“Was that why you never published anything after that? Because of the loss of your wife? I always wondered what happened. I was so disappointed you stopped.”
He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “I had a hard time being inspired after Joanne left me. My wife was my muse, and it was like she took my heart and soul with her when she left.”
Tears pricked my eyes, and my chest grew heavy. It had hurt when Gavin walked out of my room, but I couldn’t imagine losing a spouse I’d known most of my life. I cleared my throat. “But you said you were here writing? Has something changed?”
He slid his glasses onto his nose, and his eyes warmed like steamed espresso. “Yes. Being around all of you kids and your love for my work has reignited a flame in me. In the last few weeks, I’ve found myself unable to stop writing. It’s wonderful. A feeling I’ve missed for years. And I’ve felt Joanne’s presence at my shoulder every step of the way. I know she’s guiding me through every word.”
“That’s so sweet,” I whispered. “I can’t wait to read it.”
“I can’t wait to finish it. My agent will be over the moon. Poor man wasn’t very happy when I left writing to teach.” He sat forward and peered at me over his lenses. “But we are not here to talk about me. Please, Elise, tell me what’s going on.”
I glanced at the Viking Moon novel taking residence on the corner of the table. Abandoning my tea, I slid the book to him. “I wrote this. And the two books that followed it.”
Professor Creed picked up the paperback, studied the cover, then flipped it over. “I know many authors who use pen names, but this, my dear, isn’t you.” He held up the book and Veronica grinned at me from the back.
“Yeah, and that’s the problem.”
Taking a long breath, I blurted out everything to him. The accident, my self-consciousness about my scars, the photo, the television show, and Veronica’s part in it all. I ended with Reggie and Gavin exiting my room and my life only hours before.
He tented his hands and regarded me over them for a long time. I sipped at my tea, grimacing when I discovered it was cold.
“So,” I said when he still hadn’t spoken. “That’s it. I’ve been so distracted in your class because I’ve been trying to figure out what to do.”
“And the conclusion you came to was to pay someone else to pretend to be you?”
I hung my head. “I know. It sounds ridiculous. I didn’t think it would end up so complicated. Who could’ve guessed my roommate would be my number one fan, and the actor I’ve crushed on since forever would actually like me back?”
“Except this isn’t really about that, Elise.” He took a sip from the Thermos.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t think your friends are upset you lied to them.”
“Of course they are. My roommate called me a liar.”
“Well, yes, they probably are.” He leaned back in his chair. “But I think they’re more worried you aren’t the person they’ve come to know and love. If this Aubrey Lynch is someone you created to hide behind, how do they know who you really are?”
“But I’ve always been me. I mean, sure, I told them Veronica wrote my books, but I never did anything or acted in any way that wasn’t me.”
“You’ll have to give them some time to see that. Be patient. Show them nothing has changed. If they care about you like it sounds they do, they’ll come around.”
I chugged the last of the now cold tea. “You really think so?”
“It’s completely possible. In the meantime, go home and spend time with your family this coming weekend. It’s Thanksgiving. Remember who you are and who you’ve always wanted to be.”
“Do you think my writing career is over if this gets out?”
He took the empty cup from me and popped it back on the Thermos. “As long as writing burns in your blood, you’ll be a writer, no matter whose picture adorns the back of your books. Look at me, back to writing after all these years. Write a good book. That’s all that matters. The world will forgive.”
“Thanks, Professor Creed.”
“Duncan.”
“Right.” I stood from the table and stretched my arms over my head. “I’d better get back to my dorm. I still have an essay to finish before break.”
“I hope I helped.”
“You did. Thank you.” I stepped toward the stairs before turning back. “Uh, Professor Cr—Duncan. Do you have plans for Thanksgiving? We always have a ton of food and—”
He held up a hand. “I appreciate the offer, Elise, but I’ll be visiting my daughter in Boston for the holidays. We haven’t been particularly close since her mother died, but I refuse to give up on her. One day, I’ll figure out how to connect with her.”
“Okay.” I released a breath. “That’s good. I hope it goes well. Happy Thanksgiving, and good luck with the book.”
“Thank you, Elise. Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.”
I started down the stairs, my heart slightly lighter than when I’d climbed up. Before I made it past the upper floor, however, I glanced one more time at my professor. He sat at the table, his legs crossed and glasses low on his nose, Viking Moon splayed open in front of him.
• • •
I skipped my last day of classes before Thanksgiving break in favor of sitting in my empty dorm room, eating greasy food and binge-watching TV shows on my laptop. Every so often, I would glance at Reggie’s empty bed and my heart would clench beneath my rib cage. I’d tried texting both her and Gavin, but hadn’t gotten a reply. I decided to follow Duncan’s advice and leave them alone until after the weekend.
Filming was on hiatus for the next week due to the holidays, so Gavin was probably back in Los Angeles already, anyway. He’d mentioned spending Thanksgiving with his parents and doing a few press interviews for Viking Moon.
I texted Clint to make sure Reggie was okay, and the Yup I received in reply at least told me the cowboy didn’t hate me enough to ignore me completely.
