This evening Hannah had prepared a big meal of roast beef and all the trimmings for her husband and five sons. Normally, Tyler loved anything his mother cooked, but he’d had to force himself to eat a respectable portion of the food on his plate. And Tyler always enjoyed the camaraderie he shared with his father and brothers, but tonight he’d struggled to participate. His mind had kept drifting, making it impossible to focus on what any of them was saying about cattle and land, and the prospect of expanding the Flying A.
A whole week had passed since he’d crept from Callie’s apartment like a thief not wanting to get caught with the goods. And he felt no better about himself now than he had that night.
No matter what he was doing, or how loud the noises around him, nothing could drown out the sound of Callie’s voice when she’d called him that next afternoon. He had not been expecting to hear from her so soon. Actually, he’d figured after she’d read his note and found him and Maeve gone, she’d be too peeved to speak to him for a few days at least. Her call had caught him off guard and he’d struggled to find anything to say that made sense.
Not that catching him off guard was an excuse, he thought grimly. Even if he’d been given weeks to prepare a speech in his defense, he would’ve still floundered like a babbling fool.
My love. How could he explain that merely hearing her murmur those words as she’d fallen asleep had frozen him with fear? All the years of hurt and disappointments with Luanne had suddenly slapped him in the face. Oh yes, his wife had once said she loved him, too. But after living on the ranch for a while, she’d decided love wasn’t nearly as rosy and wonderful as she’d expected it to be. Whatever she’d felt for him had turned to stone and she’d viewed living with him on the Flying A the same as being jailed. So the idea of trusting his heart to another woman was worse than walking on the edge of a cliff after dark.
A heavy breath eased past his lips. “I see that hairy-legged bunch every day, Mom. You’re much better company than they are.”
“You didn’t think so when I made you sit at that very table and do your homework,” she said with a chuckle.
After drying her hands on a dishtowel, Hannah moved to the end of the countertop and poured two cups of coffee from a glass carafe. But before she could carry them over to the table, Maeve grabbed her by the ankle and whimpered loudly.
“What’s the matter, little darlin’? You want Grandma to hold you?”
She picked up the baby, but as soon as she settled Maeve on one hip, the girl went as stiff as a board and cried louder.
“Put her back down, Mom. She’s been cranky these past few days. She doesn’t know what she wants.”
Hannah placed Maeve on the floor and handed the baby two aluminum pie plates to play with. “Maybe that will keep you occupied for a minute or two,” she said to her granddaughter.
With Maeve momentarily pacified with the pans, Hannah carried the coffee, along with creamer and sugar, over to the table and set one of the cups in front of Tyler. “Here,” she said, “have another cup. Would you like more cobbler? There’s plenty left over.”
“No thanks, Mom. I’m full to the brim. Everything was really good.” He spooned creamer and sugar into the cup and stirred. “But you shouldn’t have gone to all the trouble of cooking such a big meal.”
“Nonsense. This was an everyday chore while you boys were growing up. I actually miss it.”
Other than working occasionally as a substitute teacher at the elementary school in town, Hannah had always been a rancher’s wife. Along with taking care of her family, she also helped out with some of the chores around the ranch. She enjoyed the country life as much as Hutch, and Tyler had often thought how lucky his parents were to be so compatible. Or did a couple have to be like-minded to be happy? he wondered. Maybe they just needed to be truly and deeply in love like Hannah and Hutch.
“Mom, you’re one in a million.”
Smiling wanly, she said, “You’re a bit biased, honey. I’m not any different than a million other women.”
“You’ll never make me believe that.”
While he sipped his coffee, Hannah regarded him thoughtfully.
After a moment, she said, “I should probably tell you that Dean is very worried about you.”
Tyler bit back a curse. “Would you tell me why Dean feels like it’s his job to keep his nose stuck in my life?” he asked crossly. “You’d think I was his son instead of his little brother!”
His outburst caused Hannah to stare at him. “Sorry. Guess I hit a sore spot.”
Tyler heaved out a heavy breath then wearily pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to burst out like that. It’s just that Dean is always trying to tell me what and what not to do.”
“Isn’t that usually what big brothers do?”
“Up to a point. But Garrett, Weston and Crosby are my older brothers, too, and they don’t treat me like Dean does,” Tyler pointed out.
Hannah reached over and rested a hand on Tyler’s forearm. “I’m not sure if your father or I ever mentioned this before, but when I got pregnant with you, Dean was ecstatic. Having three brothers already, he wanted a little sister so badly. That’s all he could talk about. And then when you turned out to be a boy, we just knew Dean was going to be devastated.”
This was something he hadn’t heard before and the idea of a six-year-old Dean longing for a sister was difficult for Tyler to imagine.
“What did he do?” Tyler asked. “Pout for a week?”
She smiled with fond remembrance. “Are you kidding? He was over the moon. From that day on, he was like a little mother hen with you. And while you were growing up, I never had to worry as much about you, because I knew Dean was always going to be watching and making sure you didn’t get hurt.” She patted his arm. “Have patience with him, Ty. When he sticks his nose in, it’s because he loves you.”
Just hearing how much Dean had always loved him made Tyler feel even more like the dirt on the bottom of his boot.
