The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy)

by Aymes, Kahlen

  “I doubt that will be necessary.” She laughed. “He’s been perfect.”

  “I know pathetic, right? Yes. I do. Tell Jenna Happy Thanksgiving for me. What? Well, I’ll have plenty if you want to hop a flight. Dinner’s at seven.”

  “Ok. Love you. Bye.”

  Julia was smiling from ear to ear when she handed me back the phone. I pulled her to me again and lifted her chin so I could kiss her sweet lips.

  “What was that all about? Please don’t tell me you invited them to invade this weekend,” I whispered against her mouth, licking and sucking playfully.

  She kissed my mouth, then my chin before finally pulling out of my arms. “Ryan…I need to get back to the dressing. The sausage will burn if I don’t keep my wits about me.” She went back to the stove and took the skillet off of the heat. “Are you hungry?”

  “Of course I’m hungry, but you didn’t answer, honey.” I lifted my eyebrows and reached into the skillet to take out a chunk of the crumbled sausage and pop it in my mouth.

  She giggled at the look on my face. “Nothing. Just being a good big brother. Very sweet.”

  I leaned my hip against the counter and took in all of the ingredients scattered around. Herbs, vermouth, hazelnuts, celery and onions, apples and pears, lined the counters. Shit, I didn’t even remember my mother going to this extreme. “Yes, but what did he say?” I persisted.

  She giggled again. “You know this is fun. I could tease you all day with this, sweetie.”

  My heart thumped at her use of the endearment. “You can tease me, sure, but not with Aaron’s call, okay?” I added suggestively and then gave her my pouty face, sticking out my lower lip. She wouldn’t be able to resist for long.

  Julia sighed as she dumped the sausage into the same bowl that held the dried bread. She cocked her head to one side and then shook it slightly but smiled. I knew I had her then.

  “Just that he’d beat your ass if you didn’t take good care of me. He was playing with me. It was cute.”

  “He’s a good man. Jen was giving me a ration of shit, too. Do you need any help, my love?”

  “You can help me after you’ve had breakfast.” Turning, she pulled out some fresh lemon muffins from the oven and removed them to a plate. My favorite.

  In college she used to make them for brunch, usually accompanied by some fruit, Eggs Benedict and fresh orange juice. Aaron used to complain that she didn’t make blueberry enough since they were what he liked best. When she did, she always made the lemon, too. I smiled at the memory. How did I miss how much she loved me back then? She spoiled me rotten.

  On cue she went to the fridge and pulled out a bowl of freshly chopped fruit and set it in front of me along with a plate holding two of the warm muffins.

  “Juice and coffee?” Her soft green eyes rose to meet mine and I brushed her hair back from her face.

  “Yes, please. Why are you so perfect?”

  She smiled and shrugged. “I’m not, Ryan.”

  “Of course you are. I’ve known you all this time and I haven’t found anything I don’t love about you.”

  “I piss you off a lot when I don’t give you your way,” she teased. “Sometimes we fight like cats and dogs.”

  “Technicality. Nothing more,” I scoffed and then lathered butter all over one of the muffins before popping half of it in my mouth. “I only get two of these?” I smiled with my mouth full.

  “Pfft! What do you think?” She went back to chopping up the onions and some celery stalks before putting them in the skillet and then returning it to the stove.

  “Well, I think…that you’re going to give me my way in everything this weekend.” I wagged my eyebrows at her. “At least…I’m hoping.”

  “Your way is mine, too. It works out well, doesn’t it?” Her soft laughter was like music to my ears.

  “Extremely well. I love you, you know.”

  She glanced over her shoulder as she stirred the contents of the skillet, the delicious scent filling the air as she did so.

  “Yeah, I know.” She shrugged offhandedly and then laughed. “I love you, too.”

  I pushed my plate away and pulled up a stool next to the counter bar where she worked.

  “Julia.” I watched her face as she finally emptied the rest of the vegetables into the bowl and began chopping up fresh sage, rosemary and thyme.

  “Hmmm?” she said absently as she worked, so focused on what she was doing, like she’d done it a million times before.

