“Thank you,” Bobbi said quietly. “You saw Brad?”
“I was the one who said to take him straight to surgery. That’s all I did.”
“Can I ask you a question? Did he . . .” She cleared her throat, trying desperately to find her voice. “Did Brad . . . Was there any chance he could . . . ?”
The doctor’s eyes dropped away from hers. “You always hope for a miracle.”
A miracle . . . I’ve used up my miracles.
Breaking the uncomfortable silence, the doctor spoke again. “Now, you can go home as soon as they process everything. If you hadn’t been here when you fainted, it probably wouldn’t have been such a big deal.”
“I’m glad you made sure,” Chuck said.
“You folks don’t need two tragedies.” The doctor pulled the folder out and flipped it open again. “Oh, there was one thing. Have you been sick recently?”
“No, why?”
“Your white count was a little high. Not like ‘bells and whistles’ high, but elevated. Emotional stress can sometimes cause that, but you may want to follow up with your regular doctor.” He reached out and shook Bobbi’s hand and spoke with soft sincerity. “Mrs. Molinsky, take care of yourself, especially in these next few days.” He shook hands with Chuck, then left.
“I’m thankful you’re okay.” Chuck stepped closer and squeezed her hand.
Physically, maybe. “Did you catch his name?”
“It’ll be on his bill, I’m sure.”
“He was nice. Kinda reminded me of Joel.”
“So you do talk about me when I’m not around.” Joel Molinsky pulled the privacy curtain aside and crossed the room to her bed in three long strides.
“Honey, what are you doing here?” Bobbi said.
“I was in the neighborhood.”
“No, really,” Bobbi persisted.
“Dad.” Joel hugged Chuck, ignoring her.
“Joel?” Bobbi said one last time.
“Really, Mom. I’m, uh, clearing my schedule.” He rolled his eyes to the ceiling and took a deep breath. “Anyway, I was practically next door at Cardinal Glennon, so I went ahead and stopped in, rather than wait until you got home, so I could stop worrying.”
“I thought I was the only one who worried.” She reached for him, and he leaned down so she could wrap her arms around his neck.
“I love you, Mom,” he whispered.
“I love you, too.” Holding one of her children close was better than all the medications and all the rest in the world. Now she needed the others.
After the embrace, he looked her in the eyes. “Are you okay this morning?”
“No, but I can go as soon as all the paperwork is done.”
“I talked to the kids last night,” Joel said.
“How were they? What did they say?”
“Jack needs somebody to sit down with him and let him talk for about twelve hours straight, then I think he’ll be fine.”
“And Shannon?”
“Shannon is like her mother.” He grinned, but then he grew serious. “Everything inside her is all churned up. She’s angry, scared, hurt, confused and it’s all very intense.”
“And I was stuck here all night,” Bobbi muttered.
“I don’t know if you could have done anything for her, Mom. I think she’s gonna have to sort this all out for herself.”
Chapter 3
Antipathy
When Shannon tried to open her eyes, they burned and scraped like someone had ground dry sand into them. She didn’t know she had that many tears in her. Last night Joel just let her cry, without saying stupid things to try and make her feel better. She loved him for that.
She asked him point-blank where God was. From what the doctor said, just a fraction of an inch would have saved Brad’s life. Couldn’t God have given the bullet a little push, just a half inch? Joel shook his head and said he couldn’t explain it. Nobody could explain it.
Still in yesterday’s clothes, she pulled a sweatshirt over her head and wandered downstairs. Uncle Gavin and Aunt Rita sat in the kitchen where she’d left them last night. Rita rounded the table and hugged Shannon tightly. “Morning, baby. You feel like breakfast?”
“No. Are Mom and Dad home?”
“It won’t be long. They were signing papers, and as soon as that’s done, they’re leaving.”
“So Mom’s okay?”
“She’s a strong woman.”
“Crazy strong. Where’s Jack?”
