
Dragging off his shirt, he gave her what she wanted, skin against skin. Goose bumps chased over her skin. Heat raced over his as he took her nipple into his mouth. She arched, pressing more of her breast into his mouth in silent demand. He closed his lips around the soft peak, sucking gently until it hardened, keeping the pressure even until she shifted and she pulled at his hair.
“Shadow.”
That’s what he’d been waiting for. That breathless sigh of his name, of which he could never get enough. Replacing his mouth with his hand, Shadow switched his attention to her other breast, pinching her nipple as he nibbled at the other peak, bringing it to the same point of need. When they were both hard and rosy from his attentions, he leaned back and brushed his hair behind his shoulders so there was nothing between him and the beauty of her desire. She watched him, eyes heavy with passion, lips swollen from his kiss, her breath coming in excited gasps. He couldn’t wait anymore.
“Stay just like that.” Getting out of bed, he shucked his moccasins and his pants. He washed quickly. He expected her to turn away with maidenly modesty, but she didn’t. She watched him with an avarice that made mincemeat of his good intentions. The water was cool on his heated cock, frigid on his balls, but the heat of her gaze kept him hard. He took the basin, jerked open the window and threw the water out into the alley below before closing the window and pouring fresh.
Fei held out her arms.
He’d accept that invitation soon enough. “Not yet.”
“Yes. Now.”
He loved the demand and the reasons behind it. “I haven’t finished bathing you yet.”
Her cheeks turned as rosy as her nipples when it dawned on her how intimate they would be. He smiled. “You’re going to like this.”
She held up her arms. Inviting him back into her bed, into her embrace.
“Who’s supposed to be seducing whom here?”
“I think we are seducing each other.”
She was right, they were.
His cock slid across the silk of her pants as he came over her. She gasped as he settled between her thighs, letting his cock drop against her pussy. “Liked that, did you?”
She nodded. Watching her face, he did it again, and again, moaning as the friction delivered the perfect pressure. The smoothness of the silk against his cock, softness of her breasts just inches from his mouth became too much, too damn fast. He wasn’t going to last as long as he wanted.
With a hard tug, he pulled off the rest of her clothes. She lay before him exposed and shy, but very beautiful.
Sliding up her body. He loved her slowly, rubbing his cock against her clit, driving them both crazy with the insubstantial contact. Her breasts swelled and her nipples hardened, straining for the touch of his tongue.
“Shadow.”
He straddled her torso. She was so small compared to him. He touched the tip of his cock to the tip of her left breast, watchi
ng her eyes widen, looking for repulsion, finding nothing but interest. He rubbed the head of his cock over the tiny nipple, snuggling it into the crease.
Shadow's Stand Page 17