  I wanted to talk about last night. “Julia, last night was…a miracle. I’ll never forget it,” I said softly. “It was the best night of my life.”

  She stopped what she was doing and set the knife down. “It meant the world to me, too. Thank you for being so gentle. It couldn’t have been better, Ryan. Truly. You made me feel so special.”

  “Come here,” I begged and took her in my arms. “You are special. That’s why I didn’t make moves on you before. I didn’t see you the same way I saw other women. You were so much more.” Her arms wound around my waist and I pulled her tight against my chest and kissed the top of her head. “I love you so fucking much.”

  She breathed in and nodded against me. “I know, and it’s okay. Looking back, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I felt, but at least we were together.”

  “My best friend, Julia.” I sighed against her temple then placed a series of soft kisses on the side of her face and the corner of her mouth. “So beautiful, irresistible and amazing that no other woman could hold a candle to you. Not even close.”

  “Not that irresistible. You resisted almost four years,” she reminded me.

  “I was dying with it, though. And the other guys,” I huffed, “I wanted to kill every one of them; sure you’d figure me out. I tried to get over it but couldn’t stand thinking of them touching you and kissing you. When I discovered that you dumped them after I let you know I hated them, I used it.” I smiled. “I was a selfish prick.”

  “I just thought you were being overprotective.”

  “More like territorial. You were mine…in my head, at least.” I turned her face toward mine and let my mouth take hers in a deep kiss.

  God, she melts me.

  “Not just in your head. It’s like I said last night, Ryan. It hurt me too, but there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I tried to change how I felt, but nothing worked.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin before? I thought we shared everything,” I asked softly as I brushed her hair back and stared into her face.

  Her eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t want you to think I was a loser or worse- that I was in love with you. I didn’t want you to figure out I couldn’t let anyone else touch me. I mean…It would have been humiliating.”

  I sighed and pulled her tight against me again. “Oh, baby, no it wouldn’t. It would’ve gotten my head out of my ass that much sooner. I’m sorry you were hurt by those girls, my love. So sorry. They meant nothing. You’re the only one I’ve ever loved. It’s always been just you.”

  She breathed in and her shoulders shook in a sob. “I know. It’s over. I’m just glad we’re together.”

  “Don’t cry, sweet. I can’t bear to see your tears. It’s all going to be perfect now, Julia. I promise.”

  She raised her teary eyes to mine and finally answered. “As perfect as we can make it from so far away. I wouldn’t trade it, though. I’ll take you from 3000 miles over any other man in the same room with me.”

  I smiled at her words as my heart expanded to the point of pain. “Enough tears. We’ve got all weekend to talk about it and as long as it takes to figure that shit out. Okay?”

  “Okay.” She wiped her tears and moved back, resuming her task of chopping the herbs on the cutting board. “Ryan, will you put those hazelnuts on that cookie sheet and set the timer for 15 minutes?”

  I smiled as I moved to do her bidding.

  This is my life. This is going to be my life. My life with Julia.

&nbs
p; If I had to drop out of Harvard and move to the West Coast, I’d do what needed to be done to be with her.

  “Stop thinking about leaving Harvard,” Julia said shortly. I raised my eyebrow.

  How did she know what I was thinking?

  “I can tell by that serious look on your face that you’re trying to figure out a way to get out here. Forget it, Ryan. I mean it. I’ll move there. Maybe not Boston, but at least New York.”

  “Julia, I—” I began but she interrupted me.

  “Was I wrong or was that what you were thinking about?” she asked, her brow knitted as she paused to look up at me.

  “No. You’re right, but I can—”

  “No. We both worked our asses off for you to get into Harvard and I won’t let you give it up. We’ve got forever, isn’t that what you said?” She said sternly, all the while continuing to put the dressing together without missing a beat.

  “Yes, but I need to be with you. We need—”

  “I know. But I need you to finish what you started out there. It’s your dream.”

  “My perspective has changed. You’re my priority, now.” I felt my voice grow in volume.

