by K. Ancrum
But yeah, that was it.
If the blinking hadn’t given it away, running off the field during the final moments of a game for seemingly no reason at all made it pretty fucking blatant.
TURMERIC
They went to visit Rina.
They’d brought some things from the toy factory’s offices to furnish her apartment, so she made them curry in thanks. They ate it on the floor, legs crossed on an old, ratty rug.
It was only a half hour later that Rina stood and picked up her plate. “I’m sorry to kick you guys out so soon, but I have to get ready for work.”
“Sure. No problem,” Jack said, getting up, too. “We’ll wash the dishes and be out in a minute.”
“You don’t have to do that.” Rina frowned.
“It’s nothing,” Jack said, scooping August’s plate from in front of him and walking into the kitchen. Rina glanced at August for an explanation.
August shrugged. “Jack likes to feel useful.”
Rina nodded in understanding and disappeared into her bedroom. “Don’t break anything,” she called, and closed the door.
D’AULNOY
They went from Rina’s straight to the woods. It was almost tradition now.
“Do you like her?” Jack asked. It was fall, but it was still warm out, and the forest was bathed in gold.
August kicked leaves as he walked. “Yeah. She’s okay.”
“I was hoping you would. She’s really smart. She likes Shakespeare a lot, just like you,” Jack said, running his hand nervously over his shaved head.
August stopped walking. “Wait. Why are you trying to set me up with her?”
“Well … she’s beautiful and brilliant. She likes all the dumb shit you like. She’s kind of like you. She’s—” Jack stopped and looked at a tree.
“What? What is it?”
“It’s nothing,” Jack said, looking away quickly.
“NO. What. Do. You see?” August demanded.
Jack blushed. “I see a bird. A silver bird,” he admitted quietly.
August looked at the tree hard. There was nothing there.
BOON
It happened again and again.
Jack would look off as if he saw something, but nothing was there. August kept demanding to know what Jack was seeing, and Jack would be forced to tell him.
Jack tried to hide it, tried to look away quicker and quicker, as if he could ever hide something from August—August knew Jack’s face like he knew his own. He knew all his expressions and what they meant. It made him angry that Jack was embarrassed and frightened. That he was withholding this from him, though he knew why Jack would.
He probably hadn’t even told his parents yet.
August was so frustrated that he wanted to push Jack against a tree and scream his rage at him. Burn the whole world. Shout until Jack cowered and his face turned red and he just fucking submitted.
Just fucking let him help.
WEDNESDAY
Jack gazed at him anxiously from across the lunchroom as his friends laughed obliviously around him. Carrie-Anne was draped over him, chatting with her friends. She couldn’t see his face. Jack’s brows knotted tighter and tighter.
“It’s okay,” August mouthed, and smiled encouragingly. Jack’s shoulders dropped a bit, but not completely. It was enough for now.
If Jack couldn’t hold it together in front of his friends, August didn’t know what would happen. He had absolutely no reference on how a giant group of sports people would react, but he assumed it wouldn’t be pleasant. They just needed to make it through the school day. That was all.
August watched carefully until Jack got comfortable again and started talking with the others around him. Relief. When he turned back around to continue eating, Peter’s eyes burned into him.
ROGER WHITTAKER
“Are you going to do anything about Jack?”
“Get away from me, Peter,” August said, slamming his locker door.
“I’m not Peter; I’m Roger. He told me he talked to you, though. He’s a bit abrasive, so my apologies for that. I keep talking to him about it, but I don’t think it will change anytime soon.”
“Why are you guys even bothering me about this?” August asked, annoyed.
Roger grimaced. “Ow. Harsh. I thought we were friends.”
August grimaced. “Yeah. Well. We are, I guess, but you don’t talk nearly this much, usually. Excuse me if I’m a bit wary about the change.”
Roger nodded like he understood. “Would you believe me if I said we were just worried about it? Something really bad happened to our aunt. It’s been reminding Peter of Jack, and he’s getting all antsy about it. And when he’s not happy, I can’t be happy because he won’t let me. So here I am, talking away…” He waved his hand and trailed off, staring dramatically up at the ceiling.
August snorted. Now he knew which twin was the funny one. He definitely preferred Roger. “Okay. We can talk about this. But only if we keep it between us.”
Roger saluted him. “Scout’s honor. But bear in mind, things like this never stay secret for long.…”
DISSECTION
“What’s it like?”
Jack tucked his lips in and took a hit, careful not to get the blunt wet before he passed it. He exhaled and leaned his head back onto August’s couch. “It’s clear as day. Just things that shouldn’t be there. Impossible things. It’s not scary. None of them are ever scary. What’s scary is that it’s happening at all. Like, I’ll be sitting in class and I’ll look out the window and there will be jellyfish floating through the sky. Real as you and me. And I know they’re not there. I just … fuck, I don’t know.”
August blew smoke rings, then waved his fingers through them. He flicked his lighter on and off a bit.
