by Shawn Wall
"What happened to your grandfather was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done, I'm sure he would not want you to put yourself through this. What happened to him was horrible, I’m sure, but not your fault."
"Seth, I'm not finished. That's not the most terrible part." Her heart rate was steadily increasing, and if she didn’t tell him now the words would never come out.
"I'll just listen.”
"I began dating a boy much older than me. He had already graduated and wanted to be serious. He fell in love with me, even gave me a promise ring. He had dreams of marrying me, of a future. I didn't feel the same for him. I knew I should have broken it off, but he was so good to me. I was hurting so much from the pain of my grandfather's death, and this boy gave me some peace. I allowed our relationship to become physical to soothe my own pain.”
“He is Joan’s brother?” he asked, already knowing the answer.
She hesitated for a moment, and then nodded before she began again.
“For Dwight this solidified our relationship. He believed I wanted a future. I hurt him so deeply. We dated for a long time, and as I grew older I knew he was not what I wanted. I ended things far too late. He stalked me for months. When I graduated from high school, he was still following me. It had been at least nine months since our split, but he just couldn't get over it. I flirted and kissed a guy he hated in front of him at a party. I hoped it would make him hate me, but it didn't. He and the boy got in a fight, and that very same night another dream came. Dwight got drunk. His friends and family searched for him, but it was too late. He was killed in a car accident. I am and will always be responsible for ending his life.
“The guilt and shame of it has haunted me and will till the day I die. I can't predict the dreams. At times they have helped me, kept me out trouble. But mostly they have caused me nothing but heartache. I often think everything that I love will be destroyed. I am already falling for you, and I couldn't go further without you knowing me and this black, empty hole that is inside of me. When I look in the mirror, that's what I see." She was rambling again and had revealed far more than she had intended.
She didn't lift her head and didn't know if she could stand seeing his face or the horror that must be in his eyes. He must think he had sat next to a murderer, a black widow.
He was still holding her hand. Why hadn't he run away screaming? It took some courage, but she lifted her head to look at his face. Then, he lifted his head and looked into her eyes. To her astonishment, his eyes were watery, yet she couldn't read him. Was he just terrified?
His voice was steady and strong. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. This is a part of you. You shouldn't be ashamed of it. We have all made mistakes. You are not responsible for Dwight's death any more than you were your grandfather's. He knew what he was doing, and he was an adult. We’re each responsible for our own actions to be sure. He chose to drink that night. It was his wrong decision that cost him his life, not yours. Flirting is not what sent Dwight over the edge. Inside he must have had his own demons that you didn’t know about. I wish that you had not experienced the pain and sorrow that you have, but all of it has made you the person you are today."
"You don't think I'm crazy?”
"No."
"You should be hurling away right now.”
"That was not a scary enough story to get rid of me. I don't think there is anything you could tell me that would make me look at you any differently.”
"What is it you see?"
"I see the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life." His eyes penetrated her again.
"You may need glasses.”
"Have you ever seen yourself clearly? If I had a mirror, I could show you what I see, what everyone else can see. That first day of class when I saw you, you took my breath away. It usually takes quite a bit to turn my head. I could see you were more than a pretty face, deeper. But when you shot me down, I figured I was not in your league. You were unobtainable.”
"But you didn't say anything to me. You couldn't have been that interested."
"I know you had to see me watching you. I couldn't stop looking at you no matter how hard I tried. I had never been turned down before. I'm not trying to be cocky. I'm not a player, but anytime I’ve wanted to date someone there were no obstacles. I had already memorized every angle of your face, every wave of your hair. When you went out with Tray, I was infuriated. Tray is an honest guy. He would have treated you right. It wasn’t hard to guess his feelings.”
“That’s why I broke it off. He wanted to get more serious emotionally and physically.”
“I have to admit I listened to your conversations, trying to guess how you felt. It was driving me crazy. I was afraid you would fall for him, and I was glad to see you had stopped sitting by each other in class. When I saw you in Anatomy lab that day, I had enough confidence to say something. I'm not going anywhere," he said, and then tipped her chin up with two of his fingertips holding her gaze.
“I almost let things go too far with Tray, but I couldn’t get my mind off of you, remembering that day of the storm.”
“The day of the storm when you took off your sweater, I thought I was going to lose it.”
“So, I wanted to ask you, the party when everyone was jumping in the river. Were you listening then?”
“Yes, I don’t think I could have stood it if you had undressed and jumped in that river with him.”
“I thought you were.”
“And you were watching me.” He gave his crooked smile.
“Seth, you saw me!” Her voice rose an octave higher as warmth flushed her cheeks.
“I liked it,” he admitted.
She began to yawn. Then, he cupped her right check with his hand. "You need to go to bed. You’re exhausted."
"I am a little tired, but I don't want tonight to end." She responded through another yawn.
He took her face between his hands and looked into her eyes, and then pressed his full lips to hers, and the inferno that ignited was amazing. His lips were soft but forceful as she kissed him back. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled herself as close to him as she possibly could. It was a long kiss and interrupted only by their rapid breathing. When they stopped, he looked at her, and his deep blue eyes left her stunned.
