“It’s perfect,” he said. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you. For everything. Your daughter is lucky to have you.” I glanced at my phone. “I have to go, though. There’s someone I hope to be meeting in a few minutes.”
“Of course.” He pulled me into a gentle hug before stepping back and looking into my eyes. “Have a good Christmas break, Elise. I hope you get everything you ask for. You deserve it.”
I nodded and left the warmth of him and the building, giving one last glance at my phone. Still no messages from Gavin. Crap. He wasn’t coming. Dragging my feet through the snow, I wrapped my arms around myself and wandered to the parking lot, just in case.
I almost slipped on a patch of ice when I spotted a familiar Porsche near the exit. Gavin lounged against the car, hands shoved in a dark coat, a gray scarf slung around his neck. Students stopped in their tracks when they saw him. A few girls pointed. One looked green and close to barfing or fainting or both. I knew how she felt.
Gavin hadn’t seen me yet. He was firmly engrossed in his phone, brows furrowed in the way that made my heart stagger around my chest like a drunken old woman.
“You came,” I said.
He looked up from his phone and the corner of his mouth twitched, but he didn’t smile. A group of students loaded down with books and backpacks halted and ogled us.
“I wanted to know what happened,” he said. “I at least deserve that.”
A few girls added themselves to the onlookers and I shifted from one foot to the other.
I’m an idiot is what happened. I signed instead of speaking to give us some semblance of privacy in the crowding parking lot.
What do you mean? he signed back.
There was a photo of you and Leila kissing. I panicked.
That meant nothing.
I know, I signed. She explained. I was just scared.
Scared of what?
You.
Me?
Yes, I signed. But mostly the attention you get. And the attention I would get if I was with you.
I understand. He let out a breath and a cloud of white fluffed around his head.
There was a horde of students around us now, their faces scrunched as they analyzed our silent exchange. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a girl taking pictures with her phone. So it looked like I was doing this in front of the whole world. Perfect.
And now? Gavin signed. Are you still scared?
Yes, I admitted. But sometimes you have to do what scares you to learn it’s not so scary after all.
What do you plan to do?
I stepped toward him, closing the gap between us, and pulled his hands around my waist.
“This,” I said out loud.
Standing on my tiptoes, I inclined my head and brushed his lips with mine.
He started and eyed the onlookers circled around us, some already excitedly tapping into their phones. “Everyone is watching.”
“So what?” I asked, pulling him closer. “Let them.”
• • •
We didn’t leave Gavin’s hotel room for three days, getting dressed only to receive room service. The giant bed became our refuge, and we snuggled under the covers, laughing, sleeping, and exploring each other.
I lay on Gavin’s chest, my fingers examining his torso as he slept, still trying to convince myself he was real and he was with me.
I’d seen the proof online. The one time we’d broken from our activities to check our e-mail, I’d almost dropped my phone when I saw I had hundreds of Facebook notifications. Everyone wanted to know about the photos of us kissing in the school parking lot. People who’d barely given me a second glance in high school had sent me messages asking if I wanted to go for coffee and “catch up.” I’d deleted them all without replying and returned to Gavin’s arms and mouth.
My phone blinked again on the end table and I sighed. I shifted over his sleeping form and reached to turn off the thing once and for all. But before I did, I eyed the VIP e-mail notification. My agent. She’d finally replied to me regarding my new book and confession. My finger trembled as I touched the screen to open her message.
Hi Elise!
So good to finally hear from you! I was getting worried. Thank you for the draft of the new VM! I’ve already finished it. I couldn’t put it down! It really is a wonderful end to the series. I have to admit, I was surprised at your decision to have Dag lose his hand, but then I understood. The only way Thora would forgive him for the death of her brother was if he also lost something precious. The scene where she teaches him to fight with his other hand is stunning. Funny and sweet. I wasn’t sure if you’d give these books a happy ending. You once told me you weren’t sure love existed. I can’t help but wonder what has happened to change your mind, because the ending made me positively giddy!
I grinned and shimmied up against Gavin, letting his body warm me as I continued to read.
As for the other part of your e-mail . . . I have to say I’m a little flummoxed you felt the need to lie to me all these years. We could’ve protected your identity if it was so important to you. I’m happy you want to reveal the truth for this last book. I talked to your editor, and she feels the same way. We shall have to have a meeting or two with your publicist and come to some sort of solution. Is there any way you can get to New York over your school’s winter break?
Whatever happens, you’ve written a great series with a fantastic ending. In the end, I think your fans can forgive a crisis of image. Let me know when we can chat further.
Best,
Steph
I exhaled and sagged against Gavin. He shifted beneath me and opened his eyes. His fingers were soft and warm as he touched my cheek.
Studying me for a moment, he began to sign, Everything okay, E-l—
I covered his hand with my own, stopping him from finger-spelling my name. Forming my right hand into an e, I traced down my scar, no longer feeling shame at the sign name I’d been given so many years ago. I knew now it was a symbol of my strength, not my weakness. It proved I had survived the impossible, and I could do it again.
