My breath sped up as I moved to the left, where the table once had been.
“She discovered a candle in a drawer and picked up the matches I’d left on the table. It wasn’t until she struck the match that I remembered. We’d left the gas stove on.”
Gavin’s jaw tensed and he closed his eyes. He shuddered.
“I jumped off the couch and screamed for her to stop, but I was too late. There was a flash followed by a loud bang, and the next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital unable to hear. And Annie was dead.”
I stepped over the wall, my legs shaking beneath me. When I reached a spot between two trees, I sank to the ground. The cold, damp dirt bit through my jeans, but I didn’t move.
“They found me right here. The doctor told me I’d been lucky. I was standing by a window when the place went up. The blast sent me through the glass and into a tree. Annie, however, didn’t have a chance. I still don’t know if she was conscious as the place burned. I pray every day she wasn’t.”
My throat tightened at those last words and I hid my face in my hands as I sobbed. Gavin kneeled in front of me. He placed the lantern beside him, and pulled me to his chest, rocking me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and let go of everything I’d been keeping in for six years.
The guilt at leaving out the matches and the scars that reminded me of that guilt every single day stung. I’d still been in the hospital when they’d held Annie’s funeral, and I’d been secretly glad for it. I couldn’t have taken seeing a box with only what remained of my best friend’s sister in it. Or the look in the Tams’ eyes as they said good-bye.
The fire marshal deemed it an accident. A faulty line in the oven. With one kid dead and another deafened and scarred, no one pushed the investigation beyond that. I never told Jin it was my fault his sister was dead. If I’d been thinking clearly and hadn’t let her light that match, she’d have still been alive.
Gavin smoothed his fingers through my hair as he rocked me. I hadn’t cried about the accident like this before. I hadn’t let myself. My body shook and vibrated beneath me, a victim to my sobs. I cried until my eyes burned and my throat ached and Gavin’s shirt was soaked with tears.
When I finally got up the nerve to look at him, he brushed my damp cheeks. Between the brightness of the moon and the flickering of the lantern beside us, the sadness on his face was clear to me. “You know it’s not your fault, right?”
“Of course it is,” I said. “I turned on the stove. I put the matches on the table. I didn’t stop her in time.”
“You were just a kid. You didn’t do it on purpose.”
“She’s dead because of me. And I let everyone believe it was a faulty stove. Mr. Drake thought he was responsible.”
“Have you ever told him the truth?”
“He’d hate me. Everyone will hate me. I used to wish it was me that had died and she’d been thrown through the window. At least that would’ve been fair.”
“No, Elise, no.” Gavin trailed kisses across my forehead. “Neither of you deserved what happened. Kids do dumb things. In fact, there are many adults who do things just as stupid. How many people have accidentally set fires leaving cigarettes or candles burning? You can’t keep punishing yourself for this.”
“I don’t know how to stop. I still hear her laughing as we sat on the couch talking about boys. Annie was so funny and smart. She was friendly, and great at chemistry. She was going to make something of herself one day.”
“And so will you,” he said. “You already have. You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman.”
I wiped my face with the blanket and pulled away from him. “How can you say that after you know all of this?”
“Elise, this doesn’t change how I feel about you.” He traced the scar that ran down my face. “Neither does this. This just proves you survived something awful. It shows me how strong you are.”
A bitter laugh bubbled up my throat. “I’m not strong. I’m the weakest person I know. I can’t tell the truth about this place. I can’t be around other people. I can’t talk to men like a normal person.”
“You seem to be doing all three perfectly fine right now.”
I froze. He was right. I’d told the story and it hadn’t killed me. He hadn’t run away screaming or told me he never wanted to see me again. I risked one last glance at the house.
“I know Jin misses her every day,” I said. “But I don’t let myself think about her. It makes my chest hurt.”
“It’s okay to mourn her, you know. I lost someone really close to me when I was younger. It still aches when I think about her, but every day the pain becomes a little bit less. Especially when I’m around you.”
Something clicked in my brain. “Wait. Are you talking about your sister? You mentioned she was Deaf. You never said she . . .”
“Died? Yeah.” He sat back on his heels. “I don’t talk about her a lot. I’ve especially never mentioned her to the press. She deserves better than idle gossip.”
“Can I ask what happened?”
He looked up at the sky as though the moon might provide the answers. We still hadn’t moved from the dirt and the knees of my jeans were soaked through, but I remained in place.
“Jess was one of those people that lit up a room when she entered it,” he said. “Like someone flicked on a light switch every time she was around. She was my twin.”
I held my breath as he gauged my reaction. Not only a sister. A twin sister.
“I was born first. Apparently came out so easy, my mother wasn’t worried at all about Jess following. Except something went wrong. My mother’s blood pressure dropped and they discovered Jess’s umbilical cord was wrapped around her throat, cutting off oxygen. After an emergency C-section, she came into the world, but was born Deaf due to the oxygen deprivation.”