“He went for a walk. He’s desperately trying to remember what he saw last night, hoping it’ll help the police. ”
“For whatever good it will do,” Shannon muttered, and dropped into a chair at the kitchen table. “Jack didn’t see anything.”
“You’d be surprised what the police can use,” Gavin said. “I’d say the boys who were the actual targets would be more than willing to give their rivals over to the cops.”
“You really think so?”
“God will bring this around,” Gavin said with a wink and a nod. “Wait and see.”
“If God had been on the job in the first place, He wouldn’t have anything to bring around.” She pushed away from the table and walked out of the kitchen. Uncle Gavin always said stuff like that about God. His family never had hard times of their own, just what her family went through, so it was easy to believe God was all sunshine and rainbows. Only Kara’s divorce kept them from being totally plastic.
The way it looked to her, either God couldn’t save Brad, which meant He wasn’t as great as everyone said, or He wouldn’t save Brad, which was worse. Why would anybody worship a God who just dropped you? Where was He last night when Mom needed Him, when the rest of them needed Him?
The phone rang, and she rushed to the handset in the study, hoping it was her mother. The caller ID showed Kara’s number. Probably calling for Aunt Rita. Figures.
“Shannon, it’s Katelyn,” Rita called from the kitchen. “Do you want to talk?”
To someone who would understand? Definitely. “Got it in the study, thanks!” Shannon picked up the handset and slouched into her mother’s loveseat. “Hey, Kat.”
“I’m so sorry about Brad. Mom just told me.”
“It’s a nightmare. Mom passed out and had to spend the night in the hospital. Dad stayed with her. They still aren’t home yet. Jack was there with Brad, but he didn’t see anything.”
“And you’re stuck there with Granny.”
“And Uncle Gavin.” She lowered her voice, mocking her uncle. “ ‘God’s got a plan in all this.’ ”
“He said that?”
“Pretty much.”
“You want to go somewhere? Or we can just hang out here at my house. Mom’s at work, so it’s just me and Natalie and Mia. I can come and get you.”
“Maybe later. I want to be here when Mom gets home.”
“Yeah, just text me or gimme a buzz and I’m there. We’re praying for you guys.”
“Don’t bother,” Shannon said as she hung up the phone.
* * *
Bobbi spotted Jack as soon as Chuck turned on to Danbury Court. A young man, a kid really, with his baseball hat pulled down low and his hands deep in the pockets of his baggy shorts. He never looked up as the car eased past him.
“Let me out,” Bobbi said, unbuckling her seatbelt. Jack raised his head when her car door opened. In his eyes, she could see the six-year-old Jack once again, stunned by a loss, unsure what to do next. When she reached him, he collapsed on her shoulder, but this time she didn’t have any comfort for him. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” she whispered. “I’m sorry you had to do this by yourself.”
“It’s okay,” he said, then sniffled. “You’re home now. It’ll be okay.”
She wished that were so.
She held tightly to Jack’s arm as they walked the rest of the way up the sidewalk to the driveway, where Chuck was getting out of the car. She let go of Jack long enough for Chuck to hug him tightly.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Jack said
quietly. “I’ve been trying to remember. . . . It was dark. . . . It all happened so fast. . . .”
“Jack, don’t beat yourself up over this. Your first priority was Brad. I would have done the same thing.”
Bobbi leaned on Jack as she walked up to the porch. “How long have you been gone?”
“I don’t know. Since about eight, I guess. I wasn’t sleeping anyway.”
“Hey, we’re home,” Bobbi announced once they got inside the front door. Rita and Gavin came into the entry hall from the kitchen, and Shannon tromped downstairs.
Rita hugged her sister. “Are you all right, really?”
“Yes.” If being robbed of your son then abandoning your other children makes you all right, then she was in tip-top shape. “Shannon.” Bobbi held her arms out and Shannon fell into them. “I love you, baby,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you.”
“I know you wanted to be,” Shannon said in a fragile, little-girl voice.