“Yeah, I get that, Mom. I’ve been...dealing with a lot of things right now. That’s all.”
“Dean sees that you’re suffering. And I see it, too. It’s Callie, isn’t it?” she asked gently.
Watching Maeve sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, crashing the two aluminum plates together like orchestra cymbals, had him thinking back to the first night he’d met Callie. She’d been so distant with his daughter that he’d drawn the conclusion she disliked babies altogether. And then it turned out she’d actually felt like Tyler had when Maeve had been born. Afraid and inept.
But Callie’s fears of baby care had quickly evaporated and, after a short amount of time, she’d been changing Maeve’s diaper and feeding her as if she’d done it for years. Watching the two of them together had been almost like watching a mother with her baby daughter.
Was Maeve missing Callie? Was that why she’d been so cranky these past few days? Tyler hated to think so. He also hated to think that Callie might be missing the baby. But, damn it, that wasn’t his fault.
When a man made a mistake, he was supposed to learn from it. And God knows he’d made plenty with Luanne. Now he was trying to be sensible. He was trying to avoid more pain and heartache in the future. In the meantime, how was he supposed to deal with the empty ache gnawing inside him?
“What happened?” Hannah persisted. “Was Maeve too much for her? You need to understand that it’s sometimes hard for a woman to step into a ready-made family.”
His mother’s questions were like sharp darts to his heart. “No. Callie loved Maeve—she adored her. It’s nothing like that, Mom.” He grimaced as he forced himself to face his mother’s inquisitive gaze. “You should know by now that the problem is me. I’m the one who’s a twisted, emotional wreck of a man.”
“Tyler—”
“It’s true, Mom. I ma
de a mess of my marriage. I never really talked all that much about it to you and Dad. Frankly, because I was ashamed for either of you to know how it really was. But I’ll admit now—it was painful. I couldn’t be what Luanne needed and I guess she couldn’t be what I wanted.” He wiped a hand over his face. “When I met Callie, it was all so different. She was sweet and understanding. She never made demands. All she ever did was be good to me.”
“Maybe Callie smothered you?”
“If I accused her of that, I’d be a heel and a liar. I was the one who did all the smothering. And then, all of a sudden, a few days ago, I realized if I didn’t put a stop to things I was going to—Well, get too serious.”
“You mean like fall in love with her?” she asked knowingly.
Thank God this was his mother he was talking to. Anybody else and he would’ve already walked out of the room.
“Yeah. Something like that,” he admitted on a long, weary breath. “I ended up telling her that I believed it would be best if we didn’t see each other.”
“And is it? Best?” she asked gently. “What’s so bad about falling in love with Callie? Think about it, Ty. Without love, life is damned empty.”
Tyler rarely heard his mother utter a curse word and that was only when she was exasperated. He was staring at her when Maeve grabbed onto his leg and pulled herself to her feet.
The baby was a pleasurable distraction and he affectionately ruffled the top of her sandy-blond curls. “Hi, sweetie. Want to show Grandma how you can walk?”
“She can walk?” Hannah asked with surprise. “I haven’t heard about this!”
“Well, she’s not exactly walking. But she’s getting close to it.” Tyler reached for the baby’s hand, but Maeve shrugged it off and turned away from his leg that she’d been using as a leaning post.
“Goo-da-deee!” the baby cried out. Before Tyler could grab her, she took a step forward. Then another and another.
“Oh! Look at that! She’s walking, Ty!” Hannah shouted with happy excitement.
Maeve took two more steps before her balance teetered and her bottom plopped onto the tiled floor.
The baby looked around in surprise. “Gaga-gee!”
Hannah laughed. “I think she’s shocked herself.”
“She shocked me a little, too,” Tyler said. “I didn’t expect her to take off like that.”
Leaving his seat, Tyler plucked the baby off the floor and smacked several kisses on her cheek.
“What a girl!” he exclaimed. “Let’s see if you can do it again.”
He stood her on the floor and holding on to one hand, urged her to step forward. But she instantly balked and let out an annoyed cry.
Hannah laughed. “Five steps are more than enough for her right now, Daddy. She has her own ideas about when she wants to walk.”
“She has her own ideas about everything.” He set Maeve back on the floor and she went crawling across the tile to fetch the pie pans.
He returned to his chair at the table, thinking how much he’d like to pull out his phone and share the news with Callie. She’d taken such delight in trying to help Maeve walk. She’d be thrilled to hear the baby had finally succeeded to take a few solo steps.
But he couldn’t let himself phone her. No. Once he heard her voice, he’d be lost. He’d be asking to see her again. And if she agreed, then he’d be right back where he’d been. In her arms and treading on thin ice—just as his brother had warned.
“Hey, what’s going on in here?” Dean questioned as he strode into the kitchen. “Mom, I could hear you all the way out to the living room.”
Rising from the chair, Hannah gleefully clapped her hands together. “We just had a big moment in here. My darling little granddaughter was walking!”
Dean looked over to where Maeve was sitting on the floor waving one of the pie pans in the air. “Maeve walked? Oh boy! Now Ty will really have his work cut out for him. He’ll be chasing Maeve all over the place. And look at him. He’s already a pile of bones!”