Getting there, I signed. I’m hoping it will be. What do you think about a trip to New York after you’re done filming?
New York? His eyes gleamed. You sure you’re ready for the big city?
I pressed my chin into his chest and nuzzled him in the way I knew drove him crazy. He shuddered and I gave him my most innocent smile and propped myself up enough to sign, If I’m not ready now, when will I ever be? Besides, I can finally introduce you to my best friend, Jin. But be warned, he might attack you.
Nothing I haven’t endured before.
I clucked my tongue and began to trail kisses down his chest. “Oh, really? Well, if you don’t mind, I’d prefer to be the only one mauling you from now on, okay?”
Running my tongue over the rise and fall of his phenomenal abs, I warmed as his stomach muscles contracted with the sharp hitch of his breath. He gripped my shoulders and slid me higher so our chests met.
“That promise works both ways.”
“You know,” I said, winding my fingers through his hair and pulling his face close to mine, “if you’re going to be the only man I let maul me from now on, I’m going to need a demonstration to prove it’s worth it.”
His tongue slid out of his mouth and licked his bottom lip. My body buzzed at the sight and I squirmed above him. “Is that a challenge, Elise Jameson?”
“Only if you think you’re up for it, Gavin Hartley.”
He didn’t answer. His mouth became too distracted as it crashed into mine. He rolled me onto my back and pressed his lips against my collarbone. Then he moved lower and I whimpered, digging my fingernails into his back.
He grinned at me over my stomach; a wicked smirk that made my insides somersault as he signed, Challenge accepted.
>
“Holy crap, Reg, I’m nervous. What if I barf on everyone?”
“Well, that would certainly make a statement, but I’m pretty sure no one would come to another one of your book signings.”
“Right. So, no barfing, then.”
“No barfing.”
I peeked around the door of the staff room in the back of Bookworm and swallowed. People of all ages packed the metal chairs placed in rows among the young adult books. Others sat cross-legged on the carpet in the front, or leaned against the bookshelves wherever they could find a space. Some familiar faces mingled with the strangers. Jin and Zach sat with my parents in the second row. Duncan Creed stood by a rack of popular vampire novels, surveying the crowd and pressing his glasses up his nose. Clint’s unmistakable signature hat might as well have been a blinking arrow to him in the middle of the back row. Sweat trickled behind my head and down my neck, and I took a shallow breath.
It was hard to believe it had been a little more than a year since I’d last come to this store, lining up with Jin for a book I’d written but refused to take credit for. So much had happened. I’d come clean about who I was to the world. Reggie and I had moved to a basement apartment off-campus. Gavin had finished filming the first season of the show, and we’d actually been managing the long-distance thing okay. He couldn’t be here today, because he was off in China doing promos for the show, which would air in September—exactly one month away. But we’d spoken that morning (his night), and he’d told me he was proud of me.
So, basically, my life had done a complete 180 in 365.
And now, I was about to make my first real public appearance since revealing my identity to the world. In a few minutes, I’d stand in front of all these people and read an excerpt from the final Viking Moon book before signing copies. Well, assuming I didn’t barf on them first.
Reggie touched my arm, jolting my gaze away from the crowd. “Elise, you got this. Remember, they’re here for you.”
“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of,” I said, shutting the door and leaning my shoulders against the cool metal. “What if they’re mad? What if they hate me for deceiving them all these years?”
“If they were angry, you’d already know.” Reggie led me to a plastic chair and I eased down on shaking legs. She sat in the padded desk chair across from me. “Your readers have nothing to be angry with you for. Besides, you’re giving them an amazing book.”
She placed a hardback in my lap and I ran my fingers over the cover. The final Viking Moon book had the same theme on the cover as the rest of the series. Dag and Thora, drawn almost to life. She stood in front of him, her sword at the ready. He had both feet apart and a hand on her shoulder. He held no weapon and didn’t look at the reader. He looked only at her.
My hands trembled as I flipped to the back page.
Reggie touched my wrist to get my attention. “You look beautiful.”
The author photo was one Gavin had taken when we were out walking by the lake one day. My focus lay on him behind the camera, laughter playing in my eyes, mouth lifting into the smallest of smiles. A breeze captured my hair and pulled it behind my head, like one of those models in the reality shows.
The picture was a favorite of mine and I’d asked Gavin if I could use it. I’d purposely picked one where no part of my face lay hidden and my confidence gleamed through the lens, even as the white of my scar sliced down my cheek.
My belly flip-flopped harder at the memory of the last time I’d seen Gavin in person. It had been at least two months since he’d been able to visit. I sighed, my body aching for his warmth and hands to soothe my nerves.
“Gavin will be back soon, right?” Reggie said when I looked up, reading my mind, as usual.
“Next week.”
“You must be stoked.”
I was. Gavin had fallen for Fernbrooke while they’d filmed here, and bought a home on the lake. Although he still had to travel a lot, it made the long-distance thing just a little easier, knowing he always had a place to come back to in my hometown.
