In Your Heart

by Micalea Smeltzer

  “GET UP.” Ezra demanded, turning on the ceiling light in the guestroom.

  I sat up in bed, the blankets pooling at my waist. “What the hell?” I blinked sleep from my eyes and looked at him dazedly.

  “Get up,” he repeated.

  “What are you wearing?” My eyes widened at the sight of him. He had on a pair of khaki shorts, a white sleeveless shirt, and…was that a fisherman’s hat on his head? One of those with the little dangly things? Oh my God, it was!

  “We’re going fishing,” he stated, which explained the hat, “so get your ass out of bed, get changed, and meet me downstairs. You have ten minutes.”

  He slipped out of my room and closed the door.

  I would’ve thought the whole thing was a strange dream if it wasn’t for the fact that the light still blinded me.

  I glanced at the clock on the bed and gasped. “It’s six o’ clock!” I screamed. “I’m going back to bed.” I lay back down and tossed the blankets over my head.

  The door creaked open and his shoes slapped against the hardwood.

  The covers were yanked unceremoniously from my body.

  I gasped, trying to grab the sheets from his hands.

  “No,” he demanded. “We’re going fishing.”

  “It’s six o’ clock,” I repeated, a whining tone to my voice, “on a Sunday. The day of rest.” I made a grab for the covers once more, but he yanked them completely off the bed and threw them on the floor. “Ezra!” I yelled.

  He ignored my outburst and headed out the door once more. “You’re down to eight minutes now. Tick, tock.”

  I hated him.

  No, I didn’t.

  But seriously?! Six o’ clock on a Sunday?

  He better have at least made breakfast or I might turn into a raging beast.

  I forced my tired body out of bed and changed into a pair of jean shorts, a tank top, and sneakers. I grabbed my sunglasses from my purse and stuck them on top of my head.

  When I reached the stairs Ezra was starting up them. “Coming to get me?” I asked, a brow rising in interest.

  He grinned and nodded. “Yep. I thought you were flaking.”

  “Did you think I might try to make a break for it and climb out the window?”

  He shook his head as I joined him downstairs. “I wouldn’t put anything past you,” he confessed. “I made biscuits and gravy if you want any.”

  “Is there anything you can’t cook?” I asked him, heading over to the coffee maker.

  Oh sweet sustenance.

  He chuckled, rubbing his stubbled jaw. “Not really.”

  “You’re going to make some girl very happy one day,” I told him, standing on my tiptoes to grab a coffee cup from the top cabinet.

  He grunted in response to my comment and came up behind me to grab one of the mugs for me so I didn’t topple them over.

  “Thanks.” I took the cup from his hands and filled it with the steaming black liquid before I added a heart attack inducing amount of sugar. “What ever happened to you and that actress?”

  A few months before I stopped speaking to Ezra he’d gone on a few dates with an up and coming actress. She’d been gorgeous and exactly the kind of girl you’d expect a rock star to date.

  I’d asked him before why things ended and he never wanted to tell me.

  Today, he shrugged and leaned his backside against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed over his chest. “She was too vain. I want someone with a little more substance. Someone who’s…” He paused, staring off as he searched for the right word. “Real,” he finally settled on. “I want someone I can picture myself growing old with and who doesn’t throw a temper tantrum at the sight of a wrinkle.”

  I nearly choked on my coffee. “She did that?”

  He nodded reaching up to further secure the hat on his head.

  “Is that why you haven’t dated since then?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “No, I just haven’t found anyone worth my time.”

  I fixed myself a plate of biscuits and gravy, taking a seat on one of the barstools.

  Ezra pulled out the one beside me and sat down as well.

  “So,” I started, shoveling a fork full of food into my mouth, “why do you want to go fishing?”

  “The better question is why wouldn’t I want to go fishing.” He smiled boyishly, fiddling with the edge of the hat. He propped his elbows on the countertop and tilted his head in my direction. “I thought it would be fun. We haven’t hung out in a long time.”

  I raised a brow, fighting a smile. “Admit it, you only want to see me scream and run away from a worm.”

  He tossed his head back and his laughter echoed around the kitchen. “You caught me.” He reached into his back pocket. “Here,” he extended a baseball cap in my direction, “you’ll need this.”

  I took it and removed my sunglasses from the top of my head so that I could put it on. Pouting my lips I turned to him. “How do I look?”

  “Beautiful.” He answered without a second of thought. He promptly cleared his throat and looked away. He jumped up from his seat like he’d been burned. “I’ll be outside.”

  He hurried away and I watched him leave, wondering what I’d done.

  I didn’t dwell on it for long.

  I finished my breakfast and cup of coffee, washing both the plate and mug before joining him outside.

  I saw him standing on the small dock that led into the lake. His hands were on his hips and he had his head turned towards the sky. When he heard me approach he turned and smiled. The sun glowed behind him, making him look otherworldly.

  I stopped in front of him, fixing my sunglasses onto my face.

  “I wasn’t joking about the worms. I will scream like a five year old girl if you make me touch one.”

  His lips twitched as he fought not to laugh. “Fine,” he agreed, “I’ll do your dirty work.”

