She changed into her pajamas and brushed her teeth, then stared at herself in the mirror, wondering what to do next. She couldn’t stay in here forever. Sooner or later she was going to have to face him. She would have to look into those deep, dark eyes of his and tell him no when she wanted so desperately to say yes.
She took a deep breath, then opened the door.
Cole was waiting for her.
12
COLE WALKED slowly into the bathroom. With every step he took forward, Ginny took one step backward, until she bumped into the counter. She turned her back to him, her heart beating crazily.
Then he turned out the bathroom light, leaving only the hazy light from the hall to illuminate the tiny room.
Oh, God.
He moved up behind her and closed his hands over her upper arms, caressing her from her shoulders to her elbows. He eased the length of his body against hers, then dipped his head until his breath spilled over her ear.
“I got cheated out of a kiss today.”
Ginny felt a surge of panic. It was one thing for Cole to kiss her in front of sixty thousand people, where he could do nothing but kiss her. It was another thing entirely to do it when they were alone in the dark.
“Cole—”
“No,” he said softly, standing behind her, his breath warm against her ear. “Don’t say anything. Just listen to me.”
She met his dark-eyed gaze in the mirror. The dim light from the hall, along with the moonlight streaking in through the window, offered just enough illumination that she could make out his face, but it wasn’t nearly enough to take away her apprehension.
“In the beginning I pressured you because I wanted to have sex,” Cole said. “That’s all I was after. I’m not proud of that, but it’s the truth. But lately…” He tightened his hands against her shoulders. “If I was just looking for sex, I’d have found it somewhere else by now. It’s not just sex with any woman I want, Ginny. I want to make love. With you.”
She knew he was telling the truth. Something had changed between them. She’d felt it today at the game just as she felt it now. But still, she felt so tense she trembled.
“Ginny?” he whispered. “Why are you so afraid of this?”
“I’m not afraid. I just don’t want—”
“No. Don’t say you don’t want it. That’s a lie.”
She squeezed her eyes closed. “Cole—”
“I can see it in your eyes every day. I can feel it when we’re in bed together at night. And today—Oh, Ginny. Please don’t lie to me anymore. It’s too easy to see the truth.”
He was right. To say she didn’t want it was a lie, but she was afraid.
She was afraid that she would be so inept she would disappoint him. She was afraid she would be embarrassed by her lack of a really nice lingerie wardrobe. She was afraid of what her body would look like to him naked. Most of all, she was afraid that a few moments of pleasure would lead to a lifetime of responsibility. Responsibility she would have to face by herself. He’d already made it quite clear that he would be gone at the end of six months. He was already making plans for it, wasn’t he?
“I don’t want to push you into anything,” he said. “I swear I won’t do that. We’ve argued about it, we’ve yelled about it and we’ve ignored it. But we’ve never just talked about it.”
She met his gaze in the mirror. His eyes shimmered in the moonlight, not seductively, but tenderly, and the sight of it went straight to her heart.
“It does scare me,” she admitted. “For a lot of reasons. But mostly because I’m afraid of…”
“Of what?”
“Pregnancy,” she whispered.
He recoiled slightly. “Is that all?”
“Is that all?”
“I have protection, Ginny. It’s not a problem.”
“It’s not a hundred percent effective.”
“Nothing in this life is a hundred percent.”
Ginny sighed. “I’ve wanted this for a long time, Cole. Even when I said I didn’t.” She let out a small, humorless laugh. “I’m not even exactly sure what it involves, and I know it must be wonderful, but when I think of the possible consequences…” She sighed again. “I just can’t take that chance.”
He opened his mouth to speak, then stopped and met her eyes in the mirror. She could sense him trying to find the words to counter her argument, but he didn’t voice any of them. Instead, he leaned in and dropped a gentle kiss against her neck.
“Then we won’t do anything that involves taking a chance.”
She felt momentary relief, right up to the second he slid his hands across her shoulders and closed his fingers around the top button of her pajamas.
“What are you doing?”
He flicked the button open. Stunned, she reached up, intending to stop him, but he took her wrists and pushed her hands gently down again.
“No,” he whispered. “Don’t move.”
“I told you I can’t do this.”
“As long as it’s just my hands,” he said, easing them up to her buttons, “and my lips,” he whispered, teasing them along her cheek, “there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Cole—”
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I heard what you said. Every word.”
She let out a shaky sigh.
“Just touching, Ginny. That’s all. And I swear I’ll stop anytime you say.”
She should have stopped him, but how could she, when all she’d been able to think about all day was what it would feel like if he touched her again? And how could she say no when, against all odds, she’d come to trust him so much?
He moved his hands to open the next button, then the next. She was mesmerized by the reflection of his big, strong hands in the mirror, deftly flicking the buttons open. When he reached the last one, he traced his fingertip all the way up the opening, along her abdomen, in the hollow between her breasts and finally to her collarbone. Then slowly he pulled the sides of the shirt apart, exposing her breasts. Ginny felt a surge of panic.