Bobbi wanted to spend the rest of the day, the rest of her life maybe, holding her children close, drawing strength from them as they tried to regain some sense of security and order.
But there were arrangements to be made. She owed that much to Brad, and she couldn’t leave Chuck to handle it alone. Should she take the kids with her, perhaps? Would it help them to be involved, or was it better to shield them? In the middle of the debate, she felt a hand on her arm.
Rita said, “I’ve got coffee on. Let me get you a cup.” She left Chuck, Gavin and Jack in the entry hall and followed Rita to the kitchen, still holding Shannon’s hand. “Glen and Laurie wanted to stop by if you’re up to it, and I’ve got a stack of phone messages.”
“I owe you.” Bobbi took the steaming cup of coffee from her sister and dropped into one of the kitchen chairs.
“I can stay the rest of the day and answer the phone, or I can go with you this afternoon.”
“I’ll let you know, thanks.” Bobbi sipped the coffee, then patted the chair next to her. “Here, sit with me, baby. Did you sleep?”
Shannon pulled the chair a little closer to hers. “A little after Joel left. You?”
“I was drugged.”
“Kat called me and wanted to know if I wanted to get out.”
Bobbi patted Shannon’s hand. “You should. There’s no reason to stay around here and smother.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Catch my breath, get a shower, and then . . .” Emotion was too near the surface. She took a long drink from her coffee to give herself time to regain her composure. “Then Dad and I will have to start making arrangements,” she said quietly.
“Would it be disrespectful if I took off?” Shannon asked.
“Not at all.”
“You don’t need me?”
I need you more than the air I breathe. “Baby, if you want to go, by all means, go.”
* * *
Running around with Katelyn motivated Shannon enough to shower and change clothes. When Katelyn pulled up in front of her house, she shuffled out and got in the car.
“We’re going to Burger King,” Katelyn announced. “And you’re gonna eat something.”
“I don’t want anything.” Shannon rested her knees against the dashboard, the way her father always told her not to. What if the airbag goes off? he said. Today, if that happened, she’d just pull her kneecaps out of her ears and go on.
“If you don’t eat, they’ll be on your case.”
“They’ll be on my case anyway.”
“Why’s that?”
“My brother was murdered because Jack led him on some wild goose chase trying to track down his grandfather, if the old guy even exists. It’s Jack’s fault. Period.” She said it out loud at last, and it felt good.
“Are you serious?” Katelyn’s eyes grew wide. “Mom didn’t mention any of that.”
Validated, Shannon dropped her knees and sat up straight. “Plus if Brad hadn’t taken the time to throw Jack down, neither one of them would have been shot.”
“Wait, Jack has a grandfather?”
“Maybe. Some old guy came in the mission, and Jack thought it might be his grandfather. He’s the psycho that killed his wife, so even if it was him, why would Jack want anything to do with him?”
“Seriously?”
“But, of course, Jack gets a free pass because his mom died when he was little.”
“This is so messed up.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Oh, how’s your mom? Didn’t she freak and have to stay in the hospital?”
“My mom never freaks. She’s made of steel. She just fainted and they wanted to make sure it wasn’t something more serious.”
“Your mom’s been through a lot.”
“No kidding. She lost her parents, then my dad cheated on her, then she had to deal with Jack’s mother, and Jack, and now Brad.” Shannon shook her head. “But she just takes it. Never crumbles, never cracks. I don’t know how she does it.”
* * *
That evening, Bobbi sat on the loveseat in the study, alone. Going to the funeral home . . . so many stupid decisions. Did Brad really care, did anybody care, what color satin lined the casket? Then the stop at Brad’s apartment drained the rest of her energy. Joel offered to take care of things with his dad to spare her, but she had to do it herself. She had to find a way to reconcile reality with denial.
Joel was like his dad, a man of action, desperate to find something to do in a crisis. When he, Abby and Ryan had arrived that afternoon, Joel had graciously taken phone calls, while Abby handled the food folks brought over and Ryan cut their grass.