I brushed a stray thread off my pink tank top, resisting the urge to grab the Bookworm smock from the hook in the corner to cover the parts of my scarred skin that showed above the neckline. I’d promised Jin and myself that if I was going to show my fans me, they were going to see the real me. “Can’t wait. I’ve missed him like crazy. Thank goodness for Skype and texting.”
“You mean sexting, right? I hear you sometimes from your room.”
I buried my face behind the book. “You don’t.”
Reggie laughed. “No, I don’t. But I got you to admit to it.”
Fluorescent light filtered into the room and I turned to see an employee at the door. His boyish grin perfectly complemented his tousled brown hair. “Five minutes, Ms. Lynch,” he said.
“Thanks,” I said. “You can call me Aubrey.”
“Sure thing, Ms. Lynch.” He reddened and ducked his face before easing the door closed. I chuckled at the memory of playing that very same game with Duncan all of first semester. I still had to remind myself to use his first name. Especially now that he’d quit teaching to write full-time. The world and I held our breath awaiting his next novel, due out in three months.
“Hey,” Reggie said, “I meant to ask. Now that the new book is coming out, have you heard at all from Veronica?”
I shook my head. “Not since she ran out of our dorm. I did see a picture of her online with some rock star at the Grammys, so maybe she’s moved on. I hope, for her sake, this one sticks.”
“Kinda sad she preferred running off on her own to owning up to herself.”
I rolled the book over in my hands. “I just hope she finds what she’s looking for.”
Reggie took the book from me and flipped through the first couple of pages. She stopped when she got to the dedication page. “I still can’t believe you did this.”
“Of course I did. You deserve it.”
I got up and stood behind her chair, reading the page over her shoulder:
This book is for Gavin, Jin, Regina, and Clint, the people who taught me to be honest with myself above all else and who showed me that a flaw is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it’s the one thing that makes all of us human.
Thank you for always keeping me in check and for never letting me get away with fear. Thank you for teaching me to be brave. I love you all. In the words of the world’s truest cowboy: We only get one chance at this life. Make sure the one you’re living is your own.
Reggie looked at me, eyes shining. “It gets me every freaking time I read it. Thank you.”
I wrapped my arms around her shoulders. “No, thank you. I wouldn’t have finished this book without you, or made it through this last year. I’m so lucky to have people like you in my life.”
I was still hugging her when the door opened again, and the same employee stepped into the room, wringing his hands. “It’s time, Ms. Lynch.”
“Great. I’ll be right there.”
I double-checked that the page I’d be reading from was still marked in the book, and took a deep breath.
“You can do it, Elise.” Reggie clamped a hand on my shoulder. “You’re going to rock it.”
She pushed me toward the open door and I closed my eyes, willing my body to still and the world to stop spinning. She was right. I had this.
I stepped out through the door and in front of the waiting crowd.
People stood, their hands waving and clapping, wide smiles of excitement easing away all my fears. Their stomps made the floor vibrate, shooting tingles up my legs all the way to my heart.
Reggie joined the people at the front, giving me the thumbs-up. My mom wiped at a tear on her cheek. Duncan smiled and shook his head at me. Jin signed, I love you.
Pride welled in my chest, and I pushed a lock of hair behind my ear, aware that the flash of
cameras from the reporters on my right would capture my scar at its finest, but not caring in the slightest.
“Hi, everyone,” I said into the microphone at the podium near the front. “My name is Aubrey Lynch. I’ll be reading from the last of the Viking Moon books for you today. I really hope you like it.”
The applause continued and I stepped back to take it all in. All of these people were here for me, and, for once, I’d shown up for them. They didn’t stop clapping for a good five minutes. I couldn’t hide my smile from the crowd.
Because even though I couldn’t hear it, it was by far the loudest moment of my life.
Although writing often feels like a solitary activity, there are actually so many people who helped this book come into existence. I’m going to do my best to thank all of them, even though simple words on a page feel somewhat inadequate for all you have done.
First, my parents: Thank you for always encouraging me to pursue what I love, for pushing me when I needed it, and for putting up with my overactive imagination. At least I finally found an outlet for it. I am forever grateful for everything you’ve done for me and every sacrifice you’ve made. Thank you is not enough.
Thank you to my husband, Mark, for listening to me prattle on about story lines and helping me hash out plot holes, and for being a constant source of support. Your unwavering belief in me is staggering. Know that I have that same belief in you. I am so lucky to be married to my best friend. I love you.
And to our rabbit, Spike: Sorry for all those moments your dinner was late because I was on the computer. Thank you for all the nuzzles and licks that helped me through the harder days.
So much love and thanks to my extended family and friends for your support and love through the years. There are far too many of you to name here, but I feel blessed to know every single one of you.
I am incredibly grateful this book found a home with Pocket Star/Simon & Schuster. Thank you to my amazing editor, Elana Cohen, for believing in this story. Your tremendous insights brought it to the next level, and I’m so lucky to be working with you. Endless gratitude to Christine Masters, Laura Cherkas, Elizabeth Lotto, Paul O’Halloran, and the rest of the talented, hardworking team at Pocket Star/Simon & Schuster for making this book the best it could possibly be.
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