  I grinned. “Does this mean if I decide to kill Braden you’ll help me hide his body?”

  This time he couldn’t contain his laughter. “That’s what best friends are for, right?” He reached for a fishing pole. Glancing at me over his shoulder, he whispered, “I’ll even be your alibi.”

  “How kind of you.”

  Sobering, I sat down on the edge of the dock, kicking my legs back and forth over the open air. The dark lake water glimmered with the reflection of the sun and nearby trees. Above us birds chirped happily.

  I closed my eyes, letting the sun warm my face. A small smile lifted my lips.

  It might’ve been too early to be up on a weekend, but this was actually nice.

  Ezra handed me a fishing pole and sat down beside me with his own.

  He instructed me on what to do and soon the hook, or whatever it was called, was bobbing on the surface of the water.

  We sat in silence for a while, enjoying the peaceful setting.

  I was the first to break the quiet minutes later.

  “I’m sorry I missed your birthday.” My throat closed up. I’d spent his last few birthdays with him, well not just me, but all of us—Emma, Maddox, Mathias, and Hayes. “I wanted to call you,” I confessed, looking straight ahead at the water.

  He swallowed audibly. “Why didn’t you?”

  “I was afraid if I did I wouldn’t be able to stop at a phone call. I’ve missed you.”

  I’d missed him more than I’d been willing to admit to even myself. The last few years we’d been so impossibly close—and anybody that said that guys and girls couldn’t be friends were liars, because in a way I was closer to Ezra than I was Emma. Girls were always quick to judge, even I was guilty of that, but guys were different.

  “I can’t believe I’m twenty-four,” he whispered.

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

  He shrugged. “I feel like I haven’t accomplished much.”

  I snorted. “You have a Grammy, Ezra,” I said, referring to their recent win, “I’d say that’s pretty accomplished.”

 
He turned to me, his dark eyes shielded by the flap of the hat he wore. “I don’t mean with my career, I just mean with my life in general. I’ve traveled to all these places and had so many amazing opportunities, but I feel like I haven’t ever really lived.”

  I mulled over his words, seeing how that would be true. The last few years of his life had become so consumed with music, performing, and traveling, that he hadn’t really had a chance to be his own person. He wasn’t just Ezra Collins. He was Ezra the bassist for Willow Creek.

  I rested my head on his shoulder. “We need to change that.”

  He chuckled. “How?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “I guess by finding what makes you happy.”

  “Music does make me happy,” he replied. “It’s more that…it feels like something is missing from my life.”

  I lifted my head. “We’ll have to keep searching until we find what that is.”

  He smiled over at me. “Even if it takes a long time?”

  “You know me,” I bumped his shoulder with mine, “stubborn to a fault. I won’t give up until we find it.”

  He shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips. “That’s one of the things I like most about you.”

  I frowned, ducking my head. “Even when it made me stay with a guy that wasn’t worth my time?”

  His thumb and forefinger grasped my chin, lifting my head so I was forced to look at him. “I don’t believe it was stubbornness that made you stay with him.”

  “What was it then?” I asked, truly curious.

  He stared down at me for a moment, his lips twisting. “You’re one of the kindest people I know. You love with all your heart and you’re extremely passionate. You choose to see the good in people even when you shouldn’t. I think that’s why you stayed with him.” He nodded at his own words, squinting against the sun.

  I swallowed thickly, my chest feeling tight. “You’re too nice to me.”

  He shook his head. “I’m being honest.”

  Suddenly I felt a tug on the line and let out a small cry. “I think I caught something!”

  “Reel it in,” Ezra commanded, gesturing with his hand.

  “Oh, right.”

  I began to do as he said, fighting against the pressure on the fishing line. He gave me a few pieces of advice, but mostly left me alone.

  With a groan I pulled and the fish came out of the water, dangling from the end of the line.

  I glared at the tiny thing. It couldn’t have been bigger than five inches.

  I turned to Ezra, my mouth turned down in a grimace. “Well, that was anticlimactic.”

  He looked from the fish to me and we both burst into laughter.

  All the seriousness from our previous conversation drifted away.

  “Hold it steady,” he commanded. He’d already reeled his empty line in and set his fishing pole on the dock.

  I tightened my hold on the pole and he got the wiggling fish free. He clasped it between his hands. “Do you want to put it back in?”

  “I’m not touching that thing!” I cried, scuttling backwards like he might toss it in my lap any second.

  He shook his head, laughing under his breath at my antics. He bent forward, lowering his hands into the water. He let go and the little fish swam away.

  He grabbed the pole from my hands and fixed more bait onto the end before handing it back to me.

  I settled myself beside him once more and we both cast our lines.

  “This is pretty nice,” I admitted.

  He chuckled. “Does this mean you won’t kill me for waking you up early?”

  I smiled, adjusting the brim of the baseball cap I wore. “The day is young.”

  “How’s your hand?” He asked me suddenly, steering the conversation in a different direction.

  “A little sore,” I admitted, “but it’s worth it.”

  He smiled and little wrinkles creased the corners of his eyes. “I’ll never get the image of you punching him out of my head. It was awesome.”

