“I’m sorry,” I whispered, even though she wasn’t there to hear it.
Ezra stood and wrapped an arm around me. He was always there to comfort me when I made a mess of things. I loved him for that.
Maddox stood too and cleared his throat. “She’s been really emotional lately…I think it’s the wedding. I’m going to go check on her. ‘Night.”
Without a backwards glance he was gone and I felt even worse.
“I feel awful,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to yell at her.”
“It’s okay.” Ezra kissed my forehead.
The others sat watching us. “No, it’s not.” I pushed myself away from him. I glanced at all of them before my eyes landed on Ezra.
I kept pushing away the people I cared about the most, and what for?
Fear.
I pushed Ezra away, because I was scared of what Braden thought.
Look at how that turned out.
And now I was pushing Emma away because I was scared of what she’d think if she found out the truth.
Fear was a crippling emotion and I hated it. I hated what it was doing to me. I was becoming a monster. I kept hurting the people I cared about the most and that wasn’t okay.
“Sadie,” Ezra pleaded, reaching for me.
I startled at the worry in his eyes and realized that now I was crying.
I wiped my tears away on the back of my hands and held my chin high. “I’m going to bed.”
No one protested when I left.
I couldn’t blame them. I wouldn’t have stopped me either.
I headed upstairs to my room and took a quick shower. I put on my pajamas and set out my clothes for tomorrow—packing up everything else.
I climbed into bed and willed myself to go to sleep, but not even the soothing lull of the ocean could put me to sleep tonight.
I heard my bedroom door creak open and my body stiffened when a sliver of light poured across the bed before disappearing.
“Go away.” I said the words with as much venom as I could muster.
The bed dipped and his warm body slid in behind me. His strong arms wrapped around me and I was too weak to fight him.
“No,” he growled angrily in response to what I’d said, “you can yell, and cry, and try to push me away, but I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you, always. You’re my best friend, Sadie, and when your heart hurts so does mine.”
I rolled over so that I was facing him and curled my body into his. My fingers fisted his shirt and I burrowed my head into the crook of his neck.
“You’re too good to me.” I cried into his chest.
He smoothed his fingers through my hair. “No I’m not.” He brushed his lips against my forehead. “A good friend wouldn’t have used you the way I have.”
“You didn’t take anything I wasn’t willing to give.”
“Exactly. That makes me even more of an asshole.”
“Do you think we can just forget both of our assholish ways for tonight?”
He chuckled, his laughter rumbling against my ear. “We can do that.”
A minute passed. “And Ezra?”
“Yeah?”
“Please, don’t let go of me,” I begged, my hold on his shirt tightening.
“Never, sweetheart.”
I woke up a little after five in the morning.
Ezra was still wrapped around me, his dark hair tousled over his forehead, and his lips parted with sleep.
I sat up, my hair sweeping over my shoulder. I smiled at the sight of him sleeping so peacefully in my bed.
I couldn’t seem to stop myself as I reached out and traced my finger over the contours of his mouth. He was entirely too perfect.
I was too restless to stay in bed so I slipped out of his arms and padded out of the room.
The house was silent and I knew it would be hours before the others began stirring since our flight didn’t leave until eleven—and since we’d flown in on the record company’s private jet that was reserved for Willow Creek’s use, we didn’t have to worry about being at the airport crazy early to get through security.
I opened the refrigerator and blinked rapidly at the sudden brightness. Once my eyes had adjusted I reached inside and grabbed a bottle of water.
I sat down at the kitchen table and looked out the window at the darkened ocean as I sipped at my water.
I tried my best to silence my mind and it must’ve worked, because I didn’t notice when Ezra came into the room.
“Are you okay?”
I jumped at the sound of his voice and looked over my shoulder to see him standing there adorably rumpled in his pajamas with his round Harry Potter looking glasses perched on his nose.
“Yeah,” I nodded, “I’m fine.”
“Do you mind if I sit?” He motioned to the chair.
“I don’t care.”
I expected him to sit in one of the empty chairs, but instead he picked me up and took mine, before depositing me in his lap.
I settled against his chest as my body automatically curled into his. We felt so right together.
“You know more about me than anybody.” I whispered into the darkened kitchen and tilted my head back so I could see his reaction.
His dark brows furrowed together and he gave me a peculiar look. “I’m your best friend. I’m supposed to know.”
“Yeah…but don’t you think it’s more than that? Like maybe…” I trailed off, brushing my fingers against this collarbone.
“Maybe what?” He asked, his eyes drifting away from me as he looked out the window. It seemed like he didn’t really want to hear what I’d been going to say.
“Never mind,” I sighed.
While I felt that my connection with Ezra was deeper than friendship, he clearly didn’t feel the same way. I’d thrown away our friendship once, and I refused to do it again by trying to pursue a feeling he didn’t even return, although I was afraid I was going to end up losing our friendship anyway. It would be too hard being close to him and not being able to have him. I used to pride myself on being a strong girl, but even the strongest people eventually reach their breaking point. This was mine.