She’d never been naked in front of a man before. Never. The vulnerability she felt was so overpowering it was all she could do not to yank her pajama top shut. “Cole—”
“Shh,” he whispered against her ear, cradling her breasts with his palms, his thumbs lightly stroking them.
She closed her eyes. “Please. This is so embarrassing.”
“No,” he said, his voice a husky whisper. “Believe me, sweetheart. You’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about.”
He closed his hands over her breasts, squeezing softly, then swept his thumbs across her nipples. She shifted against him, the feeling so intense she wanted to beg him to stop, but at the same time it felt so good that she never wanted him to stop.
“Open your eyes,” he said.
She eased her eyes open and stared into the mirror. In the midst of all her self-consciousness, she felt a tiny thrill deep inside. Cole was staring at her, seemingly transfixed, looking at her in a way no man had ever looked at her before.
With desire.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.
“No.”
“Oh, yes,” he said. “Beautiful.”
He flattened one palm just below her breasts, then skimmed it down over her abdomen. She sighed softly and rested her head against his shoulder, her eyes falling closed again. When his hand reached the barrier of her pajama bottoms, he slid it beneath the elastic waistband. She tensed, shocked at the sudden invasion, and before she knew it, he’d slipped his hand beneath her panties and tangled his fingers in the curls at the apex of her thighs.
She gasped.
He shifted his hand lower still, touching a place so sensitive it shocked her. She gasped again and took hold of his wrist to still his hand.
“Relax, sweetheart,” he whispered. “Let me touch you.”
“I can’t, Cole. I can’t. It feels—”
“Just a minute more. Then you can tell me all about how it feels.”
He began to stroke her there, slowly, rhythmically, and at the same time he caressed her breasts with his other hand. He whispered nothing words against her ear, sounds that were soothing and comforting and endlessly erotic all at the same time, interspersed with warm kisses on her cheek, her neck, her shoulder. In all her ignorance, she’d never imagined a man touching her like this, and it took her breath away.
But it wasn’t just the heavenly feeling of his hands on her. Something was happening deep inside her—a powerful sensation that was building slowly, giving her a sense of edginess and impatience. She leaned against Cole as the hot, hazy feelings swept through her. She breathed faster, more erratically, and before long the feeling had grown almost unbearable.
What was he doing to her?
As much as she’d wanted him to stop before, that was how desperately she wanted him to continue now. She found herself moving along with his strokes because it was impossible not to, all the while feeling as if she was reaching for something just beyond her grasp, so crazed with some indescribable need that she was on the verge of begging him to do anything to take the tension away.
“Tell me now, sweetheart,” he murmured. “How does it feel?”
“It feels…oh, Cole—”
For a second, maybe two, she had a sense that the world had come to a standstill. Then something inside her shattered, and a blinding white heat raced through her that was so intense her knees buckled. Cole’s arms encircled her, holding her close, and she clamped her hand onto his arm and held on tightly as waves of indescribable pleasure rushed through her. The intense, insistent pulsing between her legs fanned out to become a heavy, throbbing rhythm throughout the rest of her body, encompassing every nerve ending, sending her heart into such an incredible overload that she felt as if she was on the verge of passing out.
Slowly, slowly the feeling subsided. Her muscles, so tense before, became suddenly weak and helpless. She exhaled softly, then fell limp against him.
And Cole felt as if he was going to explode.
He tucked his chin into the crook of her neck. Closing his eyes, he took a deep, ragged breath, trying to ignore the fact that she was pressed so tightly against his groin that even the tiniest shift of her body sent currents of electricity racing through him.
He wanted her desperately, so desperately he almost forgot that she trusted him to touch her without demanding more, even though he wanted all of her. Now.
And he couldn’t have her. Why in the hell had he even started this if he couldn’t finish it?
Because he’d wanted to hear her cry out. Wanted to feel her dissolve in his arms. Wanted to be the first to touch her and make her feel those things when a man had never touched her before.
He turned her around to face him. She looked at him, those languid brown eyes still glazed with pleasure, and it took every bit of self-control he had to pull the sides of her shirt together and button it, to watch with regret as her beautiful breasts disappeared from his view.
He swept her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. He laid her on the bed, her head on the pillow, then sat beside her.
She slid her hand into his. “That was…” Her voice trailed off, her chest still heaving gently. “I don’t know what to say.”
He brushed a damp strand of hair from her cheek, and suddenly he imagined her, somewhere down the line, in the arms of another man—a man who would take that part of her innocence she could only give once. Would he treat her gently? Or would he take what he wanted with no concern for her at all?
When Cole realized what the answer to those questions might be, he wanted desperately to show her how wonderful the whole gamut of lovemaking could be so she would never settle for anything less.
If only she would let him.
“Just promise me something, Ginny.”
“What?”
“Whenever you decide you want a man to make love to you for the first time…I want it to be me.”
She smiled softly. “Didn’t we kind of just do that?”
“Yes,” he murmured. “But there’s more.”
“I know.” She stroked his thigh, staring boldly at his erection still straining against his jeans, and he just about lost it right there. Then she shifted her gaze to meet his.
