by Jodie Renner
Ford saw the vultures from a half mile off; noticed them wheeling over the island like leaves in a summer thermal, dozens of black shapes spiraling, and he thought, What in the hell has Bafe got himself into this time?
– Randy Wayne White, beginning of Sanibel Flats
~ Set the tone for the whole book. Your opening paragraphs need to establish the overall tone and mood of this story. Readers need to get a feel early on as to what they’re getting into, not only in terms of character and plot but also from your overall approach and attitude. They don’t want any nasty surprises later on.
My name was Salmon, like the fish; first name Susie. I was fourteen when I was murdered on December 6, 1973.
– Alice Sebold, opening for The Lovely Bones
~ Add some initial tension to propel the story forward. For a powerful thriller, you need some discord right away, and an “inciting incident” within the first few pages. Jump right in with both feet. Don’t rev your engine for too long. On the other hand, I would advise against starting your very first paragraph right in the middle of a critical moment when your hero is already fighting for his life. I think it’s best if readers have a chance to get to know him a little first and start getting emotionally invested in him so they’ll even care what’s happening to him. Some gifted writers are able to successfully start with their protagonist in dire straits, but in general, I’d start just before the proverbial crap hits the fan.
I snapped awake at 2:18 A.M., the bloodshot numerals staring at me from the nightstand. For years on end, I woke up at this exact time every night, regardless of what time zone I was in. But after seventeen years I had just started sleeping through the night. I had finally outrun the old fears. Or so I had convinced myself.
– Greg Hurwitz, opening paragraph of Trust No One
So create an intriguing, edgy opening setup that either involves or sets the stage for the inciting incident that smashes the status quo. Devise a situation that causes your protagonist stress, then catapult her world into turmoil. Force her to summon her wits and courage and draw on inner resources to confront impending threats and grapple for solutions. This creates worry, suspense and intrigue, so readers feel compelled to turn the page to find out what happens next.
It is cold at 6:40 in the morning of a March day in Paris and seems even colder when a man is about to be executed by firing squad.
– Frederick Forsyth, opening of Day of the Jackal
~ Upset his world. Then, within the first chapter, throw your main character a major curveball. Show something or someone threatening him or people close to him, or other, innocent people. Force your hero to make some difficult, even agonizing decisions. And keep us in his head so we feel his worries or fear or anger or confusion, followed hopefully by strategizing, courage, determination, and actions.
Some years later, on a tugboat in the Gulf of Mexico, Joe Coughlin’s feet were placed in a tub of cement. Twelve gunmen stood waiting until they got far enough out to sea to throw him overboard, while Joe listened to the engine chug and watched the water churn white at the stern. And it occurred to him that almost everything of note that had ever happened in his life—good or bad—had been set in motion the morning he first crossed paths with Emma Gould.
– Dennis Lehane, first paragraph of Live by Night
~ Make us relate. For maximum reader involvement, introduce a situation of injustice that implicates your protagonist as primary problem-solver. Injustice is something all readers can identify with, and they want to vicariously fight it through a resourceful, courageous, determined hero or heroine.
The man who wanted to kill the young woman sitting beside me was three-quarters of a mile behind us as we drove through a pastoral setting of tobacco and cotton fields, this humid morning.
– Jeffery Deaver, first sentence of Edge
~ To recap: So think of a gripping, stressful opening situation for your protagonist that creates empathy and identification for him and raises intriguing story questions. Then show that scene in real time, with tension, action, and dialogue, through the eyes and ears and heart of your protagonist.
Nat Greco felt like an A cup in a double-D bra.
– Lisa Scottoline, first line of Daddy’s Girl
The night Vincent was shot he saw it coming.
– Elmore Leonard, first line of Glitz
Cooper Sullivan’s life, as he’d known it, was over.
– Nora Roberts, first line of Black Hills
And write tight. Don’t rev your engines at the beginning or let your opening sequence drag on. Get in there and be ruthless with your cutting, taking out anything that doesn’t drive the story forward or contribute to characterization. Start late and end early.
A few years ago a psychopath burned down my house.
– Jonathan Kellerman, first sentence from Therapy
That’s a tall order, all for a first page. But the business of thriller writing is extremely competitive, so your opening needs to be stellar to stand out in the crowd. Don’t waste it with long, meandering descriptive passages about the scenery or weather, or with a character waking up in the morning thinking about his life. This is suspenseful fiction, not literary fiction. And whatever you do, don’t use those precious first pages to explain anything to your readers. This is where “show, don’t tell” is crucial.
Jack Reacher ordered espresso, double, no peel, no cube, no foam, no china, and before it arrived at his table he saw a man’s life change forever.
– Lee Child, first line of The Hard Way
Some other tips for your opening scene:
Your opening scene should be meaningful and relevant to the rest of your story. Don’t put your hero in a scene that has nothing to do with the overall plot, just to show readers how tough or determined or charismatic he is. Show him in a scene that directly impacts the rest of the story and leads naturally and organically to the inciting incident, which should happen within the first few pages. In thrillers, every scene needs to count and should contribute in some way to the whole story.
