“You don’t have to apologize. You may have said just what she needed to hear.”
“Maybe.” Jack frowned. “Dad, so, speaking of things people need to hear, how come you didn’t tell me about any of this? I mean, this has been going on for months. I was almost as mad at you as I was at her.”
His dad dropped his eyes and shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “I failed her. Nothing was getting through. Nobody could reach her. I thought . . . I hoped . . . if she saw with her own eyes how much it hurt you, she might, you know, reconsider.” He looked past Jack and blinked back a tear. “I had no right to use you that way.”
“You’re a little hard on yourself.”
“I think so, too,” his mother said, startling both of them as she breezed into the kitchen. “Coffee, perfect.” She got a mug from the cabinet and poured a full cup. “Thank you, whoever brewed it.”
“It was Jack,” his dad said.
“Thank you, swee—” Her eyes darted away from his. “Thank you.”
“Mom—”
“No, I understand. I understand what it’s like to hurt, and to try to distance yourself from whoever you think caused it.” She sipped her coffee. “Believe me, I get it.”
He slouched against the counter so he could look her in the eye. “Mom, can we go back and start over? Just forget this whole stupid afternoon ever happened?”
She shook her head, but he could see the slightest smile. “No, because I learned some very important things today.”
“Like how your son is an inconsiderate jerk, who rants like a crazy man and totally ignores your feelings?”
“No, I learned my son is not a kid anymore. He’s a very wise young man who’s not afraid to speak the truth, no matter what the risk.” She laid her hand on his and squeezed gently. “I am very proud of him.”
“Well, he would be very pleased to have you call him ‘sweetheart’ again.”
She smiled broadly and set her mug on the counter then hugged Jack tightly. “You don’t know what it did for me when you came back. Everything changed.”
“So you’re going to the doctor?”
She pressed her lips together and took a step back away from him. “Will you grant me the grace to come to that decision in my own time?”
“Why would you want to wait?”
“I need to get some other things settled first.”
“Like what?” his dad asked with sharp frustration.
“I’ve damaged my relationship with God. I’ve got to fix that, and I don’t feel like I can focus on anything else.”
“Bobbi, you have to see the doctor. No more excuses.”
“I know I don’t deserve any time or consideration from you guys after what I’ve put you through. Grace is unmerited favor. Please?”
“No. Honey, you don’t comprehend how irrational you’ve been these last few months. You haven’t been open with me or anybody else. Now you’re asking me to support you in your decision to postpone treatment just because you say things have changed. I’m not sure I trust you.”
She glanced at Jack, then reached for his dad’s hand. “Can we rebuild our faith together? Chuck, I had a prayer answered today. Do you have any idea how long it’s been since that’s happened?”
“When I came back?” Jack asked.
She nodded as tears began to slip down her cheeks. His dad pulled her into his arms and whispered, “Let it go, Bobbi. Let it all go.”
* * *
Bobbi sat on the love seat in the study, wrapped in an afghan, nestled against Chuck. “We really should go get my car before they lock the gates at the cemetery.”
“Jack said he’d take care of it while he was picking up the sandwiches,” Chuck said.
“How is Jack going to take care of it?”
“I have no idea, but he said he would, so I’m not moving and neither are you.” He kissed her gently and wrapped his hand around hers.
“Can I apologize to you?”
He shook his head. “There’s enough fault to go around.”
She closed her eyes, listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat. Strong and steady. “I’m beginning to realize how much I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve been right here.”
“In spite of everything I did to push you away. You’re pretty terrific.”
“So what changed this afternoon, besides Jack coming back?”
She sat up and twisted so she could face him. “He knows, Chuck. God knows what it’s like to have a son murdered. He knows the frustration and the injustice . . . and the emptiness.” A sideways glance at Brad’s picture sitting on the desk caused her to tear up. “For months, I’ve felt like God did this to me. That He could have prevented Brad’s death, and for whatever reason, He just didn’t.” She wiped her eyes quickly with the heel of her hand. “I didn’t understand what God was doing and after a while, I didn’t want to.”
“So you cut yourself off from God?”
“I was acting like a three-year-old. ‘If that’s the way you’re gonna be, I’m not gonna play anymore.’ Jack, he called me on it. Did he tell you?”
“A little.”
“He said my pain had become my god. So, when I ended up at the cemetery this afternoon, I unloaded everything. I said all the things I’ve harbored in my heart, and if God chose to strike me dead for it . . . then I would come out ahead.”
“Bobbi—”
She raised a hand to cut him off. “Chuck, I’d lost Brad and Shannon. I drove Jack away. I figured it was only a matter of time before I lost you and Joel, too. So I prayed. I told God if there was anything salvageable in my life, He had to show me, because I couldn’t see it.”
“And Jack showed up.”
“It wasn’t ten minutes later.”
“Honey, if you’ve gotten this confirmation, why are you holding out on treating your cancer? It’s like you want to keep the death option open.”