"You are gorgeous in the moonlight. You can't imagine what you are doing to me right now. We’d better say goodnight." His voice was low and husky.
He kissed her again. She would be putty in his hands.
Chapter Five
Micro lab certainly had a different air with no more snide remarks between them. When he had asked her to meet him before work, she barely made it through the day. She could only think of him kissing her, and how she wanted him to want her. They had agreed to meet at the tree swing near the bell tower. She almost ran from class to meet him, and there he was, the Greek god, waiting for her as promised. Even after last night, her heart had to be cautious. It could have all been a dream. But his eyes did light up as she approached him. That was a good sign.
“Sit with me,” he said.
When he looked at her, it took a few seconds for her to gather her thoughts. She wondered if he realized the power he had. It was truly a spell he cast with the full gaze of those eyes. She didn’t know how close she should sit to him. After all, he’d had the night to think about it. In spite of his words the night before, he could have changed his mind, and today could just be a goodbye. Any sane person would have run with all the info she gave him. So she played it safe, trying not to make a fool out of herself and sat to his right, about a foot from him. He gave her a puzzled look. Then he leaned toward her, and taking his right arm around her waist, he slid her hips against his.
“That’s much better.” His touch burned through her jeans.
Could she dare to hope that last night was real? It really wasn’t just a figment of her imagination.
“I want to know everything about you.” His was voice so smooth, and sh
e was enchanted.
“You already know everything that matters, including my most horrifying secrets.”
“I want to know every detail of your life.”
“Can I ask you something first? You’re pre-med, but you work on the farm. Why? I still don’t get it.”
“Well, like I told you before, I enjoy it. I don’t really have to work. I have a trust my dad set up. I don’t like to use it though. I want to save it for after school. Maybe for when I get married. I do have a full scholarship, and my motorcycle is paid for. But there are other needs, day to day things. The little I make covers that. I guess you could say it’s my spending money. Besides my mom and stepdad don’t really have a lot, and I don’t want them to feel obligated. They have already done so much for me.”
“Most people wouldn’t do that. You leave me in awe. Did you know?”
“Now I’m the one going to blush.” He chuckled.
“Are you making fun of me?”
“No, that’s just another thing to like about you, Suzanne.”
Did he say what she thought he said? Her heart was doing summersaults. He said her name again.
“Now it’s my turn. So, you work at the hospital. Do you like it?”
“Yes, I mean, I’m just a candy striper, and it’s very remedial work, but I enjoy seeing the patients smile.”
He held her hand while she spoke.
“And your favorite color?” he asked.
“It's green."
“And what's your favorite food?"
“That's easy, lasagna. Is this twenty questions?”
He laughed and still held his arm firmly around her waist. They both stared at their intertwined hands.
“I told you I want to know everything about you. There are things I don’t have to ask you. I already know why you seem so alone. I already know why your greatest wish is to be happy.”
She leaned her head against his shoulder. He was so warm, and she felt safer than she ever had before. They sat in silence for a long moment.
“You want to go for a walk?”
“Sure.”
He stood, and he didn’t release her hand, pulling her up. His eyes flickered now, seeming almost a smoky blue color, dazzling her again. Oh, could that be desire?
“So, let me ask some questions. What’s your favorite color?” she asked.
“My favorite color is green."
“Okay.” She pressed her lips firmly together. “And your favorite food?”
“That's an easy one. Lasagna." He grinned.
“Those were serious questions.” She frowned and tilted her head.
“Okay, my favorite color is red, and my favorite food is steak.” He laughed again.
“I'm not shocked, typical man food.”
“Well, let me clarify the color.” He stopped walking and touched her face, brushing her hair away from her ear, holding one of the curls. ”This color red is my favorite.”
She hadn’t noticed where they had walked. Now, they were under a small group of trees to the left of Overstreet Hall and were alone with no students in sight. First, he touched her cheeks gently, and then moved his lips to hers. Then, he kissed her slowly but earnestly with both their mouths open. His breath on hers whirled a tornado of excitement inside of her. Soon, she couldn’t control the passion as she kissed him back. Next, her hands moved through his hair and down to his broad shoulders as she had longed to do. He didn’t hesitate. His lips moved with hers, and his hands did the same, moving down her lower back lifting her to him. When they stopped, he leaned his forehead against hers and looked into her eyes, saying her name in a whisper.
“You better go change for work.” His eyes were serious.
He walked her back to the dorm, and she hated that it was Thursday. She wanted to spend every waking moment with him.
“Phi Eta Sigma is having a fundraiser for the local chapter we’re trying to get started. It’s this Saturday, a dance of sorts. Do you want to go?”
“I'd love to.” She was still mesmerized, forgetting that she could barely dance.
She wondered if he knew the power he had over her. He definitely wasn’t a player because this was twice he could have taken her without a fight. Could she let her heart hope? Could he really mean what he was saying? Should she trust her instincts? Of course, he could be feeling what she was feeling. She knew that if he kissed her like that behind closed doors she would simply rip his clothes off next time. Without a doubt, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself.