  “Even better than when you punched him?” I questioned with a laugh.

  He nodded his head eagerly. “Way better. The look on his face was priceless. He didn’t see that coming.”

  “Why did he cheat on me?” I asked, looking up at Ezra. “You’re a guy, so tell me, what’s so repulsive about me that he had to seek it elsewhere?”

  Ezra reared back, surprised by my random question. “There’s nothing repulsive about you.” He mimicked my tone. “Some guys can’t be satisfied with anybody because they’re not happy with who they are.”

  “I feel like I must have done something wrong.”

  He looked at me like I was crazy. “Sadie, the only thing you did wrong was loving someone that wasn’t good enough for you.”

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I feel like I should feel more hurt, devastated even, but really I’m just confused.” Panic snaked its way through my veins and I looked at him with widened eyes. “I didn’t love him the way I should have. What if I don’t know how to love someone in that way?”

  “You do,” he assured me, looking out at the shimmering water, “but you haven’t found him yet.”

  I looked up at the sky and the birds flying above us. “I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I spent two years with a guy that stripped me of my identity. I feel like all I have of myself is my store and the rest I’m left questioning. I tried so hard to please him, to make him happy, and in the end I made myself miserable. I was so desperate for it to work out that I overlooked how toxic our relationship was. How stupid is that?”

  “You’re human,” he replied. “We have this inane desire to belong to something that is greater than we are on our own. That desire is so strong that we can fool ourselves into believing things that aren’t true.”

  “So, I’m not crazy?” I cracked a smile.

  “Definitely not crazy.”

  His smile was comforting and I reminded myself for the hundredth time that everything would be okay.

  I rested my head on his shoulder and then his head rested on top of mine.

  A smile touched my lips.

  I’d missed this—having someone that understood me completely, even when I didn’t know myself.

  I LOCKED THE door leading into my shop, switched the sign to CLOSED, and shut the blinds.

  I was exhausted, and certain that this had been the longest week of my life. It had seemed unending as I dealt with phone calls from family and endless Facebook notifications from people wanting to know why Braden and I broke up so soon before our wedding. The gestures would have been nice, if I hadn’t believed that most of them were only asking because they were nosy and didn’t really care that I’d been hurt. I told them all that we decided mutually that we weren’t meant to be. It seemed unfair to let the scumbag off the hook so easily, but I didn’t need everybody knowing all of my business and talking behind my back.

  I straightened the clothes and shoes, making sure everything was in order for the next business day.

  I closed out the register and turned off the lights.

  I headed into my office and sat down in the chair behind my desk, letting out a hefty sigh. I glanced at all of the papers on my desk, the numbers and information blurring together. I’d planned to stay a little while longer, but I was beginning to think that wasn’t the smartest idea. I’d probably end up messing something up and having to start my paperwork over again tomorrow.

  I decided to leave it until tomorrow and stood, grabbing my purse.

  I reached for my car keys and flicked off the light on my desk.

  I’d only taken one step when I heard someone knock on the front door of the store.

  Oh, shit.

  I froze where I stood, holding my breath.

  The knock sounded again.

  I had no idea who could possibly be at the door and I certainly wasn’t going to check.

  My phone buzzed in my purse and I thanked God that I always kep
t it on vibrate. If the person outside was a murderer I didn’t want to alert them to my location.

  I checked the screen and read a text from Ezra.

  EZRA: I’m outside.

  I breathed a sigh of relief and put a hand over my racing heart, silently scolding myself for my silly thoughts.

  I hurried to the front door and opened it.

  He stood there in a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. His dark curly hair tumbled over his forehead, shielding his eyes.

  “You scared me,” I scolded him.

  “Sorry.” He appeared sheepish. “Are you done?” He asked, flicking his finger towards the darkened store. “I thought we could get dinner and celebrate.”

  “What are we celebrating?” I asked.

  “The fact that it’s been a week.” He shrugged, toeing the ground with his booted foot.

  “A week since I’ve been dumped?” I raised a brow.

  “Well, it sounds insensitive when you say it like that,” he grumped, brushing his long fingers through his shaggy hair. “You’ve been strong through all of this and I think you deserve to celebrate that.” He leaned against the side of the building and lowered his head as he looked at me. “Don’t you?”

  I tapped my lip. “Are you buying?”

  He snorted. “Of course.”

  “Then yes, I do deserve to celebrate, and I plan on getting shit-faced.” I pumped my fist in the air.

  He shook his head and tried to hide a smile. “Are you ready to go?” He asked.

  “Yeah,” I nodded. “I just need to lock the back door first. Are we going in your car?”

  “I thought we could walk.” He pointed across the street to where one of my favorite local restaurants sat.

  “Wait here.” I held up a finger, telling him I’d only be a second.

  I quickly locked the back door and the door to my office before rejoining him outside. I stopped, locking that one as well.

  Ezra shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans as we crossed the street onto the back patio of the local pub. You seated yourself, and we managed to snag a seat on the upper deck.

  Within a minute a waitress hurried over with menus and silverware.

  “What can I get you guys to drink?”