He clenched his hands in his lap. “It didn’t matter, though. We were inseparable. She went to sign language classes; I went with her. She went to lip-reading classes; so did I. I learned how to be Deaf right along with her. I never wanted her to feel alone.”
I thought back to the day I left the hospital and my parents told me they were sending me to Deaf school. At the time, we’d been using a white board with erasable markers to communicate. Part of me was terrified of my new school, but part of me was excited about the fact that there’d be kids there with the same affliction as me. And, unlike the kids I’d grown up with, none of them carried memories of Annie.
“That’s so sweet of you,” I said. “She must’ve appreciated it.”
“Most of the time, she complained I was a pain in the ass. She said she could handle it all by herself. She often chided me for acting too much like an overprotective older brother. I’d remind her I had the right, since, technically, I was older.
“By the time we were sixteen, I’d decided I wanted to be an actor. My parents weren’t exactly excited about a career that usually turned into being a professional waiter, but Jess was my biggest fan. She’d cut out all these audition listings from the paper and accompany me to every one of them. When I’d get rejection after rejection, she’d be the first one to tell me it was their loss and would run lines with me for the next time. She never lost faith in me.”
“She sounds amazing,” I said.
He smiled, his mouth countering the sadness whispering through his eyes. “She was. One night, I went to a late audition out in West Hollywood. It was for a part in a big movie, and I couldn’t believe I’d landed an audition without an agent. I wanted to surprise Jess if I got the part, so I didn’t tell anyone. The audition went well. They practically offered me the role on the spot. I couldn’t wait to get home to tell Jess. But when I finally walked up the street from the bus stop, I saw all these police cars outside of our house.”
I swallowed and took a shallow breath. Gavin closed his eyes, but I’d seen pain flare through them before he’d
shut it out. I took his hand and held it in my lap.
“She’d run to the store to get milk. It was maybe a five-minute walk from our house. A trucker had been having trouble with his brakes, and as he approached the red light, he honked to tell her to get out of the way. Except, of course, Jess didn’t hear him. I don’t know why she wasn’t paying attention. She was usually more aware of her surroundings than me. I can only think she was distracted by something. They said she died on impact.”
A tear slipped from his eye and he wiped it away before it had the chance to trail down his cheek.
I tightened my fingers around his. “I’m so sorry, Gavin. That’s so sad.”
When he finally opened his eyes, they were rimmed with tears. “It’s why I fought so hard to be a successful actor. It was so important to her.”
My body was numb beneath me, from both the cold earth and the fact that all my weight rested on my legs. “You’re an incredible actor. I’m sure she’d be proud.”
A smile played across his lips and he blinked the tears away. I’ve never told anyone about her, you know, he signed.
Not even Leila?
No. She wouldn’t have understood.
Thanks for telling me, I signed. I wish I could’ve met her.
Me too, he signed. Jess would’ve liked you.
And Annie would’ve been so impressed knowing, one day, I’d go on a date with a hot actor.
Hot?
I rolled my eyes. Give me a break. You know you’re hot.
His only reply was a soft brush of his lips against mine. He stood and extended his hand to me. “We should get out of here. You look like you’re freezing.”
“I can’t feel most of my body, but I’m not sure if that’s from the weather or the conversation.”
“Yeah, this was kind of intense for a first date. Usually I just talk about my favorite color or food.”
I took his hand and he pulled me up. My legs trembled, so I leaned into him for support. And what are those? I signed.
Blue and pizza.
Hm. Kinda boring, if you ask me.
Oh yeah? What are yours?
I thought again about Annie and the ring of jet hair around her face. Black and avocado.
Avocado? That’s . . . different.
I’m a different kind of girl.
I’m getting that.
He kissed me softly before plucking the lantern from the dirt. We walked back to our picnic area without speaking, both of us thinking about what we’d revealed to each other. We finished collecting the items from the blanket and heaved them into the boat. This time, I didn’t wear the blindfold as we trailed through the water.
The trees of the island grew smaller and smaller. I felt lighter than when we’d first arrived, as though the words I’d spoken out loud had been weighing me down like an anchor all those years. I still didn’t completely agree with Gavin that it wasn’t my fault, but hearing that he didn’t hate me for it helped ease the burden a bit. I resolved to tell Jin the truth over the holidays, no matter how difficult it was or how much he ended up hating me. And now that I’d said it out loud once, it didn’t seem so impossible to say it again.
By the time we reached the set, it was deserted, save for a few security guards who paid us no heed. Gavin took my hand as we walked to my car. Neither of us had spoken since we left the island, both lost in our thoughts about what we had disclosed and what we had learned.
Our cars were the only ones left in the lot and I laughed as I spotted his black Porsche down the row from my Camry. Nice car, I signed. Another gift?
Yes, he signed. One I gave myself when I got my first huge movie check. This is you?
“Yup. My good old Camry. A gift to myself when I got my license.”
“It’s . . . nice. But I bet mine goes faster.”
His hand slid up my side, and I shivered. “I’m good with slow and steady.”
“Can we do this again?” he asked. “Well, not exactly this, ’cause tonight was depressing as hell, but I’d like the chance to take you for a proper date.”