I sighed and leaned my head on his chest, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“I love you,” he whispered, kissing the side of my forehead, “you know that, right?”
“Yeah.” And I did know it. I also knew he didn’t love me in the way I wanted him to.
“Good.” He took my chin and tilted my head up so that he could kiss me.
“Ohhh shit.”
I jumped away from Ezra, falling onto the floor and bruising my butt in the process.
Hayes stood in the kitchen with a hand slapped over his eyes.
“I saw nothing. I know nothing. I am nothing.”
I snorted.
“I am a mist. I do not exist,” he chanted, backing out of the kitchen with his eyes still covered. His hand fell suddenly and he grinned. “Oh, hey, look at me rhyming. Maybe I could be a rapper.”
“Don’t quit your day job,” Ezra laughed.
“Yeah, you’re right.” He grumbled and started to leave.
“Didn’t you come down here for something?” Ezra asked him and reached down to help me up.
“Oh, right. I wanted water.” Hayes grabbed his water and started his chant all over again. “I saw nothing. I know nothing. I am nothing. I am a mist. I do not exist.”
We could hear him still continuing on with his mantra through the living room and up the steps.
Ezra and I both dissolved into a fit of laughter.
“Thank God it was Hayes,” he chortled, “and not someone else.”
I nodded my head in agreement. That could’ve easily been a disaster.
“Are you ready to go back to bed?” He asked.
“I think so.”
He took my hand and led me up the stairs.
We cuddled into my bed once more and Ezra fell right to sleep. When he’d been asleep for a while, and I knew there was no chance of h
im hearing, I whispered into the darkness, “I’m in love with you.”
WE’D BEEN HOME from the beach for two weeks and in that time frame I’d been slowly distancing myself from Ezra. I knew he noticed the change, but he didn’t say anything. I could tell from the way his brows seemed to be permanently furrowed together that he was worried about me. I was fine though. Really, I was.
“So, what do you think?” The guy showing me the apartment asked.
This was the fifth one I’d seen in a week, and I felt I’d finally found the one. It was small, the kitchen, living room, and bedroom were all a part of one space. The bathroom was the only thing that was closed off. But I loved the charm. It had brick walls, an open ceiling, and touches that harkened to the era in which the building was built.
“I’ll take it.”
“I’ll get the paperwork drawn up.” He strolled from the room, leaving me alone in the open space. There was no furniture so I’d have to go shopping, but that was okay with me.
I crossed my arms over my chest and strolled over to one of the long windows that overlooked the street below. The apartment was only blocks from my store and if the weather was nice I could walk there. This was going to be good for me. I needed to distance myself from Ezra and the things that could not be.
I tapped my finger against the window and watched outside as a bird swooped down, landing on the edge of the window. It stared at me intently and tilted its head at me before flying away once more.
Behind me the door opened and the landlord stepped back inside. “I’d really like to get a renter in here as soon as possible, so there’s no contingency on the move in date. The place is ready for you when you want to move in…as you can see my last renter hauled ass out of here as fast as possible,” he griped. “I do require you to pay the first three months up front to lock in the place. Is that okay?”
“It’s not a problem.” I set my purse down on the counter and listened as he went over the paperwork. It was pretty basic and when he was done I signed my name on the bottom and handed him a check.
Once he had his money he seemed to be in a better mood. He led me outside and told me to have a good day. I waved goodbye and slid into my car, heading over to my store.
I was meeting Emma in thirty minutes for her second dress fitting. As soon as we got back from the beach I’d went to work on making it since time was not on our side. Plus, it was a valid excuse to avoid Ezra. We hadn’t had sex since we got back from the beach. I hadn’t slept in his bed either, even though he’d asked. A part of me wanted to jump his bones every second of the day while I still had the chance, but it hurt too much. That’s why I was moving out. I couldn’t shove my feelings to the side anymore and he didn’t have any for me, so I wasn’t going to fight this.
I pulled into the parking lot behind my store and headed inside.
Arden was working today and she greeted me with a cheery smile. “Hey, I ordered you a sandwich when I got my lunch. I figured you probably forgot to eat. It’s on your desk.”
“You’re a life saver,” I told her honestly. I didn’t know what I’d do without her.
I headed into my office and set my bag down before tearing into the sandwich. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until she mentioned food.
By the time I finished and washed my hands Emma was breezing into the store. She greeted Arden before heading towards me. I motioned her into my office and closed the door.
“I feel like crap.” She declared, sitting down in the chair across from my desk. “I swear I’ve been fighting a bug for weeks.”
“You need to go to the doctor,” I scolded her, grabbing her dress from where I’d stashed it.
She waved away my concern. “I don’t have time.”
I put my hands on my hips. “Emma Rayne you do so have time to go to the doctor.”
She rolled her eyes and kicked off her combat boots. “You sound like my mother…only she’d be shoving some kind of herbal tea at me.”
“That’s because your momma is a smart lady. Now strip down.”
She laughed. “Just try not to poke me with seven hundred pins this time.”
I glared at her with my hands on my hips. “Then don’t wiggle so much.”