Jin’s flight landed late that night, and I’d agreed to pick him up from the airport, which was about an hour out of town. I wanted to cancel, but couldn’t leave Jin stranded. Besides, the drive would probably do me good.
Although the November air was chilly, I drove with the windows open to keep myself awake. The wind pricked my cheeks, but it was a welcome change from the tears that had stung them earlier.
I stood in the arrivals section, peering over the heads of the others awaiting the touchdown of their loved ones. When I spotted Jin’s dark hair—tipped with green now—I broke into a grin.
He hadn’t seen me yet. He was busy chatting animatedly with the guy beside him. I chuckled. Leave it to Jin to find the one cute single guy on the plane. The laugh caught in my throat when I noticed they were holding hands.
With everything going on, I’d forgotten about the surprise Jin had mentioned. It looked like this was it.
Jin finally saw me and dropped the guy’s hand in favor of running toward me in slow motion like in one of those cheesy romance movies. I pushed past the man in front of me and met my friend halfway. Jin grabbed me and lifted me from the floor, spinning me around. I shrieked for him to put me down, but once he did, I slung my arms around his neck and buried my face in his jacket.
And with that, we were back to how we’d always been, the fact that years of friendship had been condensed to random texts and Facebook likes over the last few months forgotten. We clung to one another for a few more moments, and I breathed him in. I paused. He no longer sported the clean laundry scent I’d grown accustomed to. He now smelled like a spring garden. I pulled back and cocked my head at him.
“Elise, this is Zach.” Jin released me and tugged the guy I’d seen with him earlier forward. “My boyfriend.”
Zach beamed at me. He had nice teeth. With his blond spiked cut, he looked like he would’
ve been more at home near the ocean than in New York.
“No way!” I clapped my hands. “You have an actual boyfriend? Not like, just a date for tonight?”
Zach tossed a look at Jin and my friend laughed. He took Zach’s hand. “No. We’ve been together since school started. This is the real deal.”
I could feel myself grinning from ear to ear like an idiot, but I couldn’t help it. This was exactly what Jin deserved, what he’d been waiting to have for so long. “I’m so happy for you both! Really! That’s amazing.”
“Yeah.” Jin let out a laugh. “I can’t wait for him to meet my mom. She’s gonna love him. He actually cooks.”
“Wow,” I said to Zach as they grabbed their bags. “That’s gonna earn you major brownie points.”
We walked through the airport, and I slipped past the crowds still waiting in arrivals. My car was all the way across the gigantic lot, so I led them there slowly, keeping step beside them.
“So, Zach, are you a theater major, too?”
“Uh, no, I’m a biology major.”
I peered around him at Jin. “Wait, he cooks and he’s smart? How the hell did you snag this one?”
“Right?” My friend lifted one eyebrow. “Not to mention, he’s super hot.”
He planted a kiss on Zach’s cheek and I glanced down at my feet. The pavement shimmered as the lights of the parking lot hit it. I clutched my chest as I thought of the times Gavin had kissed me like that. Then I recalled the way he’d trailed kisses down my belly our last night together and blinked to clear my head.
Jin touched my elbow. “Speaking of hot, how is it working with Gavin Hartley?”
“You work with Gavin Hartley?” Zach asked. “Damn, that must be the best job ever.”
I gripped my purse strap so tight, my knuckles grew white around the fake leather. “It’s fine. He’s . . . he’s great.”
“Yeah, I bet he is,” Jin said. Zach punched him playfully in the arm.
I dropped them off at Jin’s house with the promise to see them the next night at dinner. Our families had always been close, but ever since the accident we’d made it a tradition to celebrate Thanksgiving together. My mother would provide the turkey and mashed potatoes, and Jin’s mom would spend hours baking mouthwatering desserts like pumpkin pie and cheesecake. There was always too much food, but it was delicious; that was, when I could stop staring at the Tams long enough to form any sort of appetite.
My mother wanted me to stay over so I could help get the house ready in the morning, but by the time I got to their house, both my parents were asleep. I unlocked the door and slipped upstairs to my bedroom.
Nothing had been changed since I’d gone to college. My mother’s doing. She still hoped I’d move back home where she could keep an eye on me. My burgundy bedspread called to me and I tugged off my shoes before slipping out of my jeans and T-shirt. I pulled on a pair of flannel pajamas covered with books—a Christmas present from the year before—and snuggled into my bed.
I grabbed my laptop from my bag and booted it up. The screen lit the dark room with a white glow. Ignoring the manuscript pleading with me from its desktop home, I opened the Internet browser and typed in Gavin’s name.
The first thing to come up was a news story about the press gathering for Viking Moon. It talked a bit about the show and the books, but the words blurred before me as I stared at the picture accompanying the article.
My breath sped up and sweat beaded behind my neck.
It couldn’t be. She’d told me it was over. He’d told me it was over. Still, I couldn’t deny the proof in front of me.
The picture was of Gavin at the press conference earlier that day. His head bent low as he kissed a woman. It was a woman I recognized. An incredibly gorgeous redheaded woman.
Leila Clarke.