And introduce the antagonist, the villain, soon. One technique that seems to work well for many successful thriller writers is to introduce your protagonist in action in chapter one, then switch to the antagonist’s point of view for chapter two, to heighten the tension and fear factor, then back to the hero/heroine for a chapter or two before checking in on the antagonist again. And in the villain’s scenes and chapters, it’s best to be in his head, in his point of view. So you’re using multiple viewpoints, but definitely stay in the protagonist’s head more, to keep the readers bonded with him/her. And don’t go into the POV of minor characters unless you really need to, and then keep it brief.
Some notes on starting with the villain:
Although I really think it’s most effective to start your novel in the viewpoint of your protagonist so readers start bonding with her right away, some thriller writers choose to start with the villain. If you do, I’d keep it brief, maybe just a paragraph or two or a short chapter, then jump to the POV of your protagonist. Readers start identifying with the first person they read about, and they want to identify with the hero, not his nemesis. Also, if you start with the villain, don’t portray him in a sympathetic way, as someone we should care about and identify with. This guy tortures and kills innocent people! In the cruelest ways possible. Readers want to fear him, not start sympathizing with him.
Also, I’d keep his actual identity secret from the readers, as well as a lot of details about him, as you don’t want readers way ahead of the protagonist, who usually knows nothing about the villain at this point. If the readers know practically everything about him, you risk having them grow impatient with the hero for not discovering all these details more quickly. And it can be boring witnessing the hero figure out things we’re already well aware of. Let the readers, for the most part, discover info on the villain along with the hero. That way we have more respect for the hero’s resourcefulness and determination, and cheer him
/her along more.
Some thriller writers choose to show an opening scene with the villain killing someone. If you do, I’d keep it brief, and it’s probably more effective in many ways to show that scene from the point of view of the victim – but spare us every little agonizing detail so early in the book.
Which brings me to another point: Don’t start your book with a detailed, in-our-face account of someone being brutally raped or tortured! Or a child being abused. Most readers do not want horrific brutality shoved in their face right in the opening pages! That’s just gratuitous violence and is stomach-turning, like seeing photos of tortured animals on Facebook. Remember that readers pick up thrillers to be entertained, not to be disturbed and upset to the core, especially at the very beginning.
To prologue or not to prologue?
Finally, should you start with a prologue before your chapter one? I strongly advise against it, as many readers skip the prologue and just jump to the actual story. Most readers are eager to get into the story itself – they don’t want to feel obligated to read something else first. If you do decide to include a prologue, make it a short, compelling scene in real time, with action and dialogue, in the same tone as the rest of the novel. Don’t use it to explain a bunch of stuff to the readers! That’s “telling,” not “showing” and it’s the lazy way out and could turn off a lot of readers, who may then decide not to continue reading.
Resources:
James Scott Bell, Conflict & Suspense
James N. Frey, How to Write a Damn Good Thriller
Jodie’s critical reading and editing of suspense fiction
Back to TOC:
Chapter 8
AVOID THESE STORYTELLING GAFFES
Beware of these amateurish types of errors that annoy readers
DON’TS FOR YOUR OPENING:
These are of course recommendations for success, not hard-and-fast rules.
1. Don’t spend a lot of time revving your engine.
Do skip the prologue and jump right into the story, with your main characters in action, in an intriguing situation with dialogue, interaction, attitude, and tension.
2. Don’t confuse or annoy your readers.
Do situate them right away as to what’s going on with the four W’s: who, what, where, and when.
3. Don’t begin with a long description of the setting or with background information on your main character.
Do begin with dialogue and action, then add any necessary backstory or description in small doses, on a need-to-know basis as you progress through the story.
4. Don’t start with a character other than your protagonist.
Do introduce your protagonist in the first paragraph, and start right out in his or her point of view. Readers want to know right away whose story it is, which character they should be rooting for.
5. Don’t start with a description of past events.
Do jump right in with what the main character is involved in right now, and introduce some tension or conflict as soon as possible.
6. Don’t start with your character all alone, reflecting on his life.
Do have more than one character (two is best) interacting, with action and dialogue. That’s more compelling than reading the thoughts of one person.
7. Don’t introduce your protagonist in a static, neutral (boring) situation.
Do develop your main character quickly by putting her in a bit of hot water and showing how she reacts to the situation, so readers can empathize and “bond” with her, and start caring enough about her to keep reading.
8. Don’t start with everyone happy and things going great – that’s just not compelling.
Do start with tension and some conflict, to engage readers right away.
9. Don’t introduce a lot of characters in the first few pages.
Do limit the number of characters you introduce in the first few pages to two or three.