  “Why are you getting upset? We have the same priorities. But it will happen on the East Coast.” Julia loaded the herbs into the bowl and began chopping up an apple and a pear.

  I didn’t know what to say. She was amazing. Once again, she was giving me what I wanted above all else. Letting me have Harvard and have her near me. She would make the sacrifice necessary to make it happen, and do it without even flinching.

  Finally I found my voice. “Julia, you don’t have to give up your dreams for me. That isn’t fair.”

  “Who said I’m giving them up? I’m moving them to the other side of the country or, worst case scenario, putting them off for a couple of years. What’s three or four years?”

  I was stunned. “You’re amazing. I don’t deserve you.” I walked around to stand beside her and ran my hand down her back and began to rub soft circles over my shirt.

  “You deserve any damn thing I want to give you, got it?” She nudged me with her shoulder. Our nudge. I nudged her back. I wasn’t going to win this argument and I gave in willingly.

  “Yes. Love you.”

  “Yeah, well you better! I’m moving to fucking New York, for God’s sake!” The laughter in her voice was a beautiful thing. “I must love you, too.”

  I took the knife from her hand and enfolded her in my arms, lifting her so that her mouth was level with mine. We kissed again deeply, her hands fisting in my hair and pulling my mouth tighter against hers. When we were both breathless, she finally dragged her mouth from mine. “Unless you want raw turkey, you need to let me get this thing in the oven,” she breathed against my jaw and then kissed it.

  “If I must. Right now, raw sounds okay, though.”

  The day sped by. We worked in the kitchen together until the turkey was in the oven, the yams were candied and the bread was raising on top of the stove, letting the warmth of the oven assist in the job.

  We curled up on the couch and he turned on a football game while I leaned up against Ryan’s chest, content to do nothing but lie there folded in his arms. I snuggled in and he pulled me even tighter, sighing against the side of my head that rested against his shoulder.

  I closed my eyes, letting myself savor the moment. This was where I needed to be for the rest of my life and it didn’t matter if it was in New York, Boston, L.A. or Timbuktu. He was home to me and nothing was more important than being with him.

  Dinner was glorious and it was fun watching Ryan help make the gravy. He loved watching me and was amazed at the amount of Vermouth I had him add.

  “Dump?” he asked incredulously. “Don’t you measure it, Julia? I don’t want to mess it up.”

  “Just dump. I’ll tell you when,” I laughed. “The same thing with the cream. Keep stirring the whole time with that wire whisk, unless you want lumps.”

  “This has been such a great day. Thank you.”

  I put my hand to his cheek. “Don’t thank me, babe. I’m very happy you’re here with me.”

  He reached down to kiss me and then I handed over the fork and carving knife. “Would you mind?” I asked and he smiled.

  “Of course not. This feels like—” Ryan stopped abruptly and glanced at me after he’d started carving the bird.

  “Yeah. It feels damn good,” I said softly.

  His blue eyes sparkled as he nodded.

  “So good, Jules. I’ve really missed you.”

  “Hey,” I said, feeling a lump rise in my throat, “no missing me tonight. I’m right here in front of you.”

  “Okay. You’re right.”

  I quickly had the potatoes whipped and the bread on the table with everything else we’d made together. “Are we ready?” he looked at me expectantly. He looked like a kid at Christmas and I laughed.

  “Yeah. I’ll get the wine and meet you at the table.”

  Ryan lit the candles and then turned off the overhead light as I poured the wine. He pulled me into his arms and held me, sighing deeply and kissing first my cheekbone and then my temple.

  I raised my mouth and placed several kisses along his jaw. “I love you. I know I say it too much, but now that I can, I can’t stop.” His velvet voice melted my heart.

  I nodded. “I’ll never get tired of hearing it. I love you, too…so much.”

  He held out my chair for me and we looked at each other until he reached for my hand.

  “Jules, you know I’m not all that religious, but I do believe in God and I believe that you and I are meant to be.” I felt the familiar sting at the back of my eyes and willed myself not to cry at his beautiful words. “If there is anything I am thankful for on any day…it’s you.”