She shook her head. “It’s like when we were separated. My head was way ahead of my heart when it came to reconciling with you, and we both had to wait for my heart to catch up. Intellectually, I know God is right and I’m wrong, but I don’t have the faith to say, ‘I’ll take whatever You give me.’ I’m pretty sure I can get there, though, if I have some time and some guidance.”
“So you feel like God cheated on you?”
“I felt betrayed, yes.”
“What can I do to help you?”
“Be patient with me a little longer.”
* * *
Shannon paced in her apartment, checking her watch with each pass. Her dad gave her that watch when she graduated from high school this spring. That first Saturday, furious at her father, she almost sold the watch. Now she’d give up her right arm before she’d part with it.
The knock at her apartment door startled her. With a hand on the deadbolt, she leaned against the door. “Who’s there?”
“Tommy. I called about your television.”
“Right.” Shannon unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door just wide enough for the guy to squeeze through. “It’s right here.”
He picked up the remote and began scrolling through the channels and the menu on her TV. “What’s wrong with it? Why are you selling it?” The stale smell of cigarette smoke swirled around him. At least Shannon hoped it was just cigarette smoke. “Is it stolen?”
“Good grief, no. I’ve got the receipt for it. There’s nothing wrong with it. I’ve only had it four months, but I’m in a tight spot, and I need some cash.”
“Gotta support your habit?”
You’d know about that, wouldn’t you? “Rent’s due.”
He crossed his arms across his broad chest, showing off his dragon tattoo. “You know, a girl like you . . . you could make some quick cash—”
“Do you want the television or not?”
“Three hundred?”
“I paid five for it, so yeah, I think it’s more than fair.”
“I’ll give you two.”
“I heard you say you’re desperate for cash. Two hundred dollars. Unless you want to negotiate.” He blinked slowly and grinned. “You know?”
Her hands went icy cold, as she realized how stupid she was for letting this jerk in her apartment. He stood between her and the door and outweighed her by at least a hundred pounds. Losing a hundred bucks on the TV was a small price to pay if it meant he would just go away. “Fine. Two hundred dollars.”
Tommy pulled a huge wad of cash from his front pocket. He peeled off two one–hundred-dollar bills and handed them to her, then he stuffed the remote in his back pocket and jerked the set’s power cord from the wall.
He balanced the set on his knee as he fumbled to get her door open, but Shannon stood rooted to her spot. Maybe he’d drop the TV. As soon as the door closed behind him, she rushed over and locked the door once again and burst into tears.
She slid down the door to the floor, held her face in her hands and sobbed. What she wouldn’t give to cry on her daddy’s shoulder, or to hear he mother say, “Shhh, baby, it’s okay. Everything is okay.” Instead, she was alone in a rat hole.
Really taught my dad a lesson, didn’t I? Taught him the boys listen, but not me. Showed him how one of his own can turn her back on every good thing he’d ever given her, humiliate him and ruin her life in the process. Yep, I sure showed him.
And with her savings exhausted, she had seven days to come up with the rest of the rent money.
* * *
Sunday, October 26
Chuck sat at the kitchen table enjoying a cup of coffee with his wife. He’d given up trying to read the paper, because he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Her spark, her energy, her very life had returned, and he felt a thousand pounds lighter.
She set her cup on the table. “So, how much notice do you think I have to give Glen?”
“For what?” Chuck asked.
“I want to talk to him about . . . things. I need some insight.”
“About fifteen seconds.” Chuck reached for the phone. “I’ll see if he and Laurie are free for lunch.”
“That’s fairly nonthreatening.”
Chuck rolled his eyes at her. “Glen Dillard’s about as threatening as my grandmother.”
“I never knew your grandmother.” She arched her eyebrow and he nearly melted when she smiled. Chuck punched their pastor’s number in and waited for him to pick up.
“Do you all always get up this early on Sunday?” Glen asked.
“For Bobbi, this is sleeping in,” Chuck said. “Listen, are you free for lunch? You and Laurie?”
“You mean with you and Bobbi?” Glen’s voice dropped to a near whisper. “Thank You, Jesus.”
“So that’s a yes.”
“I’d cancel church to talk to Bobbi. You name the place and we’ll be there.”
“We hadn’t thought that far ahead.”
“So what happened? What changed her mind?”
“Probably someplace out of the way,” Chuck said, glancing at Bobbi.
“She’s right there, isn’t she?”
“That sounds good,” Chuck said.
“You can tell me later, then. Let’s eat at Rico’s so you don’t have to lie to your wife anymore.”
“All right, Glen. Thanks a lot.” Chuck hung the phone back in its cradle. “Rico’s after church.”
“What about Jack?”
“What about him?”
“Is he invited or not?”
“That’s up to you, I guess.”
“I want him there. I don’t want to keep things from him or you or anybody else.” She finished off her cup of coffee. “Now that I have the grace of a second chance.”
* * *
Bobbi flipped a menu open and tried to find the right spot to hold it to bring the print in focus, while Chuck stood behind her chair watching the door. “What sounds good, Jack?”
“Meatloaf,” Jack answered with a grin. “They have the best!” Bobbi dropped her jaw. “Except for yours,” he quickly added, “and Aunt Rita’s.”