“Maybe they are there and you’re lucky because you’re the only one who can see them and do anything about them being there.”
“Shut the fuck up, August. That’s not how it is.” Jack sounded hurt.
August rolled over and gazed at Jack until his tired brown eyes met Jack’s gray ones.
“It’s getting worse. It was a little bit at first, but now it’s all the time,” Jack admitted.
“Are you seeing things now?”
“Yes.”
“What?”
“You.”
August closed his eyes.
ILLUMINATION
August met Roger and Peter at the front door of their family’s estate.
The Whittakers were the wealthiest family in their town. Technically, they didn’t have to live among “small-town folk,” but the twins’ father had decided to stay in his hometown for sentimental reasons. So he built a giant mansion on the hill. He and his wife flew into the city for work at the beginning of the week and flew back for the weekend. It was kind of a big deal, and everyone in the town knew because they flew their private helicopter from their private landing pad. It was something you couldn’t really ignore.
But it was a Thursday, so the house was probably empty. Roger grinned at him as he slipped through the gates.
“I have to meet up with someone for a group project in a couple of hours, so let’s do this quickly,” August said, dropping his backpack by the door and slipping off his shoes.
“Agreed. Will you direct August to the study? I have to get something.” Peter disappeared into the depths of the house.
“Does he always tell you what to do?” August said, crinkling his nose.
Roger just shrugged and gestured for August to follow him.
BOOKS
“I’m going to say right off the bat that we don’t know exactly what’s wrong with Jack. We are teenagers, not medical professionals,” Peter said, dropping a copy of the DSM-IV on the hardwood table.
“However, we can give you some information that might be helpful,” Roger finished. He placed a thin book right next to the DSM-IV.
“One of our aunts had a hallucinatory disorder and it was kind of really terrible. All of
these types of things are degenerative. If Jack has had whatever he has for a long time, it’s undoubtedly getting worse,” Peter stated, placing a hand on the large manual. “This book is primarily used to help diagnose psychological disorders. It’s our mom’s, so we’d like it returned as soon as possible.”
August nodded, pushing his hair out of his eyes.
Roger gazed at him for a moment with his head tilted to the side. “Has Jack told anyone about this? His parents or maybe a doctor or something?”
“No. I don’t think so. So far the only people who know about any of this are me and him and you guys,” August admitted sheepishly.
Roger glanced at Peter. “You asked me not to tell anyone … and we’ve been talking about it and have decided to respect your wishes. But only on one condition.”
“And what is that?” August asked.
“We can’t have people getting hurt. If anyone gets hurt, we’ll tell. Even if the only people hurt are you and Jack … Though I would hope the situation wouldn’t get that messy before you drop this secretive crap and go to someone who could actually help,” Peter said dryly.
August nodded. He could work with that. He gathered the books the twins had lent him and let himself out of their house.
THE CASUALTIES
Gordie pinned him to the ground. “Well, this position is familiar.” She laughed, squeezing his hips between her thighs.
August let his head fall back onto the grass and groaned. “So help me God, Gordie, if you don’t get off.”
“Oh, I intend to do just that.”
August blushed helplessly, then thrashed around, trying to escape with renewed vigor.
“GO TO THE SHOW WITH ME!” she shouted in his face.
“I have plans. And you’ve got ten seconds before I start screaming ‘security.’”
“You pansy bitch.”
“I should wash your mouth out with soap,” August retorted while valiantly trying to twist his wrists out of her grasp. Goddamn it, he needed to work out more.
Gordie grinned. “Okay fine, fine. Go hang out with your boyfriend,” she teased. “You owe me a kiss to offset the cost of tickets.”
“If I do it now, will you get off of me? You’re beginning to crush my pelvis.”
Gordie bit him instead.
SMS
August: u busy 2night?
Jack: Yes
August: cncl ur plans. i wanna take u to the river.
Jack: August, I have much more to worry about than your crisis of conscience.
August: we can c rina again if you come.
It took over an hour for August to get a response. And it wasn’t just because Jack was in class. Jack texted in class all the time. August was purposefully being ignored. Jack didn’t like to be bribed and liked it even less when August was the one bribing him. But talking to Jack about figuring all of this out was important enough to try. When August finally got something back, it was just one word.
Fine
August shoved his phone in his pocket and went to trigonometry.
CUT
August fingered the edges of his hair. It had been weeks since his last haircut. He’d been too busy lately. But he couldn’t let this slide for any longer. He wanted to look right. He grabbed some things from the kitchen and went downstairs to the basement.
“Mom?”
His mom didn’t look away from Jeopardy!
“Mom, can you help me?” He pushed the blanket away from around her feet and laid the scissors and clippers in her lap. Then he sat down and waited. It took a moment, but eventually her hands settled on his head.
“You’ve let it grow a bit,” his mom said quietly. “You used to trim it once a week. It suits you this way.… Are you sure?”
August nodded and closed his eyes.
She parted his hair and began.