10. Don’t spend too long on setup.
Do show an opening disturbance of some kind on the first page, whether or not it’s not the first big confrontation that throws the hero’s whole life into turmoil. And make sure the initial incident is meaningful, with consequences and directly connected to the overall plot of your story.
11. Don’t wait too long to introduce the villain.
To add tension and intrigue, do show us the antagonist within the first chapter or two.
12. Don’t take chapters to introduce the main conflict or problem the protagonist faces.
Do introduce, within the first chapter, a situation of injustice the hero has to address. And make the story problem clear to the readers, as well as the hero’s story goal.
DON’TS FOR YOUR WHOLE STORY:
Avoid these turn-offs anywhere in your novel:
~ Too much description
Paragraphs of description of the scenery, weather, and other surroundings; also too much detailed information on people and what they’re wearing, etc., especially for minor characters.
~ An unlikeable protagonist.
Make sure your main character is someone readers will want to bond with, root for, and follow for the whole story. Don’t make him or her cold, arrogant, difficult, demanding, unfeeling, insensitive, dismissive, etc.
~ A cardboard lead.
Make sure your hero or heroine is multidimensional, with personality and attitude, and lots of drive and charisma. Nobody wants to follow a bland, timid, hesitant, needy lead character!
~ La-la land
Everybody’s getting along just fine? No problems? Cause some strife! Why? Because in fiction, happy = boring.
~ Too much backstory
Don’t interrupt the story to give a block of background information on the character – where he grew up, how long he’s been at this job, marital history, etc. Weave in only the most relevant or intriguing details, in small bits as you go along, from his point of view, not as the author, and tie it in with what’s happening – make it directly relevant to the scene. Flashbacks work well, too, but keep them brief, and again, something in the scene causes the character to start thinking about his past. It doesn’t just come out of nowhere.
~ Omniscient point of view
Avoid interrupting the narrative as the author, addressing the readers to explain a point or tell them about future or past events, other characters, or something going on somewhere else, all from outside the viewpoint of the character. Keep the readers in the character’s head and world at that moment, firmly ensconced in the fictive dream.
~ Information dumps
Avoid jumping in as the author to explain things to the readers in a lump of exposition. Give them the minimal information they need, still in the character’s point of view, with tension and attitude, through searching or a question-and-answer dialogue with someone else. My book Fire up Your Fiction goes into more detail on this.
~ AYKB – “As you know, Bob...”
That’s a form of info dump through dialogue, where one character is telling another something they both know, just to impart that info to the readers, like “As you know, Bob, we used to live on a farm until we moved to the city when you were ten.” Clunky, amateurish and transparent.
~ Too many similar characters
Make your characters different enough to add contrast, dissonance and sparks.
~ Characters getting along too well
Even allies such as friends and family members should be interacting with some disagreement and an undercurrent of tension to add interest.
~ Characters all sound the same – like the author
Make sure each character’s dialogue is unique. Their speaking patterns and word choice should reflect their gender, age, background, education, interests, and personality. A rough character isn’t going to speak the same way as a professional, and men and women speak quite differently, especially when stressed. This applies to their thoughts as well, of course, and their general internal observations, analysis, and planning.
Back to TOC
Chapter 9
PUT TENSION ON EVERY PAGE
What makes you, as a reader, put down a novel after reading only a few pages or a chapter or two? It’s almost always because you’re getting bored. Your mind is wandering because the writing lacks sufficient tension. Tension and conflict are the essential elements that drive fiction forward. Unlike in real life, where we strive to avoid stress and resolve conflict, in fiction, a happy scene is always a boring scene. When people are nice to each other and problems get resolved quickly and easily, we yawn and look for another book to sink into.
As Jack M. Bickham says, “In fiction, the best times for the writer – and reader – are when the story’s main character is in the worst trouble. Let your character relax, feel happy and content, and be worried about nothing, and your story dies.”
Literary agent, writing workshop leader, and writing guru Donald Maass tells us, “Conflict is the magnet that draws reader interest, the discomfort that demands our attention.” As Maass counsels aspiring authors, “Without a doubt, the most common flaw I see in manuscripts…is the failure to invest every page of a novel with tension. Low tension equals low interest. High tension equals high interest.”
“Plot is characters under stress.” – Henry James
Every single scene in your novel should have conflict of some kind, whether it’s actual arguing and fighting, or just dialogue with an undercurrent of inner doubt, disagreement, disbelief, resentment, indecision, turmoil, or angst. If a scene has no conflict, rewrite it or delete it. Then check to see if you have tension on every single page.
Conflict drives fiction forward because it engages the reader, who has started rooting for the protagonist. Ongoing tension keeps the readers wondering what will happen next, hoping for the best, fearing the worst. As Maass says, “When the conflict level in a novel is high – that is, when it is immediate, credible, personal, unavoidable and urgent – it makes us slow down and read every word. When it is low, we are tempted to skim. We do not care.”