“I want it to be you, too.”
Dead silence. Cole didn’t move, didn’t breathe. “When?”
“I just have to be more sure—”
“Sure?”
“About birth control.”
Cole took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay. So…what do you want to do?”
“I’ll see a doctor.”
“The pill?”
“I’ve read about it in magazines. It’s the most effective thing. But we’ll have to wait at least a month.”
Cole had never heard such an incredible case of good news, bad news in his entire life. Good God, could he wait a month?
“Okay,” he said, staring at her.
She lay there like an angel, her hair fanned out on the pillow and her cheeks flushed pink, and he wanted her so badly he could taste it.
Leave. Right now.
He started to move away. She took hold of his wrist.
“Cole?” she murmured. “Where are you going?”
“The sofa.”
“No,” she said sleepily. “Stay.”
She didn’t know what she was asking. If he stayed, he’d take her, so hard, so hot and so fast that she wouldn’t even realize what had happened until it was all over.
He was never going to last a month. He was going to see her every day, want her every day, and every kiss he gave her, every touch, every whisper of a caress would lead to—
“For the next month,” he said, “no touching.”
“Didn’t we just abolish that rule?”
“Yeah, and it just about killed me.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m sorry, Ginny. But I’ve got to have all or nothing.”
She looked at him with astonishment. “So…nothing?”
“That’s right. And I’m going to sleep on the sofa.”
“That’s silly.”
“For the next month.”
“That’s even sillier.”
“Sorry, that’s the way it’s got to be. Good night, Ginny.”
He kissed her forehead, pulled the blankets carefully over her, then stood up. He grabbed a blanket and pillow from the closet.
“I’ll miss you,” she murmured sleepily as he walked out the door, and he had to resist the urge to go running back in.
He went to the sofa, tossed down the blanket and pillow, then tossed himself down on top of them and tried vainly to get comfortable. He couldn’t.
I’ll miss you, too, Ginny. More than you can possibly imagine.
THE MOMENT Ginny got to work the next morning, she told Ruby she wanted to talk to her about the loan officer trainee position, and Ruby immediately summoned her to her office. Ginny sat down in the chair in front of her boss’s desk, her palms sweaty, her throat so dry she didn’t know if she was even going to be able to speak, not to mention the fact that she couldn’t get last night’s experience with Cole out of her mind. The odds of her being coherent enough to make a good impression were pretty slim, but she had no choice. This was the last day to apply for the job, and Ruby was a stickler for schedules.
“So,” Ruby said, as she took her seat behind her desk. “You’re interested in the loan officer trainee position.”
“Yes,” Ginny said, clearing her throat. “Yes, I am.”
“This is going to be a very simple interview, Virginia.”
Thank goodness, Ginny thought, knowing she couldn’t possibly think straight enough to do a complicated one.
Ruby leaned back, her elbows on the armrests of her chair and her fingers steepled in front of her.
“Tell me why you think you should have this job.”
Oh, boy, Ginny thought. One of those awful open-ended questions that’s so easy to goof up.
She sat up straighter, took a deep, silent breath and tried her best to come off confident and professional.
“I’ve worked at this bank for six years,” Ginny began. “My performance evaluations have always been exemplary. I enjoy working as a teller, but I’ve learned all I can in that position, and I’m ready to move on. I have a good basic understanding of banking, but I know there’s so much more that I can learn if I’m allowed to move up. I have an excellent rapport with many of the customers, and I know I could translate that into more business for the bank if I became a loan officer.”
Ruby stared at her, those dark brows of hers drawn together, and Ginny felt a flood of apprehension.
“Anything else?” Ruby said.
Ginny heard Cole’s words playing over and over in her head. You’re something special, Ginny. Don’t you settle for less than what you deserve, do you hear me?
“Yes, Ruby. There’s no question in my mind that I’m the best candidate for the job. And knowing me as you do, there should be no question in yours, either.”
Ruby lifted her eyebrows, little creases forming in her forehead. “Those are pretty powerful words, Virginia.”
Ginny felt the challenge in Ruby’s words, but she couldn’t back down now. “Yes, they are. And I mean every one of them.”
Ginny’s heart was beating so rapidly that she started to wonder just exactly what a heart attack felt like. Ruby continued to stare at her with that intense, assessing expression. Finally she leaned forward and folded her hands on her desk.
“To tell you the truth, Virginia, you were the first person I thought of when this position was created, but I was only going to consider candidates who expressed interest. When you didn’t seem inclined to apply for it, I assumed you didn’t want it.”
Ginny felt a stab of disappointment. She’d waited too long. She’d waited too long, and now—
“But since you do appear to want it,” Ruby said, “the job is yours.”
Ginny blinked with astonishment. “What did you say?”
“I said the job is yours. Go see Alice about the change in job title. You’ll start as soon as we can hire another teller. Now, don’t think you’re getting a salary increase. This is a trainee position. But I expect you’ll move quickly through that, and when you have the position officially, we’ll talk about a raise.”
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