Seth’s dance was black tie so her grandmother had brought her emerald green prom dress, and Suzanne hoped it would be appropriate. Certainly no one here would have probably seen it. None of her friends had high enough grades to be at this function. In fact, tonight only confirmed what she already knew. He was a genius. Seth was really excited, and she couldn’t wait to see him in a tux. He already looked amazing in everyday clothes. After putting on the finishing touches, she examined herself in the mirror. Trying to get the full effect, she wanted to look drop-dead gorgeous for him.
“You look great,” De Ann told her.
“I’m not sure it’s good enough for him. What about my hair? Is up and braided too much?”
“It’s perfect.”
She hoped he didn’t think of riding his motorcycle to the dance. More than once she’d asked him if he needed her keys. Never giving a straight answer, he told her not to worry. He was up to something. When she turned the corner at the edge of the stairs, she saw him. Her date looked like a male supermodel, and she paled in comparison to him. Just as expected, he wore a classic black tux, and when he saw her, he smiled, took her hand, and led her outside.
“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He kissed her cheek.
“You’re drop-dead gorgeous,” she said under her breath, but he heard her.
He laughed like she was making a joke.
“Are you ready?”
“Yes, what are we going in?”
He didn’t answer, leading her to the parking lot. Just when they turned the corner, a black limousine appeared, taking up four parking spaces. She gasped and her mouth fell open in surprise. Inside, there were two long bench seats facing each other, both tan, and they stretched the entire width of the car. A television was mounted in one corner, and a bottle of sparkling cider was sitting in an ice bucket. Seth got in after her and touched a button raising a partition separating them from the driver. Now, they had total privacy. And she was speechless, as he placed a white rose corsage on her left wrist. He didn’t release her hand and leaned against her, resting his lips below her ear.
“I have never seen your hair up off your shoulders.”
She only smiled as he leaned forward and looked into her eyes. Then, his face was suddenly blank.
He lowered the partition. “Driver, I need you to take us to the Y’s Gym, as fast as possible.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m not sure. Something isn’t right.” He stared out the window, looking deep in thought.
That was a one-eighty. She opened her mouth to speak, but quickly stopped her herself. Now, his jaw was clinched, and his body looked as rigid as a board. Surely she hadn’t done anything to offend him. No, something else was at work here. But what could be wrong? It wasn’t time to go to the Y after all, the dance wouldn’t start for another forty-five minutes. Never even glancing at her, he was silent the entire ride over.
There were few cars in the parking area, and when the car came to a stop, Seth jumped out and turned to her.
“Just wait here. I’ll be back when I can.”
Then, he ran, not giving her a second to respond. She wanted to know what was going on, and she’d never been a hide and watch kind of girl. Besides, his behavior just didn’t add up. So she kicked off her heels and followed him. Suddenly, he vanished through a side metal door. Reaching the door almost thirty seconds behind him, she swung it open. Like a slap in the face, she couldn’t believe her eyes. She had o
pened the door into another nightmare.
It was a young girl, with a rope around her neck, hanging from an iron pipe connected to the ceiling. A metal chair was lying sideways below her on the gymnasium floor. And Seth was holding her as high as his strength would allow him, preventing the noose from snapping her neck.
“Oh my God,” Suzanne gasped. “What the hell is going on?”
“I should have known you wouldn’t listen. Grab another chair. We must get her down. She isn’t breathing.” His voice sounded rigid, and his expression was grim. Without hesitating, she grabbed a metal chair from a stack at the edge of the court. Question after question crossed her mind, but there was no time to ask him when a young girl’s life was on the edge.
“Place one under her, and then stand on the other and slip the noose off her neck.”
She obeyed him, and by now the girl’s lips were turning purple from lack of oxygen. As Suzanne gently slipped the noose over the girl’s head, her fingertips grazed her face, which was cool and lifeless. Seth eased her limp body onto the wooden court floor. Then, he knelt before her, turning his face to the side over her mouth, watching her chest for a rise and fall. In the same moment, he placed his forefinger over her carotid artery to the right side of her neck.
“She doesn’t have a pulse either. We must start CPR. Suzanne, begin rescue breathing.” He spouted words in full robot mode. Then, she watched him reach in his pocket for his cell and dial 911.
Without answering, Suzanne knelt beside the girl and began to perform CPR, positioning her head and tilting her chin to open her airway.
She gave two rescue breaths, and thank goodness, the girl’s chest rose, proving her airway was clear. Seth was off the phone in seconds and began chest compressions. Together, they worked feverishly, giving two rescue breaths to a ratio of thirty chest compressions.
They continued CPR through eight cycles until paramedics arrived. Never before had Suzanne been so thankful for her high school health instructor insisting on her CPR certification. As the paramedics took over and worked relentlessly, the heart monitor finally showed a pulse. Keeping their distance from the scene, Seth placed his jacket over Suzanne’s shoulders, reached around her waist from behind, and pulled her close to him.