Once she was down to her bra and panties I went to work helping her into the dress. It’d been a week since she last tried it on and now it looked like a real dress. She couldn’t see herself yet and I hoped she loved the dress as much as I did. It fit her perfectly and the design was so her. To say I was pleased with my handiwork was the understatement of the century. It still needed some tweaks, but it was pretty close to perfect.
I covered Emma’s eyes and led her over to the floor length mirror.
“One, two, three.” I counted and dropped my hands.
Her gasp of delight was exactly what I wanted to hear. “Sadie,” tears welled in her eyes, “this…this…is amazing.” She twirled around, examining it from every angle. “I love it. I really do.”
I grinned. “I’m glad.”
I was stunned when she tackle hugged me.
“Whoa,” I held her, trying to keep us upright.
“Thank you so much,” she cried against my shoulder, “I know I’ve been such a bitch to you lately, and I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
I rubbed her back. “There’s nothing to forgive.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She stepped back, wiping her face.
“I think you’d be just fine.” I laughed and pointed towards the stool. “Stand up there. I need to fix a few things.”
She did as I asked and I grabbed my pins and tape measure.
I turned on some music while I worked and we talked for a bit as I marked things and scribbled notes down.
“Sadie,” she said suddenly.
“Yeah?” I didn’t look up from my notebook.
“I don’t feel so good.”
I looked up just in time to see her start swaying. “Emma!”
She fainted and fell off the stool. By some miracle I managed to catch her in my arms but I sagged under her dead weight.
“Arden!” I yelled. “Arden! Hurry, please!”
The door to my office crashed open and when she saw me holding Emma her hands flew up to her mouth. “Oh my God! Is she okay?”
“I don’t know!” I cried, my body shaking with worry. “Help me lay her down and then call 911.”
Arden nodded and rushed forward, helping me lay Emma down on the floor before dashing away for her phone. I grabbed a bundle of fabric from another project I was working on and bunched it under her head. I felt panicked and I kept trying to run through a checklist of things to do when someone fainted, but my mind was empty.
I sat down on the floor beside her and smoothed her hair away from her forehead.
“Emma,” a tear coursed down my cheek, “wake up. Please.”
“An ambulance is on the way.” Arden burst back into the room and knelt on Emma’s other side. “I thought this might help.” She laid a dampened paper towel over Emma’s forehead.
“Do you think she’ll be okay?” I asked Arden.
Before she could answer Emma’s eyes started to open. When she went to sit up I forced her back down with a hand to her shoulder.
“Just relax. The ambulance is coming.”
“Ambulance?” She asked, blinking her eyes wider. She seemed confused.
I nodded. “You fainted.”
“I’ve never fainted before.” Her voice was nothing but a whisper.
“I know. That’s why the ambulance is coming. I think you need to be looked over.”
She nodded slightly, surprisingly not fighting me on this. Her eyes closed once more, but she wasn’t asleep. Her hand felt around blindly and I reached out to hold hers.
The ambulance arrived and everything from there happened in a blur.
I followed the ambulance in my car since the assholes wouldn’t let me ride in it and then had to park a mile away.
By the
time I made it into the hospital and found her room she’d already had blood drawn and was lying in a bed looking incredibly weak. How had I not noticed how thin and pale she’d become? Or the purple rings beneath her eyes? Had I become so absorbed in what was going on in my personal life that I’d stopped paying attention to the things around me?
“Can you…” Her voice was barely above a whisper and she pointed to a cup of water on a tray beside her bed. Some idiot had put it far enough away that she couldn’t reach it.
I grabbed it and held it for her while she took a few slow sips.
When she spoke this time her voice sounded a tiny bit stronger. “Can you call Maddox?”
“Oh! Of course!”
In all the madness I’d forgotten to call him.
“I’ll be right back,” I told her.
I stepped outside of her hospital room and searched my purse for my phone. The stupid thing was buried all the way at the bottom. I pulled it out and rang Maddox’s number.
I never called him and when he answered he seemed to sense that something was wrong. “Sadie?” He questioned, confused as to why I’d be calling him. “Is everything okay?”
I swallowed thickly. “No, it’s not.” I pressed the heel of my free hand against my forehead.
“What’s wrong?” His voice grew high with fear. “Is it Emma? Is she okay? Are you okay?”
“It’s Emma. We’re at the hospital—”
The line went dead.
I really hoped he didn’t get himself killed trying to get here.
Before I could step back into Emma’s room my phone was lighting up. Only the caller wasn’t Maddox.
“Sadie,” Ezra’s voice was panicked when I answered, “are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I assured him. “Emma was at my store and we were doing a fitting for her dress and she passed out. She hasn’t been feeling well so I made her go to the hospital…although, she didn’t protest, so I think she realized it was past time to see a doctor.”
“We’ll be there in twenty minutes. I’ve got to go catch Maddox before he leaves. I don’t think he should be driving right now.”
“That’s probably a good idea.”
“Bye.” He hung up the phone, but not before I heard him yell, “Get out of the fucking car, Maddox!”
In Your Heart Page 25