• • •
After a sleepless night spent tossing and turning, for once I was happy to help my mother with chores. Whatever she asked me to do, I completed without protest. I scrubbed the toilet in the guest bathroom and refilled the soap. I vacuumed the living room, barking at my father to raise his feet while he watched football from the couch. I shoved my hand up a turkey’s ass and replaced its guts with mountains of herbed bread. Everything I did meant I didn’t have to think about the picture I’d seen the night before.
When we all finally sat down to dinner later that afternoon, I shoveled forkfuls of mashed potatoes and stuffing into my mouth so I wouldn’t have to speak. My mother poured me a glass of red wine, but I pushed it away when I caught the scent, reminding me of the night with Tanner.
We finished dinner and I gathered dishes from the table and walked them to the kitchen. I ran water over the plates and watched as it washed bright red cranberry sauce down the drain.
Jin reached over my shoulder and turned off the tap before taking my hand. “Come on, Ellie-Bellie. We need to talk.”
“But I need to help my mom with the dishes,” I said.
“Dishes will still be here when we get back. Let’s go.”
He grabbed our jackets from next to the door and dragged me out of the house. I took my denim jacket from him and shrugged it on, following in silence. We reached the park at the end of the street where we’d played as kids. The chilly weather and holidays meant it was abandoned, and we climbed up the wooden playset and scrunched in the space where kids usually waited to use the slide. At least it was well lit. I could still make him out clearly.
Okay, Jin signed. Something’s going on with you. Spill it.
I shivered and pulled my jacket tighter around me. I don’t know where to start.
You’re a writer, he signed. Tell it to me like one of your books.
My books are what caused all this in the first place.
I’m listening.
He leaned back on his hands and waited for me to speak. I released a sigh and told him everything. From paying Veronica to play me, to Reggie and the cowboy, to my night with Gavin and the picture I’d found the night before.
I wiped at my damp face and tried to gauge his reaction. It was a few moments before he spoke.
“Okay, so first things first. You slept with Gavin Hartley? Holy crap, El. Good job. I wouldn’t have called that one. You’ll have to give me every dirty detail.”
“Um, that would be a no.”
“Fine. I tried.” He leaned forward and settled his elbows on his crossed legs. “So, secondly, I can’t believe you paid this chick. Honey, you should’ve told me. We could have figured out some other way. Dyed your hair, told them you had some sort of rare contagious disease that kills actors, said you’re allergic to faux fur. Something.”
“Yeah, all those sound way better than what I came up with,” I muttered.
“You know what I’m trying to say,” he said. “I’m sorry about your roommate. Maybe she just needs some time? I’m sure it was quite the shock.”
“Maybe. But you should’ve seen her face. I really hurt her.” I tugged at the ends of my hair.
“From what you’ve said, she sounds like a sweet person. She’ll forgive you.”
“Maybe.”
“As for that Gavin douche, while I’m happy you snagged a member—pun very much intended—of the Hollywood elite, I still kinda want to punch him in the face for the Leila kiss.”
“I deserve it.”
Jin brushed a strand of hair off my face. “No, honey. You don’t. Yeah, you lied about your job, but you were always you. If he can’t see that, then he’s a total jackass.”
“There’s more, Jin. Since I’m telling you all this, the least I can do is tell you the truth.”
“The truth about what?”
I wrapped my arms around myself and stared between the wooden planks below us. There was no going back now, and I would just have to trust that Jin, my oldest and dearest friend, would forgive me for w
hat I was about to tell him. Whatever happened, this whole thing had taught me I was done hiding.
“My accident. You know how I’ve always told everyone I couldn’t remember what happened and they blamed a faulty gas line?” I swallowed. “Well, it wasn’t. I let Annie light a match. After I’d left the gas oven on for hours.”
“Elise, what are you talking about?”
My body was racked with shivers. “Jin, it was all my fault. Annie died because of me.”
Jin said nothing for a long time. I reached for his hand but he ripped away from me and stood. With a grace that could only come from years of dance training, he leaped off the playhouse and landed on his feet.
“Jin, I—”
He shook his head. “I need a minute, okay, Elise? Give me a few minutes to process this.”
I clamped my teeth together and clenched my hands as he left the lights of the playground and headed toward a cluster of trees. The darkness and his black leather jacket rendered him almost invisible. My legs tingled from being tucked beneath me and I stood and shakily made my way down the playset ladder. There was no way I was even attempting the jump Jin had made look so easy.
With my hands covering my face, I crumpled into the sand and sobbed. I’d officially lost everyone I cared about. Good going, Elise.
I jumped as I felt a sudden tap on my shoulder. Jin lowered himself into the sand in front of me and crossed his legs. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say to him. What would make what I’d done even the slightest bit better?
Jin ran his palms over his face and through his evergreen-tipped hair as though he was trying to wake himself up.
“El, I always thought I was the one person you told everything to. The person you’d never lie to.”
“I know, and I—”
He held up a hand. “Please let me finish. I’ve known you since we were six years old. I knew you the day you went to that island. You would never have purposely harmed Annie. It was a stupid accident involving two kids who were scared and alone. I just wish I’d been there to help.”
My body sagged and I wiped my sleeve across my face. “Does this mean you forgive me?”
Flirting With Fame (Flirting With Fame) Page 20