“Sure,” I said. “I’d like that. But where? No more islands, please.”
“Leave it to me.” He placed a kiss on my lips and signed, Good night.
Good night, Gavin Hartley.
What’s with signing my full name, all of a sudden?
I smirked as I got into my car and shut the door. I rolled down the window. I figure if I sign it enough, my fingers will eventually convince my brain this is actually real.
“Oh.” He leaned his elbows on the window and kissed me again. This time, he held on longer, his mouth opening slightly. He nipped my lower lip and I shivered. “Maybe that will help, too?”
“It’s gonna take a lot to convince me,” I said.
“Hmm . . . well, I guess I’d better get started, then.”
By the time he was done, he could’ve told me the moon was pink with yellow polka dots and I would’ve believed him.
He had a real knack for persuasion.
The next few weeks went by in a blissful swirl of classes, essays, filming, and secret rendezvous with Gavin. He’d come up with the idea of getting another room in his hotel under a different name. I’d meet him there after work or when neither of us was required on set or in class.
Reggie commented once on how little time I was spending in our room lately, but I explained that we were getting to the most important episodes of the show, so Aubrey and I were needed more than ever for input. I longed to tell her about my new relationship, but part of me also enjoyed the secrecy of it. It was like the secret romance of Dag and Thora that I’d created—only this was real, and it was happening to me, not the fictional characters I’d dreamed up.
Two days before Thanksgiving holidays, I showed up at the hotel, skirting the crowds of reporters who’d set up camp outside. I took the elevator to the eighth floor and knocked on the door.
Gavin answered with a towel around his waist and damp hair.
Sorry, he signed. I didn’t think you’d get here so quick. You said you were writing an essay or something.
I willed my brain to form words as I watched a drop of water snake from his hair down his chest.
I finished early, I managed to form with my fingers after a long, gape-mouthed pause.
We’d spent a lot of time together lately, and I’d even fallen asleep with him on occasion. But we hadn’t graduated beyond glorified making out. Gavin had listened when I’d said I wanted to go slow. We spent most of our time kissing and talking, comparing what it was like to grow up in Fernbrooke versus Los Angeles. We ordered room service and ate into the night while we watched movies or late-night talk shows. He explained how all his success didn’t bring happiness to his parents after the loss of his sister, and I told him how I still couldn’t look Jin’s parents in the eyes. I’d never again tried to bring up the subject of who I really was. We avoided talking about Aubrey altogether, and I knew telling him might spoil what we had. Of course, I’d have to tell him eventually, but I figured that could wait until filming had wrapped and most of Hollywood had left my town.
The past weeks had been nothing short of perfect, and it was exactly what I’d told him I needed. But now, staring at him in only a piece of white cloth, I needed more.
He widened the door to let me enter, and I inhaled the scent of his shampoo. Green apples. The combination of the fruity soap and his usual cinnamon cologne was intoxicating. He smelled like a freaking apple pie. I licked my lips. I’d never wanted to taste his skin more.
I’ll go change and we can order something to eat, he signed. Do you know what you want?
“I do.” I ran my finger down his chest and his muscles contracted as he inhaled sharply.
“Elise—”
“Gavin, just shut up and kiss me, please.”
He didn�
��t need any more of an invitation than that. His hips pressed me against the back of the door as his mouth slammed into mine. My lips parted and I moaned when our tongues collided.
I wrapped my arms around his waist, not caring that my clothes were getting damp. My hands skimmed through his wet hair, and the water sent sparks of energy down my body as it danced along my fingers and arms.
Gavin lifted me off the floor and I wrapped my legs around him. The towel left nowhere for him to hide. The bulk of him pressed against my jeans insistently. I whimpered as he sucked on my bottom lip and pulled it between his teeth.
We moved down the hall, my legs still clamped around his waist, and he pushed open the bedroom door. He laid me gently on the bed and knelt between my legs. His hands faltered as they reached for the hem of my sweater. I hadn’t let him remove it yet. He looked down at me in question, and although my stomach flipped around inside me, I lifted my arms over my head.
When my shirt hit the carpet, he studied me, his eyes wide. I wriggled under his scrutiny and tensed my body in preparation to bolt.
He grinned and signed above my head. God, you’re so beautiful.
Tears sprang to my eyes and I blinked. Salt water rolled down my cheeks onto the pillow.
“Hey.” Gavin wiped my face. “You okay? You want me to stop?”
“No,” I murmured. “Can you say it again?”
What? he signed. That you’re beautiful? How about I never stop saying it?
That works, too.
He bent his head and his tongue trailed down my neck and along the scar sloping beneath the fabric of my bra. He trailed kisses along my stomach, making sure to cover each and every scar. I closed my eyes and gave in to the sensation of his lips on my body. Every cell of my skin tingled at his touch. I arched my back to give him access to my bra clasp. He slipped it off my shoulders and I gasped as he took my nipple in his mouth and sucked.
Flirting With Fame (Flirting With Fame) Page 18