Tyler couldn’t deny that he’d lost weight since his break with Callie, so he didn’t bother to contradict Dean’s remark. Learning that his brother had always viewed himself as Tyler’s little daddy had changed how he viewed Dean’s overprotective attitude.
“Okay, Dean,” Tyler said amiably. “Now that Maeve is on the verge of racing around the house, I’ll eat another helping of Mom’s cobbler.”
“Good. Make it a big dish,” Dean told him. Crossing over to his niece, he scooped her up in his arms and bounced her until she squealed with delight.
While Dean carried Maeve around the kitchen, Hannah stepped up behind Tyler and gently patted his shoulder.
“Maeve is growing, son, and I’d like to think you are, too,” she said in a voice meant only for his ears. “That part about you being a twisted mess is wrong. And I believe Callie would be the first one to tell you so.”
Reaching up, he gave her hand a grateful squeeze and then rose from the chair. “I’d better get that cobbler before Dean decides to force feed me.”
* * *
The hour was late when the family gathering at the main ranch house broke up and Tyler made the short drive home. Maeve was still awake when he changed her clothes for a onesie, but as soon as he placed her in her crib, she closed her eyes and immediately grew quiet.
Tyler’s day had been spent with Weston and Crosby, building more than a mile of new fence, along with a trip to Bronco Feed and Ranch Supply in town for a load of cedar post and several rolls of barbed wire. The dinner at his parents had added to the long day. Exhaustion had finally caught up to him and his movements felt laden with lead as he slowly slipped off his shirt and walked over to the king-size bed that monopolized one end of the large bedroom.
This morning, before he’d left the house, he had not bothered to straighten the covers. Now, as he smoothed the sheet and comforter and punched the pillow back to life, he couldn’t help but think about Callie’s warm bed. The way the sheets had always smelled like her and the way she’d used his shoulder for a pillow rather than the down-filled one.
Forsaking the idea of sleep, Tyler raked both hands through his tousled hair and walked out to the den. He turned on the small TV in the corner and, after scrolling through several channels and finding nothing garnering his attention, he cursed, turned it off, and tossed the remote onto the couch.
Damn it! Why couldn’t he count the blessings he had, instead of dwelling on all that he’d lost? He had loving, supportive parents and brothers, a successful ranch, and, most especially, he had a beautiful little daughter.
He’d been full of pride as he’d watched Maeve take her first steps. But his joy and pride had been dampened when he’d thought about Callie and how much joy she would’ve gotten from seeing Maeve reach an important milestone.
His mother, who was more perceptive than any person had a right to be, had instinctively known what was going through his mind. She’d understood how empty and lost he’d been feeling. Yet in spite of all that, she fully expected him to grow stronger from all the adversity he’d gone through. She wanted him to find the courage to love again.
What his mother, or anyone else, didn’t understand was that Tyler had no right to be in love and to be happy. He didn’t even have the right to be alive. He was the one who should’ve been killed. Not Luanne.
He began to pace the length of the long room as questions slammed him left and right. How the hell was he supposed to have any kind of life with a woman? How could he expect to make Callie happy? His heart was carrying around a ton of guilt and remorse. How could he make room in it for love? The kind of love that Callie deserved?
Tell me more about the house. Does it have a fireplace?
Callie’s question managed to push through the misery in his mind and, with his jaw clamped against the pain, he walked over to the huge rock fireplace t
hat stretched across the end of the room.
On the mantel there was a photo of Luanne and himself on their wedding day. And another of her sitting on one of the ranch’s horses. In the latter, she was wearing a smile, but the expression hadn’t been genuine. She’d not wanted to be on the horse in the first place. Tyler had begged and cajoled until she’d eventually given in and climbed into the saddle long enough for him to snap a photo. She’d given in to his wishes reluctantly. Just like she’d lived here on the ranch for the last five and a half years of her life.
His jaw set, he slipped off his wedding band, then pulled the two photos off the mantel and walked through the house removing everything that was remotely connected to his late wife. After packing the items into a box, he carried it to the attic and stacked it with other containers of memorabilia he hadn’t had the heart to throw away.
For his daughter’s sake, he’d left a photo of Luanne in Maeve’s room. And someday when Maeve was old enough to understand, he’d show everything to her. But until then, the memories needed to remain packed away.
As he turned out the attic light and climbed down the ladder, a sense of relief came over him and he realized he should’ve found the courage to do this months ago. But he’d wanted to keep things as they were, to let himself believe that Luanne wasn’t really gone. That he wasn’t going to be raising their daughter alone.
He wasn’t sure what had changed in him tonight. But he’d finally come to the eye-opening conclusion that Luanne had never thought of this house as her home. And now that he looked back on their marriage, he wasn’t all that sure she’d ever actually considered him her husband.
Chapter Ten
“Saundra, I’m going to Bronco Java and Juice. Want to come along?” Callie asked her coworker as she shouldered her handbag and walked toward the front entrance. “Evan is out, but Josh is in the back going over the details of a new tour. He’ll watch the front for us.”
For His Daughter's Sake Page 17