  I blinked a few times at the stinging in my eyes. “Ryan…Nothing will ever be more important to me than you. To finally be able to be open about how I feel, it’s…a miracle. Thank you for being in my life.”

  His eyes filled with tears and he squeezed my hand. “Will you look at us?” he laughed through his tears.

  I was overwhelmed and the first tears slipped from my eyes as I struggled to contain the emotion building up in every cell of my body.

  “Yes. It’s beautiful. I never want to look at anything but your face for…” I stopped before I finished, afraid of the implications of what I wanted to say, but Ryan finished my thought.

  “For the rest of my life. I feel the same, okay?”

  I brushed the tears from my face and tried to smile. “Sounds good.”

  “It will be. I promise.”

  I watched Julia laughing with Ellie and could tell by the way they were looking at me and giggling that Ellie was asking some very personal questions. What could I expect? Everyone knows that women talk more about sex than guys. Guys just do it and women like to talk about it. Well, to be honest, I don’t mind talking about it, but I’d be damned if it would be with anyone other than Julia.

  She was so beautiful and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was wearing tight black jeans, a dressy white t-shirt and a short leather jacket, topped off by high-heeled boots and wild hair. She looked good enough to eat.

  The weekend, so far, had been beyond my wildest dreams. I ached with the knowledge that 48 short hours from now, even less, I’d be on my way back to Boston. Alone.

  I tried to bottle up the sadness. Each moment was precious and Julia was struggling, too. I tried to focus on the amazing nights we spent together and the fun we’d had today shopping and fighting the crowds. Julia was getting more gorgeous with each passing moment and every time she touched me, I fell more and more in love with her. I didn’t think it was possible to love her more, but it filled me up until I felt I would explode.

  Ellie went to talk to Harris, who was onstage with his band, so Julia came back to me. I pulled her down on my lap and nuzzled her neck.

  “Mmmm…you smell so good.”

  Her arm went around my s
houlders and she turned her face toward me, inviting me to capture her mouth with mine. Now that we’d crossed the line, we couldn’t get enough. The floodgates were open and I wanted to lose myself and savor every touch that I still had left to me.

  “Stop or you’ll make all the women here want to kill me,” she laughed softly and brushed her nose against mine.

  “It’s the men I’m concerned about. You feel insane, babe. Let’s leave,” I begged against the curve of her neck and she shivered in my arms.

  She sighed and leaned her head against me. “We can’t yet, Ryan. Ellie would be so disappointed. You haven’t even had a chance to talk to her. This will be fun, won’t it? We can dance and maybe even make out a little bit…hmm?”

  I rolled my eyes. The last thing I was concerned with was the others, but I had to admit the rest sounded good. “Okay,” I said begrudgingly. “What was Ellie grilling you about?”

  “What do you think?” She laughed and took a sip of her wine.

  “Mmm…I figured. What did you tell her?”

  “The truth.”

  My eyes widened and I brushed my knuckles across her cheek. “Oh, really. What exactly would that be?”

  “That we are very happy.” She kissed me softly. “That I love you.” Her mouth dropped another kiss. “That…we’re together, and you are…incredible in bed,” she whispered against my mouth and then kissed me again, but this time I slipped my tongue into her mouth and slid my hand behind her head to pull her closer. I forgot about the crowd around us as my body sprung to life beneath her and my hand slid down her arm to her leg and hip.

  Julia gasped and pulled her mouth from mine. “Ryan…” she said breathlessly. “God, don’t do this to me here. It’s not fair.”

  “Remember I told you,” I said against her mouth, “love and war, and I want you.”

  “Ugh…later.” Julia rested her head on mine and threaded her fingers in my hair. “You know I want you too.”

  Fuck. That wasn’t helping the new problem rising in my pants.

  “Hi, Ryan!” Ellie’s cheery voice broke into the bubble that we’d disappeared into.

  My arm tightened around Julia, letting her know I wanted her to stay put on my lap so I could hide my uncomfortable circumstance and, anyway, I didn’t want to let go of her.