Bobbi winked at him. “Theirs probably is better than mine. I think that’s what I’ll have, too.”
“Hey, there’s Glen.” Chuck waved, then waited to shake Glen’s and Laurie’s hands before he took his seat. “You got here pretty fast,” he said.
Glen held the chair for Laurie, and then took his place beside her. “I’ll probably have folks lined up outside my office tonight.”
“I’m sorry,” Bobbi said. “We should have—”
Glen pointed a finger and gave her a teasing smile. “Ma’am, we will get off on the absolute wrong note. This is the most important item on my agenda this afternoon. Everybody else is just gonna have to understand that.” They made small talk long enough to order lunch, then Glen took a long drink from his tea. “Bobbi, you’ve put me off for weeks, then you wanted to meet out of the blue. What changed?”
“Everything,” Bobbi admitted. She recounted the conversation with Jack and her time at the cemetery the previous day. “I know I’m wrong, and I’m ready to get back to where I should be, but I need some help making peace with Brad’s death before I can even think about Shannon.”
“What’s the biggest frustration, the biggest hurt?” Glen asked.
“It just . . . it’s so senseless. He was so gifted. He had a wonderful heart. He could have done so much more good . . .”
“So much lost potential,” Laurie said with a gentle understanding.
“Exactly,” Bobbi said. “There was so much that could have been.”
“When we lost our babies, I could not get that thought out of my head, and I knew Glen and I would be good parents. It made no sense.”
“So how did you get through it?” Bobbi asked.
“Part of it was a realization that God equipped us to do a wide range of things, but this was the path He was asking us to follow. Maybe it’s that way with Brad. With his talents, he could have accomplished any number of things for God, but giving his life this way was the one God chose for him.”
“But why?”
“You probably won’t get a decent answer to that until you can ask God Himself,” Glen said.
“So in the meantime?”
“Two things. Are you reading?”
“I will. What’s your suggestion?”
“God is still the same God He was five months ago, and His plan is still proceeding on schedule. I want you to read about His character, Psalms or the prophets. You’ll find something.”
Bobbi scowled. “The psalms or the prophets or something? That’s it?”
“See, he’s no help,” Chuck teased.
Glen waved at Chuck to be still, then he turned back to Bobbi. “Second, ask God to show you the good things that He’s doing. I promise you it’s there, and you’ll be able to let go of this if you can see Brad’s death wasn’t wasted.”
She knew Glen was right, but everything in her screamed his death was a waste. She dropped her head and blinked back tears, then she felt Chuck’s hand on hers. “That’s a tall order.”
“I know it is,” Glen said. “It’ll take awhile.”
“Got any hints about those good things?”
“You’re sitting across the table from one of them.” Glen nodded at Jack.
“Me? How do you figure that?” Jack asked.
“You are completely focused, self-assured,” Glen said. “You’ve got a purpose I don’t think you would have ever found otherwise.”
“He’s become a man almost before my eyes,” Bobbi agreed. “I owe him quite a bit.” She squeezed Jack’s arm and he blushed.
“Bobbi, did you get to see Brad before he died?” Laurie asked.
“No, he was in surgery when we got there—” No more words would come, and Chuck squeezed her hand. “No, I didn’t get to see him.”
“I think it’s a lot harder when you don’t get to say good-bye.”
“That’s the thing I remember most about when my mother died,” Bobbi said. “I was too young to go in the intensive care unit, so I never got to tell her good-bye.”
“Shannon slipped away, too, didn’t she?”
“Yeah, she did,” Bobbi said.
“It may not help, but one of the things Glen and I held onto was the story of David, when his and Bathsheba’s son died. He said, ‘I will go to him. He can’t come to me.’ Bobbi, I’ll see my babies again. I didn’t have to tell them good-bye. They’re waiting for me, and I’ll spend eternity with them.”
“The question is, will I see Shannon again before heaven?”
Chapter 18
Resumption
Monday, November 10
Chuck had to take a step backward to keep his balance when Christine threw her arms around his neck. “Mr. Molinsky! You’re back!” she squealed. When Chuck’s face flushed, Christine quickly let go and widened the distance between them. “And Mrs. Molinsky is better?”
“We’re getting there. She hasn’t gone back to the doctor yet, but she’s had a breakthrough. She’s spending a lot of time studying, trying to sort out all of this.”
“But you feel good enough about it to come back to work.”
“Yes and no. I’m here, but I’m not ready to get back to work yet. I’m still trying to track down Shannon. I think it’s easier on Bobbi if she can’t see me searching and not finding anything.”
“You haven’t heard from her even?”
“Not a word since the twenty-ninth of June.”
“Let us help you,” Christine said. “I don’t know anyone here who wouldn’t drop everything to work on this.”
“Isn’t that a little unethical?” Chuck protested.
“What good is it to be in charge of everything if you can’t take advantage of it once in a while?” She winked at him and headed back to her desk. “Bring me a list of phone numbers to call as soon as you get settled.”
Precedent: Book Three: Covenant of Trust Series Page 20