This might be the only thing she focused on as intently as the television. She measured the distance of his bangs with her fingers and lined up the nape of his neck on a razor’s edge. She hummed and tutted as she cut, brushing loose hairs off his shoulders with her soft hands.
When she finished, she rested both hands on August’s shoulders and gently kissed the crown of his head. “There we are. Perfect.”
THE RIVER
Jack was already annoyed when he arrived. But August felt like he had more reason to be angry, so he didn’t fucking care how Jack felt. They walked to the river in silence. Not even looking at each other until they reached the shore.
“Why did you bring me here, August?”
“I’ve been doing some reading.… You’re not all right, Jack. You’re doing a good job of holding together, but you’re not all right.” August picked up a rock and tossed it across the water. “We need to tell someone.”
“You’re not telling anyone,” Jack said, instantly authoritative.
“We. Have. To.” August gritted his teeth. “Things could get so much worse, Jack. You don’t even know.”
“I don’t know? I don’t know?!” Jack exploded. “You don’t even know what it’s like! It’s not happening to you. It’s happening to me—”
“And that’s why we’re here,” August interrupted. “It is happening to me. I haven’t slept in days, what with looking for answers and doing research and generally freaking the fuck out. You can’t do this alone, Jack. And you shouldn’t have to. I owe you.”
“You don’t owe me,” Jack spat. “You’ve got this delusional sense of duty that has nothing to do with me, which you’ve wrapped around yourself like some kind of weird emotional security blanket. It’s stupid. Why did you even drag me all the way out here to talk about this in the first place?!”
It was like Jack had seized his heart and squeezed it until it burst; it hurt so much he couldn’t breathe. So he reached back and punched Jack in the face as hard as he could.
Jack’s stubble scraped against his skin; his bones were so close to the surface. This was so strange. August had never done this before, he’d never hurt him. This was awful.
This was just more pain on top of pain. It would have been easier if Jack had punched him first.
“How could you say that? How could you?” August roared.
Jack looked startled and in pain, but still just as angry.
“Did you forget what happened here? Have I been bringing you here for nothing?” August gestured with a wild sweep at the water. “Did you forget what you said?!”
“What I said? What are you even talking about, August?” Jack rubbed his cheek.
“You said that I was yours!” August shouted. “You grabbed my arm and said I was yours. You might have forgotten, but I didn’t. I can’t. I couldn’t go near water for weeks because I was fucking terrified afterward. I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t taken me. You said that I was…”
“August.” Jack was looking at him like he’d never seen him before.
“It’s been too long for me to change or give that up, whether you believe in it or even … even care.” August swallowed hard. He had never openly cried in front of anyone, and he wasn’t planning to start now. He blinked hard and breathed until he was ready, then began again.
“This isn’t just you, Jack. This is both of us. You’re my best friend. And what you said. It was fucked up. But it’s not stupid or a security blanket or any of that bullshit. It’s real and it means something. Or at least it does to me.”
Jack stared at him. “Is this what you wanted?” he asked. It made August feel weak.
“This is what I thought we were,” August shot back at him.
The river was swelling from its bed, touching the side of his sneakers, though neither of them had moved. Jack nodded, then looked down at the ground, muttering to himself as he tried to understand. Finally, after an eternity, he looked up at August and walked toward him with purpose. With no warning at all, he grabbed August’s hair and wrenched his head back hard, ignoring the gasp that fell from August’s lips.
August closed his eyes. The
pain was as bright and hot as the jarringly soft warmth of Jack’s forearm behind his neck.
“Fine,” Jack growled, inches from his ear. “This is your game, August. I’ll play along while you make the rules. But don’t you ever, ever hit me again.”
Jack let go and August fell to his knees.
The other boy didn’t look back after he turned and walked away. As August listened to Jack trudge through the leaves and the rumble of his car as he started the engine, he idly wondered: Does everyone have a friend like this?
OMEGA
It always threw August off guard how contradictory Jack could be. The next time he saw him, it was as if the exchange had never happened. Jack was on his default setting: silly, relaxed, and annoyingly insistent. It was all of the things August rolled his eyes at but actually really liked.
Then there was the other version of Jack. The version August suspected was reserved especially for him. The selfish, demanding, frightening Jack—with his wide eyes narrowed into snakelike slits. A Jack who used his strength to push and throw him wherever he saw fit. Whose intensity made August’s hair stand on end.
He was pretty sure he was in some kind of abusive relationship, but “Angry Jack” was very fucking rare, so he’d decided to hold off on dealing with that for now, even if he still felt the echoes of pain in his scalp. There were bigger problems to deal with right now.
They walked side by side. Jack’s bruise was still ripe on his cheek, and there he was whining about cereal and tossing an apple in the air, like that other version of him didn’t even exist.
THE TWINS
Roger came to school alone that day, and it was a big fucking deal. Apparently, even kids who had been in elementary school with the twins had never seen that happen before. But what August thought was even more interesting was that it wasn’t actually Roger. It was Peter pretending to be Roger.