She was so thankful for him. She didn’t have the strength to assess what needed to be done, much less accomplish it. Every muscle, every joint ached. The sharp headache she’d wakened with never relented. Most of all, her heart hurt. The overwhelming shock was giving way to a gnawing sense of loss and injustice. Tomorrow they would have the visitation, and Sunday the funeral. After that, there would just be emptiness.
She leaned over and laid her head on the armrest of the loveseat and closed her eyes. Dear God, how could You ask us to go through this? Is this some kind of punishment? What have I done that You would take my son from me?
“Honey, can I sit with you?” Chuck asked. She hadn’t heard him come into the study at all.
“Always.” Bobbi pushed herself up to make room for him. Even from across the room she could see tears in his eyes. “You don’t have to be tough anymore. It’s just me.”
“Thanks,” he whispered, slipping in close beside her. She reached an arm around his shoulder, and with her touch, he began to cry, then sob. After several minutes, he swallowed hard and said quietly, “I’ve never hurt like this.”
“I know.”
“Shannon and Jack . . . they’re looking for answers. I don’t have them.”
“I don’t either.”
Chuck reached around and took her in his arms. “I am so thankful for you. I couldn’t do this without you.”
Chapter 4
Impact
Saturday, June 14
Jack never took his eyes off the mirror as he worked with his necktie. “Over, around and back, then back around, and up through the top,” he recited just the way Brad showed him that first Easter he spent with his family. He had his first real tie, not a clip-on, and he wanted to surprise his parents.
It was worse than learning to tie his shoes, but after a long afternoon and dozens of failures, he got it. Kind of. If he had to do this every day, he’d have to get up twenty minutes early just to tie the thing.
He adjusted the knot, then straightened his collar and his jacket. “There you go, Brad. Just like you showed me.” He heaved a deep sigh and dropped on his bed. “I can’t do this,” he whispered.
“Jack? You ready?” His dad eased the door open.
“Does it matter?”
“Of course it matters.” He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. “Is so
mething else going on? You avoided me and everybody else yesterday and all day today.”
“It just hurts.” Jack barely got the words out before the tears started.
His dad sat on the bed with him and let him cry. “I know it hurts,” he said gently. “We’re all hurting, and it’s going to hurt for a long time.”
Jack twisted away and paced to the window. Being a blubbering crybaby wouldn’t help anything. “I fall apart every time I hear Brad’s name. How am I supposed to do this tonight?”
“Jack.” The bed squeaked as his dad stood. “The folks coming to the funeral home tonight, they’re grieving, too. We need to help each other through this. They’re going to want to talk about what Brad meant to them, and we need to soak that in. It’s a special gift to see how many lives Brad touched, and how many people love us.”
Jack nodded and wiped his eyes once more. With his dad, it always came back to doing the right thing. “I guess I owe it to Brad, don’t I?”
His dad patted his back. “It’ll be tough, but I think it’ll help you out.”
“Yeah, I just don’t want Mom to see me like this.”
“I’ve got a news flash for you. Mom already knows you’re like this.”
* * *
Downstairs, Joel stood at the sliding glass door, staring out across his parents’ backyard, wrestling with a newly realized responsibility. He was the oldest now. He was the big brother. His parents would be depending on him once they got up in years, and he had a duty to watch out for Shannon. Somehow, he also had to be there for Jack since he’d lost his hero. Joel let a deep breath go. How was he supposed to help Jack when he’d lost a hero, too?
“What are you thinking?” Abby slipped an arm around his waist and leaned against him.
Joel hugged her close and kissed her gently. “I feel kind of alone.”
“You’ve still got Shannon and Jack.”
“I know, but Brad and I grew up together. The little kids never knew Grandpa Jim, and they missed so much with Grandma. Growing up, it was me and Brad. I feel like I’ve lost some of my childhood, I guess. Does that make any sense?”
Precedent: Book Three: Covenant of Trust Series Page 3
